A/N
This is a companion story to Circular Reasoning. Hopefully it will stand, more or less, on its own as a story but it might help if you know the premise of CR first so here is a basic summary: near the beginning of Ginny Weasley's sixth year at Hogwarts, a Hogwarts decimated by the events of the previous year, an accident sends her back, twenty years, in time. To the time when the Marauders ruled the school and for six short weeks a redheaded sixth former, Jennifer West from New Zealand, attended Hogwarts.
It has occurred to me that there was more than one story there. Circular Reasoning is Ginny's story. This is Lily's. I don't want to repeat too much of the CR story, so this is Lily's diary of those six weeks.
None of this belongs to me.
Chapter one: Week One
Sunday 30th October 1977
I wish I were like other girls. I wish I had personified my diary, had a conversation with it, and started each entry "Dear Diary". I wish I thought of this diary as a friend but I don't. I used to be proud to be different. I used to think other girls were silly, pathetic really. I didn't need to have an imaginary friend in my diary. I wrote it because I wanted to keep my memories, for me, for the future. But today, today I really wish I were more like other girls.
Yesterday was horrible. I don't want to keep my memories of yesterday but I know I'll regret it if I don't. In a strange way I kind of feel I need to write it down – get it out of my system. Seeing it on paper might make it somehow less scary. I don't see how it can make it worse. Trouble is, I don't know where to begin. I guess it starts with what Dumbledore said last summer. He warned me that some people wouldn't be happy that a muggle-born student was Head Girl at Hogwarts, that if I accepted I might make myself a target for those who wanted to get at him. I listened to him but I didn't really believe it, not deep inside. I read back on my diary entry and it is mostly full of speculation about who might be Head Boy – like I need to have worried about that given the circumstances.
Anyway, yesterday was a Hogsmeade day. I met up with James to wander into town and caught a glimpse of Sirius' face. He (S) didn't look too happy and it occurred to me that J has hardly spent any time with them recently, what with being Head Boy and, well, me. So I told him I wanted to do some girly stuff and that I'd meet him later in the 3Bs. He seemed happy about the arrangement and I know the others were. Remus gave me a look like he knew what I'd done and why I'd done it and was grateful.
Problem was, the girls either wanted to do very girly things (so not me) or they were meeting their boyfriends in Madam P's. So I ended up wandering Hogsmeade alone and bored. I guess I wandered too far from the beaten track, heading to that rare books shop on the edge of the village, when suddenly I was surrounded by Them – his supporters – Death Eaters. They disarmed me, shockingly easily. But I didn't have time to realise the full direness of my situation because this stranger, a girl about 16, started cursing them and before they even realised she was there, two of them were down. How pathetic a show I put on in comparison. The girl retrieved my wand and gave it to me – I think I was still in shock but at least I managed to react a little better. One of the Death Eaters attacked the girl but I didn't notice straight away as the other two attacked me. Somehow, I managed to put one of them out of action and the other slowed down a moment. I rushed to the girl, she had managed to drop the Death Eater who had attacked her with some sort of hex I'd never seen before and together we ran. But the last Death Eater threw some sort of curse at us from behind.
I blacked out to screaming all around. When I woke up it was in the hospital wing at Hogwarts. J was there, by my bed, holding my hand. If you have to wake up in the hospital wing at Hogwarts, there are worse ways to wake up than with your gorgeous Head Boy boyfriend holding your hand. I told Professor Dumbledore what had happened. It seemed no one knew the girl at all. She was still unconscious. Apparently she had been hurt worse than me during the fight and it was likely to take her longer to recover.
She's still unconscious today. She woke up briefly, according to Professor Dumbledore, but is unlikely to wake more fully for another day or so. I've been up to see her but Madam Pomfrey shooed me out. She saved my life and she's in the hospital wing unconscious because of it. And I don't even know her name. That's odd, really it is, because no one seems to know her name.
This is quite a long diary entry I know but it's Halloween tomorrow so I doubt I'll write a thing then!
Tuesday 1st November
The girls name, apparently, is Jenny Weston. She is a transfer student from New Zealand. It seems a bit odd because the other day Dumbledore seemed to know nothing about her but today he is acting like she was expected.
Anyway, Jenny seems very nice. She is just 16 but obviously really good at hexing. She has been sorted into Gryffindor – not a surprise since she doesn't lack for bravery. I tried to thank her for saving my life but she seemed really embarrassed. I suppose that's not a surprise. I guess I'd be embarrassed if it were the other way around – not that it would be, as I don't think I'm brave enough. On Saturday I just wanted to run away but she ran into the fight.
She seems very quiet and shy though. I don't think her old school can have been anywhere near as big as Hogwarts because she seemed a bit overwhelmed by meeting all the 6th and 7th year Gryffindors. Actually I suppose it can't be – there aren't nearly as many people in New Zealand as over here so I expect the wizarding world is much smaller too. Perhaps I'll ask her about that.
I'm feeling terribly guilty about being pleased she has gone up to the sixth form dorms. It's hard to be grateful to someone – to owe someone your life. I'm not sure what to do about this feeling and a part of me, an awful part of me that I don't like at all, wishes that she was somewhere other than here. I'm going to have to face her every day, knowing that if it weren't for her I wouldn't be here. But these are truly dreadful feelings and I must get over them. She is a very nice girl and I'm going to make friends with her. It's decided. I've decided.
Wednesday 2nd November
Oh Severus Snape is foul! I know I've said it before but he is. This is the only place I'll ever say it though. Oh I know James and the others have bullied him which was really wrong of them (and I haven't been shy of saying it) but that is still no excuse for his behaviour. At breakfast this morning he came over to our table and started making snide comments to Remus about W. I could feel J beside me getting ready to jump into the fray so I grabbed his arm – it wouldn't do for the Head Boy to be seen brawling in public. As it turned out there was no problem though because of Jenny.
Yes that new, quite and shy, 6th year hexing demon, Jenny Weston. She doesn't even know about R and his W thing – how can she, she has been here for less than a day (been here conscious that is)? But she jumped up anyway and told Snape that she knew this really nice W and that he (Snape) was a, how did she put it? A "greasy piece of human wreckage". Quite an astute summary for a mere 2 minutes acquaintance.
The boys all think she is fantastic now of course – like saving my life was "yeah ta very much and all that" but telling Snape off at breakfast was the best thing she could ever have done. To be fair J did look a bit embarrassed when I pointed that out. R looked apologetic and S grinned and stuck his tongue out at me. P just looked confused.
Thursday 3rd November
James really is a good kisser. Just thought I'd mention it although I've probably said so before. Ah, yes apparently I mentioned that in my diary entries for 25th September and on the 8th, 19th and 23rd October. Must be true then. And it is nice being adored. It's just that, sometimes … I don't know really. I'm just being stupid I think I'll go to bed now. To sleep, perchance to dream of moonlight kisses, hazel eyes behind round glasses and messy black hair. I don't see the rub in that at all.