Lights Will Guide You Home, a mortal instruments fanfic

"Two drowning people with lead weights around their ankles

may not be each other's salvation; if they hold hands, they'll just sink

twice as fast. In the end, the weight of carrying each other's broken hearts becomes

unbearable."

Fredrik Backman

Jace was always the emotional one in the family.

He was the soft guy. The wimp. The cry baby.

He felt things too deeply.

And everyone knew that.

They were William and Jem and Jace. The three brothers. Together, they were unstoppable. William was the oldest. He was the hardest to handle, his words cruel and his intentions brutal. Jem was the middle child. He was kind and honest, sometimes to a fault. Jace was the baby brother. He was the last kid born and so he usually ended up with the butt end of the stick.

They had difficult lives, the three of them.

But they held to one rule:

Don't let the world know it.

"Who is this?" William ruthlessly demanded, his mouth curled in disgust. They had just come inside the house after playing a game of tag football in the backyard. In the living room was a strange man they hadn't seen before. He was probably in his mid-thirties, with a buzz cut and a lumbering body. A large scar was displayed on his neck.

At the question, Celine turned. She had had her arm snaked around the man's chest. She was so close to him, her skimpy outfit flashed for all to see.

Jace didn't know what to say. So he watched as William pushed passed them, his hands curled into fists. "Who the fuck is this, Celine?" He hadn't called Celine 'mom' since he was a little boy.

Their mother made a face. It looked like annoyance. Like they had interrupted something. Jace swallowed and kept his grip on the football, squeezing it dearly. "This is Luke." She lifted her fingers to the man's little hair and uttered in a sweet whisper, "And these are my kids." She pointed half heartedly to the three of them, not even bothering to introduce them by name.

Luke smirked. There was something dangerous about him. In the way he held himself. "Nice to meet you guys."

William's eyebrows furrowed. He directed his next statement to his mother. "He's not staying here. No fucking way."

Celine scoffed, her chest puffing out. "Remember, honey. This is my house. And Luke is welcome to stay whenever he likes. Right, baby?" Luke's palm hovered over his mother's bum before he heard her release a delightful squeal.

The two trudged to a bedroom and shut the door noisily.

They heard the grunts and screams and moans the entire night.

Luke became a permanent structure in their lives, whether they liked it or not.

The first time it happened, Celine didn't believe them. She called them liars. Her own children.

Jace was on his phone, lying on his bed, the sheets scattered on the carpet and mattress. Jem was fast asleep on the top bunk and William was somewhere else. Probably at a party or hanging out with friends.

It was about two in the morning and Jace could hear crickets outside. He clicked his phone off and placed it on his cabinet counter. No matter how much he tried, he always had trouble sleeping.

Sighing, he rolled over and heard the distinct sound of footsteps coming from the hall. He wondered idly if it was his drunken mother, stumbling around wildly. At the thought, he frowned, disturbed and tired to the bone.

It was when the door to their room opened that he shuffled upwards, rubbing at his eyes. It wasn't Celine. It was Luke.

And he looked wide awake.

And amused.

"What do you want?" Jace asked, his voice giving out a little tremble. He didn't have William's strength or Jem's bravery. He was eighteen and yet he acted like a kid. At least, that's what William said to him.

Luke grinned, white teeth glinting. He was a burly man, with muscles everywhere and veins that bulged almost against his will. "Don't try to sound like your brother. It doesn't suit you." He stepped forward, not bothering to glance at Jem's sleeping form. He was just a few feet from Jace now.

"You're not like them, Jonathon. I've noticed you." Jace cringed at his full name being pronounced. His heart was beating heedlessly in his chest. He thought of why he was feeling this way. What did the guy want from him? Money? A good beating?

"My name is Jace." He managed to say, jaw clenched.

And that was when Luke closed the space between them, in two simple, long strides. He smelled like sour beer and eggs. The scent made his eyes water, but he kept his gaze on the intruding man.

Then Luke placed his hand on Jace's thigh. And Jace was disgusted, but he couldn't move. He couldn't will himself to. In his mind, he kept repeating to himself that he was such a pussy. He couldn't push a guy off of him. He was so weak.

