This was not meant to be funny, me and my sister were just extremely bored a long time ago and came up with a bunch of stories flaming Harry Potter. Since we both share a hatred for it. I just found it the other day and I figured I might as well put it up. So if any of the HP fans are thinking about reading, I suggest you don't take what has been written offensively. Better yet, if you know your going to take offense from it, don't bother to read it at all. Yes, It was a loooong time ago that it was written, but please, do me a favor you sick minded people and read it in a literal way. There's no innuendos, and if you absolutely must think of it that way, don't bother reading. Before you begin, let me make sure a few things are established about the character's names:
Prof. Ape-Prof. Snape
Dumbdoor-Dumbledoor
Snuggle Puss-Voldemort ((Puss as in a cat))
Sir Eats Alot-Ron
Magic Oil-Prof. McGonagall
Giny-Ginny
Rag Lad-Hagrid
Gremma-Hermione
Mouth Foil-Malfoy
Harry Head-Harry
FrogFarts: Hogwarts
The Adventures of Prof. Ape and Snuggle Puss
Ape: I am Ape, the lotion master
Snug: And I am Snuggle Puss, the snugglest puss in the whole wide world
Ape: I like to dance when I put on lotion
Snug: And I like to do things in a pink tutu
Ape: Name one
Snug: Like when I cook meat loaf for Dumbdoor
Ape: You're a suck up to an idiot!
Snug: I like cheese
Ape: When I see cheese, it turns rotten for some reason...
Snug: You smell bad
Ape: I didn't use any lotion yet.
Snug: Is there cheese in your pants?
Ape: Maybe
Snug: 'Cause it smells really bad in here, 'specially 'round you
Ape: Ok, ok I'll tell you the truth. I sort of have cheese in my pants. I put cheese in my lotion that I put down there
Snug: That's icky!
Ape: Your face is icky!
Snug: That was mean! I'm gonna point my magic wand at you and you're going to pretend to die. But don't really die, ok?
Ape: Fine, point it at me
Snug: Ok, here I go. Abra Kadabra! -Pause- You're supposed to pretend to die!
Ape: It didn't work you fool!
Snug: You were supposed to pretend!
Ape: I'm not that kind of person!
Snug: Well I'm not like you! -cries- Your smelly! -cries more-
The Adventures of Magic Oil and Dumbdoor
Dumb: Hello, I am Dumbdoor, and the future is coming
Oil: And I am Magic Oil. I am either seeing a client, sick or I just don't like you
Dumb: What do you mean 'not like you?' I like everyone, unless they have things to do that don't include me
Oil: -Tune to Fun Station Commercial- Let's go to Fun Station! Let's go have some fun! Let's go to Fun Station! Come on everyone!
Dumb: Ooo Fun Station! I remember, many years ago -
Oil: Ok let's go. But you pay admission
At Fun Station
Dumb: Ooo there's the slide I went on years ago...
Oil: No wonder they call you Dumbdoor. This place just opened!
Dumb: Let's go in the ball pit!
Oil: Fine. I'll watch you. Just go in the small one
In The Pit
Dumb: Help! Magic Oil I'm drowning!
Oil: Hey, stop yelling! Everyone is looking! Hey what are you staring at?? Avada Kadavra! Ok, he's dead.
Dumb: Ok I'm going down the slide now. I'm at the top and I'm going down. Weeeee! - Uh oh - Help! I'm stuck! I got stuck in the middle and kids are kicking me!
Oil: Please, you're embarrassing me! Fun Station's no fun with you. -Gasp- Are they serving meat loaf?
Dumb: Oh I wish I could eat it!! Can somebody help me!!
Oil: If you really wanted it you'd be out already!
Dumb: I got stuck in here while chasing a kid with meat loaf!
Oil: This isn't working! There is no meat loaf! I'm leaving! Just wait 'till you see what I put in your office!
Dumb: Help me!! Get me out of this thing!!
The Adventures of Sir Eats Alot and Giny
Giny: Hello, I'm Giny. Now let's eat some breakfast.
Sir: How come you're always first? It's always Giny this and Giny that, well how 'bout me for a change?!
Giny: Spider behind you!
Sir: WHERE??
Giny: Behind you, stupid!
