-does whole intro thing- Yes, it is I, Ayumi Arumatsu! Or Ayumi Elric, pick one. There was once a time when Fuhrer Bradley (who's secretly a homunculus, lookout!) thought we needed some excitement. (we being me and my fellow military peeps.) So, he decided to put this holiday up. It was a military holiday before, but now all of Ametris is aware and dressing up as each other. Madness I tell you! Lucky for me, I escaped and I'm now vacationing in Drachma. I might be back later in the fanfic, watch out for me!
Now that I'm past the whole above thingy, this is a really random fanfic. Ohmigosh, how did I come up with this idea? I think it involved muffins in some way….anyway, disclaimer!
DISCLAIMER: Okay, NOT ONE PERSON who writes fanfiction own Full Metal Alchemist. It's a FAN fiction people! Made by FANS!
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Ed was sitting at Roy's desk, working feverishly on some paperwork. He scratched at the military uniform, then at the raven wig he was wearing.
"AGH, THIS IS HOPELESS!!!" He shouted suddenly, pushing all the papers off the desk with one dramatic sweep of his arm.
Ed yawned. "Now, where does Mustang keep his porn?" He muttered, looking through his drawers. He found nothing but Roy's gloves, some spearmint gum, a million dollars in cash, some baloney and George Dubya Bush's mother. He tossed her out a window, pocketed the cash, picked up some paper and went to work again.
Since Ed currently has the attention span of a small graham cracker, he bored of the paperwork again. After making a fantastic paper airplane out of a paper that said "END WORLD HUNGER", Ed realized that he was in fact, the Flame Alchemist. At least, now he was. "What's the point of all this paper work when I can make fire?!" He wondered aloud, grabbing Roy's gloves.
"HAHA, FEAR MY ALCHEMIC POWER!" Ed yelled in triumph, snapping his fingers. It made only sparks, since that's the only point of ignition cloth gloves. Making sparks that a skilled alchemist, i.e. not Ed in this case, can turn into fire when adjusting the oxygen level or some crap like that.
Ed stared at the gloves, puzzled. "What the hell is wrong with these things??" He said, snapping his fingers over and over again until the gloves caught fire.
He watched the fire interestingly for a moment before screaming loudly and throwing the gloves off. He ran out the door, flailing his arms. He looked up and down the hall, shrugged, closed the door and strutted down the hall.
Elsewhere…
"Nyaha! I am the Fullmetal Shortie!" Roy announced, skipping down the halls, full clad in Edward Elric cosplay. He was also wearing a black miniskirt instead of pants, which I think is odd and disturbing but whatever.
"BROTHER!" A voice called behind him.
"Huh?" Roy said, stopping mid-skip and looking behind him. Something was whizzing through the air towards him. It was a wrench, and before Roy realized that, it had collided with his head and ricochet into some other soldiers walking back.
"GAH!!" Roy yelled, rubbing his sore cranium. "What the hell was that?"
"What the hell do you think you're wearing Brother?!" The voice yelled. It was coming closer.
Roy looked around nervously. "A-Al?" He stuttered.
Instead of an answer, another wrench came in contact with the back of his head. WHAM!
"Ow!" Roy said, turning around to see who whacked him with a wrench. He was face to face with Winry in Movie!Al cosplay. Her hair was dyed and pulled back into a ponytail, but her eyes, still blue, was flashing with anger.
Winry bitch-slapped Roy. "What's with the miniskirt??" She hissed.
Roy posed. "It makes me feel pretty and there's a breeze in all the right places!" He exclaimed, winking at Winry.
Winry slapped him again. "You better take that off Brother, unless you want that fake looking wig shoved up your ass so high, you'll be coughing up hairballs for weeks!" She snarled.
Roy stared at Winry, looking terrified. He quickly changed into proper Ed cosplay, as in black leather pants.
Winry smiled, all sugary sweet. "That's better."
"You're scary as Al." Roy muttered.
"It's not as easy as you think, being nice and happy all the time." Winry said darkly.
Roy just stared at her and shrugged.
Winry sniffed at the air. "Hey...do you smell smoke Brother?"
Roy sniffed also. "Yeah!" He ran down the hall, closely followed by Winry.
Roy crashed into Ed. "Ow!"
"What the hell, Fullmetal?!" Ed yelled, shoving Roy off. He smirked at him.
"Mustang. Wait, I mean, no, Ed! Do you know where the smoke's coming from?" Roy asked.
"Yeah, my office is on fire." Ed said, jabbing his thumb at the office where black smoke billowed out.
Roy's jaw dropped. "Noo!!" He yelled, running inside. He grabbed the fire extinguisher and sprayed.
Ed shrugged. "Hi Al." He said, waving.
"Hello Colonel." Winry said, bowing.
"Ed, how did this happen?!" Roy moaned, staring at the now blackened room. He glanced at the pile of ash that used to be his desk.
"It's Colonel Mustang to you, Fullmetal." Ed said. He scratched at his military uniform again. "I guess it happened when I was playing with my gloves."
"You what?!" Roy screeched.
Ed just shrugged. "Ugh, how do you wear this thing all the time, it's so itchy!" He whined, scratching his chest furiously.
Roy ignored him, sighing. "Well, where are my gloves then?"
"You mean my gloves. And they've been turned into that pile of ash right there." Ed pointed to a small heap of ash.
Roy stared at the ash heap. "Nooo!" He cried, falling to his knees and morning over his gloves.
"?" Ed looked at Winry. "Hey, you want something to eat?"
Winry smiled. "Sure!"
5 minutes and 2 corn muffins later…
Ed headed back to the office, corn muffin in hand. He noticed Roy still crying about his gloves. "Aw come on, suck it up, Fullmetal." Ed said, patting Roy's shoulder.
Roy just sobbed more.
Ed sighed, searching in his pockets to find something to fill the void. He pulled out a million dollars, an olive and a couple of paperclips. He blinked, sticking the paperclips in the olive and pocketing the cash. He placed the olive man next to Roy.
Roy looked up, tears streaming down his face, his golden wig askew. He stared at the olive man, sweatdropping. What the hell?! He thought.
"See? Mr. Olive won't judge you. Mr. Olive likes you just the way you are." Ed said reassuringly.
Roy picked up Mr. Olive, poking him gently. "Hee hee."
Okay, he's pathetic. Ed thought, shaking his head and nibbling his corn muffin.
Suddenly…
Splat! Roy had thrown Mr. Olive at Ed. It looked like a bug, splattering its guts on Ed's face. "HA! That's for destroying my gloves Fullmetal!" Roy yelled, sticking his tongue out.
"Heh…" Ed chuckled, wiping the olive guts off his face. "TO THE DONGEON!!"
"The what?"
"Er…..dungeon. Ayumi typoed and was too much of a lazy ass to fix it." Ed dodged the sudden boulder that materialized and was thrown at him. I ain't a lazy ass, ya hot bastard!
"Okay, continue then."
"Sure. Ahem… THE DUNGEON WITH YOU, FULLMETAL!!" He wshouted, pointing at him.
"Dungeon?! What dungeon?"
"The dungeon I just had installed." Ed retorted.
"You can't send me there, I'm your superior!"
"Not anymore." Ed said, laughing evilly as some big guys started dragging Roy away.
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Okay…what the hell?! Was NOT planning that ending…but I like it. XD
My sisters keep bothering me on who I should make Armstrong cosplay as…o.O Basically, they want him as a girl. I'm just really scared of that image…
Please review! It helps me update faster. –grin-