A/N: Hi everyone, here is my attempt at a FMA fanfic. Like I have at the beginning, this is a humour based story. It's something my friend gave an idea about. Unlike my other stories, this probably won't be long, length wise and chapter wise. This has nothing to do with the story, so don't tell me that. I welcome comments; if you have issues about this story, don't read it. Cheers~

Chapter 1

Total nightmare

Edward Elric woke in a daze; his head was throbbing with pain. What happened to him? Where was he? These questions filtered through his head as he tried to remember. Even behind his eyes were pounding as if he had gotten smacked in the front of the head with a frying pan. Something Winry might do when he pissed her off…which was every time. Though her choice of weapons were wrenches.

His eyes flicked refusing to open in fear of what he might see. He hated not knowing his exact location. His body felt heavy and weak all at the same time. Oh how he wished he could remember what happened before coming here, but it was all a blank.

After several minutes of fighting the pain and forcing his eyes open, first thing Ed saw was nothing, it was all black. In one way he hoped that it had been light so he could see where he was and what was going on. On the other hand, this seemed better however it made him fear more about what was in there with him.

Trying to lift his head to get a better look, he soon felt a tension pull at him. What was going on? Laying his head back down, he tried to move his arms, only to find that it was pointless, his limbs felt bound to something. Only good thing was he had his automail arm still. Whoever took him never took it off. His next attempt was another failure; he wanted to test his theory with moving his legs. Again nothing, on the bright side he had his automail leg.

'When I get out of this, I am going to kill whoever put me here. Ugh, what is going on here?' Ed yelled mentally.

Footsteps sounded in the room not too long after that, causing Ed's heart to race with anticipation. At first he thought maybe Al had come to get him, only to realize a flaw in that idea, the footsteps didn't sound heavy or holds an echo.

As Ed listened, he soon realized it was more than one person in the room. Oh how he wished knew who was there.

"What is going on? Why do you have me?" Ed called out hoping it would do the trick.

"Ah, so the pipsqueak is finally awake," came the mocking voice of Envy.

"Don't call me a pipsqueak!" yelled Ed furious uncaring about the restraints or where he was yelling. The voice gave him some clue as to where Envy might be.

"Don't get him all wound up Envy, I rather have him calm for this," a soft cool woman's voice soothed.

"Get me out of here so help me. You don't want to deal with me when I'm angry!" threatened Ed.

"Such empty threats Full metal. You are no match for me," Fuhrer Bradley's voice came through the shadows.

"Oh this just keeps getting better and better. What is this? The gathering of the Homunculus?"

"You could say something like that. We just appear to be missing only one. Apparently Greed didn't wish to join. What a pity," Envy scoffed.

"What do you want with me?" yelled Ed now getting furious.

"Chill out shorty, you'll soon find our," laughed Envy.

"Huh?"

Before any more could be said a blinding light above Ed came on causing his pupils to dilate, this forced his eyes shut in seconds. Blinking rapidly, Ed came face to face with five Homunculus. To his right by his head was the Fuhrer, a smile on his face, but the smile wasn't the same warm one he had when Ed first met him, this was a sneer with cruelty.

To his left was a young woman with chest length soft brown hair and soft features. She wore a simple floor length dress with spaghetti straps. He recognized her as Fuhrer Bradley's secretary and Sloth.

Back on his right standing next to the Fuhrer was his adopted son Selim, also known as Pride; he had the appearance of a small boy. He wore his usual sweater shirt and beige pants.

Next to Sloth was a person with a large body. He stood smiling at Ed causing Ed to sweat drop with fear. His name was Gluttony, the endless bottom pit.

Crouching at the end of the table sneering at Ed was Envy his green hair reaching down close to his butt. Fear truly fill Ed now, they were going to kill him.

"You said you were only missing one, I only see five Homunculus, where's Lust, or do you know how to count? You gender confused…" Ed snapped. He stopped almost instantly when Envy went to lunge at him causing Bradley and Sloth to hold him back.

"He wasn't mistaken child, I'm right here," Lust's airy voice sounded near the doorway. She held something in her hand but Ed couldn't see it, she had it hidden from view.

"Great, now the whole gang's here," Ed muttered sarcastically. "If you're going to kill me, why don't you get it over with?"

"Who said anything about killing?" Selim asked in mock sympathy.

"You mean I can't eat him?" Gluttony whimpered.

"Well, if he gives us any trouble, and then yes, just not right now Gluttony," Lust replied striding toward the group.

"If you're not going to kill me, then why am I tied to this table?" Ed demanded.

"Torturing seemed like a better option by far," Selim answered.

"What kind of torture?" Ed asked fearfully.

"Lust?" Bradley motioned toward her. "Care to show him?"

Lust smiled slightly bringing her arm out from behind her revealing a blood red mini skirt, that on some it would look very slutty but of course on Ed, it would be perfect.

"Oh you have to be kidding me," Ed shrieked. "Wait, if you going to put me in that? Then why am I tied to the table?" Ed asked slowly at the end as if the truth became apparent to him.

"Don't worry your tiny little head, there's more to that anyway," Envy snickered.

"Don't call me tiny!" Ed yelled.

Envy laughed as his shock his head. "Humans are too funny."

"What do you mean there's more that that?" Ed asked calming down some.

Envy picked up a large bowl with bubbling amber substances. The scent was strong in Ed's nose. Something seemed a little familiar to him, but he couldn't put his finger on it. That was until Envy also picked up strips as well, that could only mean one thing.

"NO! Anything but that!"

"Oh yes, a little waxing could be good for you."

