A birthday present for Nim and my 99th fic! ^)^ Enjoy! ^)^
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Radiant Garden
October 6th
9 P.M.
The stars shone over Radiant Garden that evening, casting a bright light on the two people below: one of them was leaning up against a wall on the main street and the other was beside the first, speaking earnestly.
"It wasn't your fault, Cloud! You can't blame yourself for something that you had no control over!" Tifa Lockhart's voice was loud in the deafening silence and seemed to echo in the deserted street. "It was her decision to leave with the King; you had nothing to do with that!"
"I-" Cloud Strife's voice was soft and strained and Tifa took his cold hand in hers, squeezing it affectionately.
"It wasn't your fault," she repeated firmly. "You had no idea what would happen!" She sighed. "I don't understand why you can't accept that… or me."
Cloud winced visibly as if he had been struck. Her words cut him to the quick but he couldn't help how he felt. Ever since Aerith's departure a few months ago, he'd been like a ghost and unable to deal with the weird feelings that ate at him like acid.
A heavy silence settled over them and Tifa lowered her head, looking at the ground.
"Do you…hate me, Cloud?" she asked, her voice soft. She felt him jerk in surprise, his voice loud and unhappy.
No! I…of course I don't! I… just…" He stopped, uncertain of how to explain how he felt. He loved her, that much he knew, but the ghost of Aerith was still there in between them and he wasn't entirely sure why.
He knew that she had once had feelings for Zack Fair, a long deceased member of S.O.L.D.I.E.R. and he was never really entirely sure if she had truly loved him or if it was simply that he reminded her of him.
In any case, after she'd left to travel with the King, his feelings were quite confused on the matter and it seemed to him that he was yearning after someone he didn't really love. There was also an alternative explanation which was that he hadn't the time to really develop any feelings for her.
But was that really the truth? He was beginning to doubt it himself if his feelings as of late had been any indication. Maybe he had loved her in a way that he wasn't even aware of which would certainly go a long way to explaining why he felt so guilty and divided about the matter.
But there was Tifa, staring at him in the face. He couldn't deny his feelings for her and he knew that they were strong but there was this nagging doubt eating at him where Aerith was concerned.
Tifa watched his internal struggle as he wrestled with his very real, and very raw, feelings. She'd often wondered if he had ever loved, or even half fell in love, with Aerith and she couldn't help the slight pang of jealousy that nagged at her. She brushed it away impatiently, trying to focus on the present.
Regardless of his feelings, she loved him and had ever since they were young. There wasn't a time that she could remember when he hadn't been part of her life; even when he went away for awhile, he was still on her mind and in her heart and she seriously doubted that this would ever change.
She was just unsure right now over what Cloud's feelings on Aerith really were and didn't know how best to proceed. She was certain of one thing, though: it hurt her to see Cloud in such pain. Regardless of how she felt or what she feared he would say, they needed to clear the air. The sooner that happened, the better.
She took a deep breath.
"Cloud? Were you…did you…love her?"
Stony silence followed her inquiry, the only sound to be heard were the crickets chirping in the night air. Cloud's face was white, his mouth working but no sound emerged. Tifa's question had totally caught him off guard and now that same raw, sick feeling rose up in him once again, with self-recrimination following.
"I-" he began but stopped, his face reddening. He wasn't sure how he felt but he knew that Tifa hadn't asked him out of curiosity; she had a reason and he knew that it was important for her to know the answer, whatever it might prove to be.
He had to be honest, even if it hurt. And he would be; Tifa deserved no less.
"I…don't know. I may have although it's warring with the feelings I have for you." He looked at her, his eyes stormy and sad. "I don't understand why I'm feeling this way; I've loved you ever since we were kids but, now…" He stopped, shrugging helplessly, his hand tightening around hers.
Tifa released the breath she'd been holding. Whatever it was that she had been expecting, it wasn't this. Her heart sang at his profession of love for her but she was still uncertain how she felt about his divided feelings for her.
She could, and would, deal with them when the time came but, for now, she would try to remember the words he had spoken; when the doubts would come, she would remember.
"I…see."
He looked away from her then. "Does it…bother you that…?"
She waited a few moments before she answered, choosing her words carefully.
"It does, and it doesn't," she replied at last, her expression serious, "and, honestly, I'm not really sure how it makes me feel."
He sighed loudly.
"I'm sorry…I am being honest…"
"I know," she interrupted quickly, squeezing his hand in hers, "and I'm not saying that you aren't. It's…hard to have someone you love have divided feelings and its something that I'm going to have to deal with." She looked at him square in the face. "I love you, Cloud Strife, and I'm not going to give up on you. You're too important to me to do that."
He was silent for a time and, when he spoke again, his voice was subdued.
"But, what if I can't… or if I…?"
Her hand tightened around his even more firmly than before, trembling noticeably despite her brave words.
"Then we'll deal with it, Cloud. Together."
He stared at her for a few moments before his eyes dropped to look at the ground.
"What if-?"
"We'll deal with it when the time comes." It wasn't exactly what she was looking for but, for now, it was enough.
He fell silent again but the grip of his hand on hers spoke volumes. They stood there throughout the long night, their heads lying against each other as they looked up at the stars.
.:FIN:.