A/N: This idea has been in my head ever since I started watching season seven, so I'm very glad that I've gotten it out of my system. I think very many of you were extremely disappointed when Jess never visited his half-sister in this season...but there was about a month that happened between episodes 10 and 11…who's to say that he didn't visit, and we just never got to see it?
Standard disclaimers apply.
Half-Siblings
Jess Mariano drives through Stars Hollow, grateful that he upgraded his old, piece of shit car, so nobody recognizes this one; nobody stops and stares. Besides the Pennsylvania license plate, his generic silver car doesn't stand out.
He passes by Luke's Diner and sighs. There's no way he's walking around town if he has to. But he has to see Luke, right? He's here, isn't he? To see his half-sister. Geez.
Honestly, the first reaction he had when Liz told him he was having a little brother or sister was fear. Yeah, Liz seems to have gotten herself together, but what if…
He tightens his grip on the steering wheel. Liz is fine, and the kid, Doula (what the hell kind of a name is that?) , will be fine. She can't turn out like he did.
1211 Elmwood. He parks on the side of the road since the driveway has Luke's truck, and what he assumes to be Liz's car. Taking a breath, Jess turns off the car and steps outside.
He hears a door slam, and he turns to find Luke getting out of his truck.
Jess shuts his door and grins at Luke amusedly. "Were you waiting for me?"
He notes the different colored baseball cap, wondering what caused the change.
Luke shrugs. "Just visiting. And I wanted to know if you wanted me to be there. If it's…uncomfortable."
"It's fine. Really," Jess answers, wondering if he believes himself.
"Okay. Well…come to the diner afterward. Sneak in the back. You can sleep there."
"There's no way I'm sleeping in a house with a baby," Jess says in confirmation.
Luke nods understandably. "Right. See you later."
Jess waits until Luke pulls out of the driveway and speeds away from the house before he approaches the front door.
Another deep breath, and…
He rings the doorbell, shifting his weight back and forth as he waits.
Liz throws open the door, causing Jess to take a step back. She has a huge grin on her face.
"Jess! My first baby!" Liz gushes, bringing Jess into a tight hug.
Jess grimaces, returning the hug briefly before pointedly trying to remove himself from her hold.
She gets the hint and steps back, keeping her hands on his shoulders. "How was your drive? Did you hit any traffic? I heard there was bad traffic."
"Just going south. It was clear coming up."
Liz nods happily. "Good, good! So, do you want to meet your little sister?"
Jess holds his tongue in pointing out that she's only his half-sister, and just answers, "Sure." He follows her into the living room, wincing at the collection of random junk. He's certainly no interior decorator, but he's pretty sure zebra-striped furniture doesn't work with a flower-patterned rug.
"Here she is!" Liz exclaims, reaching into a small crib, gently lifting a small pink bundle.
She cradles the baby in her arms, a look of (sober) love on her face. Jess looks away because it feels like he's intruding on something intimate.
Liz walks over to Jess, tilting the baby so he can lean in and see his baby half-sister.
"Looks a bit like T.J.," he states with a bit of disdain.
She scoffs. "Hush. She's an adorable angel." After a pause she adds, "In time she'll look more like a girl."
He grins and stares into the baby's eyes. Blue-green eyes, the same color as Liz's.
He feels weird again, realizing that thisis his sister. Half-sister, that is. He and this mini person share some DNA, which is strange.
"Do you want to hold her?"
"Oh…I don't know…" Jess stutters, taking a step back. He's not exactly trustworthy when it comes to fragile things.
"You have to hold her. You'll be fine. Just make sure you support her head," Liz replies dismissively, holding out Doula for Jess.
He clenches his jaw before slowly beginning the transfer of Doula from Liz's arms into Jess'. Doula rests on his left forearm, while his right hand supports the back of her head. He hears Liz sigh happily.
"How cute! Hold that! Let me get my camera!" And she runs out of the room and disappears up the stairs.
"Wait!" Jess starts, but sighs in defeat when he hears his mother shuffling about upstairs. He really doesn't want to be left alone with this baby. He doesn't like children, especially little ones that can't control where and when they piss and shit.
