Ice
She could remember the smell of the rain mixing and coalescing with the dirt and leaves on the ground beneath them. She could remember the harsh noise of torrents of rain falling around them.
Rain…. So much rain.
She recalled the shivers that racked her slight body, not just from the cold air but from the piercing shock and guilt that froze her heart as she sat there, tears and blood dripping down her face. There was warmth. The warmth of his body pressed against hers. The warmth of the blood that covered her and continued to spread onto the ground, merging with the mud there. The warmth of his breath, teasing her ear.
But the cold stole it all away.
His body chilled. His blood stopped flowing. And his breath faded away, leaving the echoes of his last words.
"Thanks…. Because of you, I can leave my heart here."
Even those words, so full of warmth, died away against the onslaught of the cold.
It took everything from her.
How ironic that she was the cold.
Sode No Shirayuki
Ice
It was fate. Comical, really. She killed him. The cold killed everything that was beautiful in the world.
In that moment she allowed herself to cry and sob and curse the unfairness of it all. With only the Captain and Kaien's body as witnesses she allowed the rest of the warmth to flee from her being. Cold.
So cold.
The rain slowed around them and her tears slowed with them. She let the rain wash the pain and grief off of her face. All the while, her heart slowly and painfully froze over. Guilt gnawing its way through her to envelop her heart and harden into a barrier as cold and lifeless as his skin pressed against her body. There was no comfort in the bleak cold. But there was oblivion and protection.
As long as she remembered that she was cold, there would be some safety.
Ukitake pulled Kaien's body off of her and then lifted it onto his shoulders. He watched her for a moment before reaching out his hand to pull her up off the ground. She didn't take it. After all, she wouldn't want to hurt him too. If she just contained all the bitter coldness in her heart then no one else would be hurt by it. It could steal away nothing from those around her. That was the important thing. She didn't matter.
It was her fault in the first place.
So she picked herself up off the ground and flash-stepped away from the small clearing, never allowing herself to look back at the puddle of blood that was washing away or Ukitake, with Kaien's body, standing next to it.
Once she was far enough away, she slipped into her mindscape. The landscape was as blank and cold as it always was. Something about the falling snow and the silence it created intensified her loneliness. She sank down and let the snow and ice surround her. The cold seeped into her and settled into her being.
Where it remained forever after.
"My burden to bear."
"My fault."
Rukia Kuckiki
The Ice princess of the Kuchiki family.
AN: Hmmm. I really don't know what this is. It just sort of, happened…. I think what I'm trying to write about is the barrier that Rukia puts around herself because of her grief and guilt associated with Kaien's death. Yeah…. Let me know how that turned out…..
Please review!
Sarah