Title: Old Enough
Author: Page of Cups
Pairing: None (Shocker, I know.)
Rating: T
Summary: Squall Leonheart knew he was young, but that didn't mean he wasn't old enough to know anything.
Disclaimer: If I owned any bit of the Final Fantasy/Kingdom Hearts empire you would know by now because I can't keep anything to myself. I haven't even been to Disney World. I own nothing.
Author's Note: This is a scene that's been in my head for awhile and I really wanted to write. Considered making it a time-travel story sort of thing, but I think this way is better. I hope everyone enjoys.
Squall Leonheart knew he was young. He knew he was still a child because he was reminded every day by people who were older and therefore wiser than he. He wished they would stop. It frustrated him—killed him inside. They didn't understand. He knew he was young, but at eleven years old, he was old enough to know that young didn't mean incompetent. Young didn't mean stupid. Young didn't mean if he closed his eyes and wished hard enough that things would change because they didn't. He was old enough to understand sorrow. He was old enough to understand fear. He was old enough to understand what was really going on (as much as the grown ups did, anyway) and he was old enough to realize he'd be lucky to make it through this alive.
They say never is a long time, but Squall felt confident that he would never forget the day the Heartless first came to Hollow Bastion. The grown ups said they started to appear long before that day, years before, but there were only a few at a time—not like the day when the sky grew black and the ground shook. It had been two months, but Squall remembered it like it was still happening. It visited him in his nightmares. When he closed his eyes he could still feel the air turn cold. If he allowed his mind to drift he could still hear the screams. He could still see the misshapen, foreign figures emerge from the ground.
It was supposed to be a good day—a special day for the kids here at the orphanage where he'd grown up. Everyone who'd been good all month without any demerits were going into the market, given some pocket money, and allowed to buy anything they chose with it. Squall had been looking forward to it for weeks. Not only was it an opportunity to get out of the orphanage for a few hours, but he was going to go with Cloud and Zack. Squall had tried to reason with himself. It was true that he saw Cloud and Zack every day—they shared a room here at the orphanage and everything—but somehow going somewhere beyond their home just seemed like maybe they were friends.
He tried to hide his excitement when they left. It would have been embarrassing for Cloud or Zack to know just how happy he was about the day ahead. They were older than he, had more friends than he, and Zack was even kind of dating Aerith Gainsborough, a pretty girl Zack's age that made flower chains for the little kids. They were both great at pretty much everything they did, and Matron was always going on about how good they were doing in their studies. Squall was pretty smart, too, but they knew so much more than he did, and the only friend he really had was this annoying girl, Yuffie, who kept trying to beat him up. The only reason he even talked to her was because they were the only two around the same age. Squall didn't even really like her. Zack on the other hand was so popular Squall knew a lot about him before he was moved into their room, and Cloud…Well, Cloud was just so cool that Squall would just die of shame if Cloud knew this was probably the best day ever.
The day had gone well at first. Zack just smiled and teased him a little while he chattered away in his nervousness the entire way into the market. They both helped him pick out this really great toy sword with his pocket money, and Zack promised to show him how to use it. When they went for ice cream and Squall was out of money, Cloud offered to buy him a cone upon seeing how crestfallen his expression had become. The visit was almost over. Zack had just commented on the time and that they had to head to the meeting spot. That was when it started.
It wasn't a gradual change like a normal storm. The temperature in the air radically dropped coaxing goose bumps to rise on his skin. A chill ran up his spine. The ground shook. The sky, which had just been clear and blue, darkened to black, and lightning cracked overhead. It all happened in a manner of seconds.
At first he'd just been scared and confused, but Zack reacted first, jumping to his feet. His eyes were focused and intense as if he could see everything and was searching for the cause to the change. His face—so serious and alarmed and unlike Zack—was what really got the fear and adrenaline running through Squall's system. His new toy sword lay abandoned and forgotten. He, too, stood and took a few steps forward but Zack threw his arm out, blocking both Cloud and he from anything dangerous that potentially lay ahead. Cloud looked up at Zack, his eyes dark but questioning, and without breaking eye contact wrapped one arm around Squall's back and pulled him against his chest.
It was probably the closest Squall had ever been to Cloud in the two years they shared a room together. He wanted to push away—wanted to protest—because he didn't want to be treated like a kid, but it was so cold and Zack looked so on guard that he stayed where he was and only shuffled his feet enough to allow Cloud standing room. At full height now, Cloud's arm rose to wrap around his shoulder, and Squall pressed his cheek against Cloud's chest. Zack and Cloud looked at each other for a few seconds. Zack frowned and then he motioned his head toward Squall.
"Get him somewhere safe."
Cloud's eyes hardened a little. It was as if he, too, didn't want to run—he wanted to do something about whatever was going on—but Zack stared back with equal intensity. Neither one moved.
