A/N: So you know the fics where the characters discover FF? And they then proceed to either freak out or go 'Great idea!'? Yeah…this is one of those. And I pity Ed. I really, really do. Rated for language and implied fanfic naughtiness.
Disclaimer: I do not, nor shall I ever (in this life) own Fullmetal Alchemist or its characters, or its plot, or its…(etc)
Discovery Channel
Al kicked open the front door to his and Ed's apartment, seeing as his arms were full of groceries and his lazy brother was apparently too busy with the computer to help the younger Elric. It seemed Ed was buried deep in the internet; he didn't even stir when Al slammed the door closed behind him and stomped into the kitchen, peeved. Al gave a long-suffering sigh and went to the task of putting away the food. Ed would be virtually nonexistent for the next few hours if experience was anything to go by.
"Good God!" Al jumped slightly when he heard his brother's shout. He paused in organizing the newly bought fruit and followed the shout to see what was the matter. He found Ed staring at the computer screen with a face that expressed horror, shock, and slight queasiness.
"What's the matter?" Al asked, concerned. He was surprised at his brother's reaction. Ed snapped into a more upright position and slammed the laptop closed. He then proceeded to shove the offending gadget a few feet away, fold himself into what might have passed for a relatively relaxed position, and tried to look innocent. Al's eyebrows rose.
"Dunno what you're talking about, Al," Ed said flippantly, his voice just slightly higher pitched than it should have been. "Nothing's the matter. How'd the shopping go? Here, let me help you put stuff away." He pushed himself off the bed he'd been sitting on, grabbed his younger brother by the arm, and began leading them toward the kitchen. "See anybody interesting at the store? Tell me all about it."
Al dug his heels in, making Ed stop short. Ed flinched, as if he could feel Al's expression change to a suspicious glare, but didn't turn around. Al tapped his fingers on crossed arms, waiting for his brother to face him. When he finally did turn around, Al closed his eyes, indulgently lowering his glare.
"Okay, what the heck did you see on there? You're babbling like you always do to avoid talking about something."
Ed groaned and rubbed a hand at his temples, as if to keep away a headache. "Al, as your older brother, I'm telling you it's nothing you want to see." Ed eyed his brother carefully. "Trust me, it's none of your concern."
Al was silent, lips pursed, and Ed was painfully reminded of Winry just before wrenches went flying. "Tell me the truth or I'll find it myself later. And you just go ahead and try deleting the history. I work computers better than you any day. I know how to find it if you do."
Ed hesitated, fidgeting in the nervous way Al only saw him do on those rare times when he knew he was caught and was trying to figure a way to weasel out of the consequences.
"Or," Al added in a lilting voice. "I could just get Winry to help me get it out of you. You know she's been so bored, what with you banning her from our house during her stay." Al glared softly at his older brother, and immediately knew he'd won. Whatever it was, Ed didn't want Winry lording it over him for the rest of eternity.
Ed glowered and began muttering under his breath about stubborn little brothers who didn't know when to butt out. Al paid it no mind and instead waited patiently as Ed opened the laptop and fired it back up from its hibernating state. There were a few windows open on the desktop, but the largest one, and the one currently in focus was a page with the words FanFiction(dot)net in the top right hand corner. "Unleash your imagination" it proclaimed as well.
"What is this, Brother?" Al asked, purely curious. Ed clicked a ways down the page, then buried his face in his hands in shame.
"Just read it," he muttered through his hands. Al looked at his brother in concern for a moment, then to the website. It seemed to be a list of some sort, stories, as it appeared. And…they had familiar names in the summaries. He saw his own once or twice, but the overwhelming majority was Ed and, for some reason, Colonel Mustang, or Roy, as most referred to him. And what was with the x's between their names? Did that mean Ed versus Mustang? Curious…
Al read further, and started noticing a pattern. A lot of these stories were about love. And his brother. And the colonel. Were they supposed to be fighting over some girl? What the heck was his brother so worked up about? Sure it was odd, but why did he seem so embarrassed?
Al asked him just that, and Ed's head snapped up. He looked dumbstruck, then flushed a deep red. "Al…you…you don't get it, do you?" The younger blonde shook his head slowly, watching Ed carefully. Ed grumbled, then took the laptop from his brother, scrolled down a bit further, and clicked on a link that was purple, unlike the blue ones around it. A new page opened, with the title at the top and a story spreading out below it. Ed looked at the page, then Al, hesitated, then shoved the computer at his brother.
"It may be a harsh way to do it, but this'll get my point across. And I guarantee you'll understand why I reacted the way I did. Just, keep in mind…this is not written by me, and I do NOT condone it!" With that, he pushed himself off the bed and marched hastily to the kitchen to raid the fridge of their newly purchased food.
Al shrugged and turned to the website before him.
Ed took a heavy seat at the kitchen table with a monster-sized sandwich before him. Perhaps eating would make him feel better. Edward doubted anything on this earth would erase the serious mental damage he'd been dealt, but food always helped somewhat, why should it fail him now?
It had been about fifteen minutes when Ed realized he'd finished his meal and hadn't heard any thing from Al. The younger Elric was a quick reader, so he must've gotten through the accursed 'fic' by now. Why hadn't Ed heard anything? Maybe the poor boy had passed out from shock. Ed suddenly jumped up from the table and dashed into the other room, panicking in the thought that he'd unintentionally given his brother a heart attack.
