Castiel didn't know what else to do when Kelly disappeared. Sam and Dean had asked him to not call Mary, but he had no other choice.
He met her at the Bunker, and they sat at opposite ends of the table. Once he had finished explaining, Mary stared at him in a mix of shock and uncertainty. "You left them." She stated.
"No, I… Diana… She forced me to leave. Then the woman…" He tried to explain himself, but Mary cut him off.
"The one you lost?" She asked.
"I didn't." Castiel insisted. "I… I thought that she…" His voice trailed off. He didn't have a good answer.
"Stop making excuses." Mary told him. Castiel did not know much about mothers and fathers, he only knew what he had seen. But he did know that this was his first experience with how a mother acted, especially when she knew her child had made a mistake.
Castiel had worked so hard to stop failing, to be better, and what had he done?
He'd failed.
Castiel looked down, feeling nothing but shame. Mary let out a heavy sigh. "Why," she paused, re-wording her question. "If they needed help, why didn't they call me?"
"You were out." He answered honestly. Mary just let out another sigh.
"How did we let this happen, Castiel?" She asked.
"There's more." He said, reaching up to clasp the ring. "When the Devil disappeared, when we defeated him… There was more."
"What happened?"
"He… He called the witch, Diana," Mary nodded, unable to stop herself from interrupting again.
"What's her last name?" Mary asked. "Or a middle name or a nickname or something?"
"It was Winters." He answered. "Her last name was Winters." He remembered getting it from the hotel valet. "But… Lucifer didn't call her Diana." He took a deep breath. "He called her Kylie."
"My name is Mary, by the way." Mary Winchester remembered, sitting at the bar of a diner, waiting for food, next a girl with red hair and dark clothing. She looked like a Hunter, almost, but not quite.
"Diana." The girl introduced herself. "But my friends call my Kylie."
"It's nice to meet you, Diana." Mary offered a hand, and Diana shook it firmly, the kind of handshake you would use in a job interview.
"Did she have red hair?" Mary asked. "And wear long sleeves?"
"No, Kylie never did." He answered. "At least, not when I knew her."
"I mean Diana."
"Yes." Castiel answered.
"I… I've met her before." Mary said. "I'm not 100% certain but… I think I have met her."
"When?" He looked up immediately, his voice urgent.
"Months ago." She answered. "On my way to Asa Fox's funeral. But Castiel," her voice softened. "Do you really think it's her?"
"I don't know what to believe." He answered honestly. He wanted it to be Kylie, he wanted it to be true, but if it was… Why would she tell him? Why would she hide and lie? And where had she been? "I… I don't know what to do right now, Mary. I feel as though I have failed at everything."
"I think we both failed." She answered, nodding her head solemnly.
…
If anyone could help him, with any of this, it would be Crowley. Castiel sat opposite of him at a… He was certain the word was cantina. Crowley sat with a drink in front of him, the small pitchfork almost comical, if it weren't such a serious meeting. "Can't help you." Crowley stated, taking a small sip of his drink.
"Come on, Crowley." Castiel pleaded. "The police took them. You have people in the government. You have spies."
"I do." The demon agreed. "But whatever's happened to Moose and Squirrel, apparently, it's above their pay grade."
"Do you even care that they're gone?"
"No." Crowley shook his head. "Do you know how many all-powerful beings have tried to kill them?"
"Roughly, yes."
"As do I. I was bloody one of them! Sam and Dean?" He shrugged, taking another sip. "They're like herpes. Just when you think they're gone… Hello! The boys are back, leaving a trail of bodies in their wake. So wherever they are, whoever has Sam and Dean, well…" He put his glass back down on the table. "In the immortal words of Lawrence Tureaud… 'I pity the fool.'"
He got up, giving Castiel a strangely reassuring pat on the back as he walked out. Castiel followed, angry. "Then what about Diana?" He asked.
"What about her?" Crowley didn't look back.
"She's gone, too." Castiel reminded him. "She disappeared."
"Whatever that witch gets up to is none of my business."
"You heard Lucifer too." He argued. "You heard him call her Kylie."
"You thought she was Kylie as well when you first met her." Crowley pointed out.
"I watched." Castiel stated, stopped Crowley from walking away. "Everyone else in that room stared in shock except you. You couldn't wait to get out of there fast enough with Rowena."
"And don't you think she's asked me the same questions as well?" Crowley asked, turning to face the angel. Castiel just glared at him, earning a sigh. "Look, I made a deal, and I intend to keep it. I will not be the one to tell her secrets, not when they're not mine to tell."
"I need to find her." Castiel said, pleading now. "I… I just need to do something right. Do you know where she would go? I know she is not at the cabin." Castiel had already looked there.
Crowley let out a sigh. "She was staying with a woman, a close friend."
"Where is she, the friend?"
