At Liberty to Feel
Chapter One – How We Were
The sunset over Seireitei flushed a plum colour and the warmth of the autumn air cast a golden light throughout the horizon. The cool breeze whistled through the trees. There was an anxious chattering coming from the inside of the tall buildings looking out on the town.
Renji and Rukia were standing together looking up at the huge academy in awe, their mouths agape. The dream of making something of themselves was right in front of them, within arm's reach. The huge double doors of the building were open and inviting.
"You ready Rukia?" Renji smiled a toothy grin and glanced down to the girl beside him. Rukia turned to him with a very similar smile, her heartbeat fluttering in her chest and her fingers still entwined with Renji's. She nodded happily.
"I'm ready."
Her heartbeat boomed through her ears as she lay on the ground and her face pressed into the cold ground. Whilst the sound of blood rushed through her face, sharp pebbles beneath her dug into her flushed cheeks. Rukia could taste the rich, metallic iron pooling in her mouth and she winced as she reached down with a shaky hand to brush her fingers across her bruised collar bone.
Her long pale sword slept beside her, glistening a shiny red in the sunset light.
"Enough!" yelled a sensei, still perched in his seat. He made no obvious indication as to getting up and helping the girl, half-conscious on the floor. He held out his hand and at that Rukia's opponent bowed respectfully to him and without so much as a bruise on his body, he snickered back to his friends who greeted him chuckling and with utmost praise.
When everyone had left the arena to go about their business Rukia managed to scrape herself off of the floor. Sitting up and looking around, she faintly remembered the normality of her fellow students who didn't so much as glance at her whilst they eagerly walked out of their buildings for lunch. She wasn't invisible, that she was sure of.
She was aware that they'd be waiting for her; they had seen her disaster of an attempt, she was a fool to think she could have finally proved herself. And as appealing as the thought of avoiding them was, she knew she'd have them see her eventually. Upon seeing Renji, she looked to her feet and kept her head down.
He asked her questions and spoke with concern as Momo and Izuru glanced at her pitiful form. She made sure to ignore the pathetic looks they rewarded her with.
And she had also made sure to tell Renji off who had approached the sensei watching over her class and spoken to him about not giving Rukia much chance to fight back. Of course he was out of line because he hadn't seen all of the exercise but at his time in the academy he had at least learnt to be respectful of those more capable than him.
"Come on Rukia! Be positive!" Renji grinned patting Rukia on the back. Rukia stared at him with a dull expression and for a moment she didn't say anything. She sighed and looked to the ground. It was easy for him to say, Izuru and Momo were with Renji in the advanced Zanjutsu class whereas she was stuck in the novice class until she could prove her worth. She was ashamed, and she could feel the pity radiating off of her friends who otherwise didn't bring up the fact she was really starting to slack behind.
Rukia stood with expressionless eyes, one more lazy than the other. A cut on her lip and multiple covering her neck and other exposed skin. Her friends had seen the infliction all too much for it to devastate them now.
"Rukia? We're going to eat…" Renji had started but Rukia was still walking off, "Aren't you coming? Where are you going?" he asked persistently and his voice grew louder in hopes of stopping the small girl in her tracks. A frown plastered his face as he shifted his gaze quickly from Momo to Izuru who both shrugged and shook their heads.
"I'm off to train more." Rukia called back walking off into no particular direction. Momo sighed detecting the sadness in her friend's voice and looked to Izuru for his wisdom. He returned her gaze but didn't speak. Renji sighed loudly, "Spoil sport," he murmured, "Come on! I'm hungry!" he said licking his lips, the taste of his upcoming meal already on his lips. Momo trotted off behind him and Izuru joined too.
"Stupid Renji, about telling me to be positive." Rukia grumbled numbly, her head hung low as she swarmed through trees and bushes. She looked up suddenly when the sound of talking and confrontation around her was suddenly all gone; her violet eyes glanced around bare and spacious grounds. Where am I, exactly?
She walked at a slow pace as she tried to control the limp she had received earlier that day. She couldn't blame her opponent for laughing at her after their fight because she was aware of her poor performance. He was younger than her and less experience yet hadn't even strained to beat her in battle. And more so lately she felt as if she was getting worse at hand to hand combat, not better.
Her achievements in her mandatory theory subjects couldn't be better; she was attaining top grades in her classes for scientific research, language, mathematics and human and world studies. But regardless of these accomplishments her future as a Shinigami was looking fruitless. In order to become a full-fledged Shinigami, let alone a seated officer, she had to receive at least a pass in all of her compulsory theory subjects in addition to the basics in Shinigami training, which included both Kido and Hakuda, as well as Zanjutsu.