"Do you want something to happen to him?" said Zack, as if Cloud had verbally refused though he had said nothing. Cloud's jaw clenched.
"Do you have any idea what's going on?" said Cloud. He sounded almost angry.
"I have no idea, but whatever it is, it isn't good."
Cloud visibly swallowed and then nodded. He grip around Squall's shoulder tightened a little and then relaxed. "Come with me," he said.
Squall, again, wanted to protest. He wanted to yell about them talking about him as if he weren't there. He wanted to say something to Zack about the suggestion that something might happen to only him if they were to stay. He wanted to push away from Cloud's hold, but the wind was picking up. The screaming had started, and as Cloud moved to find shelter, the ground started to crack and the stone wall around the market started to crumble.
It was chaos. Cloud barely spared a glance back at Zack to see what was going on before he dropped his arm to simply grab Squall's hand and urged him to run. The wind was howling now, the screams even louder, and he clutched on to Cloud's hand as if it were his salvation from this nightmare. People came out from their homes to see what was going on, and it became even harder to hold on through the crowd. His shoulder and wrist ached as Cloud jerked him this way and that until finally he was jerked on more time at an awkward angle against a wall.
"Safe place," he heard Cloud mutter as he stared around them. It almost made Squall laugh for a moment, he sounded so perturbed, but the humor in it faded fast. Cloud's eyes were roving quickly, looking at all their surroundings, and then he yanked on Squall's arm one more time. They darted across the alley through throngs of people to the other side.
It was little more than a crack in the wall—just wide enough to fit one and deep enough for two if they were small enough. Debris had closed it off from the top and Cloud reached his free hand up long enough to test the strength before he fell to the ground and slid in back-first and pulled Squall along with him.
It was narrower than it had looked from the outside. Cloud had pulled him in sideways and at an awkward angle and there was no room to shift for any sense of comfort. The jagged wall dug into his spine on one side; on the other, his knees pressed painfully against the rock. Cloud's left arm was smashed between his stomach and Squall's side, but his right arm was free and wrapped around Squall again. Cloud hugged him to his body and as there was no where to move, Squall ended up with his cheek pressed against Cloud's collarbone. It was only then that he realized how labored Cloud's breathing was—how hard his heart was pounding in his chest.
"Are we going to die?" Squall asked. It was the first time he had allowed himself to speak since their entire world came crumbling down around them.
Cloud took a deep inhale. Squall felt him swallow.
"I don't know."
It hadn't been what he wanted to hear, but Squall appreciated the honesty.
Minutes passed like hours in the cramped, darkened space. His nightmares that continued for weeks (though in time it would become years) after almost always started in that place, pressed against Cloud, shivering, and listening to the wind cut through the crevices above them. He started crying at some point he could no longer remember—quiet sobs plentiful in tears that soaked his cheeks and Cloud's shirt. He felt Cloud's hand in his hair and faintly heard his soft whispers of empty promises that everything would be okay no matter what happened.
It was through these tear-filled eyes and barely from the corner of his vision when he first saw the Heartless. It was so dark now that he could barely see a thing save for Cloud, and he almost didn't believe his eyes when it started. He couldn't decipher if the distorted shadows were really there or a figment of a terrified imagination stuck in a living nightmare he couldn't wake from, but then he felt the panic in Hollow Bastion rise. He heard the shouts reach a din. He saw those things slash and scratch at anyone who came near them, and the way all attacks against them seemed futile. Squall's silent sobs caught in his throat for a moment and then became audible. He tried to quiet and tried to choke back his tears. They were sure to find them now if he couldn't keep quiet. If he or Cloud died it was his own miserable, inadequate fault.
"Don't look," said Cloud so quiet that Squall almost didn't hear him, but Cloud cupped his palm against Squall's cheek and turned his face.
It felt like days (though, surely, it had only been a few hours at the most) that they were smashed together in the crevice, Squall's sobs muffled against Cloud's neck and Cloud's hand at the back of his head. Squall figured he must have fallen asleep at some point (though there was no indication that there had been any break in the terror) because it seemed that in one second Hell had come to Hollow Bastion and then it was light out again. Hollow Bastion was quiet. Zack's voice called to them and Squall was on his feet long enough to hear Zack say it was all over before he felt his head spin; he collapsed against Cloud. Squall only woke again hours later in his own bed and if it weren't for Cloud sitting by the window, dirty, bleeding, and watching him or for the ache in his own body, Squall might have wondered if it were all a dream.