Crowley shook his head. "Dead. She was killed in a car crash the day we dispatched Lucifer. Diana…" He looked solemn for a moment. "She learned three days later. That was when I lost contact with her."
"Do you know where she would go?" Castiel begged. Crowley contemplated something for a moment before answering.
"She was offered a position in London." He said. "Working for the Men of Letters. None of my people have reported seeing her, but she's smart, and powerful." He looked away. "She may be gone already."
…
Castiel kept searching until he gave up, hopeless. It was then that he met with Mary Winchester a second time. He hadn't seen her since he'd told her everything.
Actually, she was the one to ask to meet him.
"Thanks for meeting me." Mary greeted him, a beer already in front of her. "I just wanted to say…" She cleared her throat. "I'm sorry. I was angry, and… Sam and Dean, that's not your fault. Neither is Diana."
"No, you were right." Castiel argued. "I should never have left them. I should never have stopped looking for Kylie. I…" He stopped himself from rambling, switching instead to a possibly more hopeful topic. "Have you heard anything?"
Castiel's hopes fell when Mary shook her head. "All my law enforcement contacts are retired, or… dead." She answered with a sigh. "I'm trying, but… You?" Castiel shook his head as well. "I keep telling myself they're fine." Mary said, her gaze wistful as she thought about her sons. "They've only been gone," this time, it was Castiel's turn to cut her off.
"Six weeks, two days, and ten hours." He said. That was the part he hated about being an angel. He knew. He knew the exact time that he'd been failing them, knew how long he'd gone before he'd just… Given up hope.
"We'll find them, Castiel." Mary assured him. "We will. Until then, we just… We're doin' our best."
"Are we?" Castiel asked. "Did you hear about the murders in Lancaster, Missouri?"
"No."
"The women with their throats ripped out, the blood drained?"
"Vampire." Mary stated, her analysis instantaneous and more than likely accurate. Castiel nodded in agreeance.
"I saw it on the news and I thought, that's the sort of thing Sam and Dean would investigate, or…" He couldn't say her name this time, so he kept going. "They would roll into town, save the day, kill the monsters. But with them gone…" He remembered that new failure, his most recent one. "I tried to work the case. I tried." He let out a bitter laugh, the kind that Sam and Dean would release. "But… I don't know what I did wrong. I… I asked questions, but maybe they were the wrong people, or the wrong questions, and I just- I never found it. Never found the monster. Never even got close." He remembered seeing the bodies, remembered each and every one of them as clearly as though they were still in front of them. That was another thing he hated about being an angel. No matter what he did, he couldn't forget. "And three more women died before I left town. Before I ran away."
"So we go back." Mary offered. "You and me."
"No." Castiel said firmly. "No, I'd only get in your way."
"I don't think Kylie would want you to run." She said softly. "I think she would want you to try, to keep going."
"She didn't even want me to know she was alive."
"Maybe…" Mary thought. "Maybe she wanted you to keep going with your own life, and not be stuck in the past. Maybe she believed you would do better without her."
Castiel hoped the latter wasn't true.
…
He went to her grave again. He didn't know where else to go. It was a false one, now he knew, but he wasn't certain what exactly to do about it. It'd helped him try and cope for a while, but now he didn't know what else to do.
"Kylie," he said, hoping she would hear him. "Kylie, please. I… I don't know anymore if you're alive or dead. For so long, I wanted you to be alive, wanted to do anything and everything I could to bring you back. I felt so guilty, and I still do, for you being gone. But now, with you possibly being alive…" He took a deep breath. "I want it to be true. I want it to be true so much that I'm almost happy about it. Except… I don't understand why you hid from me. I don't get it, and it bothers me so much. Why would you feel like you need to hide? Do you… Are you afraid of me?" That question bothered him just as much as the possible answers. "Are you hiding from something else, are you trying to protect people?" That was the one he preferred. "I… I would understand if my choice to become Lucifer's vessel would cause you to desire a separation, but I just…" None of this was working for him.
Absolutely none of it.
"I'm thankful that you may not be dead after all." He finally said. "And I still love you. I doubt that I'll ever stop. But now that you're alive, I have one more request." He reached up, gripping her ring tightly in his hand. "Please come back to me, now. I miss you. I want you back. Please, just... Please come back."
…
When Dean called, Castiel called Mary directly afterwards. They needed reinforcements, next, so he called the only people he could think to.
He called the British Men of Letters.
Mary wasn't exactly pleased about them being there, but it was better than nothing. Her scoffing at help from Crowley and Rowena…
He wasn't certain how she could be more kind-seeming towards Diana being a witch than them. That was what perplexed him about humans.
They met up with Mr. Ketch and Mick later on.
"This is your idea?" Mary asked. "The people that almost killed my boys? They're gonna be our backup? Suddenly the demon and his mommy don't look so bad."
"They helped us with Lucifer." Castiel reminded him.
"Lucifer? The Lucifer?" Mick cut in, surprised.