And he thought about Jem, who was just above him, snoring softly. Why couldn't he wake up?

Luke sucked in a breath. "Y'know, sex with your mom is good. But I was craving something more." His hand made its way upwards, making Jace stiffen.

The door slammed open.

And there was William.

And he took in the scene and then Luke was on the ground, being pounded on by William, blood spilling on the carpet, remaining there forever.

Jace didn't do anything. He watched everything numbly, his body buzzing, even when Jem awoke and held him around his shoulders protectively, murmuring phrases of comfort.

Celine crashed into their room, her blonde hair a mess. She must've woken up from all the noise. Her orbs fell on the figure on the ground. And she shouted, at the top of her lungs, for all the neighbors to hear, "Get out! Get out of this house! All of you!"

And it was William who spit on her face, giving one last kick to the side of Luke, who groaned helplessly. They left the house, standing in the porch.

Before Jace could move, he was slammed into the front door, his head cracking from the sudden impact. William had his fingers clasped on the cloth of his little brother's shirt. His pale face was angry, but there was some regret there too. "Why didn't you fucking do anything?" Jem tried to pull William away from Jace, but it was no use. William was too strong. "What would've happened if I didn't come in, you asshole? What?!" His blue eyes were bloodshot. "You can't fight for yourself." He released Jace, like his touch was burning him. "You're such a goddamned coward."

And that made Jace flinch. And he wiped his eyes wearily.

That was when William muttered to Jem, bitterly, "There he goes again. Crying." He shook his head. "He'll never change."

They didn't have anywhere to go after that. William was content living on the streets. He said he knew some people who could help them out. Jem and Jace just wanted to go home, despite the chaos waiting for them.

When they made it back to their house, after a few days of staying at a crappy motel, it was Luke who answered their knocks. William's eyes narrowed. Jace knew he was trying to hold himself back. "You're still here?" He asked, cocking his head to the side.

Luke smirked. There were purple bruises on his face. Marks of what William had done to him. "Of course I am. Who's gonna keep your mom's legs open?"

William lunged forward, but Jem was quicker. He wrapped his skinny arms around William's body. Jace stood there, frozen from catching the sight of Luke. Alive and well.

Celine let them in later on. When William told her what had happened the other night, she accused them of trying to ruin her love life. She told them, that in order for them to stay in the house, they had to apologize.

William refused.

But Jem begged him to rethink his decision. They were just teenagers. They couldn't live on their own.

So, William complied, giving Luke an expression of warning. "Get near my baby brother again, and I'll make sure you're dead."

In school, they were normal guys. They were popular and well liked. Nobody knew about what they were going through. Jem was a musician, playing the violin after school whenever he had the chance. He couldn't afford to purchase the instrument, so he practiced relentlessly, competition after competition.

William and Jace were star football players. William a linebacker and Jace, the quarterback. Sometimes, they hung out in the same groups. William looked out for Jace, but didn't make it obvious. He made sure Jace wasn't in a place for too long. He made sure Jace hung out with the right people. He made sure Jace wouldn't reveal their secrets. It was as simple as that.

Jace had a girlfriend. Her name was Aline.

She had pretty brown hair and a wide smile. When she laughed, she dug her face into his chest, and for a few seconds, he would feel the hole in his chest closing.

When Jace played football with the guys, he wasn't weak. He wasn't called a cry baby. On the field, everyone appreciated him. His older brother was nicer to him. He didn't send him looks of disgust and pity. He patted him on the back, complimenting him on his throws and runs.

Everything was okay when he played football.

Celine had gone out to get groceries. She pressed a wet kiss on Luke's mouth and he squeezed her breasts tightly, making her mumble and groan, and then she was gone.

William was with one of his friends. Someone named Jordon. Jem was watching television with Jace, their feet situated on the wooden table in front of them.

"What are you guys up to?" Luke asked, walking over to them.

Jem rolled his eyes, discreetly placing a hand on Jace's. Letting him know nothing would happen.

Luke sighed. "I don't even know how your mom puts up with you. Just a bunch of stay-at-home sissies." Jace tensed at the insult, expecting some sort of retaliation from Jem. Jem was still. He was peering at the television screen, like the best movie was being played.