He looks down at Doula, who's staring back up at him with wide eyes. He can't believe a person can be so small. He used to be that small, once upon a time.
And Liz certainly wasn't so loving to me, he thinks to himself dryly.
This kid is going to grow up in a relatively stable environment. She's going to have a father, which is already more than what Jess could've claimed when he was this young. And Liz is going to be sober…this girl is never going to have to put up with drunk and/or high Liz. Ever.
Wait, is Jess Mariano actually jealous of a three-week-old infant?
"Aww! You two look adorable!"
Jess looks up to find Liz tearing up by the foot of the stairs, a compact camera in her hands.
"Just get the picture over with," Jess mutters.
Liz squeals as she turns on the camera, placing herself a few feet away from her two children, switching the camera from vertical to horizontal, debating which will look better.
"Vertical," he states, trying to hold onto his last shred of patience.
"Okay, okay, don't get your boxers in a twist. Smile!"
Jess attempts to smile as the flash blinds him.
Liz looks down at the camera and gushes. "My two gorgeous children."
Right when Jess is about to hand over the child, the doorbell rings, causing Liz to rush to the front door.
He sighs, getting exhausted holding this baby. It feels like she's fifty pounds. He eyes the zebra-striped couch with a hint of distaste before taking a seat on it. He rests his arms on his thighs, looking down at the girl again.
She smiles a toothless grin.
Jess furrows his brow. Huh? He tries to think if Liz mentioned to him about Doula smiling, but he can't remember her doing such a thing (then again, he never actually listens to those ten minute voicemails about Doula gargling and flapping her arms).
Then the grin disappears, and she's back to staring at him blankly.
He smiles back, this time it being genuine. The baby grins back, and he wonders if these are actually her first smiles, or if these are some sorts of weird reflexes.
"Despite your looking like T.J., you're not too bad," Jess says, but then wonders why the hell he's talking to her.
The baby gurgles, spit dripping from the corner of her mouth, leaking onto the sleeve of his navy button up.
He grimaces. "I take that back." He glances around for a towel or something when he sees a box of tissues on the coffee table in front of him. He inches to the edge of the couch, letting the baby rest on his legs before reaching his left hand for a few tissues.
Awkwardly, he wipes the corner of her mouth (it's just so she won't continue drooling on his shirt). She tries to eat the tissues, but he throws it away from her, frowning in confusion and surprise on how stupid children really are.
He cradles the baby again, wondering what the hell is taking Liz so long at the door.
With that thought, he hears two (two?) sets of footsteps into the living room.
"You can wait in here. It'll just be a few minutes," Liz explains, pointing to the couch.
When Liz turns to go, the other set of footsteps is revealed to belong to Lorelai Gilmore.
Jess freezes, his eyes widening. He supposes it's good he decided to sit down, because he's pretty sure he doesn't have the best hold on the baby right now. Why couldn't he go through this weekend without seeing either of the Gilmore girls?
Oh what the hell was he thinking, believing he could avoid seeing them?
Lorelai mirrors his expression of shock, refusing to move. He notes the frown on her face, but it looks like it's been there for a while, before she even realized he was here.
"Hey," he finds himself saying, wanting to beat himself over the head.
"Hi," she says back, shaking herself out of her stupor. "Liz is just…fixing a pair of earrings for me. She tried to do it in the foyer, but she needs tools."
She looks around the living room, deciding to take the embroidered chair across from him. She looks extremely uncomfortable.
"So, uh, you're visiting your sister. That's nice," she says after a minute of the most awkward silence he has ever endured.
He nods. "Yeah. Just for the weekend."
She nods. "She's really cute, Doula."
"Despite looking like T.J.," he mutters.
She laughs. "She does, doesn't she?"
Jess smirks, looking down at Doula, who's trying to reach her arms out to touch him. He tries to pull back, but she's fussing a bit, and the last thing he wants is for the baby to cry (he surprised that he hasn't made her cry yet). Sighing, he frees his arm from under her weight and holds his finger out to her, almost like sticking your hand inside of a fish tank to see if the fish will try to nibble at your fingers.
