Watch and Learn

By MusketeerAdventure

Summary: As Clay struggles to remember recent events, Jason pushes back memories of a painful failure that haunts him still. This is a missing scene from episode eleven 'Containment'.

The scenery here was magnificent…clear, bright and warm. The azure blue sky; without a single cloud….seemed artificial, unnatural in its perfection. Droplets of water careened toward him, caressed his skin and made him think of Stella. Of how light her touch was when she held his hand, stroked his beard or cuddled close in his arms. In this moment, standing here alongside the ocean; he sorely missed her presence and wished she was here with him; even if it meant hearing her say, "You are such a romantic."

Incredible blue waves ascended; crested the horizon, and crashed toward him like a powerful storm; only to peter out; then ebb and flow languidly around his bare feet. A sense of exhilaration squeezed his chest tight and made it hard to breathe. It felt so good to feel this way.

Clay wiggled his toes in the wet sand which left indentations that disappeared almost as soon as he made them. And for some reason, that seemed funny to him, and he chuckled.

He loved it here, and deeply breathed in the fresh air….overcome with a sense of elated calm – if that made any sense. Seagulls flew noisily overhead, making their way to some distant haven he supposed. And so covering his eyes against the haze of the sun, he followed their precise path of flight out into the beyond.

Over time, his sense of wonder was seized with an uncertainty that perhaps he should be leaving with them.

At his shoulder, he could hear Brian give an exasperated sigh. "What are you doing here?" he asked, then punched his arm for good measure. And even though he asked with a humorous lilt to his voice – an undertone of a solemn degree was there also. Afraid to think too hard on it, he instead rubbed his arm with exaggeration as if to teasingly fake injury.

Turning, he looked into the clear, serious eyes of his best friend; shrugged his shoulders and smiled. "I don't know why I'm here.", he answered honestly. "But it's good to see you." And together they took off running – side by side; stride for stride along the sandy beach….just along the edges of the ocean waters. He was safe here, Brian was here and he actually laughed out loud; setting aside his misgivings; glad to be in the company of his friend.

Water sprayed his face, and suddenly Brian was pulling him by the arm toward the wall of ocean waves. "Let's go for a swim!" he playfully yelled over the roar. Clay nodded eagerly and yelled back, "Okay" and dove in – feeling free, happy and alive.

Jason lowered his weapon, and swiped the sweat from his face. The knot in the pit of his stomach was tight with that nauseated feeling he always got just after a fire fight. Controlling his breathing, he counted to ten and called out for his team to check in as he scanned the eerily silent, chaotic scene of destroyed burning vehicles; bloodied bodies; and scarred landscape.

Here was the moment. The brief calm after the storm he always looked forward to that indicated the success of the mission at hand and that his team had made it through with their lives.

"Here Boss", answered Trent loud and clear to his right.

"Here Boss", echoed Brock from his left; who seemed unfazed by the carnage surrounding them.

A few seconds passed and there was no shout out from the kid.

Cursing silently, he knew then there would be no relief – no calm. "Where's Spenser?" he demanded, and pointing to Brock growled out, "Go and find him.", and then gesturing for Trent to follow him, began the task of being sure Bulgarian gangsters were permanently incapacitated.

Checking each damaged vehicle, noting each lifeless gaze; seeing that no one had escaped their Mad Minute ambush – the knot in his stomach loosed just a bit. He reached for his com and reported in. "All good here", he clipped out tersely and added, "Looks like we might be walking in", then strode back to find Brock.

A flash of Nate – shot to hell assaulted, then bombarded his senses; along with blood on his hands, a mission gone wrong…..his entire fault. Time; a life interrupted…..a wife and child left behind. His mouth went dry, just as his palms broke out in a sweat.

Clenching his fists he swallowed down the fear that he had perhaps lost another. For the one hundredth time on this mission, he wished Ray was here. Always steady Ray, who kept him in check; who knew his strengths and weaknesses; who kept him on point and wasn't afraid to tell him when he was wrong. But Ray wasn't here, Sonny was on the other side of the bridge and Spenser was….

"Over here Boss", Brock stood and yelled out – waving him over beyond the rocky road.

Dusty boots and legs protruded from behind a boulder and a kind of white noise assaulted his hearing and for the briefest of moments the earth tilted sideways. Then cutting through the clamor of confusion was Brock's voice, "I think he's okay. Looks like he got nicked" and Jason noted the crease at the side of the kid's hairline bleeding profusely.

"If anything, he will have one hell of a headache when he wakes up."