Sir: Hey, I don't see anything scary, except you! Ha Ha
Giny: I bet you think I like Harry Head! Well I don't! I'm just so afraid of it!
Sir: Same with Gremma, I think. Just because I held her hand doesn't mean anything, I think. I just need to "Bother" her, I think
Giny: -psychopathic laughter in between words- Well - I had a - nightmare and um - well Harry Head - held my hand - and I had to - take a bath for - five weeks -
Sir: I know you like Harry Head. Do you think I like Gremma?
Giny: Yes. And I hate Harry Head
Sir: No, you don't! I hate Gremma!
Giny: I hate him more then you hate her!
Sir: No, you like Harry Head, you like Harry Head! Haha haha, you like Harry Head!
Giny: But I don't!
Sir: Yes you do! "Bother!"
Giny: I don't! Anyway, you like Gremma! I'm gonna put you in a freak show!
Sir: Dad! Giny's making fun of me! She says I like Gremma!
Giny: And he says I like Harry Head! And tell him to stop eating my chocolate!
Dad: Shut up the both of you! Gremma and Harry Head are two slobs! If you say their names again in this house I'll wash your mouth out with older twin bother poop!
Giny: You're so mean, you never believe me!
//The "Bother" that Sir Eats Alot refers to is from Potterpuppetpals, it is not something that me or my sis made up. And the characters are meant to be puppets, not their actual people in the movies or the books. Just wanted to clear that up for any confusion.
The Adventures of Rag Lad and Dumbdoor
Dumb: I need a nap
Rag: And I am Rag Lad! The slobbiest, fattest thing in all the lands!
Dumb: I hate you
Rag: And I hate slobs!
Dumb: I have a beard
Rag: And I have a sale. Buy one rag and get a lad half off!
Dumb: That's nice
Rag: Don't you want a rag? I'll even give you a FREE lad!
Dumb: Well, I'm the Breadmaster of FrogFarts and I can eat bread whenever I want
Rag: Well I make rags EXTRA LARGE so I can wash my fat stomach!
Dumb: Ok. Bring me some meat loaf
Rag: It's down the potty, I had some last night!
Dumb: Well make me some more. I don't feel like eating stuff from the crapper.
Rag: Oh really? I do it all the time! It tastes so...different, but in a good way.
Dumb: You're weird and smell funny
Rag: Well that's not very nice! -Farts- Excuse me. Want some? Something else escaped! Hehe
Dumb: Smells like carrots and throw up
Rag: I know. Smells fresh, doesn't it?
Dumb: I would fire you but your perfect torture for the students
Rag: I farted once in Gremma's face. She passed out. Best moment of me life.
Dumb: Interesting...
The Adventures of Gremma and Mouth Foil
Grem: I hate you
Foil: I hate you more
Grem: Remember when I punched you?
Foil: -Points to mole on Gremma's face- Moley, Moely, Moley!
Grem: Well, answer the question!
Foil: Wha, what question?
Grem: Remember when I punched you?!
Foil: Your fist smelt bad and it didn't even hurt
Grem: Then how come you ran away crying? And what's that mark on your face?
Foil: Um...
Grem: Answer me before I kick you this time! Oh and you reeeally don't want to smell my feet. Even I passed out from the stench once!
Foil: Oh yeah, I'm real scared. But I'm sure your feet really do stink
Grem: You still never answered me!
Foil: The tears weren't crying tears, they were from the stench. The mark was always there.
Grem: No it wasn't
Foil: Still, it didn't hurt
Grem: Yes, it did. I'll have you know I took a shower for the first time just to make sure it wasn't my stench. I even put on perfume.
Foil: You know I have a Voodoo doll of you!
Grem: No, you don't. I always look through your things. Stick to the subject!
Foil: Well keep this on secretly locked up
Grem: Nothings a secret when I'm around. GO BACK TO THE SUBJECT!
Foil: Fine, fine I'll prove it. Wait right here. -Runs out door- Sucker!
THE END
//Leave a review! And like I said, it wasn't supposed to be hysterically funny, it was just something me and my sis did a while back. If it made you chuckle, then that's good. It's one of those things that are so stupid you can't help but crack a smile. Anyways, probably won't add more, but I might. Oh and by the way, I need to give credit to Austin Powers for the quotes. Gotta love him! Lol//