Jacob Wright
Mid-Autumn's Do'h!
On a cold, snowy morning in October, Homer, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie sat at the table. Once Homer saw the food Marge placed in front of him he declares,
"Well, I've gotta go to work".
Marge interrupts, "It's only 5:00 A.M.!"
"But in Melbourne it's already 8:00! Gotta go!" and without another word Homer left to go to the Nuclear Power Plant. There he sees an annoyed Mr. Burns. He says,
"Ahh yes, there's that ignorant chimpanzee. Monkey man do you know what time it is?"
"Five o'clock!" Homer answered. Mr. Burns responded,
"Excellent. The baboon can tell time! But in Warsaw it's already 12:00!"
"Do'h! Please Mr. Burns let me go and pretend to work for the rest of the day so I can get out of the cold!"
"No I already found a replacement! This man has been here since 6:00 Warsaw time!" Mr. Burns said indicating a passed out Barney Grumble.
"Awwww, I can't even compete with the town drunk! I'm going to Moe's." Homer said sadly.
So Homer, disgruntled, started heading to Moe's bar. On the way he passes Springfield Elementary and decides to check on Bart and Lisa. Inside Lisa's room Homer sees everybody sleeping except for Lisa. He says to himself, "Ahhhh girl Bart is doing so well." Then Homer goes to Mrs. Krabappel's classroom and see's the teacher fast asleep and Bart flirting with Sherri and her twin Terri. Angry Homer steps into the classroom and takes Bart by the ear. Homer says,
"Look boy, I can see your maturing and yada yada yada and all that boring stuff your Health class tries to teach you but… Do'h! I lost my plane of thought."
"Uhhh, Dad isn't it train of thought?" Bart corrects.
"The ummmm, the tip at the end of the pencil is…"
"Do you mean the point?" Bart interrupts.
"Look Bart I'm gonna teach you how to be a man so come on."
"Aicarumbah!" Bart exclaims. So Homer drove Bart over to Moe's Tavern and says,
"All right boy, this is the climax of everything I'll ever teach you. Actually it's the only thing I'll ever teach you so listen up. What a man has to do is go to a bar and totally forget that you had a date with your wife all right? Now stay here. I'll be back in a half hour. So Bart stood there until 9:30 when he decides his dad's been in there too long. Bart walks in and Moe says,
"Hey ain't you a little young to be here?" Bart says,
"I'm in 4th grade." Moe says,
"Oh sorry. That's quite all right. Forgive me. Wait a minute!" Bart stood there paralyzed and afraid and Moe continues, "Ain't you that kid who pranks me on the phone all the time?" Hastily Bart says, "No that's Milhouse Van Houten" Moe apologizes and Bart goes and finds Homer having difficulties sitting on his stool. Meanwhile Homer is saying,
"Hey! Where'd that Homer guy go?" and then Homer collapsed. Bart then drags him to the car where Homer gets in the driver seat. Bart says,
"Uhh, dad? I think it would be better if I drive." Homer says,
"But you're only what, 15? Get in boy!" Homer then drives crookedly around the street when they hear sirens. Bart looks and sees Clancy Wiggums, the cop, driving a police car behind them.
"Maybe we should just pull over dad." Bart suggests.
"Not likely!" Homer yells and cuts into the grass. After they lost the cops they drove on and about one hundred miles later they see a street sign.
"Dad? Where's Ackerman Boulevard?" Bart asks.
"What do I look like Google Maps?" Homer responds. Then the car sputtered and ran out of gas in front of a school with a bunch of poles in the front yard. Then they hear police sirens. They both duck in the car but then they see the cars are chasing a blue haired kid. Clancy Wiggums yells, "Stop Milhouse!Prank calling is illegal in Sprinfield!"
Milhouse yells,
"AHHHHHHHHHH! I'm getting tired! Please have mercy!"
When the police car and Milhouse are out of sight, they get out and see a white haired woman. Bart asks where a gas station is, but the lady says,
"I'm not really sure but my name is Mrs. Moore and I would like to offer you a job. Could you two stand in front of this school for two weeks? I'll give you both twenty dollars an hour!" Bart whispers into Homer's ear,
"Do it dad!" but Homer says,
"Don't worry Bart. I can negotiate!" and to Mrs. Moore he says,
"Ten bucks an hour!"
Bart yells,
"Dad!"
But the lady says, "Fifteen!"
Homer yells," We give you twenty bucks an hour and that's your final offer!"
The lady says," All right, I'll pick up my check for $6,720.00 at the end of the week." Homer yells, "Do'h!"
Bart says mockingly, "Nice going Homer! Now we're stuck standing in front of this stupid school for two weeks and we're in debt!"
Homer yelled, "Why you little…!" and starts choking him. That's how Homer ended up choking Bart in front of our school.