iVideotape
(Regular = Present time, Italics = Flashback, Underline and in italics =In the video)
Carly and Gibby entered their apartment as they got home from their honeymoon in the Bahamas. Sam, Freddie, Spencer and Wendy were all anticipating theit arrival home. Especially Sam. She couldn't wait to show them the sonogram of her and Freddie's baby.
"Hi!" Sam greeted as she gave each of them a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Everyone else followed her.
"Hey!" They all greeted.
"Hello!" Freddie said while helping them with their luggage outside the apartment.
"Welcome home." Sam walked inside to the apartment. Clean and tidy just like Carly and Gibby had left it.
"So, how was the honeymoon?" Freddie asked as he poured himself a glass of lemonade and sat at the kitchen table.
"It was great! It was great! How about you? I mean you're having a baby!" Carly nearly jumped with glee as she and Sam shared a girly-squeel moment.
"Oh! Look! I have a sonogram picture!" She pulled out a small black and white photo from her wallet that both Carly and Gibby gandered at.
"Oh great!" Carly grinned
"Freddie! It's got your wavy black lines!" Gibby joked.
"All right, so now that Freddie knows can you tell us y'know how it happened? I mean, when did it happen? How many times did it happen?" Carly always did this when she got excited about something. This was bigger news for her though. Asking questions was her way of 'contaning' her excitement.
"Carly!" Wendy scolded. "That's not right! Start with where." Sam looks at Freddie and gets his approval.
"Well it happened about six weeks ago, and uh I had just got home from work and Freddie was already there 'cause I guess he had been hanging out with Spencer."
"You're welcome buddy." Spencer nudged Freddie's side and winked.
"Yeah, thanks." Freddie said glaring at him. Spencer nods as to say: no problem.
"And so I had a lot of work to do so Freddie, nice guy that he is, offered to help me out. And then we had a little wine, we got to talking, and the next thing you know out of nowhere Freddie comes on to me." Sam scoffed as Freddie turned his head and narrowed his brow at her. He laughed.
"Umm that's…that's a little misleading." He stated.
"What is?" Sam asked bluntly
"The lie you just told."
"That-that you came on to me?"
"There's the one!" Freddie chuckled lightly.
"But you did! I mean, let's be honest."
"Yes let's. Y'know what? Uh, it's-it's not important. What is important is that, is that we're having a baby. And it's not—Doesn't matter who came on to who." Freddie tried to state. He was having trouble really remembering if he had really come onto her or not. In his mind, he said he didn't. And he was sticking to his gut.
"Whom." Spencer corrected. Everyone looked at him shocked. "That's right." Completely ignoring him, Sam went on.
"You know you kissed me first."
"What? What? You were begging me to kiss you! You-you-you were sending me signals all over the place!" Freddie threw his hands up and was gesturing more than necessary.
"I was sending you signals?"
"Yeah!"
"Oh please. Okay, anyone in this room think that I would send Freddie begging symbols, please show of hands." Freddie raised his hand but no one else did.
"Y'know what? It doesn't matter! It doesn't matter what you believe! What matters is what happened!"
"Okay. So these signals Freddie, explain this to me, 'cause maybe I need to be more careful. I mean, am I sending you these signals right now?"
"Y'know what? Y'know what? Sam, just-just drop it."
"No please, show me how I begged you!
"I can show you, I have it on videotape!" Freddie had blurted out. After realizing what he'd said, he cupped his mouth with his hands as everyone in the room fell silent.
"It's an expression." He squeaked out to save his butt. Unfortionately, for him, no one bought it. Sam had stormed into Carly's room before Freddie could get another word out.
...
"I can't believe he taped the two of them having sex!" Wendy exclaimed while eating a grape.
"Yeah! You gotta tell a girl before you tape her. Such a rookie mistake." Spencer scoffed and took a grape as well. Freddie came back into the kitchen area after trying to get Sam out of Carly's room.
"Sam won't talk to me! She won't even open the door!"
"Hmm, I wonder why. Pervert!" Wendy coughed.
"Okay, listen I am not a pervert!"
"That's like the pervert motto! Yeah! Yeah! They have you raise your right hand, put your left hand down your pants, and repeat that!" Freddie rolled his eyes and tried explaining what actually happened
"Filming Sam is not something I planned. Okay look, here's what happened, and Spencer you-you can back me up on this. All right, about-about a month and a half ago I came to you with a problem? Umm, a personal thing."
