I Never Loved Nobody Fully, a how i met your mother fanfic

Prologue:

So, here I am, ending my day just as I began -with a not the same one of course. Today has been so awfsful, but the old me-or anyone one of my friends would disagree, saying today has been wonderful. But I know the truth (you would too if you could only see me)-- I'm actually still awake, long after Ashley has fallen asleep from our sexcapade. On a normal night I'd be asleep, just as exhausted as she is. I mean come on-who's still awake at three o'clock in the morning after two hours of mind numbing sex?!? Pitiful me, pitiful ole broke down Barney Stinson that's who.

And I suppose you're wondering how I got like this; well that's easy-Scherbatsky

-of course. Well, today wasn't directly her fault, only kinda.

It all started yesterday morning, when I had to tell Lindsey that I was a CIA agent and that I, "was terribly sorry, but we could never meet again". After that, I left and got some coffee at "Mountain Brews", to go with the newest entry in my blog. Just as I was into my second paragraph this hot hippie chick-Ashley-went to the stage to say that she was doing an acoustic cover of Regina Spektor's "Fidelity" song. The title immediately sounded familiar, but I couldn't recall from where I'd heard it from before, eventually I back to my blog. But as she was getting more into the song I realized that Robin had sung that song for me when I was recovering in the hospital. It was about two weeks after I was hit by the bus, she had came by insisting to also do an acoustic version of the song. Her sweet self persuaded me that it'd make me feel better, she even promised me that if I let her sing then she'd bring out her 'Robin Sparkles' accent. So I agreed. You know who else agreed? Ashley. I asked her out after she was done playing her set. But throughout 'Fidelity', my mind could help but keep floating back to Robin.. *sigh*….

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(Shake it up)

I never loved nobody fully

Always one foot on the ground

Since Shannon left me so badly bruised, I had been know for covering up the past with rules and laws that I thought all guys should follow. Such rules like "The Platinum Rule", "Lemon Law", and of course the "Bro Code", were all meant to keep guys from getting hurt. How? Well by hurting the girl first. We'd overpower them.

And by protecting my heart truly

I got lost in the sounds

I hear in my mind

While trying to reinvent myself I didn't realize until I hit rock bottom who I was really hurting and how badly I was hurting that person. Me, truly underneath it all I had built up a shield of booze and cheap pick up lines, feeding off some girls low self-esteem only so I wouldn't have to deal with my own problems.

All these voices

I hear in my mind, all these words

I hear in my mind all this music

And it breaks my heart

It breaks my heart

So, yeah-I did suppose that I was just going to live and die being the passive womanizer But then she turned my life upside down and broke all the rules. Who is she that she has the right to do that?

And suppose I never ever met you

Suppose we never fell in love

If I had never ever met Robin, or Ted or anybody of this gang then I would have been stuck in this rut forever. I'd ultimately be worthless and I'd have to just wait for something miraculous to happen, that didn't just affect me.*sigh* I have to stop, I'm depressing myself

Suppose I never ever let you kiss me so sweet and so soft

Suppose I never ever saw you

Wow, was Robin ever devastated that day-when Simon broke up with her for the second time. I just started supporting her by being her crying shoulder (literally), I didn't know it was going to lead to that. We had both shed our outer skin and revealed our true selves. Just like we normally do when we're around one another. She brings out the best in me. In that moment everything felt so natural, so right. It wasn't that the logic wasn't there, but when we were with each other, we were already making sense. We weren't taking advantage of one another, we sorta just fell into place.

Suppose we never ever called

Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall

As soon as the words slipped out to my mouth I realized that she wasn't talking about me. But it was too late, I couldn't stop myself. I was desperately clinging to a hope that she was. We always played around each other, like a couple of teenagers. We both realize that we fit together, we're just too scared to bring it up.

Just to break my fall

Break my fall

I can't be the one to take rejection. That's why I never spoke of it. It diffidently was a moment of weakness when I told Lilly. Which of course, may be the better thing to do in the long run but for now I don't like it, not at all. Yes, I'm know that eventually if neither one of us confesses than I'd have to give up. Which I'm perfectly able to do-I'm not that far in.

All my friends say that of course its gonna get better

Gonna get better

Better better better better

Better better better

Screw it, everyone knows. They all know. Even Robin. We just have to say it out loud to one another. Own up to it and then see how/where it goes from there. Then maybe, just maybe things really will get better.