Oracle

            The future may or may not be foreordained.  It really depended on who you asked.  Fortunately, these days, the future could at least be foretold.  There were a few people you could ask if you were really curious.

            The Seals had Hinoto, the Dreamgazer princess who was currently living in a basement in the Japanese House of Representatives building.

            The Angels had Kakyo, who some uncharitably referred to as 'Narcolepsy Dragon.'  Oh, and of course, Kanoe.  But she didn't count as much, since she was really cheating.

            Nataku, however, had the oracle.

            Holding up the object firmly, Nataku looked at it seriously, as if trying to decipher its hidden meanings, the dark liquid swirl that it could see through the one visible port.  Nataku held it up to the light, pondering what should be asked.  It was a kindness granted by Father, this device that could ascertain the truth in people's hearts and make prophetic decisions.  It was certainly easier to carry and store than Kakyo.

            Father was nice.  Nataku's lips pursed in the simulacrum of a smile.

            Nataku wondered where to begin, and looked up from its seat in the underground room that functioned as the main gathering hall of the Angels.  Predictably, Kanoe sat lounging in the throne, chatting amiably with Yuuto over some little this or that.  Nataku decided to try the magic on her first.  After all, Nataku liked her the least.  Especially when she was rubbing on Father.

            Pale eyes intensely focused on the object.  Nataku moved through the motions of the ritual, the spell that Father had taught it just a few hours prior.  Nataku's hands dipped, and momentarily its eyes closed, focusing on the magic.  Clearing its thoughts, Nataku asked the question – just a little one to start off with.  No rushing things, even though a multitude of questions were on the tip of its tongue.  Did Father love Nataku the best?  Why did Father like licking the other Kamui?  Did the other Kamui taste good?  Did he taste like candy?

            Nataku liked candy.  Shaking its head, Nataku brushed the thoughts aside, and held up the object, pointing it toward the distant figure of Kanoe, with the clear port facing itself.  On the throne, she giggled girlishly, and flipped her hair over her shoulder, tilting her bountiful bust toward an appreciative Yuuto in what Nataku had discovered to be a behavior termed as 'flirting.'

            Nataku held the device steady, its eyes closed in deep concentration.

            "Is Kanoe a slut?"  Nataku had learnt the meaning yesterday in a rather heated discussion during the weekly Angel meeting.  It seemed a suitable start.

            Nataku shook the device, wondering when the magic would begin.  It suddenly became quiet.  They must have heard the invocation.

            Nataku's eyes cracked open to see the device.  Ghostly letters swirled into view behind the dark liquid.

            -Signs point to yes-

            Nataku smiled.  It had obviously worked.

            "Is Kanoe a 'meddling cockwhore that needs to stay the hell out of other people's dreams,' like Sakurazuka-san said?"  Nataku gave the device an expectant shake.

            -Without a doubt-

            "Does Kanoe like it up the…"

Disclaimer: X/1999 belongs to CLAMP.
Notes: Thanks to Geoduck for his help in prereading.  The last line is an homage to "Shift Error," by Rowsdower.  Just a fun little bit of spamfic.  I'll put up more if I can think of something funny. 
C&C can be sent to cori_ohki@hotmail.com. I can be found at #squidkitty on irc.starwars-irc.net.  Thanks for reading!