"Personal thing? What personal thing? I don't know." Spencer questioned Freddie.
"About…about sex?" He whispered. Everyone heard him though. Spencer looks at him confused. "That I hadn't had sex in months?" he continued. Spencer laughed again.
"Yeah I knew what you were talkin' about."
Six Weeks Earlier...
"Hey!" Freddie greeted while walking into Sam and Spencer's apartment. Spencer was sitting on his lounge chair reading a playboy.
"Hey." He returned the greeting and put his playboy down
"Do you have a minute? I'd like to talk to you about something I'm, I'm really uncomfortable talking about."
"Sure. What? About uh, you showering with your mom?" Freddie shuddered at the thought then went back to glaring at Spencer
"I actually had a topic in mind! I'm, I'm kinda going through a dry spell, sex wise."
"Whoa, for like months?"
"Five to be lying, six."
"Six months? Whoa that's rough." Spencer said.
"Well, I mean it's not all bad. I'm learning to appreciate the uh, smaller things in life. Like the sound of a bird and the color of the sky." Freddie was obviously bluffing about actually caring about that stuff.
"The sky's blue Freddie and I had sex yesterday!"
"Please, help me! I have a date tonight. It has to go well okay—I'm scared for my health!" Freddie started begging Spencer, even getting on his knees for affect.
"Okay. Umm…Ooh! Oh-oh, I got something. It's this story I came up with, very romantic. I swear any woman that hears it; they're like putty."
"Really? Well then tell it to me."
"Okay. Now you're gonna want to have sex with me when you hear it, but you have to remember it is just the story." Spencer said. Freddie replied with great sarcasm:
"I'll try to control myself."
"Okay." He cleared his throat. "Years ago, when I was backpacking across Western Europe…
"You were backpacking across Western Europe?" Freddie chuckled.
"Have a nice six more months Freddie!" Spencer got up and started to leave. Freddie stopped him.
"Okay! Okay! Okay. I'm sorry. Please, please, you were in Western Europe and?
"I was just outside Barcelona hiking in the foothills of Mount Tibidabo. I was at the end of this path and I came to a clearing and there was a lake, very secluded. And there were tall trees all around. (Whispering) It was dead silent. Gorgeous. (Softly) And across the lake I saw…a beautiful woman…bathing herself…but she was crying…"
"Why?"
...
"Umm, this is great wine." Freddie's date, Kristen complimented.
"It's from France…In Europe…Western Europe. Y'know umm, a few years ago I actually was backpacking across Western Europe." Freddie started telling Spencer's ridiculous story.
"Really?"
"Uh-hmm—Wait! It gets better. Um, yeah I was in Barcelona."
"I studied for a year in Barcelona." Kristen stated. Freddie became stunned but kept going.
"Anyway, umm so I was um, I was hiking…"
"I love hiking!"
"Oh that's great!" Freddie groaned. "I was hiking along the foothills of Mount Tibidaybo…
"I think its Tibidabo."
"Okay! Do you wanna tell the story?" Freddie snapped. Instantly, the date went down the gutter.
...
Freddie stormed through Spencer and Sam's apartment once more. Spencer's butt was still plastered to his chair.
"Whoa! What are you doing here? How did your date go?"
"Great! I'm across the street having sex with her right now." Freddie replied dirogatorily. "Your story sucks!"
"Hey! Look, if it didn't work it's because you didn't tell it right! Show me how you did it."
"No! No, I don't…don't want to."
"How long since you've seen a girl naked?" Spencer asked. Instantly, Freddie started repeating the story back to him.
"I was backpacking across Western Europe."
"I'm not feeling it."
"I was just outside Barcelona, hiking…"
"No! No! No Freddie! I'm not hot! Are you hot?"
"It's been six months! I'm always hot!"
"Well you're not selling the story! It's like; it's like you don't believe it! Look, I gotta go. I got a date, but try this. Do what I do when I'm preparing for an audition. Okay? I'll set you up with my video camera and you can record yourself and-and see what you're doing wrong." Spencer got out his tripod and camera and started setting it up for Freddie.
"I'll try that." Freddie said.
"All right now… All right, you're all set up. You're good to go. Just hit record. All right?"
"Thanks."
"Good luck." Spencer patted Freddie's back.
"Thanks. And-and hey Spence?"
"Yeah?"