She couldn't envy her friends any more than she did currently. They all excelled in the necessary training that was expected of them and could easily pass the ones they did not in no time at all. If the rate of their victories was kept up, she'd be saying goodbye to them all a lot sooner than she had first anticipated.
It hurt, to be so ashamed of herself. When they had first started out together, Renji and herself, their determination allowed them both to improve on their skills quickly. Then all of a sudden his skills began improving so much and he started hanging out with other people more and more. She didn't have anyone else, he explained it was because she was cold and she didn't try hard enough. Then the day finally came where he told her, "I can't fight you anymore, I'll hurt you. But we're still friends, right?" That hurt all the more than she ever could have ever imagined. She was losing him, quick. And she wasn't sure if it was too late for her to get him back.
Later that day when Rukia entered her room, she found herself bombarded with questions from Renji who had been frantically pacing the room awaiting her return. "Rukia!" Renji said clutching Rukia in a large hug; he suddenly pulled back and inspected his tiny friend with frantic brown eyes, "Where were you? I've been worried sick! Are you okay? Did you get into a fight? Want me to go beat them up? I will! Rukia what-" Rukia landed a large and hefty smack on the back of Renji's head, he cried out in shock.
"Ow! Rukia!" he yelled, Rukia raised an eyebrow aloofly, "What was that for?" he asked rubbing his head with a cupped palm.
"For doubting my abilities to keep myself safe. I was only gone a few hours." She replied back to him with a less than satisfied tone. She walked over to her bed and frowned when she noticed something on her bed. "Did you put this here?" Rukia asked, not turning to Renji but addressing him whilst picking up the envelope left on her bedding.
"Huh?" Renji groaned groggily, "Gosh, you frown so much. Within a few decades you'll already have frown lines plastered to your little face." He mumbled. Ignoring the remark Rukia opened the unaddressed envelope and continued to frown as she read it.
Slowly Rukia's expression began to fizzle. "What does it say?" Renji asked, a hint of curiosity arose in his voice and realising Rukia was not going to acknowledge him, he approached her and barely needed to crane his neck to read the letter as he towered beside her.
"I'm moving out." Rukia suddenly whispered. Renji frowned and snatched the letter from Rukia's tiny pale hands. He read only a few words across the page before his whole aura changed angrily.
"What's this about you moving out?" he shouted, Rukia flinched uncharacteristically.
"I knew this was going to happen." She said plainly. Taking a few steps back gingerly Rukia plopped onto her bed with a sigh and stared into space with Renji still standing in a sudden rage. After having mostly every sensei that taught her express concerns over her improvements during her time at the academy Rukia knew that this was inevitable. She screwed her eyes shut for the tears threatening to fall away from her violet orbs. She didn't want to see the hurt on her redheaded friend's face who was who was still eyeing her for a response.
"I haven't improved enough Renji. I've failed you." She whispered mournfully. There was a painful silence that overcame the room and then Renji bent down and kneeled in front of his tiny Shinigami roommate. He looked towards her, sitting in her own sadness and placed a large comforting hand on her knee.
"You have not failed me Rukia. You're my friend and we're going to do this together, like we promised each other before we started here." He said sincerely, his voice was warm and calm. Renji could feel the stiffness in Rukia's body and the dimming of her reiatsu over the whole space of the room.
He exhaled and tried to force a smile onto his face.
"They're moving my classes too." She whispered. Renji couldn't bring himself to read the rest of the letter, because it didn't matter. One look would conjure up more despair that the two didn't need. He shut his eyes for a moment. How long had it been since he'd felt such disappointment like this? Since entering the academy, things had started looking good for the two Rukongai rats. His eyes snapped open; he had to be the strong one now as she had done for him in the past.
"You're probably just moving to one of the all-female barracks, Rukia. We won't be far from each other." He said light-heartedly, but determinedly.
"Look at me." He abruptly demanded, but Rukia eyes were sealed. She had always been like this, afraid to let Renji see her like this. She was usually the one holding him and comforting him, the change of tables was a stab to her self-confidence.
Renji sucked in a deep breath and moved to sit by Rukia; he wrapped his arms around her frame and engulfed her into a soft embrace. "I will never give up on you Rukia."
"Rukia! I passed! I passed the final exam!" Renji yelled, ignoring the mass of sensei telling him to stop running through the hallways. And although the daily lessons had ended a while ago, there were still many students clogging up the corridors to which Renji had to dodge and skirt passed them all.
