I think we all have that dream. The dream to meet our idol. To tell them how much they mean to us. How they saved us. But when your dream becomes a reality it can quickly go wrong. I cannot forget the day her grip loosened on my as she fell to the floor, the pain I felt as my heart ached for her to say it'll all be ok as her coffin was lowered into the ground. She was my only love, it was ten years ago today but I still wait for her to rub her face on my back as she fell to sleep. I would do anything to feel her heart beat one more time, to see her deep blue eyes watch me hungrily as I walked over to her. My hand to trace perfectly sculpted face...
I think I best stop before I get too carried away with myself. You're probably wondering who 'she' is so I'm going to rewind to when I was 16 and start from the beginning.
I was an ordinary teenager, hated school, had a pig sty for a room but I guess I always felt like something was missing. I had boyfriends, I was even in love with a boy but I always found girls were more interesting. The way you had to fight for them, the challenge that came with them. Trying to keep them happy all of the time, to be honest I even liked the thought that she'd be waiting for me to text her, to say I loved her, I loved the control of having someone waiting for me to tell her what to do and what I want to do to her ;). The thing is I never met any of these girls. I was getting really depressed because the first girl I ever fell in love with I had no chance of meeting because she lived so far away and I couldn't just leave as I was only 15.
The night I was at my lowest was the night I first saw Lucy Spraggan on Xfactor, I couldn't believe what I was seeing.