Close To Fire

A.N: I was watching Partners In Crime earlier and I was like, I would die to see your name at the start. This idea popped into my head yestarday, it was originally planned as River Song than Amy Pond but I really hate 11/Amy so here you go.Lyrics come from a Turkish song called 'Atese Yakın' It is really a beautiful song by Sebnem Ferah who is by the way very talented :D You should google it or watch it from youtube etc.

A.N.2: Formally posted in We could Be The Same but the story has been deleted so..

Disclaimer: I don't own Who Verse or the song…

That night when I lit a candLe, I've thought about you

They say that women of planet Earth are exceptionally strong. I'm pretty sure they don't mean it physically. I used to think my self as nothing more than a shop girl who woke up, went to work, ate chips and went to bed, again and again. Every day was same and while I was getting older my ambitions were only getting smaller. I used to dream a fantastic job, lots of money, friends and lovers. I used to dream about being successful, finally be able to do something. You know, to do something right.

But no matter how many fairy tales I read in my childhood, none of them could have prepared me to the adventures yet to come. Nobody would believed you if you said that you travelled across the stars and through the time with a blue phone box. I know, I wouldn't and yet it was more real than I'd ever imagined.

His name was the Doctor, maybe he wasn't the white horsed prince but he was my Dark Lord in a police box. He was broken, waiting there for me to heal him. I'm aware that what I think about him might be too bitchy for you, I really do then again, you didn't know him at all.

I don't know who you are, if you are a human or not, or your age, your gender…I don't know which galaxy or planet you're from, the century you were born. I don't care, I can't care. You might have heard the tales, those legends about almighty Doctor, you might have traveled with him or never met with him at all. You might be my mum, Mickey or Jack. You might even be Cassandra which by the way if you are get the hell out of this planet right know.

If you are a stranger who knows nothing about him and still believes paranormal things, aliens and magic , sit tight, get your self something to drink and enjoy what I will tell you because it will be very hard for me to tell.

Like I said he was my Dark Angel. He had the power of a God, you could see it in his deep blue eyes. His soul was as battered as his leather jacket. Pain in his eyes was devastating, you couldn't look at them too much, if you did they would start to burn you inside out. He would always smile but never mean to smile. He was so damn afraid of making mistakes which led him to make even bigger ones. He had the greatest of souls and the wisest of minds but he had no idea how fantastic he was. He was the Doctor and from the moment he hold my hand and told me to run, he was mine.

I remembered each moment when I've got rid of fear

I met him at Henrics, where I worked. You see, plastic dummies were trying to conquer the world and who am I to sit at home and watch TV? Honestly it was completely unintentional. I don't know whether I was there by mistake or destiny but I'm pretty sure he was trying to end his life before he saved me. He hold my hand and without even looking at my face or telling me his name, he told me something that changed my life completely. He told me to run.

And Bad Wolf knows we never stopped. End of the planet Earth, big and almighty Jagrafess, ghosts, the Blitz…been there done that. From all of our enemies the loveliest ones were the deadliest. I'm sorry, I forgot that you didn't meet him, yet. I'm talking about Daleks. Aliens from Planet Skaro. Things who looks like pepper pots but the deadliest creatures out there. Doctor's biggest enemies.

Well long story short they kidnapped me and tried to kill every single human being out there. And of course it pissed him off. He rescued me and then sent me home, not even daring to ask me if I wanted to go.

He had recorded a video saying that it was a suicide mission and he was most likely dead. How could he expect me to get over it, get over him ? I found a way to go back to him. I opened the heart of the Tardis and never looked back.

Since the day you've gone, things are the same,

I went there, committed a genocide to save the Human race and my Doctor but almost died myself. To prevent my death he took the Time Vortex out of my head and let it burn the every single brain cell he had. I was out and for a really really long time I had no idea what happened that day. But when I woke up and he had already started regenerating.

Oh, spoilers again. I spent too much time with River lately. You see, Doctor is a Time Lord. As you can gather from a time machine and extended knowledge about galaxy he is an alien. And a very weird one. Time Lords used to be the superior creatures out there before the Last Great Time War. They lost it, to the Daleks and to prevent Daleks from destroying the universe Doctor killed his own planet, trapped Daleks in a Time Lock and ran away.

