Chapter 1: Breakable
I need to find something to do, anything to think about but...her. In desperation, I go through Alice's collection of music on her iPod. I come to an artist by the name of Ingrid Michaelson. Sounds odd enough, I think, so I plug her iPod in and press play.
Miss Michaelson's voice floats over the the instrumentals and into my brain. But, dammit, the song reminds me of her again. I don't have the heart to change the music, though, so I close my eyes and let my memories of her envelop me.
Breakable. Just like she used to be. I liked it better when she was human; then I knew that, one day, she would be out of Edward's life – and mine. The bloodlust was nigh unendurable, but I convinced myself that, in a few decades, she would be gone. After all, her human body was so fragile that a mere fall could kill her.
"Jasper, honey! Are you all right?" Alice says, touching my shoulder. I'm back in the real world again. Damn it to hell.
"Oh, hey, Alice!" I grin. "I just came in here to relax. Do you need something?" I ask her, hoping she would say yes. Her yes meant I could focus on something else besides my own sick desires. Her yes meant I would have some purpose to my life besides loving her.
"No, thanks," she says with a sweet smile. "Just keep on relaxing." She goes out of the room, walking in that dancing way she has, and leaves me alone with my thoughts. Well, it's not like I could tell her about this anyway; it would kill her to know that her husband and true love was lusting after her best friend.
I reclose my eyes and let the song overtake me. Everything about Bella floods my mind: her smell, those beautiful eyes that are now gone from her; the warm feel of her skin, how delicate her neck looked to my teeth, how brave she was in the face of utter destruction.
All that was gone now. Well, except for the bravery. Now her beauty was her credit, instead of her insightful mind. Now it was her perfect body that tempted my ravaged one. All she had was all that I could never possess, especially self-control. I was a little better than a base animal, and she was the queen of us all.
Breakable. That described me well. I could never have such a perfect angel as her, not when I could barely even keep myself from killing her a few years ago. She was probably still horrified by that experience. I wouldn't blame her for feeling uncomfortable around me, like Edward had mentioned once.
Moreover, I was forever attached to Alice. Yes, I loved her, and, yes, I wanted her around – just not in that way. Oh, God, how I finally understood the phrase "Up Shit Creek without a paddle." Even with vampiric abilities, there was no way of escaping this hell.
A/N: The song Jasper listens to is "Breakable" by Ingrid Michaelson.
This is the first chapter, re - written. I wanted to give all of my faithful followers on here a taste of what the changes to the story will be like. I hope you all aren't disappointed!