DISCLAIMER; I wouldn't write this if I owned Naruto, think about it? :) x
If ever I had wished for something, some miracle to change the flow of time, anything to save him, I would. It came without warning, the endless fighting and bloodshed that linked every single person to this pointless war. I had told myself, I was ready for this, ready for anything.. anything but this.
I had just killed one of the nameless faces of the enemy and was rushing to his side. We fought well together and I trusted him with my life. I knew Lee could hold his own but as if being foretold, a shot of fright entered my body. I wanted to be closer to him, I craved for this to end, I needed him.. safe. I was so close to reaching him when suddenly all I knew, that thing known as my world, came to a crashing halt.
Motionless. Entirely motionless. He had sacrificed himself to protect Hinata and Naruto lives at the cost of his own. I stood there unable to process the sight of what was before me. This wasn't the time for such thinking, I was expected to continue the fight with valiance and unshaken confidence. This proved to be not the case at all. I couldn't do anything but look on.
Filled with fury. Disgusting fury. I found rage faster than I found sadness. I wanted to dismember everyone in my path. Friend or foe. Anyone who dared get in my way, but my entirety refused to move an inch. I saw my team mate Lee, the ever so bright and joyful Lee, brought to an emotional crash landing.
Jealousy. Pure jealousy. I stared on, simply watching as Lee cursed the tears and begged for our team mates life to be returned to him. Team mate, or not, we were as close as family us in Team Nine. This had to hurt somewhere, didn't it? I was simply numb, this had to be a nightmare. I had troubles sleeping ever since before the war, sleep was a luxury we couldn't afford anymore.
Still. Completely still. I wondered briefly what death felt like. Neji seemed so peaceful and proud to give his life for his friends. I refused my eyes to look away from him on the ground. In this moment, which seemed to last an eternity or two, I found the strength to take a few steps towards his corpse. With each baby step I found myself closer to a new kind of terror, this feeling was unwelcome and I thought to turn back, pretend this had never happened, but I couldn't.
I had to see him. I had to touch him. I had to tell him just how much of a mess he was leaving behind. I kneeled down towards him, allowing the others to avenge him in my place. I refused to leave him now, with my broken promise to keep fighting no matter what happened to each of us. My resolve was weak and shattered within that moment. I willed him to open his eyes. Those brilliant pale eyes which belonged only to me. His eyes remained closed and a gentle panic entered my mind.
"Neji.." My voice sounded hoarse, like I had been lost in a desert storm for years. I was still there now. "I'm.. I'm sorry this had to happen to you.." "and I wasn't there to protect you." ... "You are everything to me. You said you would be okay, that you would be careful and efficient, that I needn't worry." "Look where we are now." The tears had gathered in my eyes and threatened to fall down my cheeks. I knew once this had begun, the me I knew before this, would be forever gone. Left for a better place like had to chosen to.
These tears were blinding and stung ferociously, made me wonder if I had ever really cried about anything before. I was fortunate enough to never suffer any real losses, but this was something else entirely. "You asked me something before this all began. Now I will give you an answer." I was struggling to control my heart. It beat so hard and so quickly I wasn't sure if it had ever worked before.
Then they begun, my tears flowing freely without my permission. Wiping the blood from his mouth, I leaned in closer to him, and whispered in his ear. The answer he would never hear. Followed by my sobs, as if all my hurt had spilled open they got louder and only more remorseful. I cursed this war, this system, this land. I didn't care who heard me, Naruto and the others had all rushed off to fight for Neji's honor. I wanted death to find me and put me out of misery. This is inhuman, this blistering pain, beyond crushing.
I had never allowed myself to consider my feelings towards Neji as love. Now I wasn't so sure. Not that I would know, but what I was feeling could only be one of lost love, and un-certainties for continuing on your life without them.
"He's yours, Neji."
I crashed onto him, screaming with no restraint. I wanted anyone to find me, enemy or ally, it made no difference anymore. We're all people. We all have someone we are scared to lose. But now it was my turn. I would have to make sense of this loss. Me and the child growing within me would accept this one day. From now on I'll live solely for that child. The night of weakness we had surrendered to four months prior to this day, would come into the world not knowing her father was a hero and with his death gave others the push they needed to defeat Obito and Madara.
I mourned the very thought of that. Neji was gone and so now, without reasoning, I would turn my back on this way of life. I couldn't continue fighting after losing the father of my child. I'm done with this, forever.