Luke must've gotten angry at the lack of attention he was getting, for he jerked Jace's face up with a rough hand. Jem snapped. It was the first time in awhile that he did that. He cocked his fist back and punched Luke in the stomach. The man made a sound of discomfort before laughing and lifting himself back on his feet.

"You guys are feisty. I like that." Then he dove at Jem, and that was the last straw for Jace.

He tackled Luke to the ground and even though he knew he was being overpowered, he still lashed out in fury, smashing all the flesh he could feel. Luke was faster and tougher and every hit he landed, Jace heard his bones cracking.

Everything ended when he blacked out.

When he went to school the next day, Aline snuck behind him as he lugged books out of his locker. She placed her hands around his waist. He let out a small breath. He'd have to explain himself somehow.

"Hey, Jace." She greeted.

He turned and met her smiling face. She gasped, backing away a few steps, and whispered, "What happened?"

He shook his head, grinning a little. "Nothing, 'Line. Just a football brawl the other day. Didn't know I'd get so beat up."

She studied him a little longer, then huffed. "Does it hurt?"

His shoulders relaxed and he lied easily, "No."

She looked relieved. "Okay. Try not to get into too many fights or else I won't kiss you anytime soon."

He laughed, skin stinging. "Alright."

Two hours before every football game, Jace stood on the empty bleachers of their field, staring out into the distance.

He always needed time to himself.

But this time, he wasn't alone.

They were versing their rival school that day. And it was going to be a night of hate and blood and tears.

She was a girl about his age and she was taking photos of their field, lifting her phone into the air before clicking delicately.

When she leapt down the bleachers, level by level, she finally noticed his presence. "Oh!" He could make out her features closely now.

She was short, maybe a foot below him. Her hair was auburn and her skin was spotted with bright freckles. He didn't think he'd ever seen her in school. She smiled nervously, placing her phone in her back pocket. "Hey." Her voice was confident and sly.

He gave her a curt nod of his head.

She got down the remaining steps quickly and joined him near the railing. "Are you coming to the game today?"

She was close enough that he could smell her. Berries and plums.

"I'm playing in the game."

She gave him a questioning look. "Shouldn't you be with your team right now?"

He shook his head. "No. Not for a bit."

"Okay. Well, I'm Clarissa." She brought out her small hand.

He locked eyes with her. Hers were large and green and imploring. For a second, he thought about how anyone could say no to her. It seemed impossible. "I'm Jace." At her touch, goosebumps formed on his arm.

She licked her lips. "I'm sorry to inform you this, but I'm cheering against you tonight."

His mouth twitched at the corners. "Are you?"

"Yup." She looked away from him to the field, where the lights were being turned on. "My boyfriend's playing too. I'm kind of obligated, y'know."

"Yea."

They were silent for a minute or so.

Then he checked his watch and realized he needed to get into the block house to change. "I'll see you, I guess."

She appeared charmed. Tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear carefully, she uttered, "Good luck, Jace."

They lost the game. By two points.

Even in his disappointment, he thought about her.

He had a girlfriend.

She had a boyfriend.

How could they ever work?

Jace was getting used to William's absence at home.

He even got used to Luke's blows, hard and fast.

The next time he saw her was at their homecoming game. She was next to who he supposed was her boyfriend. And to his surprise, he noticed it was Sebastian, a friend he had known from childhood.

Aline was at his arm, gushing about what they would do next and who would be crowned homecoming king and queen. He was half listening, half paying attention to Clarissa, who had finally detected him. She waved, face perking up.

Sebastian jogged over to him, something like astonishment written over his features. "Jace? Man, time goes by."

Jace cracked a smile. "Yea, sure does." He remembered their last game and said, "Good job on the win. We'll get you guys next time."

Sebastian laughed, throwing his head back. "Dude, thanks. We've gotta practice together some time."

"Anytime." Jace promised.

And then Sebastian was talking to the other football players about plays and routines and Jace was able to observe Clarissa in all her of her loveliness. She was wearing a short, blue dress. Her hair was braided, a few curls coming free to frame her cheeks. "Nice seeing you here, Jace." She said, lowering her voice.

