Unfortunately I do not own Doctor Who or the characters (if I did I wouldn't be writing fanfictions but actually re-filming Journey's End the way I like it) This is my first fanfiction ever and I hope you all like it. Please don't forget to comment…wait no not comment, review, yes that it. Please don't forget to review it would mean a lot to me. Enjoy!
CHAPTER 1: Journey's Start
As the last echo faded, and the wind seized its attack on the sand, the last traces of the TARDIS were washed away by the waves. The half human Doctor stepped away from Rose, unlinking their hands, turning away from her uneasily. No quantity of words, in any language, could have described what was going on in her head. She let out a defeated cry of pain.
Her Doctor had left her again. After she had torn the fabric of reality itself, you would have thought she deserved more than just a copy of the one she loved.
As if to match the mood, grey clouds rolled onto the sky threatening to pelt any moment.
What was she to do, with this Meta crisis? Love him as she loved the other Doctor? She wasn't even sure she could manage that.
Rose contemplated as she sniffled dramatically, making sure the person that was watching attentively behind her, would be well informed of her current suffering.
It's not his fault, he didn't cause this to happen.
Said a lonely voice deep in a hidden, usually ignored, part of her brain.
Meanwhile the Doctor that had also been left behind stared helplessly at the sobbing Rose. He wanted so badly to come right up to her and pull her into the deepest of kisses, being quite confused about their last one. He wanted to hold her in his half Time Lord arms and protect her from anything their new universe would throw at them. Yet something kept stopping him, the whole situation was unjust to him and Rose.
She deserved much more, much better than him.
The Doctor thought to himself sadly. Unconsciously fiddling with the TARDIS coral in his coat pocket.
She loved his other self and he didn't deserve her anyway. Who was he to get Rose if his other-self had given her up so honourably? Is that what Rose wanted? Bravery and selflessness?
The Doctor lost his train of thought as he felt a familiar warmth on his left shoulder. He turned around, realizing he had turned away from Rose, to see her smiling weakly and looking up at him with bloodshot eyes and mascara running down her cheeks. He must have been lost in his thoughts, because he had not noticed when Rose stopped her pointless bawling.
"Doctor?"
Rose breathed, looking into his old eyes questioningly. She was looking for the stars and planets, the different galaxies and the depth of the whole universe. Where had it all gone? The worlds they had adventure too together, the friends and foes they had met, but most of all she was desperate not to find, but to lose herself in them, as she had used to a long time ago…
"Yes Rose?"
Gazing into her eyes as he replied, doing his best but only returning her a dry smile. How beautiful she was standing before him, hair whipping in all directions.
"I am so tired Doctor, so, so tired"
Rose stepped closer and the Doctor felt her body's heat radiate off her. Nervously his eyebrows raised and pulled together, as if to ask;
Are you sure this is what you want?
"I don't know Doctor, I am just so tired, I…"
She breathed, as if she could read his mind. She had done what she had set out to do, and how that it was gone, she had nothing else to look forward to or live for. Fatigue flooding her body, burning every cell to the crisp, draining her of her last energy. Rose stumbled for a moment, tripping over her own foot when the Doctor caught and steadied her. Holding her a foot away from him, the Doctor supported Rose only by the shoulders.
"So, tired…"
She mumbled to herself as she curved awkwardly and fell forward into the Doctor's arms. He shuffled backwards as Rose leaned her weight onto him. He caught her by the waist, and looked up to see Rose blushing bright red, and smiling drowsily. The Doctor grinned sheepishly at her in return. After hesitating a moment, the Doctor pulled Rose into an immense hug. He then realized how gaunt she was in his ancient arms. Since he had left her last time, or rather since his other-self had left her, she had lost her cozy roundness, and her frame had become bony and rigid.
"I've got you"
The Doctor whispered soothingly into her hair as he wrapped his arms around her limp form, one hand comfortably on her upper back and the other holding her head to his cheek securely. The Doctor peered past Rose's blond locks at the place the TARDIS had disappeared a few moments ago. He was angry with the other Doctor for leaving Rose like this; stranded and alone.
