Disclaimer: I do not own Yuru Yuri, nor any of it's characters. If I did, there would certainly be a spin off with Akane as the MC. Hopefully Namori-sensei does something like that in the future.
Explanation: Yamato Mako is my own invention. I considered using an existing character, but none of them had anything close to the personality I needed, so I made one up. Any characters by the same name in any other story are characters I've never heard of, and have no connection with this fic.
Honorifics Explained: If you read manga, you recognize this section, and can probably skip down to the story. If you don't, this is the section where certain cultural differences between (fill in the blank with your country) and Japan are explained that are necessary to a full understanding of the story, specifically in forms of address.
An Honorific is a suffix attached to someone's name that indicates such things as the relationship between the speaker and the subject or the formality of the current setting.
1. -San. The most basic form of address, indicating respect for the subject. Can be used in virtually any situation without giving offense. Almost always used when first meeting someone.
2. -Chan. A more cutesy and informal form of address, mostly used when addressing girls high-school age or lower, or sometimes very young boys, and indicating a close relationship between the speaker and subject. Should not be used in formal settings.
3. -Sensei. Literally meaning "teacher", this title can be used as an honorific in place of -san to address teachers, as well as masters of many other trades, such as professional writers. It can also be used to replace a person's name entirely. For example, you could call Orson Scott Card 'Card-sensei', or simply 'Sensei'.
4. -Sama. A very formal form of address, indicating great respect from the speaker to the subject to the point of elevating the subject in stature, such as between a peasant and royalty. An 'I am not worthy to be in your presence' kind of feeling often accompanies the use of this honorific.
5. Missing honorific. This holds great meaning in Japan, indicating extreme familiarity between the subject and speaker, such as between spouses, or sometimes best friends, but even then only when they are alone together or in the most informal of settings.
There are other honorifics that I won't list, since they won't come up in the story.
Other terms that may come up: Onee-san means older sister, and is sometimes used to refer to someone older than you that you are not related to, for instance if a child is talking to a teenager they don't know. Okaa-san means Mother. Otou-san means father. Honorfics other than -san could be attached to these titles. Imouto is little sister, but is not usually used to refer to someone directly like the others mentioned. Fundoshi: An article of clothing primarily used by men. I refuse to describe it further, look it up at your own risk.
In Japan the family name comes first, the given name second. Similarly, when first meeting a person and unless and until you become close with that person, you should always use the family name to refer to them. Using the given name is informal and could be considered rude if you have no existing relationship with the person.
There are a number of traditional phrases used in Japan for specific situations, which I will include in the story in the approximated English translation. For example, before eating you are to say Itadakimasu, which translates roughly to "thanks for the food". There are similar phrases for when intoducing yourself, entering someone else's home, entering your own home, and so on and so forth. If you are unfamiliar with this and you come to a part of the story where you don't know why the character would say what they said right then, that's probably the reason. I didn't/couldn't do the same with honorifics because there is no English equivalent.
A Big Sister's Prerogative
"Second year transfer student Yamato Mako, at your service, please take care of me." She introduced herself to the class, bowing.
"Ok, you may take your seat now." Sensei said. "Your seating partner will be Akaza-san. Akaza-san is very dependable, I'm sure she can help you feel comfortable at this school as quickly as possible."
Mako made her way over to the dual seat Sensei indicated, where the most beautiful girl she had ever seen sat with a faint smile on her face, her eyes nearly invisible past almost-closed eyelids.
"Nice to meet you, Yamato-san. I am Akaza Akane, please take care of me." She said as Mako sat down. "If you need any help with anything, let me know. I'll show you around the school during lunch break if you'd like."
"That would be nice," Mako replied noncomittally. "But don't you need to eat during lunch break?"
Akane shrugged. "I'll just buy melon bread and eat as we go. Unless you'd rather sit and eat in the cafeteria?"
"No, that's fine for me too." Mako wasn't the type to make friends easily, but something about Akane's manner was just so soothing and comfortable. She also gave off an aura of confidence that made Mako certain she was somehow extrordinary. Getting attention from such a beautiful, confident person made the usually more reclusive Mako feel flattered. She found she had a hard time refusing anything Akane suggested.
The monotony of studying took over, until the bell rang for lunch.
"Ready?" Akane stood, and Mako nodded. She noticed that Akane's eyes were still lidded, making her wonder how Akane saw the blackboard, or anything else for that matter. She followed Akane to the food cart, and they proceeded to tour the school.
Right from the beginning, Mako heard the whispers following them. Having exceptional hearing, she was able to deduce the topic of conversation, and it made her more and more aware of just how amazing the person next to her was.
"...top student in the school..."
"...heard she's actually top 100 in the nation..."
"...remember that play she was in? better than the drama members..."
"...say she never had a boyfriend, even though every single guy at Yoshiro Academy next door confessed to her...and about half the girls..."
"...basketball club borrowed her for a while and almost made nationals...she outscored all four of the other starters combined..."
Were just a few of the things being said. Akane herself seemed totally oblivious to all the chatter, or maybe she just didn't have Mako's hearing. Either way, Mako was slowly realizing that she had somehow befriended the school's local goddess, a person that, despite her air of confidence, completely lacked the arrogance that would indicate she had so much as a clue how amazing she was. It kind of made her want to disassociate herself, since she was not the attention-seeking type, and she could already hear some of those whispers directed at her, wondering what Akane was doing with the likes of a completely average transfer student. But, every time she tried to extricate herself from the tour, Akane's blithe friendliness drew her back in.