"Listen, if you ever have any problem with the ladies you know I'll help you out." Spencer, trying not to laugh, opened the door and answered with:
"That means a lot to me man."
Freddie poured himself a glass of wine, hit record, and sat down in front of the camera.
"Hello! Can I get you anything? Huh? Lens cleaner? Your battery okay?"He chuckled at his lame puns as Sam bursts in carrying two boxes. Freddie jumps up. "Sam!"
"Oh Freddie!"
"Hi!"
"Thank God you're here! You have to help me! Were you just talking to yourself?"
"That's less embarrassing, yes. Yes I was."
They sat down on the couch, which was in front of the still recording camera.
...
"So when she came in, I got distracted and totally forgot about the camera. It kept rolling and recorded everything." He paused as everyone took in the new information.
"Yeah, we're gonna need to see that tape." Gibby stated. Everyone else agreed.
"Yeah, definitely." Carly said.
"What a great idea! That will get Rachel to forgive me!" Freddie jumped up.
"Y'know what? This is not fair to her. Let's just forget the tape!"
"Thank you." Freddie thanked Spencer. Spencer then mouths to Freddie, "you'll show me right?"
"No!" Freddie yelled.
"You're right." Spencer agrees then mouths, "I know you'll show me, right?"
"Spencer! No!"
"Loud and clear!" He then mouths "you'll show me," and nods.
Freddie storms out of the apartment. Sam, realizing this, comes out of Carly's room.
"Hey! Is Freddie still here?" She asked while scanning the room.
"Uh no Sam, he's gone. But listen, he told us what happened and it does, it sounds like an honest mistake." Spencer said.
"Oh really? Well how would you like it if I had sex with you and I taped it?" Spencer smiled luridly at the idea.
"Oh forget it!" Sam exclaimes. Freddie enters the apartment once more.
"Oh there he is now, the father of my child, the porn king of the west village."
"Look, it was accident! Okay? I-I feel bad that it happened, but I swear, I didn't even watch it! Anyway, here." He takes the tape out of his coat pocket."
"I thought you might be more comfortable destroying it yourself." He tosses her the tape.)
"Thank you." She says as she sets it on the floor and is about to stomp on it with her shoe when the rest of the gang jumps up and yells simultaneously.
"What?" She asks. They all yell again. "You don't want to see this do you?"
"Hell yeah!" Carly yelled.
"I am not gonna show you this!" Sam held the tape close to her.
"No! Not the sex part, just the stuff leading up to it." Wendy explains.
"Forget it, she's destroying it." Freddie interjected.
"Okay fine! Fine! We'll just have to think of some other way to put the whole 'Who came onto who,' thing to rest! Come on now, think!"
"Look, forget it Wendy. Okay? It's Sam's tape and she can do whatever she wants with it. And she wants to destroy it. So, end of story."
"I wanna see it."
"What?" Freddie squeaks.
"Clearly you don't want people to see this tape. Now I don't want people to see this tape either, but you so badly don't people to see it makes me want to see it. You see?"
"Are we watchin' the tape or not?" Spencer asked confused.
"I don't want people to see it for your sake." Freddie said honestly trying to be the good guy.
"Ahh, I don't believe you. I think you don't want them to see you begging me." She got up to put the tape in the DVD player.
"Sam, please…" Freddie begged one last time.
"Ah, a little preview!" Sam replied with a hint of devil spit at the tip of her tongue.
"Fine. Fine, but I want the record to show that I tried to take the high road, because in about five minutes I'm gonna be saying…" He then laughs and proceeds to point at Sam sarcastically. They both sit down.
"Okay, here we go." She pushes play.
"Hello! Can I get you anything?" Freddie asked to the camera.
"I'm so happy!" Spencer said to Wendy.
...
"Oh, thank God you're here! You have to help me! Were you just talking to yourself?" Sam asked.
"There I am." Sam says.
"You're gonna get pregnant." Wendy giggled with her eyes glued to the screen.
"I screwed up so bad, I told Carly that I would stuff and send all these wedding invitations like weeks ago and I-I…" Sam started to say.
"You didn't do it?"
"I-I know—I had put them in…in-in my desk at work and I completely forgot about them until today."
Gibby is shocked and Sam gets scared of Carly's reaction. Carly takes Sam's hand.
"Sweetie okay. It's okay. Everybody made it to the wedding. I'm fine."
"Kinda hurtin' my hand though." Sam states.
"I know.