But she's not alone
The Doctor argued with himself becoming more and more frustrated.
She has her mother; Jackie and her father; Pete… and she had him; the Doctor that stayed, that was made, just for her.
The Doctor was pleasantly surprised when Rose tightened her grip on him. She had relaxed and her breathing steadied and became rhythmic again. Oh how safe and protected she felt in his embrace, as if it had been specially designed to accommodate her. She couldn't picture how she could have possibly survived all this time without him. Burying her face into the Doctors neck, Rose closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. The smell of fresh cotton and sweat flooded her respiratory system.
She would try to love him
He was all Rose had left. She wanted to love him but she just couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that the real Doctor, her Doctor was out there somewhere, alone or worse, not alone.
Jackie watched as the odd couple embraced. She had kept quiet for several minutes, but couldn't stand the silence that was haunting around them any longer.
"Oi space man, get off my daughter, and let's get off this bloody beach."
The Doctor flinched at the sound of Jackie's voice. He had completely forgot that she was there. Instinctively the Doctor pushed Rose away gently, not wanting to complicate things more then was necessary.
"Don't leave me"
Rose noised, garbing at the Doctors hand. Without a second thought, he entwined his long fingers into hers, giving her hand a soft reassuring squeeze.
"Never again Rose Tyler, Never again."
. . .
The Doctor looked curiously out of the air plane window. He watched in awe as the little cars raced around what looked like a high way. The tall skyscrapers began to look pathetic as the aircraft ascended higher into the sky. He was fascinated by the simplicity of it all. This excitement had taken the Doctor off guard. He had never expected to marvel over earthly technology. Travelling in the TARDIS had exempted any thought of it, but now in this new situation the Doctor grinned from ear to ear as the plane hit some turbulence.
Rose stirred in her sleep restlessly. She leaned onto the Doctor's shoulder groaning loudly. Slipping his arm around her shoulders, he pulled her closer to him and planting a kiss onto her head.
It had been a complete accident when he entered her mind. The Doctor had been sweeping Rose's dirty blond hair out of her face as his finger brushed over her left temple and he gasped in horror:
"... I 'm burning up a sun just to say goodbye"
The Doctor was glaring at himself from someone else's eyes, Rose's eyes. His past self was grinning sadly.
"You look like a ghost"
Rose had spat lifelessly. The Doctor felt her human emotions cloud his Time Lord mind.
"Hold on"
The past Doctor took his sonic screw driver out of his coat pocket, fiddled with the controls for a moment until the contrast of the image increased and he looked more real. He now felt the rush of hope that Rose had 3 years ago. She stepped closer to the Doctor's projection and raised her hand.
"Can I t..."
She almost whispered, as she realized all the odds were against her wish.
"I'm still an image no touch"
The Doctor recalled now horribly these words had pained him. He felt a mixing sort of sensation in the pit of Rose's human stomach and it was moving to her throat, parking itself right under her tongue. She was struggling to swallow the bile that was threatening to reappear.
"Can't you come through properly?"
The words the Doctor felt escaping her mouth were numb and without hope.
"The whole thing would fracture. Two universes would collapse."
This was one of those few times the Doctor despised being the intelligent one, the one with the knowledge of the truth.
"So?"
The Doctor heard his past self laughing a hollow laugh. A small knock of frustration banged against her wall of numb emptiness. Rose didn't find anything funny. She hadn't been exaggerating, joking, or being sarcastic. She would rather have both of the Universes collapse, then say goodbye to her Doctor. Was that wrong? He felt Rose's negligence to care. The Doctor saw himself struggle for a moment, looking away from her, shoulders raised and hands deep inside his pant pocket.
"Where are we? Where did the gap come out?"
The past Doctor had said, looking back at Rose burning his stare into her eyes. All of a sudden the Doctor felt something strange in Rose's body. Her heart did a summer-salt and something warm started to spread through her veins. He felt what Rose felt looking into his ancient eyes.
Love.
"We're in Norway."
Rose shrugged off, holding back a sob.
"Norway. Right."
The Doctor saw his past self nod.