Jason unclenched his fist and the earth settled back on its axis. Gazing hard at the ground he let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. A concussion then maybe, he thought…..and the knot was gone.

Pointing to the damaged vehicles on the road, he ordered, "See if you can go and give Trent a hand and get one of those up and working." Studying Spenser's prone, still form, he continued, "I don't think he's walking out of here." , and watched as Brock trotted off in double time.

Kneeling to the earth he squeezed Clay's shoulder and whispered, "What did I say kid?" and wiped the blood from his face.

This was so great; resting here on the beach….the sun warming his skin – his best friend by his side. "I could stay here forever", he said dreamily and groaned when Brian poked him hard in the ribs with his elbow.

Brian sat up to peer down at him, and with a frown on his face declared, "It's nice to see you man, but you can't stay here. You know that….right?"

Slowly, Clay sat up and as their shoulders touched looked out on the extraordinary expanse of ocean and knew it was true; had known it from the beginning. This wasn't where he belonged. It just felt so good to be here – no pressures; no worries; just a wonderful feeling of peace and serenity. "I don't want to leave you here alone" he uttered; and Brian laughed at his feeble excuse.

"I'm not alone here Clay…really."

And side by side without speaking, they watched the sun set and cast dusky shadows across the water. In time, Brian stood with deliberate purpose and offered, "If it helps, I'll go first." and began to walk away along the shore, lifting his hand in farewell.

"I'll see you again…don't worry", he called out amidst the shade of night and disappeared; faded from view; as blackness engulfed the beach. Clay waved back, and shouted, "Brian!"

He was suddenly alone.

Rocks and shrubbery dug into his back, right through his jacket. It was no longer warm and he shivered. When he opened his eyes the blaring sun stared back at him and his head exploded with agony. Squinting, he could just make out Brian retreating with a wave, telling him "don't worry."

He blinked, and there was Boss kneeling beside him in the dirt.

Frowning, Clay attempted to sit up; confused as to where he was and what had happened. A firm hand pressed him back to the earth just as bile erupted from his throat. Boss turned him on his side and he just let it all go until only the dredges of spittle were left. His ribs ached with the effort of heaving; and everything around him had a warped, distorted feel to it. He couldn't seem to get his bearings.

Boss was saying something to him, but the words made no sense until a bottle of water appeared and was pressed in his hand. Then he was being lifted beneath his arms to have his back placed against a large rock. Swishing the blessedly cool water around in his mouth gave him a chance to gather himself and peer around at his surroundings.

Spitting out the foul taste in his mouth he vaguely remembered gun fire; and some sort of explosion.

"You're okay", Boss said to him through a long tunnel that made him sound so far away; and pat him on the back.

He nodded, caught sight of Trent and Brock below them on the road working under the hood of a burnt out truck. Rubbing his head, he felt a bandage at his hair line, winced and asked, "Where's Brian?"

When he saw Boss lift his eyebrow in a questioning way, he hesitated and scanned the area again. "Do you know where we are?" Boss asked and took the bottle of water from his vice like grip. Yes…where were they he thought to himself and answered, "The beach?"

Clay saw something …..like worry on his CO's face that sort of scared him, so looked away – up into the sky to see that no seagulls graced the heavens; there was no setting sun; the ocean was no longer in view and Brian was gone. "No, not the beach", he hurriedly corrected.

"No, not the beach. How about this. Do you know who I am?"

Clay snickered and answered quickly, "You're the Boss, Boss.", then laughed as his vision blurred and head pounded in painful sync with his rapid heartbeat.

Down on the road, Trent called up to them yelling, "We've got this one working. It should get us to the airfield with no problem"; then slammed the hood down with satisfaction.

Jason stood and studied the kid closely. "A concussion it is", he announced and put his hand out. Clay reached up, grabbed hold and found himself easily; with little effort on his part lifted from the ground and planted on his feet.

"I'm okay Boss", Clay assured as he swayed slightly with the shifting earth.

"Then tell me. What's the last thing you remember?"

Clay squinted and glanced warily at the scene before him and found he had no real memory of the obvious skirmish that must have taken place. So he said the first thing that came to mind. "I remember you said something about watch and learn."

Jason laughed and shimmied down the slope toward the road. "Good enough" he snorted out; picked up his pace and to no one in particular exclaimed, "Let's get the hell out of here."

Thank you so much for reading. Please leave a review and let me know what you think. I absolutely love this show and hope I got the characters of Clay and Jason right!