I've had this for awhile and couldn't decide if I wanted to submit it. With the new season upon us and so many changes coming, I figured it's now or never. Thank you for reading.
It had been a particularly grueling day. These soldiers, these kids, weren't ready for what was going to be asked of them. Sure, they thought they were. Booth remembered thinking he was ready, too, when he was their age. They couldn't even begin to imagine how this would affect their lives. He was particularly grateful to receive a letter on this day.
Booth,
I find this more difficult than I had expected. I have had great lengths of time to evaluate my thoughts here. I have found, however, that the more I try to rationalize these thoughts, the more irrational they have become. I imagine that you would tell me this is because some things are not meant to be rationalized, but merely felt.
I sincerely hope you do not become a hero of war, Booth. I realize that this sounds selfish, and that being a hero may mean saving the life of another that may be lost if you choose not to intervene. I know how you feel on this matter. I asked you not to be a hero, and perhaps I shouldn't have. You mean a great deal to me, and while I feel guilt for asking you to not save someone, I find myself asking it of you, regardless.
I should apologize. I have caused you a great deal of pain, when I meant only to spare you from it in the future. The events of my life have not given me an open heart, no matter how much I wish it to be untrue. Perhaps again, this is selfish of me, but I would like you to know that I think I might love you after all, and that it is because I care so deeply for you that I want to keep you from the pain that our relationship could cause. I would rather have you as a partner and friend, than to have you removed from my life entirely.
Forgive me if I have written things I shouldn't have. You are the one I would turn to for advice, but that does not seem feasible since you are the recipient. Please return home safely.
In the months they'd spent apart, he had exchanged a few simple emails with Bones, but it had never developed into much more than casual pleasantries. He fingered the letter gently, reading and rereading the words until he felt he'd read between all of the lines until his heart ached. They had never really discussed that night, the one that had changed everything. He had been too hurt and she had been too stubborn.
Booth respected that she had taken the time to think out and hand write this letter, for it was of great importance. He ran his hand across her careful penmanship, taking notice that she hadn't signed the letter.