Doula grasps the finger rather tightly, surprising him. He hears Lorelai chuckle and he looks at her.
"You look good with her," she says sincerely.
He shrugs, not knowing what to say. When he looks down at Doula, she's kind of smiling again.
"She likes you," she points out.
"It's a fluke, she doesn't know who I am yet."
Lorelai's frowning again, and for a brief, wild moment, he wants to yell at her to just stop this thing with Luke, that it's getting old, and that they're just meant to be together. But hey, what does he know about fate?
"How are you?" she asks, and he knows she's actually curious.
"Good. I live in Philly now."
She grins. "The City of Brotherly Love?"
He rolls his eyes at her mocking. "Yes."
"What are you doing there? Besides, you know, loving brotherly."
"Working. At a publishing house."
Her eyebrows shoot up in surprise. "Really?"
It's then Jess realizes that Lorelai is completely unaware of what happened between him and Rory a few months ago. Despite how ridiculous it is, he's kind of hurt by it – is he really worth nothing to Rory that she wouldn't tell her mother about their meeting?
"Yeah."
She smiles. "I'm glad you're good. You seem better, less…" she trails off.
"Abrasive?" he supplies.
"It's just strange not seeing you with a perpetual scowl on your face."
"I still wear it periodically."
"Old habits die hard?"
"Pretty much."
She stares at him, making him feel uncomfortable before she says, "You wear maturity well."
"James Dean was getting old."
At that moment, Liz comes in holding a pair of earrings. Lorelai quickly stands up. "I swear, my eyes are not what they used to be. Sorry about that, I kept losing the wire and…well, it doesn't matter. Here you are, my darling!" Liz exclaims, handing the earrings over to Lorelai.
"Thank you so much, Liz, you're a lifesaver! How much do I –?"
"Oh, please, it was nothing. Now go! You owe me nada!"
Lorelai turns to look at Jess. "Nice seeing you again."
He nods. "'Bye, Lorelai."
She awkwardly smiles before exiting the house.
Jess knows that Lorelai will never tell Rory about her seeing him here, just like Rory never told (or will ever tell) Lorelai about his book or Blonde-Dick-Porche acting like a jackass (are they still dating? Why does he care?). But it's fine, he's kind of over the drama that comes with being involved with the Gilmore girls.
"Can you take your baby back?" Jess asks, standing up, still holding Doula.
"Aw, but you guys look –"
Jess wordlessly holds out the baby to Liz.
"Fine." She takes Doula into her own arms, and Jess sighs a bit in relief. "Hey, Jess?"
He observes Liz as she looks down at her daughter for a few moments, and then back up at him.
"I'm going to take good care of her," she states.
He clenches his jaw and nods once.
"And I'm sorry," she blurts, her voice cracking. "Having her…holding her…looking at her…I just…"
He looks away, knowing exactly what she's thinking: I don't know how I treated you the way that I did.
"It's fine," he says shortly, wanting this conversation to end.
"I'll never forgive myself for it."
He thinks about shooting her a nasty comment, saying that she shouldn't forgive herself, that she should carry that guilt with her because he's still carrying scars left by her.
But he realizes in this moment, in her tired eyes, that she thinks about it a lot more than he originally believed.
Maybe she's not as ditzy as he supposed, either.
"I've gotta go," he says after a minute.
She opens her mouth, about to try to convince him to stay longer, but in a rare moment of perception, she nods. "Okay. Stop by before you leave, will you?"
"Okay."
"I would hug you, but…" she shrugs, gesturing toward Doula.
"I'll see you tomorrow."
On the drive to Luke's, Jess tries to ignore the prickling behind his eyes. There's no reason to be emotional about this – it's all in the past, and Liz is hardly in his life anymore. It shouldn't matter that she managed to spawn another child into this fucked up world, and he shouldn't care about this kid since it's not like he's ever going to see her.
Besides, he didn't exactly have anyone to look out for him when he was younger. It can be done – growing up without anyone.
But he can't exactly help it – he would never wish for anyone to have the kind of childhood he had, and a part of him is the tiniest bit concerned for her.