"About fifty miles out of Burgen. It's called Darlig Ulv Straden"
Rose mumbled through her teeth.
"Dalek?"
The past Doctor frowned thoughtfully, but he was not frightened, he was about to lose his most loyal companion, there couldn't ever be anything worse than the current pain in his hearts
"Darlig."
Rose corrected. Her tongue danced between her teeth to put emphasizes on the word.
It's Norwegian for bad... This translates as Bad Wolf Bay."
The Doctor feels Rose crumble hopelessly over his past self's friendly grin. He feels her thoughts, her agonizingly painful doubts of ever seeing him again. Rose inhales sharply through her teeth.
How long have we got?"
The question asked in the form of an uneven hiss. The Doctor feels the sobs clawing themselves up her throat, bringing down all her defences.
"About two minutes"
The Doctor remember that moment only too well. For once he was not in control of time, and it terrified him. Only for a second he had loosened his grip on the reins, and now it was free and wild.
Time was running out, steeling away the ones he loved.
"I can't think of what to say."
And the Doctor knew, he felt, she really couldn't, there would never have been enough time even if they had all the time in the worlds. Rose breathed, no matter how many times she exhaled she would never be rid of the hurting inside her chest, picking at her core tormentingly slow, ripping her from the inside out. The past Doctor chuckled looking at the ground. The sand was getting into his trainers.
"So you've still got Mister Mickey then"
He had said throwing a glance over to where Jackie, Pete, and Mickey were waiting patiently.
"There's five of us now. Mum, Dad, Mickey and the baby."
The Doctor saw his past self smile uncertainly, lines creased on each side of his old brown eyes. He recalled the hope and happiness he had felt that moment, three years ago; she would have a future without him. He also felt a pinch of loneliness and just a sprinkle of jealousy; she would have a future without him.
"You're not?"
He questioned anxiously, fighting an internal battle of which answer he would rather prefer. Rose shook her head laughing a quiet little laugh that he loved.
"No, it's mum. She's three months gone. More Tylers on the way.
The past doctor held in a sigh of relief, then scolded himself silently.
"What about you? Are you?"
Even now, the Doctor had absolutely no clue what he had been asking about exactly. He also felt a gust of confusion in Rose's head, but she answered with what she could.
"Yeah I'm back working in the shop."
Feeling the innocent lie creep from her lips, the Doctor was reminded of his reaction.
"Oh good for you."
The words had almost felt sarcastic coming from him.
"Shut up, no I'm not. There is still a Torchwood on this planet. It's open for business. I think I know a thing or two about aliens."
The Doctor's past self had felt such pride for his little pink and yellow companion. She deserved so much love that he couldn't give. His numb hearts began to swell with pain again as he was reminded of what he was about to loss.
"Rose Tyler defender of the Earth."
He had beamed at her happily for a fraction of a second before his expression recoiled back to dread.
"You're dead officially, back home. So many people died that day and you've gone missing. You're on the list of the dead. "
The Doctor heard a hint of depression in his past self's voice. He remembered how for him, Rose was dead.
"Here you are, living a life day after day. The one adventure I can never have."
The past Doctor stated simply, try to convince himself.
"Am I ever going to see you again?"
Rose asked, barely moving her lips or tongue, too careless to shape the words properly. She couldn't hold back her cries any more. Violent sobs escaped her lips as she put her hand of her mouth, unsuccessfully trying to stop the strange noises.
"You can't"
The Doctor felt as tears began to
"What're you going to do?"
Rose screeched her question an octave higher than her voice was designed to go. The pain that the Doctor felt in her heart was unbearable. It was rooted at the heart but was sprouting through her body, her arteries, veins, every capillary freezing and cracking.
"Oh I've got the TARDIS. Same old life, last of the Time Lords."
"On your own. I…"
Rose stumbled for words. The Doctor felt it bubbling up before Rose's had even opened her mouth. The last warmth leaving her body. The three simple words that would ruin him like wild wind blowing out a lonely flame.
"I love you."
Rose wailed, all traces of the last warmth were gone. Every cell was frozen and hollow. Nothing was left except pain and regret.
