Title: Like Civilized Men
Rating: K
Spoilers: 2.20 (Red Cell) and 2.21 (Hometown Hero)
Disclaimer: Own zilch, not making any profit. Some dialogue taken from an episode (I do not own).
A/N: Set in Red Cell. A huge thank you to kate98 and Cha Oseye Tempest Thrain for the beta.
"Yeah, it will be fun."
Possibly one word you never want to hear from an ex-Marine. Fun. Inevitably their idea of fun doesn't correspond to yours. It also inevitably involves pain. And usually not theirs.
"You can either lie on the floor, or I'll drop you on the floor."
Crap, he just dropped me to the floor. Only one thing can be said in this kind of situation: thank you for making me a part of this. Where's a window when you need one?
"We used this to silence enemy sentries."
His hand is on my jaw. You know, if he's from space, it would explain a lot about Gibbs the Great. Although, that would make me a rat, and I'm not sure whether I'm too fond of that comparison.
"One hand on the jaw, the other behind the head of the individual."
Crap, his other hand is behind my head. Help. Although, at least I'd be a R.O.U.S. – rodent of unusual size. That's something, isn't it?
"Sixty-six pounds of torque and snap."
Crap. Ducky's not quite up to Miracle Max's standard, and not even Miracle Max could do something with someone who's dead, rather than mostly dead, other than go through their clothes. And I don't think I could convince him that I had true love to live for anyway, unless a Corvette counts.
"Your eyes are on the back of your head, DiNozzo. Any questions?"
Am I still alive? Ha. Guess I won't need Miracle Max after all.
"No, I think I've got it, Boss."
Isn't that nice, he gave me a hand up. After ripping my head off.
"You missed your calling, Boss, could have been a chiropractor."
A/N: For anyone who missed it, the first lot of references were to The Muppet Christmas Carol and Muppets in Space, the second lot to The Princess Bride.