He was surprised to find his brother conscious, and, to all appearances, completely undamaged. The blonde boy was laid out on the bed, eyes avidly skimming over the computer screen. Ed was dumbstruck. What in the hell was he doing? Al looked like he was…enjoying himself?!
"Al!" Ed was ashamed that his voice broke in the shout, but given his supreme shock and utter lack of comprehension, he forgave himself. His brother jumped at his name and looked over to Ed.
"What?" he asked easily. Ed's eye twitched slightly.
"What are you doing?"
Al shrugged. "Reading. What's it look like?" He turned back to the computer for moment, then met his brother's gaze. "They're not as bad as you make them seem. Some are actually quite good."
Ed was sure his eyes would be leaving their sockets soon. His brother could not possibly have just defended those…those…abominations! "Al, what are you talking about? Those idiots are acting like me and Colonel Bastard are…an item!"
Al scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, not meeting his brother's infuriated eyes. "Well, you gotta admit, you guys do seem to have some weird tension between you. Who's to say it's not sexual?" From what Al could see, it looked like Ed might just have a conniption just from Al's use of a word with 'sex' in it. "Come on, Ed, it's not that far-fetched."
Ed's jaw dropped. Swear to God, it did. "Al, that's sick. I'm only eighteen now, and Mustang's, what, thirty-something?"
"Thirty three."
"Exactly!" Ed shouted, exasperated. "That's a fifteen year age difference! It's sick!"
Al rolled his eyes. "So you only play up your youngness when it's of benefit to you? What happened to all the claims of having the maturity of an experienced adult?"
Ed flushed. "That's not the point. And besides, doesn't the whole gay thing weird you out?"
"No," Al answered bluntly. "Russel's gay, remember? You were fine with that."
"Yeah, but it's not that I'm, you know, against it or anything, I'm just-" Ed broke off. "And anyway, Mustang would never be…that way. You and I both know he's a womanizing bastard, and that's the way he'll always be."
"Many gay or even just bisexual men hide their preferences behind lots of women," Al stated wisely. "That is, until they find someone worth being true to themselves for."
Ed made a noise that was some hybrid of sigh, groan, and perhaps scream. He then proceeded to fling himself onto the bed beside his brother and snatch the computer from him. "Even if those were valid points," Ed said, viciously stabbing at the keyboard, "all these situations and outcomes are totally unrealistic." He pointed to a certain set of paragraphs accusingly. "When would either of us have that conversation?"
Al studied the dialogue. "You've never been on a date with the colonel. He could be very romantic with all his experience, for all you know. And you have your mushy side, Brother."
Ed clicked away at the computer again, his scowl deepening. "Okay, explain to me how the fact that every one of these has me…catching is realistic." When his brother only snickered, Ed found his best reply to it was smacking him upside the head. He was rewarded with a satisfying 'oowww'.
"Well, it's not like they go on to explain the entirety of the relationship. For all you know, there could be equal amounts of both…ways of doing it." Al raised an eyebrow challengingly. "Any other protests?"
Ed glared pointedly at his younger brother, then stabbed a finger at the screen. "How about that?" Al read the indicated paragraph, cheeks reddening slightly at the explicit content.
"Now, aside from just the thought being stomach-turning. Aside from the fact that I would so not be some withering pile of frickin' lust. Aside from the fact that I would so not be in the position in the first place, why would I be such a baby as to cry?" His eyes narrowed on his brother. "These retards evidently know I have automail, and that it hurts. Quite a bit. Yet they have me breaking down into tears because of the bastard's handiwork?" Ed laughed, but it sounded dry and evil. "I bet I wouldn't even notice his puny d-"
"Brother!" Al clapped his hands over his ears. "I don't want to know about you and the colonels' sex life!"
Because fate is a nasty, horrid bitch, it would be at this precise moment, that one Winry Rockbell deemed it appropriate to barge her way into the apartment of her beloved Elrics. The blonde girl froze in the now-open doorway, however, on hearing what Al had just shouted.
"Who the what now?" Both boys turned abruptly to face the new arrival. Ed's face promptly turned a red that had only ever been known on fruit beforehand, and the shortish blonde clumsily dashed his way out of the apartment, skidding over the hardwood floor and shoving Winry aside in his hurry to escape.
The other two teens stared after him in shock before Winry broke the silence.
"What. The heck?" Winry looked pointedly at Al, who offered only the computer as an explanation.
If Ed had been at home, and not wallowing in embarrassment and shame in the library, he might have stopped Al from showing Winry the 'horrors' he'd discovered. He might have seen the idea that brightened Winry's eyes. And he might have thought to skip town when he heard her judgment of what she'd seen.
On one bright summer day in Central, one blonde alchemist's world would soon come crashing down because a teenage girl said, in awe, "That's hot."
A/N: Hehe… don't hate me cause I'm yaoi. First FMA fic, so don't be hatin'. This may become longer in the future. If the mood, inspiration, motivation, and all other factors are right. As of now, I promise absolutely nothing! But I'd love it if you reviewed anyway.