This is just a joke between a friend of mine and I, but I decided to share it with everyone. So… enjoy the Bill bashing.
Sookie was tired after a long day at Merlotte's.
All she wanted was to go home and curl up with a large glass of wine.
The drive home seemed endless and her eyes drooped every few minutes.
Once she finally pulled into her driveway, she noticed a light on in her house.
'Bill must be here.' She thought, excitedly.
She trudged up the stairs, removing bits of her uniform as she went.
Bill was facing away from her, staring off, clearly lost in thought.
"Bill?" Sookie mumbled, concerned.
"Sookie."
"Are you okay?"
"Sookie."
She was getting worried.
Bill wasn't making sense.
"Bill, are you okay?"
"Sookie."
Something was definitely wrong.
His eyes looked empty and he wouldn't stop saying her name.
"Sookie."
"Okay, Bill. You can stop trying to speak."
Sookie sounded like a bitch, but that was okay.
He was being completely idiotic.
Though, she was completely turned on by the way he said her name.
"How about we go see Eric? Maybe he can tell us what's wrong."
"Sookie." Bill said and nodded.
The last thing Sookie wanted to do was drive some more, but she needed to help Bill, as inconvenient as that was.
The reached Fangtasia in record time and it was like Eric knew they were coming.
"Hello…Sookie." He half moaned.
Sookie felt her knees tremble and again questioned her loyalty to Bill.
"Sookie." Bill greeted.
"Actually, I'm Eric. Have you forgotten so quickly?" Eric moaned again.
"So, Bill can't stop saying my name. It's really irritating. We thought you could fix him." Sookie stated as she rolled her eyes.
"I see how that would be irritating to you, Sookie. The way he says your name…" Eric's sensual voice even made disgust sound sexy.
"Sookie."
"OH MY GOD, BILL."
"Bill, I believe you should refrain from speaking until we can figure out the cause of this… condition." Eric said, sounding even sexier than before.
"Bill, I think Eric and I should go plan how to fix you… over there." Sookie said quickly as she pulled Eric out of the room by one of his massive forearms.
And they made out for twenty minutes.
Once they returned, they discovered Bill sitting, staring off again.
"Bill, I'm in love with Eric."
"Sookie." He croaked, looking devastated.
"Goodbye. Maybe once you get a better haircut, someone will love you."
"Yes, Bill. The hair is… atrocious." Eric moaned as Sookie leaped into his arms.
"Sookie…" Bill whined as he realized she stole the love of his life.
Bill would never have Eric.
Good.
"Sookie."