Boggart

Author; Hand Steroids

January 16th 2010

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse!

- William Shakespeare

3 November 1993

Professor Lupin had us face boggarts today. He told us that they turn into a person's worst fear. He taught my class the wand movements, but I was worried. My fear, it couldn't, I wouldn't let the class know of it. If they found the truth, surly I would be a freak amongst freaks. They would ship me off to Azkaban or St. Mungo's if I was lucky.

I know what my fear is, there is no denying it. Such as Ron and his arachnophobia, I know it without a doubt. How does one hide ones fear from a being that draws out the knowledge from your mind? Some might say that you cannot, but I know there is one way. Psychiatrists, from the muggle world, have stated that often that fears are only an allusion of the mind. It's all within the mind.

Professor Lupin took us to the teacher lounge, where Professor Snape berated and demeaned Neville and the entire class. Surprisingly, Professor Lupin took it all in stride by having Neville step up and face the boggart first. The class laughed as a copy of Professor Snape became garbed in Neville's grandmother's outfit. Professor Lupin had us stand in a line, ready to face the boggart when the time came. I moved towards the back of the line, not truly wanting to participate, but with how things turned out, I ended up with Ron and Hermione somewhere in the middle.

I could feel all the blood in my face drain, leaving my skin pale and white. My palms turned clammy as I fidgeted slightly. I glanced nervously around, desperate for an escape of any kind. I found none. The line was getting shorter. I wish that I could go some place where all expectations were null – void. Fear, why did Fate find such a curiosity in me? If I was fate, I would replace my fear with a healthy dose of respect.

No one ever said that respect didn't warrant the same as fear. Respect just was on different terms. Who am I to change the way fate works? But I cannot respect my fear. That is why it is my fear. I would wager anything that half of my class expected me to be afraid of Voldemort. But I cannot find it within me to fear the megalomaniac. Too many people fear him already that it would be a shame for me to fear him. No, I respect him. He has power, something that my fear has over myself.

I watched as a screeching banshee turn into a little ugly woman who lost her voice. Fear is only within the mind. I tried to organize my mind, but my obscure thoughts are huge. But it was a shot I needed to try. I began to clear my mind, put everything in its proper place. It all made sense now. I could hear Professor Lupin being asked a question as Ron, who was directly in front of me, turn his spider-boggart into a beast without legs that rolled over and over. Ron stepped away and I wanted to scream.

Still within the crevices of my unorganized mind, I felt the prodding abilities of the boggart. The form in front of me twisted from the hairy mass into a figure in black robes, the smell of death and rot rolling off it. But slowly to my horror it twisted and morphed into something much worse that the Dementor form it took. Slowly it twisted into a large person, larger than was healthy. I could hear someone asking if I was afraid of 'fat' people. They were partially right.

The boggart had kept some semblance to the dementor, the face of the person left hidden by a hood. My eyes widened as I took the entire form in. I froze, completely unable to control my body or even think. I shuddered, as the boggart raised its hand and brought it across my face. There were gasps of surprise as the act was committed, and I could hear the low rasping voice. "Come here little boy, time to beat the freakiness out of you."

I shivered even as I felt the blood run down my face. Professor Lupin stepped before the boggart and it shifted into some sort of silver orb. He did something and the boggart was forced back into its home. The professor, he turned to me and whispered my name. I- I don't know what possessed me, but I ran. I ran as fast and as far as I could. I could not say where my feet took me, for I was running in blind panic. I couldn't stop. They would cast me from the school and I would be a bigger freak amongst freaks.

Perhaps my uncle was right. This magic, everything was horrid and it needed to be beaten out. I could feel the tears begin to welt behind my eyes and I blink them away. I could not cry. I haven't cried since I was three. Now was not the time to start.

I dug my fingernails into my palms as I run, slowly drawing blood. It seemed hours but I found a room that felt safe. It truly felt safe. It made me feel like never before I can remember. I opened the door and quickly scrambled in. I locked the door. No one must find me. It was a plain room in a calming blue. But I took no notice. I found myself a comfortable corner. I pulled my knees up to my chest and I cried. I cried and cried and cried. I have never cried so much in my life. I despise myself for it. How could I betray myself by crying like a little kid who got everything they wanted?