Confusion swept over me as I was tugged gently back into consciousness. I was comfortable, eerily so with nothing but a dull aching tainting my ease. My eyes fluttered, watering slightly from the ethereal light.
"Serena?" An all too familiar voice murmured. My heart fluttered recklessly and against my will I could feel a dusting of pink lacing my cheeks.
"Nate…" I rasped, wincing. The words were like sandpaper against my throat; simply excruciating. "W…where am I?" I managed to splutter, my face contorting.
"Serena" He murmured again, his voice laced with concern. "You're at the hospital; you've been in an accident" My breathing hitched and my heart slammed into my chest, an accident? Tears clouded my vision as I wrenched my eyes, desperate to see if Nate's words were true. Sure enough as my eyes focused I was greeted by the hospitals trademark overly white walls and sickly green tiles.
"What happened?" I croaked, forcing myself to sit up.
"It was a car accident, do you remember anything?" Nate asked gently, trying to keep his voice steady but his worry laden blue eyes betrayed him. I struggled for a minute against the barrier in my mind, before sighing in defeat. "Well, you were in a car and the driver lost control…" Nate explained and in a flash my frail body gave way under the impact of his words and I sunk back down, burying myself in the blankets. A million thoughts were running a riot through my head. But gradually, oh so gradually, I managed to sift through them and eventually the shock subsided. Nate didn't utter a word and merely perched himself on the edge of my bed, comforting me with his presence. But he always did more than fill my body with ease; he pulled the strings of my heart in ways that thrilled my beyond belief. And that night at the bar had only cemented those unfamiliar feelings…
Oh my god. Reality crashed down on me as I realized the repercussions of my actions. I had betrayed Blair, my best friend, my sister…my other half. I began to tremble under the covers, tears streaming down my face. What had I done? This accident surely must have been karma. A punishment for sleeping with Nate, a punishment I deserved. I choked back another sob and my body heaved. Out of nowhere, the blankets were thrown of me and my quaking form was revealed. Like a doll, Nate pulled my limp figure into his arms and I marveled once more at how my body molded into his perfectly and just at the simple…rightness of the embrace. I buried my head into his chest ignoring the guilt that was plaguing my mind and allowing his warmth and security to soothe me. His hands clutched my back securely as he whispered It's okay over and over again into my ear. But it wasn't okay. How could he hold me like this, with the knowledge of the unforgivable crime we had committed and yet… I didn't pull away, I couldn't. I never could with Nate, every lingered glance, every hug that went for just a tad to long just felt so right, no matter how damn wrong it was.
"S! Oh thank god you're alright" Blair shrieked in delight as she rushed into the room. I hastily pulled myself out of Nate's arms panicking. How could she not realize? Guilt plastered itself into my face as I smiled feebly and much to me surprise she grinned in returned, oblivious. I glanced down in envy; Blair was clad in a typical black and white skirt and blouse that was set off with a stunning coat that any girl would kill to wear.
"You look great B" I complimented sweetly, feeling a tad self consciousness against Blair's perfectly made up face and impeccable attire.
"So do you" I laughed softly at her words and Blair's face softened. She walked to the edge of my bed, her heels clacking gently against the tiles. Her gorgeous doe eyes bored into mine and I tried to detect any suspicion but came across nothing but joy and relief. "It's good to have you back Serena" She whispered as she wrapped her arms around me and I relished in the familiar feeling of her silky chestnut hair against my cheek. Nate sat silently unmoving on my bed and I wondered why he hadn't bestowed his normal affection on Blair, in fact, I glanced over to him through Blair's curls and I noticed that he his eyes were still glued to me and remorse flooded through me once more. This was probably are last embrace before I became the number one target of Blair's firing squad. I squeezed Blair tightly before letting go and sinking back into my pillows. "So how much school have I missed?" I asked lightly, smiling in an attempt to bring back a sense of normalcy and distract myself from my own disheartened thoughts.