He is over nine hundred year old but he doesn't shows it, not if you refuse to look in his eyes. You could see it in his eyes, in his eyes he is even older than his age. I should know, pain is never something easy to handle. So when the Doctor has a fatal injury etc, if he is dying his body rewrites itself, changing every single cell in his body. As far as I know it is more painful than a human being can resist but than again he isn't human.

it's only That I missed much,

I wonder sometimes what he was like before. But I can tell you about the after. He is ,in Earth terms, drop dead gorgeous. I really hope he is still the same thin man with great hair. Like I said he can completely change himself. So when he regenerated he basically changed from a blue eyed, big eared, bald, smiley old man to a young, handsome, beautiful chocolate eyed and a brown haired guy. Believe it or not, his personality changed too. His thoughts about some certain things were still the same, his feelings, his emotions but that was all, everything else was completely new to me. And yet I didn't care, deep inside he was still the same guy whom I fell in love with.

I know that you wonder why I'm telling you this, why am I here and not with him. It wasn't his fault and then again it wasn't really mine either. It was my planets, it was Torchwood's fault. If you know them as the heroes and defenders of Earth then you are talking about another Torchwood which was based in Cardiff and led by Captain Jack Harkness who was once my best friend. But the Torchwood I'm talking about is completely different. The Torchwood I'm about to tell you about had no respect in alien life, they didn't care what happened to them, threated them like bugs. They used alien machinery to protect Earth and eventually that almost led to Earth's destruction. They weren't heroes, they made a mistake and they trapped me in a parallel world.

and like each hero you have gone earLy

You have no idea what it was like. I knew I would die, I was falling and he couldn't hold me. How could he ? He was trying to hold the other lever. But he'd warned me, begged me and tried to send me to the other universe when I refused to listen. I came back for him. I didn't care about my mom or my newly found dad, all that mattered was being with him. I was never going to give up. But my song was ending, I felt it. It was the end and I was only twenty one. I'd never told him how I felt, how I still feel about him. And he was never going to know what would happen to me next.

You were the Last light and brightness I'd seen

I had nothing but nothing to hold on, I was being sucked by a void, into the nothingness. Then my father came. He saved me and took me to a parallel world where the real challenge for me began. You see, it wasn't as easy for Time Lady's to get pregnant but if you were human who could also handle the Time Vortex, if you were the one you could found yourself pregnant without sex. And the baby being an alien you are most likely to die.

And that was my case. There was no salvation it was a kill or die decision and I'd already made my mind. My baby was the only thing that was left from him. Only thing I could give back to him. Even it meant killing myself.

all the time you used to be shining

I didn't notice the signs first. I was so busy mourning for him. I used to cry myself to sleep, refuse to eat or take care of myself. I was a mess, no matter what my mum or Mickey tried to do to heal me it was no use. I lost weight constantly, I was sick all the time. Later I learned it was because of the pregnancy but it was so obvious I was going to an end.

You see Time Lord pregnancies last thirteen months. At the fourth month if the mother is telepathic baby bonds his or her mind with mothers. I wasn't as telepathic s a Time Lady so at first it started as never ending headaches which meant a full check up. When the test results came I found a reason to live. My little baby girl, with lots of meditation I was able to speak with her, I started to sleep and eat but my condition got only worse.

I knew I was going to die, so did my baby. And it upset her, she would try to stay as calm as she can so she would not to hurt me, she loved me from the womb always trying to protect me.

That ivy you used to rest, became wilted then

Mum was shocked when she learned, dad in the other hand wasn't surprised at all. My pregnancy was kept secret from Torchwood, I was resting at home nearly all the time. My baby was getting bigger every day, she made me feel calm, she made me feel at home just like he used to.

She had two hearts, just like him. Of course, Time Lord genes were dominant. She was in my nightmares comforting me every night, looking after me like I should look after her. But with each dawn I became weaker and weaker.

Time Lords used looms to produce because it was too dangerous to produce normally. Doctor once had mentioned that he was born in normal way but never mentioned about his mother. I wonder if she died during the birth, did he blame himself for her death ?

always close to the fire were you flying

Doctor River Song came at my ninth month and I knew, even before she told me that she was his true mate. She told me then, her whole life. ''I might be his soul mate sweetie, I might be connected with him at mind, I might know his real name but your name is written in his hearts. Forever.'' River wasn't proud to be his mate, but I was glad that he was able to move on after me. And yet she seemed to know so much more than I did.

A boat and two paddles

She told me what he'd been through after me. How hard it was for him to forgive and forget. His depression, everything. If you only knew him, that man who always helps to other without wanting anything back. ..