He even ran into Hinamori, who shielding herself with her hands from the impact irritated shouted at him, "Renji where are you going?"
"Sorry Momo can't talk now!" he grinned.
With the two double doors in his sight Renji catapulted towards the entrance, bursting through the doors unexpectedly. But when he opened his mouth to continue singing his praise, he realised that he was not alone.
"Well what do we have here?" said an old man standing next to Rukia. Renji could honestly say he hadn't even noticed the other men. The short man had a hunched over form. His tamed white hair slicked towards the back of his head and he possessed a large furry white moustache, he wore plain circular glasses and had a dull expression in his eyes as he stared at Renji.
For a moment, Renji couldn't even remember why he was there and why the five other secretive people in the room were looking at him with such disgust. "It seems as if we have been interrupted." The old man continued in a stricter tone. Renji gulped as this was nothing like being scorned by a sensei and even though he didn't know who the man was, he could tell that either he or Rukia were trouble.
As silence plagued the bare room his eyes were forced to the tall man standing behind Rukia. He towered above her and was dressed in a plain captain's uniform. Renji's eyes widened slightly. Kenseikan…
The emotionless man standing in his presence was noble; there was no doubting that although Renji had never seen such a person before. There was something about the man that made Renji's blood run cold, other than the immense reiatsu he was giving off of course. Renji's shoulder felt heavy from the thundering pressure, his tongue sunk back into his mouth; unable to lift it he could not speak a word.
He looked to Rukia. There was concern in her eyes. When she briefly looked up to meet his eyes he could spot that something was not right. Her bright violet eyes shifted back to the ground. Then just as Renji was about to open his mouth, the old man began to speak walking towards Renji.
"Well, Rukia. We will be waiting for a favourable response." He said, not even turning back to her as he walked. The two tall bodyguards who had been skulking in the back of the room followed suit behind and then the noble did too.
Renji's whole body was paralyzed. He forced himself to stare at the ground, hoping it was what was expected from him in the company of the frightening man. The air around him squeezed his body, the pressure continued to build as the noble walked passed him and out of the room. That reiatsu...Renji thought. Don't look them in the eyes. Listening to the advice of his subconscious, he did just that.
The second the sound of their footsteps had ceased Renji looked up to hear Rukia whisper, "Renji." There was an odd sadness Renji hadn't heard in her voice for so long, he blinked. Slowly she began to walk towards him. The spell was broken.
"Oh…Rukia," he started, "That was some serious atmosphere back there." He explained slowly, hoping Rukia would explain what he had just run into. Noticing Rukia's head was still tilted to the ground, he continued.
"What was that all about?" he asked finally. He observed Rukia's eyes moving away from him, as if to hide something. The shift of Rukia's eyes suddenly made the situation uncomfortable again. But he hoped for the best and pressed.
"What was it?" he asked again.
"They asked to adopt me into the Kuchiki clan!" her outburst was hardly something Renji had been awaiting to hear. He frowned for a moment as he registered her words. What?
"We'll have them graduate you right away…that's what they said." She continued, in a quieter voice, "And give you a spot on one of the divisions." Renji couldn't believe what he was hearing. After all of the commotion the other day with her moving classes and rooms, this was great! Right? Why do you look so unhappy?
Still ogling Rukia's unhappy face, he saw the glistening in her eyes. "Renji…please…"
All of a sudden Renji grabbed Rukia's shoulders, shaking her roughly he exclaimed, "Rukia, you did it!" he grinned like a Cheshire cat, barely able to contain his joy for her. The noble…he'd been a Kuchiki? "Rukia! The Kuchiki clan are one of the four noble clans in Seireitei!"
"This is great!" he cried joyfully and almost tripping over his own words. "You did it! Now you can have whatever you want! Like all those times in Rukongai when we planned how great our lives would be! I knew you'd find happiness first, but don't worry, I'm really happy for you. Don't get me wrong." He beamed.
Rukia stared up at Renji, taking in all of his encouraging words. Her eyes were wide, but she looked almost as if she didn't understand him. "Oh damn it, I'm jealous!" he laughed loudly. He wasn't listening. She looked down to his tanned hands sitting heavily on her narrow shoulders, weighing her down.
"I see…" she whispered, and so quietly it was apparent to her how Renji hadn't even heard her. Much like he had never heard her in the past. Slowly she took hold of his forearm and dragged his large paw off of her, still staring down at her feet. Finally falling from his high, Renji gawked at her perplexed. "Renji…thank you." She said, quickly leaving the room. Renji still didn't understand.
It was too late.
A/N: There will be Ukitake to come :)