"Quite right too. And I suppose. If it's one last chance to say it"
The Doctor saw himself, struggling for words, holding back tears himself. All of a sudden he realized what was going to happen next, and he couldn't live through it again. He needed out fast. He tried to escape Rose's mind but it was too late; the Doctor readied himself for the impact.
"Rose Tyler…"
He wanted to squeeze her eyes shut. He didn't want to see what was going to happen. Unfortunately this was not his body, not his eyes. The Doctor watched his past self fade. Whatever pain Rose's was feeling a few moments ago was nothing compared to this. Hurricanes of anger and tsunamis of grief attacked her poor heart. Of all of space and time, the Doctor had never felt such a terrible ache. He tasted salty tears as they slid down Rose's cheeks. He felt guilt, and it was his own and it was getting stronger. The pain he had felt in Rose's body was fading and a new kind of pain took its place, his pain. He felt his arm; numb and stiff, he was becoming aware of the awkward position he was in. He was becoming himself again, leaving Rose's dream…
The Doctor gasped and his eyes flew open. He would never be the same. He scanned the air plane frantically wondering if anyone was eyeing them suspiciously. Since the breach to Rose's mind was a complete accident, the Doctor was not able to control what he and Rose looked like to others watching. To any human who would have witnessed this, it would looked like a peculiar couple were seizureing on each other or something of that sort. Relived that no one had called for medical assistance, the Doctor exhaled and sank back into this seat. The Doctor was not sure how long he had spent in Rose's memory, but he could tell it had been several hours, because everyone on the plane were fast asleep or pretending to be.
A small child's cry was heard form the back to the plane. When the baby kept crying, The Doctor heard the older lady in front of him mumble something about irresponsible parents to her husband, who nodded to her, before letting out a loud snore. He had fallen asleep. Carefully, almost afraid, or rather embarrassed, the Doctor allowed himself to catch a glimpse of Rose. To his relief; she was still floating in her oblivion of a mind.
As much as he didn't want to think about it, something was pushing the subject to the front of his mind. Shoving against his scull until it was almost painful. He had never told her. Even today, at Bad Wolf Bay, when he had the biggest chance of them all, he blew it. Rose Tyler, be strong for him, was all he could say. The human Doctor was convinced he had fooled other Doctor.
He couldn't really explain it but this new human body had come with its own pair of restraints, human kind of restraints. He understood how it was for beings with only one heart. He understood that one could not just come out with their feelings of another after the other's REAL love was about to be stolen away for the second time. It had seemed Rose had understood and kissed him right on cue.
The Doctor frowned to himself sadly, staring lovingly at Rose's face. Looking at her made his human heart race, his palms become sweaty, and his cheeks burn bright crimson. Rose made everything around her disappeared.
She's like fire and ice and rage.
He thought to himself.
She's like the night and the storm in the heart of the sun. She's ancient and forever. She burns at the centre of time and can see the turn of the universe and... She's wonderful.
The Doctor pulled Rose closer to his chest. They were now taking up only one seat, breathing the same air. His breaths became shallow and rapid.
"Rose Tyler..."
Although he was certain she was asleep, for a second the Doctor felt Rose freeze in his protective embrace. He leaned in closer. Nothing more than a whisper escaped his thirsting lips.
"I love you"
Cautiously, the Doctor leaned in even closer, eliminating any remaining space between Rose and himself. Closing his eyes he pressed his lips to hers gently. Her lips tasted strawberries, sweat and extremely tempting. The Doctor pulled away feeling slightly embarrassed.
It's way too soon
He thought, peering out the aircraft window, away from Rose. The sun rise was beautiful. Different shades of pink and purple danced around the sky, complementing the light blue and bright orange which took up majority of it.
You could almost see the sun peeking out from behind the clouds. The beginning of a brand new day full of opportunities and free of the burdens from the day before.
The Doctor was too preoccupied observing the sky and he didn't see Rose smile into her pillow. For the first time in 3 years felt truly happy.
PLEASE REVIEW! For anyone who enjoyed this, I will be posting the second chapter soon, see ya then!