"I didn't think you still remembered me," he admitted.

She raised her eyebrows. "How could I forget?"

And it was his turn to realize that Aline had come back from talking to one of the cheerleaders, Isabelle Lightwood. "Sorry. Just some boring girl stuff I had to talk about." She grew aware of Clarissa's presence. "Oh! Excuse me, I didn't see you." She flashed Clarissa an apologetic smile. "You must be Sebastian's girlfriend. I'm Aline."

Jace watched as Clarissa leaned forward and hugged Aline lightly. "That's alright. I'm Clarissa. It's nice to meet you."

And then she glanced at him.

And it was like they were sharing some secret nobody knew about.

A few weeks after homecoming, he encountered her again. This time, she wasn't with Sebastian. And he felt guilty that he was relieved.

She was walking near the front building, looking bored.

When she caught sight of him, she practically jogged to where he was. The last bell had just rung and everyone was rushing outside, eager to get home and start their weekends.

"Fancy seeing you here."

She rolled on the balls of her feet. "I came to see you."

He raked his fingers through his hair. "Really? Why?"

She shrugged. "I came to hang out."

"Oh." He didn't bother hiding his amazement. "Where to?" He told himself to text Aline that he couldn't come over her house.

She had a boyfriend.

He had a girlfriend.

Their relationship was impossible.

"You've got bruises all over your face." She observed, taking a sip of her soda. They were at a restaurant called Takis, a place Clarissa had been to frequently.

"Battle scars." He replied easily, swallowing a bite of his burger.

She laughed, tender and alluring. She leaned as close as the table could allow her to. "Wanna really see battle scars?"

He played along, energized by her carefree aura. "Show me."

She startled him by peeling her shirt down her shoulders. He peered away briskly, but she called his name. "It's fine, you idiot. I'm showing you something, not stripping or anything." His eyes found her skin and on it were dark, circular marks. More than just a few. They were crimson and painful looking.

His expression grew somber. "Where did you get those?"

"Just cigarette burns, Jace." She tugged the shirt back on.

He hesitated. "Who?"

She answered, without meeting his eyes. "It doesn't matter who. It matters why."

They had sex their next meeting.

He didn't give a shit about Aline that day.

And Clarissa had said, "I like you. And I'm not gonna hide it."

They were on her bed, in a large room that was covered with paintings and murals. He had asked her if Sebastian usually came there and she answered with certainty, "all the time."

He was silent for a few minutes as she paced on the carpet, shoving things away in her closet. "Jace?" She asked.

"Hm?" He replied, trying not to think about the fact that he was sitting on a surface that Sebastian and her fooled around on.

Clarissa sighed. She brought her hands to his face and he winced. Luke's injuries still hadn't healed. "You beautiful, beautiful boy. Stop being so sad, alright. I'm here." She embraced him while standing, his face pressed against her chest. He could hear her heart beating, unrelenting.

And then he was pulling her tank top off, throwing her bra somewhere. And she was on her bed, waiting for him like an angel seeking salvation. And the fact that they were cheating on their significant others didn't matter. Her milky skin was his to touch, to kiss, to pamper.

They saw each other whenever they could.

Before his games, after his practices, when she got free from her time with Sebastian, when he made excuses to Aline.

He pressed a wet kiss into the slope near her neck. She breathed in deeply, relishing the feeling of his mouth on her flesh. "I wish we could be like this everywhere." She murmured lazily, turning her face slightly to meet his.

He scoffed playfully, his hand cupping her hair. "We can't."

She pouted. "I know. Just thinking."

Jace stroked the inner folds of her thighs and Clarissa exhaled in contentment.

On one of the days Jace returned home late from Clarissa's house, Luke was waiting for him. William and Jem were out at a party and Celine was working late.

"What were you doing out late?" In his hand was a bat.

Jace eyed the object cautiously. "Hung out with a friend."

Luke smiled, sinister and harsh. "Don't fucking lie to me, pussy."

Jace sneered, dropping his bag on the ground carelessly. "I'm pretty sure you prefer dick."