Edward was too preoccupied being terrified to respond to the 'little' comment. It also wasn't until now did he realize that something seemed strange to him. Coolness was hitting his back and leg, how could that be unless…

"What the? Where are my clothes?"

"Don't worry; you won't be needing them when we're done."

Edward let out a groan of annoyance, only good thing, he had his boxers on still, but his dignity was out the door.

"All right, let's start before the wax cools down any more," Envy said all too excitedly.

"GET ME OUT OF HERE!"

The six Homunculus laughed at Edward's failed attempt to escape. Envy hopped off the table and began to get to work.

"This is sick and wrong," whined Ed as Envy applied a layer of the hot wax on Ed's leg. The wax didn't feel too bad, although that was least of his worries. Taking one of the strip's Envy placed it over the wax, smoothing it out so no air bubbles could be seen.

'Mama,' Ed silently whimpered.

Envy prolonged the wait; he was enjoying watching Ed squirm. With another smoothing out, Envy ripped off the strip bringing with it all of Ed's leg hair.

Edward's eyes went wide with pain. "Ahghh! Evil palm tree!"

The sound of evil laughter resonated in the small room they were in. Edward seething with anger as Envy applied another coat of wax next to the other spot. Like the first one, he prolonged the wait before ripping it completely off.

"Mmm…gender confusion!"

This was definitely becoming enjoyable to everyone. Envy snickered the most as he continued. It took all his strength to refrain from going into hysterical laughter. With the four guys in the room and watching the scene was very comical indeed. With each rip of the strip, they could just imagine the pain.

Rip! "Ahghh! No wait that didn't hurt…Nope! PAIN! PAIN! PAIN!"

Rip! "Mouth licker!"

Rip! "Boot face!"

With all the leg hair taken care of up to the end of his boxers, the next step was to get the back, which required a few of the Homunculus to hold him down. The only ones brave enough to do so was Lust and Sloth. The two undid the restraints but kept him firmly down as they flipped him over.

"Bastards!"

"We're only just beginning!" Envy did the same procedure on the back of the leg as the front, allowing for the same random words to come out.

Rip! Trash heart!"

Rip! Purple tomatoes!"

"Only two more spots to go," chuckled Envy as Lust and Sloth flipped Ed back. Lust put the restraints back on the legs.

"Palm tree says what?" Ed asked shocked.

"You think only your leg was getting done? It's no fun only torturing your one leg."

"I'm going to kill you when I get out of this!" Ed screamed squirming. "Hey, hey, what's going on?" Ed asked as Sloth brought up his left arm and held it firmly.

"Oh come on," Ed whimpered looking from Sloth to Envy.

"Hehehe."

Ed squirmed even more knowing that this was going to hurt even more then the leg. It might have been a small section of hair but the armpit was a tender area. Especially when he was overly ticklish there too.

"No, no, no!"

The warm wax felt weird under his arm. This could turn out to be bad. Envy couldn't resist to full out laugh as he applied the strip Edward began to sweat like crazy as Envy flattened it out.

"Three…two…one!"

"Yeow!" yelped Edward as he twisted his head as the pain coursed through his system.

Edward knew the torture experience was far from over; his chest was the last place.

"Oh, this is going to be enjoyable," snickered Envy as Sloth put his arms back in restraints.

"I've said this before and I'm saying this again. I loathe you right now."

Envy ignored him as he applied a coat of wax on his chest just below Ed's neck. Ed shut his eyes and turned away, even now he thought the pain would subside but no, it was still there.

Giving no time to relax or catch his breath, Envy ripped the strip off causing Ed's eyes to bulge out. "F…f…f…f…fuck!" groaned Ed loudly.

"Oh, this just keeps getting better and better," Lust laughed coolly lying out Ed's new wardrobe.

Fuhrer Bradley and Selim stepped back from the scene, Selim was already hunched over laughing at each of Edwards's screams. Although none of the Homunculus could feel pain it came as a great entertainment.

Rip went another one, and another. Edward tried his best to refrain from screaming, all that could come out were little noises resembling grunts and groans. Oh how Edward thanked for not being overly hairy but the fine hairs were excruciating.

"There, that is the last one," Envy sighed ripping off the last strip. He was depressed that he couldn't have more fun time torturing Ed more.

"Our turn," Lust announced as her and Sloth advanced on Ed.

Envy moved out of the way allowing the two woman access to Ed, Ed's eyes widened with worry, dread washed over his face.

"No, no, no, no!" Ed screamed once the two got their hands on him. There was struggling and groaning from Ed. It was hard to tell what exactly was going on. Random things were being thrown into the air while Ed's voice came out muffled.

"No, get that away from me…hey, no, NO!"

After five minutes of fighting and screaming, Lust and Sloth moved out of the way forcing Ed to his feet. He was wearing the blood red miniskirt along with a black tank top. His hair that used to be pulled into a braid was now in braided pigtails. He had black eyeliner on his eyelids both top and bottom. On the eyelids was purple eye shadow. And to finish the look was red lipstick.

Fuhrer Bradley, Selim, Gluttony and Envy just stared at Ed for a moment gawking, their eyes wide. No one could utter a word. There were no words to describe this. All at once, everyone started to roar with laughter causing Ed to hang his head in embarrassment. This was not happening this was not happening.

"That's a great look on you Edwina," chocked out Envy through the laughter.

"Someone please just kill me now," groaned Edward as he hung with head lower.

A/N: Okay, so here ends this chapter, I just hope everyone likes it. I have a mix of the FMA and FMA brotherhood, mainly with the difference with Sloth. Tell me what you think.