He wonders if it's because there's a weird connection between siblings that immediately forms once they meet. Honestly, he doesn't believe in any of that crap, but maybe it just has to do with sharing blood.
Years ago, he recalls reading all of Aldous Huxley's work, including the one which had the line, "Blood, as all men know, than water's thicker/But water's wider, thank the Lord, than blood." He remembers underlining it, really liking that twist on the old German proverb. It made more sense.
But now he's beginning to understand that old German proverb. Maybe that guy had a point, or at least understood how fucking annoying family can be, that they never truly go away or leave one's life.
When he parks behind Luke's, he suddenly realizes that he already knew what that meant; he's known since he was born. For years he felt obligated to take care of Liz, and now he has a strange bond with his uncle, who was the first person he didn't mind having as family.
He shakes his head as he takes out the key from the ignition. Sometimes he's not as fucked up as he believes himself to be; he still has a few normal, human traits.
"What're you doing?" Luke asks.
Jess ignores him, continuing to pull out books from the one shelving unit Luke had made years ago. He piles them on the ground, some of them having toppled over, making a mess. Eventually, he spots it.
He smiles softly. "I knew it was here."
"What?" Luke demands, annoyed.
Jess gently pulls the book out of the shelf. "My first book. I stole it from the New York Public Library."
"Oh, that's great. You were stealing since you were six."
"Four," Jess corrects, staring at the scratched cover, admiring the sticker that says "Property of the New York City Public Library," and flipping through the pages. He finds a few loose ones, but otherwise, the condition is still decent.
"You left it here? After all this time?"
He shrugs. "Fragile baggage. Couldn't travel with it." After a few moments, he says, "I'm giving it to Doula."
Luke is frozen for a moment before he manages to stutter, "That's…very nice of you."
"It's not a big deal."
Luke doesn't push his nephew further. "Do you want anything to eat?"
"Sure."
But before Luke goes downstairs, he turns to Jess and points to the floor. "Pick all that up!"
Jess hides his amused grin from Luke, who shuts the door behind him.
Jess tosses the book on top of his old bed (he supposes it's now his cousin's bed) and tries not to think about what this gift would mean, or what it would look to mean. Because, really, it doesn't mean much: it's temporarily going to Liz's house, and it may see some use for a while until…what? Would he take it back? And why would he – it's not like he'd ever…
He stops that train of thought because it's just disturbing him.
Luke asks Jess if he wants to stay another day, but Jess declines, saying he has to go back to Philly to do work. So many works to read, not enough time to rip them to shreds, as his friends would say.
"Alright…well…call me when you make it back. So I know you haven't died in transit."
Jess nods. "Okay."
They come together for a hug, which is always awkward, no matter how many times they may have done it. But Jess supposes it's in their nature; they're rarely comfortable with physical contact.
"Say goodbye to your mother."
"Whatever you say, Uncle Luke," he drawls before sneaking out the back to his car.
Of course, he drives to Liz's house, every once in a while glancing at the book on the passenger seat. He could always not give it to Liz and Doula, and just bring it back to Philly, where it will stay hidden behind one of his bookshelves.
But he kind of wants to protect this kid in a weird way: books helped him (relatively speaking), and maybe they can help her.
This gesture is the closest he's ever going to get being an older brother.
When Liz opens the door, holding Doula, he thrusts the book to her. "Here."
While keeping a proper hold on Doula with one arm, Liz takes it and reads the title. "I don't think she'll be able to read it yet."
He can't refrain from rolling his eyes. "Then read it to her."
He wants to say that it was his favorite book when he was young, and that it was like a security blanket whenever Liz and the flavor of the week violated his home. But he doesn't. Instead, he reaches out and very gently strokes Doula's soft cheek and says, "Don't ruin it."
Liz understands.
"Have a safe drive," Liz tells her son. "I love you."
Jess nods his head, knowing he will never be able to say those words back.
As he's walking to his car, he only glances back once, and it's to see Doula trying to grab for the book in Liz's hand.
Jess smirks as he starts the engine. Maybe having this half-sibling isn't the worst thing in the world.
A/N: I hope you enjoyed it!
Please review!
MissGoalie