They didn't complete the tour during lunch, so they agreed to continue it after school. The rest of the schoolday passed uneventfully. When the last bell rang, they picked up right where they left off, getting along famously. Mako had never connected with anyone like this before. It was like they had been friends their entire lives, rather than having just met that day. Time passed swiftly, as they became more absorbed in conversation and paid less attention to quickly completing the tour.
Their time together abruptly ended when Akane glanced at the sky. "Oh no, how did it get this late? I should be home! We need to go now."
They went back to the classroom and gathered their things. Akane seemed to be panicking a little and was clearly rushing, Mako noted. Just as they finished, the door opened, and in walked a little girl. She seemed to be Jr. High School age, Mako judged, and her hair, done up in two tiny buns on the sides of her head, was a match for Akane's in color. There was some resemblance, so Mako was certain they were related, though the younger girl was much plainer than Akane. Well, no surprise there, pretty much anyone is plain next to Akane, Mako thought ruefully. Her suspicions were confirmed by their conversation.
"Akari, I told you not to come here!" Akane scolded lightly, but clearly distressed.
"But Onee-chan, Okaa-san says you shouldn't miss dinner, it's bad for you. Here, I brought you this." She handed over a package of food.
Akane's face melted. "Oh, my Imouto is so kind and thoughtful." She gave Akari a big hug, then put her hands on her shoulders and looked her in the eye. "Did anyone see you come in?"
"No," Akari shook her head. "It's like a ghost town in this school at this time of night. It took me a while to find you, since there was no one to ask. You really shouldn't stay this late, Onee-chan."
"I know. I promise I won't do it again, so you promise not to come here again, all right?"
Akari nodded. "I promise."
"Good. Now you go on home. I've just got a couple of things to take care of, and then I'll catch up with you." She patted Akari's back on the way out the door.
As soon as Akari disappeared from sight, Akane's entire demeanor changed. Mako could feel a sudden air of menace emanating from her. She turned toward Mako, and Mako could finally see her eyes...and she really, really wished she couldn't. They were eyes straight out of a horror movie, promising pain and torture and death. Mako had never been so terrified in her entire life.
"What? What is it?" Mako asked, trying to understand the change that had come over her friend.
"You saw." Akane began stalking slowly toward Mako, who began backing away. They did a strange slow dance around the many desks in the classroom.
"What did I see?" Mako yelled desperately. There was only one exit, and Akane was skillfully maneuvering to keep her from reaching it, despite still moving slowly.
"Don't play innocent," Akane scoffed. "I know exactly how it works. When you're in elementary school, you just think Akari is the cutest in the world. Then in Jr. High, you start to think weird thoughts about her. Once you hit High School your hormones go out of control, and she becomes totally irresistable! Any high schooler without iron discipline like mine will surely attack her if they've seen her once! Well, I won't let that happen! I'll finish you here and now!"
She lunged at Mako and tackled her to the ground, sitting on her hips. She pulled a pair of scissors seemingly from nowhere and stabbed down at Mako's face. Mako grabbed her wrist with both hands and pushed with all her strength, barely keeping the scissors from going into her eyeball. Her mind raced, desperate to think of a way to stop the rampaging teen. She understood that Akane had an unhealthy obsession with her sister, and projected those feelings onto everyone else in the world. She just had to somehow convince an insane person that she didn't share in the insanity.
"I'm not after your sister! I'm not even a lesbian!"
"Like that matters!" Akane replied. "Akari's cuteness will change anyone's mind about that in an instant. I mean, I'm not a lesbian either, and furthermore I'm her sister, and even I'm a little bit affected by her appeal, so anyone else must feel it ten times more!" She brought her left hand over to cover her right and double her downward force.
"I'm into old men!" Mako shouted in a sudden flash of inspiration. "Old, wrinkly men in their seventies! A cute girl like Akari has no appeal for me, she's the opposite of what I like!"
Akane hesitated. "Old men, huh? But even so..."
"And they have to be fat! And wear fundoshi! I have a fundoshi fetish!" Mako added quickly.
Akane relaxed. "I see." She laughed in relief, and tossed the scissors away. "That's good. I really didn't want to have to kill you. You seem like a nice person. But, I'll do whatever I have to to protect my Akari. You should know that I would've been really torn up about it later though."
"Well that makes me feel much better." Mako grumbled as they stood up.
"Hey, don't be sad. It all worked out in the end." Akane brightened. "And now, I finally have a friend that I can talk about my favorite subject with without fear that she would find out how cute Akari is and try to take her away from me! Isn't that great?"
"Oh, joy."
A/N: So that's it for chapter one. I have plans to make one more chapter, but I'll warn you now: if you came to this story hoping for an Akane/Akari pairing, just keep moving. That isn't the point of this story. I wrote this story in an attempt to capture the general feel of the humor of the manga and twist it down the naturally darker and more adult paths of my own humor. The basic Tsukkomi/Boke type interactions will continue, and there will be no pairings, in keeping with the traditions of the manga.