A moon bright and a noble heart

River told me everything she knew about his other companions, she told me what happened to Jack after I left that universe. How much he was destined to suffer. But Jack was going to die as he lived, as a hero. She told me about a young Doctor named Martha Jones who would later hook up with my closest friend. How she suffered to save the Earth from an evil Time Lord and How she'd been inlove with my doctor, River's doctor and how she tried to help him, to forget me. Donna Noble in the other hand was different, a perfect match for the Doctor. River without romantic sides and rationality, a perfect friend to talk. Someone who would understand what you feel without questioning. I couldn't help but feel sorry for myself also, like her I also couldn't get my forever with him.

"Rakı", a bit, a bit of something to eat,

She wouldn't have to try to survive like I did. Because her memories were gone. I wished I met her but I never did. My end was soon. At first she tried to keep it away from me, but keeping a secret like that, it is basically impossible. She told me that I was going to die for a much , much grater reason than myself. Which I already knew, I was going to die for my baby girl.

Perhaps that's what Life has meant

Our songs were destined to end soon but he had three more, I had none. River told me about her adventures with last three doctors, how much they meant to her. She told me how they used to mention me in daily life, trying to remember happy things about me. But River also knew something I didn't.

The day when you have Left,

It was so hard to accept the truth embrace it completely but River was there. Dealing with pain was hard, it was there every second of my life, in every step, in every breath. River told me who my daughter would become one day, that was what made me keep going without losing her. Every day and every night, I knew I was so damn close to losing her.

I saw you saying fareweLL in my dream by accident

She told me what she knew about that faithful day on Bad Wolf Bay and how it was going to happen again. River was going to made my clone with her advanced science knowledge and hope the Doctor would never find out. With Mickey's help she was going to make everyone believe that I was still alive, then Mickey would tell the truth about my clone to the clone Doctor and they would live happily ever after. Doctor and I, we were destined to suffer so I was very happy to found at their happy ever after. At least they could find some peace.

I missed extremely, and Like each hero you have gone early

She was born 19 of May 2007. Almost six pounds, ten fingers and ten toes, a bundle of joy with two hearts. And oh yes, she was ginger. I'm sure if the doctor knew he would be overjoyed and jealous. As far as I know his biggest dream as to become ginger one day. Like himself, his baby girl was perfect. Her bright shining eyes looked at me with such knowledge already but River didn't seem surprised. ''I will make her forget all the suffering, she'll be safe sweetie.''

You were at my sight the Last Light and brightening

Her name was Amelia Jackie River Tyler which River later turned it in to Pond. Before you ask, I didn't exactly name her after my mum, I named her after my once best friend. Hoped that one day my little Amy would be there for him.

Then the pain came. Without the shock it was crushing and unbearable, I already had lost so much blood and then for Amelia to survive I had to give all of life energy away. I had to believe I was strong enough. For my daughter.

all the time You used to be shining

I had to sent her to my, to his to her original universe. I opened the walls between parallels and also stretched them to allow my clone and Mickey to go later. Then slowly the Golden energy, the Bad wolf inside me left me alone to find my daughter. It didn't feel like betrayal but it still hurt. Bad Wolf had been a part of me for years and it only took seconds for it to leave me. I guess little did I know that I was becoming the Big Bad Wolf.

That ivy you were resting, was then withering

I died that day. River took my daughter out of that universe without waiting my clone to wake up. She knew it would. Clone Rose was a fixed point time. Years passed by, I tried to watch over my daughter, watch over my universe. Amy grew up and River wasn't always there for her. I didn't blame River, she couldn't be. She had her own mission, her own reason to be alive at the first place. When Amy was seven she found the Doctor. Just after he regenerated. It took her almost twelve years to fin him again. I almost believed that she fell for the Doctor but Time Lord emotions were so strong. She wasn't old enough to understand the devotion she already felt for her father. I wished to be there, with my family but it as impossible. Cracks started to open and she was to only one who could mend them, but first they had to understand the choice I made a long time ago. A choice wrong from the nature but also so right from the start. It was starting to shatter the walls, after nineteen years. But I had faith that my Doctor, no River's Doctor, Amy's Doctor could find a way.

always cLose to the fire were you flying

They had journeys yet to come and me ? I was finally myself again the Bad Wolf secretly watching him, from far away, watching him have fun with the daughter he didn't even know existed and keep him away from burning because with or with out knowing he was always playing with the fire.

Right now I am planing to write either about Jack or Rory, haven't decided yet.