The Heartless were always there now, but the invasion had been the worst of it. No one was allowed out of the orphanage unless accompanied by an adult and then they had to be in groups of four. He heard grown ups talk about the Heartless, though they didn't know they were Heartless yet, as the same strange creatures Ansem the Wise had been researching for years. It was rumored that they were the cause of his disappearance almost two years ago. They talked about how this wasn't the first time one of those things had been in Hollow Bastion, but it was certainly the worst. According the newspapers, many people had died and even more were missing. Cid Highwind, a nice man who was friends with the Matron and played with the orphans here often, came by more than ever to check up on everything. It was from Cid that Zack, Cloud, and he all first heard about the strangers from a place called Midgar and their Gummi Ship.
They were supposed to be in bed. Matron had sent all three off hours ago, but Squall had woken in the middle of the night, shaken, and though Cloud moved aside (as he had every night since the invasion) to make room for Squall in his bed, Squall couldn't recapture sleep. It was something like forty minutes later when Cloud sat up, wrapped him in a hug, and Zack became aware that Squall was still awake and unsettled.
"We should get him something to drink," said Cloud. He placed the back of his hand against Squall's forehead. Across the room Zack sat up in his own bed. "He's burning up."
Zack sighed. Through the faint light streaming through the window Squall could make out Zack's figure moving across the room. The bed sank beneath the added weight as Zack took a seat on his other side.
"Are you feeling all right?" said Zack.
Squall had always liked Zack—he was something like an older brother—but it was Cloud he took comfort in. Having Zack see him so upset made something inside Squall squirm and he moved closer into Cloud's body. Cloud's hug became a little more protective.
"Bad dream," said Squall, and even admitting that made him want to crawl under the bed and cry all over again. He'd already heard Zack and Cloud talking a few times about his frequent nightmares, heard them comment on how worried they were, and how they didn't know what to do for him. This was humiliating. Squall hung his head and then Cloud's fingers moved into his hair; Squall rested his head against his shoulder.
Zack took a deep breath and looked at Cloud. "Do you feel up to sneaking down to the kitchen? We can get you some water and a snack or something."
Squall glanced up at Cloud. "Can I still sleep in your bed?"
Cloud shifted a little. He nodded. "Sure."
So they gathered together and left the bedroom. They had to be quiet and careful not to alert Matron or one of the other kids to their nightly venture. Squall clutched to Cloud's hand as they walked; his back felt tense and his skin prickly. He felt paranoid, afraid to look through any of the hall windows, and wanting to look through them just to assure there wouldn't be beady, yellow eyes staring back at him.
They heard Cid and Matron before they saw them. He was smoking a cigarette on one of the downstairs sofas if the smell meant anything, and the faint clinking sound indicated Matron was serving them both tea.
"You should see these Gummi blocks," said Cid. "They're fascinating. The kind of technology this world has…"
"It sounds suspicious to me," said Matron. "Other worlds? Places you can't reach except to travel by a special kind of space ship? It sounds ridiculous."
"Well those Heartless things ain't exactly normal, either," said Cid. "Ansem the Wise is long gone and we need help."
"Help? They aren't going to help us. They're going to take away any able man they can and our world won't have a chance. By the time their world is safe, who knows what will have happened to ours? Think about this rationally, Cid."
"I am thinking about it rationally. Those Turks have given us a lot of information we wouldn't have had otherwise. Think about it. There are other worlds out there and those Heartless are all over 'em. We ain't going to take care of this by ourselves. I'm going with 'em."
"You just like the idea of going into space."
Zack and Cloud watched each other through their exchange, and then Zack broke their cover, walking into the room. Cloud hissed at him to come back, Squall turned away into Cloud's chest, but Zack didn't listen.
"What's going on?" said Zack.
"You're supposed to be in bed!" Matron replied.
"I heard you talking," said Zack. "Who are the Turks? What's the Heartless? Other worlds?"
"That doesn't concern you."
"Now, Edea…" said Cid.
"Bed!"
There was a long silence in which Squall was sure Zack and the Matron were staring each other down. Cid broke the quiet by clearing his throat.
"He's already heard, Edea. You can't keep it from him, and Zack isn't as young as he used to be…"
"I'm not going to have him…"
"He'll just tell me about it later, anyway," said Zack. "So you may as well tell me now."
"Come on," said Cloud. Squall tried to wrench away, wanting to hear more, but Cloud's hand on his shoulder was firm.
They were both back in bed before Zack ever came up that night. In his mind, even as he drifted off to sleep, Squall was sure it was the night when his life had really changed forever. Zack was still sleeping when he woke the next morning, but Cloud held little disregard for Zack's needs and woke him within his first ten minutes of waking and demanded to know everything.
Cid had told Zack there were other worlds and not just beyond the river or expanse of Hollow Bastion, but beyond the sky. There were space ships—Gummi ships—that traveled the paths between these worlds and the worlds were unaware of one another because they were never supposed to be connected. No one was ever supposed to know of any world other than their own, but those grotesque, misshapen figures—the Heartless—had found a way to connect them. There were hearts to their worlds, and the open keyholes to these hearts allowed the Heartless to enter. Attacks against the Heartless were difficult because their true salvation laid in three people—the Legendary Keyblade Masters—who would defeat the Heartless and seal the keyholes again.
