All about you
This was never going to work. Objectively if dozing is playlist with suggestive songs, dressing like she was either a very high-end professional like Pepper, like the nerd she actually is, or like the little minx she pretended to be on the occasional Saturday girls' night out wasn't working she really didn't see how Clint's idea was going to work.
But desperate times and all that.
It all started like all stories, with Aliens invading the Earth, a man almost dying, his fed-up ex-girlfriend turned best friend ever and people throwing the word pathetic to start describing Antony Edward Stark a little too much for her taste.
Okay it was a little true, but it was not her fault. She tried everything she knew and when those two things didn't work she went to Tasha for advice on 'how to seduce a stubborn genius billionaire philanthropist/ superhero who apparently decided to not be a playboy anymore' and then she tried everything the woman could think off which took about 2 months to exhaust.
JARVIS even tried to help, the AI had an incredible amount of coincidental failure whenever they were alone in the elevator or in the workshop, or in the car because yes she even tried out the old 'the car broke what are we going to do?' trick to no avail because well it was stupid she didn't want to talk about it anymore.
When Pepper called her up to her office on Monday she thought the other woman might tell her she was fired she was way too distracting and had already sent Tony to the ER (or more accurately to Bruce who didn't even complain about being Tony's personal physicist anymore) this week. Totally not her fault though, he was watching her work filling up his and Bruce's work and he forgot he was welding but Pepper was very protective of the man so fired she would be.
"I didn't do anything wasn't even dressed to seduce him." Darcy told the red head as soon as she opened the door to the CEO's office. Only Pepper wasn't the only one there, the entire Avengers team was accounted for. "Am I naked?" she asked looking at herself. "Weird I am usually naked when I have nightmares about this." She said shrugging.
"You're not in trouble Darcy." Natasha told her from her seat on top of Pepper's desk, which Darcy thought furtively as a place only Nat would be able to seat on and surely had often be laying on, at least she hoped since it was just the right height.
"Darce!" Steve cried out when she got lost in her thoughts.
"Yeah not in trouble." She said looking around. "Not this again." She grunted when she noticed Tony wasn't in the room.
"Yes!" Pepper cried out. "This again! I am going to say something I'd never thought I 'll say but I'd rather listen to explicit details about your sex life than him pinning."
"Then you tell him." Darcy told the other woman, leaning on the door crossing her arms around her.
"Did! Don't think he believes me though." Pepper sighed.
"Well he doesn't seem to believe me either." Darcy said letting herself fall to the floor.
And it was true, she not only tried tricks and seduction she also bluntly told him she was into him and asked him out about a hundred times and if all their room(tower)mates were not as convinced as she was that the man was crazy in love with her she would have given up a long time ago, being rejected repeatedly wasn't a fun way to pass time.
"He is being an idiot." Sam said sitting himself next to her.
"I don't get how my age or his money suddenly became a big deal, he never had a problem with it when it was about all those bimbos Pepper had to escort out." Darcy told him but she knew they all heard her. "I just think he is not into me and I am making a full out of myself for nothing." She told them resigned pushing herself up and kicking gently Sam's ankle so he would move out of the way of her getting out of the room and maybe going to drown herself into a tub of ice-cream in front of 'Love Actually' or something equally depressing.
"I got an idea." Clint cried out making her turn around.
"That is scary." Darcy said smirking. "Please go on."
His idea was scary, and stupid, and fun and … Well at least if Tony still didn't get it she had fun at rehearsal all week.
"I still don't get it. Karaoke night should at least end up with one of us on YouTube, there is really no point into doing one at home." Tony complained to Bruce on their way up from the lab on Friday evening. "Lewis is weird."
"Stop complaining, it will be fun." Bruce told him trying desperately not to either growl out the desperate attempt from his friend to conceal his real feelings for their lab assistant/ Survival essential or laugh at the thought of what was going to happen. Maybe just do both and growl at how he became involved and agreed to play along with the others.
"I know what you consider friend my not-green-friend and let me tell you alcohol better be involved." Tony said.
"Don't think so." Bruce told him shrugging at the shocked face Tony directed at him. "Just go take a shower and meet us back down in 15 minutes." He said pushing the scientist toward the stairs.
"Fine but I reserve the right to complain all night." Tony told him and Bruce agreed thinking there was no way Tony would complain tonight anyway.
"So?" Darcy jumped on him as soon as he got off to the common floor.
"He's coming." Bruce told her smiling at his nervous friend.
"I sure hope so." Clint quipped up from the made up stage.
"Clint!" Steve chastised him but couldn't keep from smiling when the comment had Bucky laughing.
"I swear to Thor if this doesn't work I will run off with Fandral, he asked me to marry him last time he came down to Earth and the offer sounds more and more tempting." Darcy told her friends.
"I thought he asked your boobs?" Jane asked.
"Well at least he showed interest in me." Darcy said shrugging.
"Yeah, no one is running away. If this crazy plan isn't working, I'll personally tie him up to his bed and you can do whatever you want with him after that." Nat offered and weirdly enough everyone seemed to approve.
"Wow, it doesn't take much to turn the Avengers into Villains." Darcy said whistling while she looked at Steve who nodded thoughtfully.
"Even our good captain knows the values of being cuffed to his bed." Clint said smirking making Steve blush deeply and getting a deep kiss from Bucky as a reward.
"You…?" Darcy couldn't even finish.
"You've been missing a lot of gossips focusing on Tony." Wanda whispered when she passed next to her to join Sam.
"New plan. I am going to kill Tony for making me miss that." Darcy offered but no one had the time to answer the man in question getting off the elevator at the same time.
"So much hate, what did I do?" Tony asked.
"You're going to sit your amazing ass on the couch and let me serenade you in silence." Darcy told him turning away from him to go join the others.