"School?" Blair asked sharply, her eyes widening.
"What are you talking about Serena?" Nate queried extra gently, trying to make up for Blair's harshness.
"You know that place we are sentenced too five days a weeks, its called school" I said sarcastically, unsure of what sort of game they were playing. Nate and Blair exchanged an anxious glance before facing me again, both wearing the same identical look of bewilderment. Blair laughed unsurely, shooting Nate an uneasy look once more before replying tentatively.
"Serena we graduated school months ago"
"Huh?" I asked playing along, but still positive that it was some kind of joke.
"Don't you remember?" Nate asked for the second time and I too for the second time shook my head in defeat.
"What's the last thing you remember Serena?" Blair queried unsurely, her voice reverting back rapidly to her trademark clipped tone.
"The Shepherd Wedding" I mumbled frowning at the blatant guilt in my tone. Blair pursed her immaculately glossed lips and Nate looked down to the ground, refusing to meet either of our eyes. Blair looked as if she was about to saying something when two unfamiliar strangers came bursting into the room. One of them was a cute guy leading the way with dark, slightly curled hair with brown eyes to match. The other was a younger girl tailing behind with stunning blue eyes drowned in eyeliner and long blond hair.
"Oh em gee Serena! We were so worried! Eric's on his way" The blond girl gushed rushing up to my side and I felt a twinge of annoyance at the way she stole admiring glances at Nate. I contemplated for a moment if this was perhaps Eric's girlfriend and I felt sorry for my brother if she was because she, like every other girl on the Upper East Side, was totally into Nate.
"Yeah, we came as soon as we heard" The boy mumbled, his eyes darting around the room before he fixed me with an anxious glance. I laid there baffled, who were these strange people? And how the hell did they know who I was?
"Who are you?" I asked, opting to be frank. The guy furrowed his eyebrows; hurt flashing across his face.
"Dan I need to speak to you outside" Blair barked forcefully, marching outside not giving him a choice.
"Well I'm Jenny, Jenny Humphrey your step sister. And that guy that just lefts my brother Dan, well you probably already figured that out. " She babbled smiling, seemingly unfazed.
"That's crazy, My Mums not married" I shot back, trying to keep my tone calm and the smile on my lips. Nate ran his fingers through his golden locks, it was a habit of his that he opted for when he struggling to find the words to say something difficult. "It's okay Nate, you can tell me" I smiled brightly at him, my voice warm.
"Look Serena, I don't really know to say this…" His voice broke of at the end and he took a deep breath "But I think that because of the accident…you may have lost some of your memories"
"Some of my memories" I choked, unable to believe was I was hearing. The girl, Jenny, stood there silently, drinking in the information. When it became apparent that no one was going to elaborate and I said very slowly and deliberately "How long?" Silence enveloped the room before Nate eventually responded coarsely.
"About three years" I buried my face in my hands, shaking once more. Three years, three years. I had lost three years of my life, three whole fucking years. I had so many questions now, some obscenely petty and others that were screaming for an answer right away. But the one ringing loudest in my mind was the one that had been torturing me the longest; Were Blair and Nate still together? I recalled the earlier frostiness between them and hope soared through me. The question was at the tip of my tongue, begging to come out but I held back. God only knows the events that had befallen in the last thirty six months of my life.
And what if…what if this girl Jenny …the admiring glances…Oh, I had been so stupid. She had to be Nate's girlfriend. Or Penelope, she had always had her eyes on Nate, swooping in on those scarce moments where he was alone. Before I could go into fully panic mode and make a complete and utter fool of myself, Blair and the guy Dan charged back in, a Doctor in tow.
"What's wrong with her?!" Blair demanded her face ablaze.
"Well, as you have probably figured out by now, it appears that due to the crash she is suffering from Partial Retrograde Amnesia" The Doctor mused, more to himself than anyone else. Blair opened her mouth about to express her outrage when Nate cut in, his voice smooth and efficient.