Freddie hands her a glass of wine "
I cannot believe that I did this. Especially after Carly just went on and on and on about it! 'Okay Sam! Here are the invitations Sam! Now be very careful Sam! Please, drinking no liquids around the invitations Sam!' She tilts her wine glass above and moves it back and forth across the invitations. 'Whoa oh! Oh-oh-oh! Oh…oh-oh-oh…' "
Sam hits fast forward. Carly is completely shocked.
"Did you do it on our invitations?" Gibby asked disgusted. Freddie paused and answered:
"Not on the ones we sent out."
"So, just the ones gave back to us and we had framed!" Gibby picks up a framed invitation and slams it down onto the table. Sam stops fast forwarding.
"Can you believe this is already happening? I mean it seems like yesterday they just got engaged." Sam said.
"I know. Hey remember…remember the night they got engaged? How uh, you and I almost…"
"Oh, I remember how we almost. Do you think we would've gone through with it? Y'know, if we hadn't gotten caught. Do you think we would've done it?" She asked.
"I mean I…I know I wanted to. I just, I just wasn't sure if you wanted to."
"Oh I wanted to."
Freddie and Sam trade looks while watching the tape.
"So we…we both wanted to." Freddie stated.
"Interesting." Sam said.
"Yeah." He paused. "Anyway umm, it probably worked out for the best."
"Oh yeah, sure."
"Okay, in about ten seconds you're gonna see him kiss me." Sam said with a satisfactory smirk as she crossed her arms and leaned back on the couch.
"And in about five seconds you're gonna see why." Freddie smirked as well and crossed his arms.
"Freddie did I ever tell you about the time that I went backpacking through Western Europe?"
Spencer becomes shocked and everyone else looks at Sam. They all knew the Europe story Spencer told Freddie. Freddie had the biggest smirk on his face.
"Okay, get ready to see some beggin'!" Sam chuckled.
"Oh, you came on to Freddie!" Wendy said.
"What?" Sam asked.
"Now I'm so happy." Freddie giggled.
"What are you talking about?" Sam asked once more.
"You used the Europe story!" Carly said.
That's the magic story you use when you wanna have sex!" Gibby said.
"How do you know about that story?" Sam asked them all.
"How do you know about that story?" Spencer asked.
I heard it from Melanie who heard it from some guy!" she answered. Spencer raises his hand and points to himself.
"Some guy!"
"No. No, she told me his name was Sponcer." Spencer raises his hand and points to himself again. "Sponcer!"
...
"Hi." Freddie greeted as he walked into Sam and Spencer's apartment where Sam sat alone on Spencer's chair.
"So uh, apparently people are familiar with the Europe story?" She asked while getting up.
"Yeah. Listen about that, the whole uh, who came on to who thing really doesn't matter. I mean, I think it would've happened either way. I mean if you hadn't initiated it I-I-I know I would've."
"It was an amazing night."
"It was." Freddie agreed. "It was an amazing night." They both paused.
"You think it looked amazing?" Sam asked him.
"I uh… I don't know. I mean I…I honestly didn't watch it."
"Yeah, me neither. Yet…"
"Uhhhhhh…that-that may be weird."
"Yeah, it would be really weird." Freddie grabs the tape and heads for the DVD player as Sam goes over and puts the chain on the door and locks it. They run back to the chair and sit in it together.
"Good luck." Freddie says to Sam.
Good luck to you." She responds back. Freddie pushed play.
"Mind if I mute?" He asks.
"Oh please." He does so.
"Oh, oh there go the clothes." Freddie narrarates.
"You are undressing very quickly." Sam stated.
"Six months Sam, six months."
"Ah." They pause again. "Oh" they said simultaneously.
"Hey. We-we look…we look pretty good." Freddie nods.
"That's what I was gonna say." Sam agrees.
"Oh nice tan!"
"Thank you! I had just gone to the beach that weekend."
"Ah…."
"Have you been working out?" Sam giggles and looks at Freddie
"I have been working out."
"Really? Wow, this is so much better than I…" She was cut off by her and Freddie's reaction to the next part.
"Ohh! Ew!" They shudder.
"Oh that's not pretty." Freddie's face twists.
"Oh! Oh!" Sam moans
"No!" Freddie moans.
"Oh God!"
"Oh no!"
"Oh, make it stop!"
"Oh no!"
"Make it stop!"
"No!"
"Have to make it stop!"
"No!" They both get out of the chair and run for the DVD player.