And Luke swung the bat repeatedly, knocking him to the hardwood.

He could barely breathe. His chest felt like something was missing. He used his one good arm to get his phone and dialed the only number he knew would answer.

She answered on the first thing. "Jace? Are you alright?"

He groaned, trying to sit up. "Please come here." He squinted his eyes. "I can't-I need help."

"Stay on the phone, babe. Stay on. I'll be right there."

She slammed open the unlocked door and found him lying on the floor of the living room. "Oh god." She mumbled, kneeling beside him. She lifted his head onto her lap, her eyes watering slightly. "What happened, babe?" His bottom lip was split and his left arm looked oddly bent. "We've gotta get you to a hospital."

He shook his head. "No. No hospital."

"What do you mean?" She demanded incredulously, her fingers spotted with bits of blood.

"I'll go when William comes home. Just get me to a bed."

She was unsure. She swallowed the lump in her throat. "Okay." She breathed. "Okay. You've got to help me out."

He had a broken arm and some broken ribs.

And Luke got off effortlessly, without any real consequence.

Sometimes, things got close. And they almost got caught.

Even at the face of such ordeals, they were filled with this adrenaline that couldn't be taken away.

He pushed her up against a wall, sucking at a spot on her neck. She moaned, her hands wound up in his long hair. "Where were you?" He whispered as he traced her hips and backside.

Her eyelashes fluttered. "Sebastian."

A feeling of jealousy spread through him, but it was gone when she said, "Come on, babe. I've been missing you."

They got caught. And it was a horrible day. One he'd never forget.

There was a soccer game being played at home. Jace and Clarissa had planned to meet there, somewhere under the bleachers, where they could talk.

Around the first thirty minutes of the match, they found one another and ventured away from the field and students, where they couldn't be seen.

Honestly, they were both drunk. Clarissa had brought her flask and they were taking sips of hard whiskey, swallowing greedily. "Shit." Clarissa said, tripping on her own feet. "I'm so happy when I'm with you."

At the words, he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her against him. She was breathless when their faces were centimeters apart. "Kiss me." She hissed, closing her eyes.

He did, her lips wet and warm and melting.

And that's when he heard the distinct sound of Sebastian's voice.

He didn't do the whole leap-away-like-he-didn't-mean-it shit. He could sense the worry coming from Clarissa's body, but she was still holding onto him, more confident than anything else.

"What the fuck is going on here? Clarissa?" Sebastian's eyes took in the scene. There was disbelief in his dark eyes. When he noticed Jace, his eyebrows furrowed. "How the hell did you-How could you?"

A small crowd of students had formed around them, becoming an audience. Clarissa wiped her cheeks. "Seb-"

He blocked her out. "Shut up, Clarissa!" And his sharp tone made her flinch back.

Jace noticed the movement and scowled. "Don't talk to her like that." For once, he wasn't afraid.

Sebastian fixed him with a glare. "You piece of shit." He rushed forward and Jace shoved Clarissa out of the way, pushing his sleeves up.

He didn't see Clarissa after the fight. Or in the hospital where he had to rest. He didn't see her around at all.

Senior year was over and Aline had disappeared and Clarissa was no where to be found and Luke's attacks only continued.

He left home at the age of nineteen.

And he headed to the school field one last time.

And there she was.

Like it was their first meeting all over again.

"Are you leaving town?" She asked, standing beside him.

"Yea."

She nodded. "It'll be good for you."

"What about you?" He asked, lips pursed.

"No, I'm gonna stay here. Live out my life." She sounded resigned.

He took a moment to study her. No makeup covered her face. She was wearing a long sweater, covering her knees.

He turned to her, wanting to get an answer from her. "Are you still with him?"

"Yes."

He grinned maliciously. "Makes sense."

She placed a hand on his arm. "I love you. I still do. I can't-I can't be with both of you. It's impossible."

"Right." He checked his watch. He needed to go. "I'll see you, I guess."

She gave him a sad smile. "Good luck, Jace."

I swear to god, I didn't write all of this for just 4 or 5 reviews. Fucking comment and give me your opinion, folks!

All the love.