The Turks were from one of these other worlds—a place called Gaea with Heartless problems of its own. They were on a mission to travel the worlds and find recruits to help hold off the Heartless while they searched for these Keyblade Masters. If the people of Hollow Bastion would join up with them and become allies, they would reciprocate by providing their own army to fight the Heartless here. The Keyblade Masters—already found to save their own world—would come to Hollow Bastion and seal their keyhole. Cid had already signed up to leave.
By the time Zack reached the end of his story, he no longer looked at them but stared at the floor. He raised his eyes; bypassing Squall, he looked to Cloud as if he were the one Zack was really speaking to.
"I'm going with them," said Zack. "Matron can try to stop me, but I can't just stay here while the Heartless destroy everything. I have to help."
Cloud frowned. He stared hard at Zack as if he were trying to figure out what Zack wasn't saying, because that was what really mattered. Squall swallowed.
"I want to go, too," said Squall.
Zack smiled and shook his head. "Sorry, buddy, but you can't. You're not old enough. They're only taking people fourteen and over."
"But…" said Squall. He looked to Cloud, but Cloud was staring at the floor.
"You want me to stay, don't you?" said Cloud. He didn't even look at Zack.
Zack sighed. "Squall needs you here."
"What you mean is you don't think I'm good enough to go."
Zack sighed and looked away for a few seconds before his eyes fell to his hands. His mouth hung open for a moment without speaking as if he were trying to find the appropriate words. Cloud continued to stare at the floor, jaw tight.
"You're just…" said Zack. "Fighting isn't really your strong suit. You're much better suited to stay here and make sure everyone's okay. Squall needs you here."
"He's not a baby," said Cloud.
Squall didn't know who to agree with. He couldn't think of anything to say. He wanted Cloud to stay; his heart seized and he already felt like crying at the thought Cloud might not. He wanted to go and fight, too. He didn't want to spend every night dreaming of Heartless and waking up bathed in sweat. He wanted to be strong. He didn't want Zack to just tell Cloud to stay because of him because he wasn't a baby, but they said he was too young, he wasn't going anywhere, and his shoulders were already shaking from the effort to hold in unshed tears by the time Zack answered.
"I just think it would be better if you stayed," said Zack.
"If you think I'm going to hide here in the orphanage like a coward while you go off and save the worlds you're an idiot," said Cloud. He looked up from the floor. "I'm going with whether you like it or not and then I'll guess we'll see what I'm better suited for."
Squall felt him rip away even though he hadn't been holding on. Cloud stalked across the room, barely even bothering to sneer at Zack, and slammed the bedroom door behind him. Zack sighed and rubbed his face. His eyes looked up to meet Squall's.
"I promise everything is going to be okay," Zack said. "He'll come around."
Squall could do nothing but stare back.
He knew he was young. He knew he was still a child because he was reminded every day because while Zack and Cloud left for Gaea tomorrow, he wasn't going anywhere. He had never felt such hate before, such anger at them for leaving him, but even now he held his face pressed against Cloud's chest and he hoped it would all go away. He hoped the Heartless would be gone, that the invasion had never happened, and that the Turks were the real bad dream. Unfortunately, he knew he was young, but young didn't mean stupid. He was old enough to understand that hoping wouldn't make it change. He was old enough to know that just because it wasn't fair that didn't mean it ever would be. He was old enough to know that he might never see Cloud or Zack again, but he was also old enough to know that it was up to him to be strong now. He had to watch over Hollow Bastion in their absence, even if he was old enough to understand he'd be lucky to make it through alive.
For some reason, I really enjoy writing Leon stories. I'm not quite sure if this does fit in with the 100 Steps Universe but it was supposed to.
By the way, I've been getting a lot of comments from various people on all my stories about Crisis Core. I know nothing I write is going to agree with Crisis Core, but let's face it, this doesn't really agree with FFVIII, either. I just wanted to put it out there that since everything I'm writing is primarily Kingdom Hearts, that's the storyline I'm most concerned with keeping to canon, and since in KH1 Leon, Aerith, and Yuffie all say Hollow Bastion is their childhood home, that's why I maneuver the FFVII and FFVIII universes the way I do.
I really would love to figure out a way to write Zell in, though, because I've been dying to throw Zell into the KH unvierse like you wouldn't believe. Slyly implied LeonxZell in Pseudonym (I understand if you missed it), but I really want to throw it out there full force.
Like I said, for some reason I really enjoy writing Leon-centric stories. He's so good to play around with.
Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed. And I am working on Chapter 70 for 100 Steps. It's just taking me a while to finish.
Love you all.
-Jenna