"Will she ever recover them?" Usually I would have been infuriated that everyone was acting like I wasn't meters away but I was too desperate myself to find the answers to voice my annoyance.
"It depends, you see, some of her memories may return to her…" He took one fleeting glance at Blair's hopeful look before adding quickly "In time" Blair's expression fell and a shadow fell across Nate's and what's-his-face Dans.
"Now if you don't mind I have some questions for Serena, as I'm sure she has for me" The Doctor declared somberly, fixing his gaze on the door. Silence swept across the room and eventually Dan got the clue.
"Oh…right" He mumbled reluctantly, turning sideways at the others before making his way towards the door. Blair refused to move an inch, her eyes fierce. "Comin' Jen?"
"Yep" She chirped, following Dan out the door, shooting Nate one last longing look, which to my relief he did not return.
"Miss, I think it's best if you left" The Doctor said tentatively. Blair's lip curled dangerously but she said nothing as she departed against her will. Nate who was still transfixed with the floor hadn't so much as breathed a word.
"Sir?"
"Huh?" Nate said, snapping out of reverie. He glanced around the now empty room and got up to follow suit.
"Wait, Nate" I whispered, reaching for his hand, not caring if he had another girlfriend. I was Serena Van Der Wooden and he was Nate Archibald, and this was how it would always be with us. "Stay please" The Doctor looked from him to me and threw his hands in the air in a sign of defeat, sighing in exasperation. I smiled my first genuine smile since I had awoken, despite the fact that it set every atom of my face alight with pain. Nate sat back down on the bed, his hand still entwined with mine as we waited for the no doubt dire news.
"Serena, I'm going to have to ask you some questions, okay?" The Doctor peered at me intensely and I nodded. "I need you to be has honest as possible, and Nate, is it?" He asked but continued without waiting for a response. Clearly time was of the essence. "You need to not say anything, and let Serena answer the questions"
"Of course" With that the Doctor turned his full and up most attention on me began to shoot question after question, taking notes every so often when I came to one I couldn't answer and eventually after much sighing, moans and reassuring squeezes from Nate the interrogation was complete.
"It seems that the last thing she remembers is indeed the Shepherd Wedding from three years ago. Usually the last event someone recalls is one of high importance or significance so therefore the mind clings to it" My face when from dainty pink to full blown scarlet and I dared a glance at Nate who's face had also turned a bright shade of red.
"I'll leave it at that for today. I would like you to stay in hospital for another three days, and I'll see your progress then"
"Okay" I gulped, silently cursing the Doctor for paving the way for an extremely awkward conversation that Nate and I were know inevitably going to have. Thankfully, Blair, Dan and (sadly) Jenny chose that moment to reappear, this time with Eric.
"So Eric, here I thought that that Jenny here was your new girlfriend, turns out she's our step-sister" I said thoughtlessly, not wanting to burden my little brother with my amnesia. The awkward silence proved my genius idea otherwise and I grimaced, wishing I knew when to keep my uncontrollable mouth shut. "Ok guys what did I miss?" I sighed, knowing with a twinge lament that this was only the first of many situations surely to come.
"Well for starters, I'm gay" Eric announced.
"I tamed the Bass" Blair said smugly, after Eric's words had sunk in. What, Blair and Chuck? Chuck and Blair? When, how?
"After he de-flowered you" Nate added in a heartbeat.
"I'm Queen of Constance" Jenny chimed in.
"We used to date" Dan said, gesturing casually from me to him. Woah, seriously? Well he was kinda cute…I guess. But didn't that Jenny girl that we were step siblings…oh god, please say I didn't cross that line…please…
"Yeah…I missed a lot"
So what did you think? Should I continue? Reviews :)?
AN: I'm not sure about the retrograde amnesia thing, i just remember they used it on Ugly Betty ages ago when i used to watch it. :So feel free to correct me if I'm wrong :D