"Yes."
"Wait, so you're telling me what happened in Indianapolis was you took on the bleedin' devil himself?" He continued.
"Yes."
"Is that what Diana was using the Hyperbolic Pulse Generator for? Fighting the Devil?" Castiel nodded at Ketch's question. "Did you win? Did she do it?"
"Yes." Castiel answered, his voice tight. Mick and Ketch shared an impressed glance.
"Bravo." Ketch commented.
Mary interrupted then, to explain what they needed. Sam and Dean were taken, and according to the gentlemen they were at a government Black Ops facility in the Rocky Mountain National Forest.
"They told us to meet them off State Route 34." Cas added.
"Well, that's a long stretch of road." Ketch commented. "Where, exactly?"
"I'm not sure." Castiel answered.
"I'll get our techs to put a satellite over the area." Mick promised.
"You can do that?" Mary sounded impressed.
"And so much more." Mick added, offering her a sly smile. Castiel started to follow Mary and Mick to the car, but Ketch stopped him.
"The witch, Diana…" He asked. "Is she alright?"
"I don't know." Castiel answered. If he was calling her Diana, then he didn't know the truth. Not a lot of people would. "She disappeared. Nobody has heard from her since. Have you seen anything of her?"
"No." Ketch answered, shaking his head. "And it bothers me. We are built to find all information, but we cannot discern her location."
Castiel looked down. The Men of Letters had been his last hope of finding Diana… Kylie… Whoever she wanted to be. He wasn't certain, and all he wanted was answers. He looked back up, steeling his face. They were about to get Sam and Dean. If Diana or Kylie wanted to stay hidden and gone, why not let her? She had stayed hidden for a long time already, hadn't she?
…
Ketch watched Castiel walk off to join Mary and Mick, and glanced over beside him. "You sure you want to keep hiding?" He asked the shadows.
Kylie appeared with a slight shimmer. Any pretense or disguise that she had formerly worn was gone. "Yes." She said. "It's better this way."
"The bloke looks concerned for you."
"He wouldn't be if he knew the whole truth." She answered. "Did you see the look on his face? He wasn't happy. He was angry. He doesn't want me around."
"Whatever you say, Miss." He said. "How was your visit to Mrs. Tran's grave?" That had been one of the conditions. Kylie would return, but she was allowed one personal stop first.
"Therapeutic." She answered. She decided not to mention meeting with Billie there. It had been nice to see her again. Billie told her that Mrs. Tran said hello, and that she'd done something almost impossible to do. Mrs. Tran had somehow badgered the angels in to allowing her visiting rights to Kevin's personal Heaven, alongside getting to keep her own as well. Only Mrs. Tran.
"We best be going." Ketch said. He glanced back over at her, and watched as she disappeared once more.
"Sounds good." She agreed.
…
Castiel didn't know that Kylie watched Billie die. In turn, Kylie hadn't known about the deal Sam and Dean had struck with Billie.
She almost screamed when Castiel killed the Reaper. Billie had been her friend. She had helped her, saved her, trained her. She had helped.
"Cas, what have you done?" Dean asked. He didn't seem abhorred, though. Just… Shocked. Surprised. He didn't care. Billie had gotten them out, had helped them before, and now she was dead and they didn't care.
"What had to be done." Castiel answered, his voice haggard and ragged. "You know this world- this sad, doomed little world- it needs you. It needs every last Winchester it can get, and I will not let you die." He sounded determined, more determined than I'd heard him be in a long time. "I won't let any of you die. And I won't let you sacrifice yourselves. You mean too much to me. To everything. Yeah, you made a deal. It was a stupid deal, and I broke it." It looked like a scene out of one of my nightmares. Castiel had just murdered someone I cared about, and was now… Something was broken inside of him, something that wouldn't be fixed anytime soon.
He was done. He was absolutely done with the world, and damn the consequences of his actions. Damn the world, damn Heaven and Hell, damn this whole big mess that we all lived in. He was just… Broken and done. There was no better way to describe it.
He was a Winchester, now. He had just broken a cosmic pact, something he knew the full repercussions of.
Kylie knew them, because Billie had told her.
"You're welcome." Castiel said.
Kylie waited for them to leave before calling Ketch and Mick, to let them know what had happened. Then she buried Billie's body. Kylie mused briefly on the fact that Reapers actually left bodies behind. Billie deserved a proper burial, though. She would've probably preferred it. So that's what Kylie did.
It was her second time seeing a grave in two weeks, and more than enough dead friends for her lifetime, though she knew there would be more. As she stood above Billie's grave, she hoped that this would be the last one she would ever make, but knew that that wouldn't be true.
It probably wouldn't stop until she herself was dead. But who would lead her to the afterlife now? Some other reaper, definitely, but it wouldn't be Billie.
And in all honesty, Kylie wasn't willing to trust any other Reaper except for her.