"I…" He started but she glared at him.
"I said 'IN SILENCE'". She might be in love with the man but she had been waiting to see how long it might take her assassin spies to get Steve to admit he wanted in since Clint brought Bucky back to New York and Tony's obliviousness had made her miss everything.
"Darce it was supposed to be subtle." Pepper reminded her.
"I am done being subtle." She shot back. "JARVIS music." She said getting everyone to take their respective places.
It did take a lot of rehearsal and a lot of YouTube viewing of both the clip and the live version of the song on the Live show on X Factor but Clint got the entire team to line dance with Darcy over what he deemed to be an appropriate song for this situation.
You could be my dirty secret
(I could be yours)
We could only be a rumor
(Never be sure)
You could meet me in the backseat
(Late night)
A ticket up in first class
(Mile high)
She started to sing with Clint and Bucky as her counterpart.
Cuz hey baby, baby you got me so
So good
Hey baby, baby I got it so
So bad
Think you're all about me but I'm all about you
Turn the lights down let me show you it's true
Get a little taste of what I'm into
Think you're all about me but I'm all about you, you
I don't wanna keep a secret
(No no no more)
This is more than just a little thing, baby
(For sure)
I can't wait until the next time
(We meet)
Gonna kiss you in the daylight
Out on the beach
Cuz hey baby, baby you got me so
So good
Hey baby, baby I got it so
So bad
Think you're all about me but I'm all about you
Turn the lights down let me show you it's true
Get a little taste of what I'm into
Think you're all about me but I'm all about you
(Think you're all about me but I'm all about you), you
Think you're all about me but I'm all about you
Midnight eyes
Oh you came as a surprise
You were right on time
Think you're all about me, but I'm all about you
Think you're all about me, but I'm all about you
(Think you're all about me, but I'm all about you)
Think you're all about me but I'm all about you
Turn the lights down let me show you it's true
Get a little taste of what I'm into
Think you're all about me but I'm all about you, you
Think you're all about me but I'm all about you
Think you're all about me but I'm all about you
When they were done, they all started to laugh together, that had to be a more fun the team had in a while and even if Pietro was always a step ahead of the others it was a great coordination exercise according to Hill. None of that help though when Darcy looked toward the couch to find Pepper alone.
"Can we all agree that I humiliate myself enough now?" Darcy asked the assembly letting herself fall next to Pepper grabbing a pillow to either hide herself or smother herself she hadn't decided yet.
"Sorry Darce! I really thought it would work. Knowing we were all on board and all." Clint told her plucking the pillow out of her hands.
"It's okay. At least we had some fun out of it." Darcy told him getting up to kiss his cheek thinking she might turn off for the night anyway, resigned.
Sir is asking if Miss Lewis could join him in his workshop.
JARVIS' interruption startle them all but no one seemed to know what it was all about.
"Tell him I am not in the mood to be lecture about how we would be all wrong." Darcy informed JARVIS thinking they would stop at that.
If I may I really think you should get down, there.
"Go!" Jane cried out.
"But…" Darcy tried to protest but Rhodey was already escorting her to the elevator.
"Trust me go." He told her with a smirk.
Darcy went down to the shop feeling herself get nervous suddenly, Rhodey seemed pretty sure it would be a good thing to get there and she trusted him, but being Tony's best friend for so long could have corrupted the man, it was entirely possible, after all he had thought at one point that Iron Patriot was cool.
The lab was dark, only lit up by a dozen or so holographic screens, getting closer Darcy started to see a pattern in them, harassing contracts Pepper had made Tony signed before she even called Jane, pictures of Darcy since she got hired to work for the Science Three, speeches he dictated to JARVIS and videos of how often her name handed up on them whenever she even passed by the lab, not even getting in. They were all dating way before anyone started telling her Tony was into her, way before she herself notice the little smiles he was always giving her, the absence of bimbos on the mornings after galas. There were entire handwritten scripts of how he would talk to her some day and admit everything to her. And a video of him shoving his head repeatedly against his desk after she tried to get him to say yes to a date yet again.
"Tony?" She asked because there was no sign of the man himself.
"So…" He said trailing off.
"You know for a genius you're pretty stupid." She told him approaching one of the first board and touching a picture to enlarge it. "See that picture?" She asked and he nodded. "You could have asked me out on a date that day and I would have said 'Yes'."
"Because I was Tony Stark." He countered knowing full well that picture of her with her hair falling down her face from her messy bun, her oversized Captain America sweater and her black leggings over naked feet was taken on her first day at the tower.
"Of course because you're Tony Stark." She said getting closer to him putting her hand over his mouth when he was about to tell her for the emptiest time that it was why he didn't do it. "Because I knew that Tony Stark wasn't just a billionaire, not just Iron Man, not just a playboy. But because Tony Stark, looked like a dork with his welding googles over his head, his face covered in dirt because he was fixing something on Clint's explosive Arrows so my favorite archer wouldn't blow himself up again. Because Tony Stark founded Jane's researches so she could bring Thor back to Earth. Because Tony Stark gave a safe place for Bruce Banner to science and go crazy if he wanted to. Because Tony Stark told Captain America that he wasn't perfect." She stopped to push herself up and put a light kiss on his lips. "Because Tony Stark did everything he could so Pietro and Wanda would feel comfortable living with the man they thought was responsible for their family's death."
She turned around going for the lab's door.
"Plus Tony Stark is smoking hot. You know for an old man." She told him before pushing the button to open the door.
Before she could slip out though Tony had caught up with the plan and scooped her up in a fireman carry.
"Tony what are you doing?" She asked him.
"I seemed to recall something about showing me what you're into if I turn the light down, the penthouse as a bed." Tony said slapping her ass lightly.
"Yes Finally." She said giggling.
Song All about you by Hilary Duff