Interstice
JJ came to the mezzanine stairs and stopped, abruptly. She'd just spent half an hour trying to draw out whatever was troubling Emily, to no avail.
Something is wrong. I can't tell if it's Mick, or the job. Does she not want to be here? Does she not want to go back?
But the blonde profiler had run out of steam, and had to abort the effort. Her day had started all too early…
No, check that. It's more like last night never ended.
Michael was cutting molars, and had been making the world aware of his discomfort well into the wee hours. Then, at breakfast, Henry had announced that he'd forgotten to study for his spelling test. So she'd had to forego her shower and drive him to school, quizzing him along the way. And then she'd been out in the mountains with Rossi for most of the day, until she had the pleasure of taking down their unsub with Luke. She was exhausted, and she smelled bad, and all she wanted was to go home and take a shower. If this was the same day as it had been this morning, it was the kind of day that seemed to last a full week long. And now...
Spence is still at his desk. I thought he would have left by now.
Despite her fatigue, she'd been tickled to see a long-missing energy in the step of her best friend, at the news that his mother had been admitted to a clinical trial. And then dismayed at the look on his face after he'd handled a phone call earlier in the day. He'd first denied that there was a problem, then responded to disbelieving looks from herself and Rossi.
I thought we'd gotten past that a year ago. Why do you always hold everything so close?
It wasn't even a rhetorical question. She'd already had this discussion, both with herself and with him.
He doesn't think he's important, beyond his brain. He doesn't see what others see. That we need him in our lives. That his mother needs him. That it's okay for him to need us.
So he'd told them about the call from the Las Vegas PD. Diana had been found, wandering, alone and frightened, in a Las Vegas casino.
Although she'd only met the woman once, nearly ten years ago, JJ felt a bit of kinship with her. After all, they both shared a fondness for a certain handsome genius, and JJ had found reason enough to be grateful for whomever had given life to the godfather of her sons. She'd heard far too few stories of Spence's childhood, but what she did know…..and her own experience as a mother of young sons…..had engendered an enormous respect for the woman who'd managed to raise such an honorable man while also battling such a bedeviling illness.
Even from this distance, she could see the sadness creasing his features, and her heart went out. But she simply didn't have the energy to listen. Not tonight. And yet...
She made her way down the staircase and over to her cubicle, right next to his. Reid looked up, inexplicably startled at her arrival.
"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."
"No, you didn't. I mean….I just…" Taking a few seconds to recover himself. "I'm just surprised that you're still here. I thought you'd already left."
"I was talking to Emily."
Reid was glad of the opportunity to relocate the focus of attention.
"Oh. Is she all right?"
Remembering that she'd seemed distracted, beyond the case. But then, so had he, and he couldn't discriminate the two.
JJ shrugged as she shut off her computer.
"I don't know. I couldn't get much out of her."
Reid puzzled that. "You think there's something, too?"
He'd gotten her attention.
"Does that mean you think so?"
It was his turn to shrug. "She just seemed a little….preoccupied. Or maybe she was just tired."
"That, I can relate to."
He started to put his own desk to rights.
"You do look tired. Something going on?"
"Just the boys. Mikey's teething, and Henry is….Henry."
Reid grinned. "I happen to love the 'Henryness' of Henry."
She laughed. "So do I. But not first thing in the morning."
"I'd take him any time."
His tone was so wistful, she couldn't help but feel for him. She knew his desire for a family of his own. Which reminded her….
"Did you hear anything more about your mom?"
"I'm looking for another trial." Forgetting that she didn't know.
"Another trial? They'll let her into more than one at a time?"
That's when he realized.
"Oh. I guess I only told Rossi. I had another phone call. She's not going to be enrolled in the trial. They had to make some cuts, and she was one of the people cut."
JJ's eyes widened in surprise and sympathy. "Oh, Spence! I'm so sorry!"
And that phone call from the police, right after he'd been so happy. He goes through months of thinking he's about to lose her, gets a reprieve, and then the world falls in again. It's not fair!
He nodded his acknowledgement. "I'm trying to get her into something else. I just put a call in to a researcher at MD Anderson in Texas."
"Oh? Does it sound promising?"
"It's hard to know. Not many Alzheimer's studies will admit someone with a preexisting mental illness. The Hopkins one was the most promising."
She may not have succeeded in drawing Emily out, but she was much better at reading her best friend. And she could see that he was in a crisis of his own. As tired as she was, the caretaker in her couldn't walk away from that. So she stopped packing her things and made her way around the barrier that separated their cubicles.
Settling herself on the edge of his desk, she sighed.
"Everything's changing, isn't it?"
Reid leaned back in his chair and looked at her. His eyes took in the visage of the busy profiler and mother of two. But his mind still presented him the image of the young, confident woman he'd taken to his first ever football game.
Some things will never change.
He smiled encouragingly.
"We're still here."
Her lips curled up, ever so slightly.
"Yes, we are. And I'm very grateful for that."
He nodded. So am I.
"But I know what you mean," he agreed, "Life's been happening, while we weren't looking."
That was met with a soft snort. "More like it's been happening while we were busy looking for unsubs."
He chuckled. "You're right. And we're different. The team, I mean. Morgan's gone. Hotch has been away for weeks. Garcia is …..not Garcia."
"She'll get there. I think she's in mourning."
Reid agreed. "To tell you the truth, I think I am, too. A little bit."
"Me too, Spence. Morgan was a big part of us. I miss him. I miss Hotch, too."
She'd touched on something that had been troubling Reid.
"Do you think he'll be back? I mean, he's been on temporary duty for weeks now. I'm starting to wonder if we'll ever see him again."
"Honestly? I'm a little worried about that. Back when I was the liaison, I had a little better sense of what was going on in the various departments. And my recollection is that this kind of 'temporary duty' most often turned into a permanent reassignment."
Her companion paled at that information.
"But…he wouldn't just disappear, would he? We could still communicate with him, right?"
He didn't think he could handle yet another abrupt ending of a relationship in his life.
Looking at her friend, JJ read his features. She didn't think he could handle it, either.
"I'm sure we'll hear from him. He's not going to Mars. We'll be able to get together with him, just like with Morgan."
"I had to cancel my last two dinner dates with Morgan and Savannah, and they cancelled the one before. It's not the same, when we're not working together."
She conceded. "You're right. Like I said, everything is changing. The team. Your mom. And I have two kids….can you believe that? I sure never saw that coming ten years ago."
His smile was wistful. "There have been a lot of things I never saw coming."
She knew all too well what event would top that list, but she went for something less emotionally challenging.
"Elle, and everything that happened with her."
He nodded. "Gideon." Whose departure had been accelerated by what happened to Elle. And whose permanent 'departure' still stung.
JJ offered a different perspective. "We gained a few people, too. Blake was great." The use of the past tense putting Blake into both the 'gained' and 'lost' categories.
"And Kate, even though she was only with us for a short time." Also gained, and lost.
"And Tara's a good addition. And Luke."
Reid wasn't at all sure that Luke liked him, but he wasn't about to complain. Instead, he made another observation.
"And Roxy."
JJ laughed. "Garcia found out today."
"Found out what?"
"She thought Roxy was a woman, and that Luke was a chauvinist."
Reid looked a 'you've got to be kidding me' at JJ.
"Since when does Garcia worry about chauvinism?"
JJ laughed. "I guess that's another thing that's changed."
Despite her best intentions, she couldn't suppress a yawn, prompting Reid to pull her down from the desk.
"Come on. It's been a long day, and you need some sleep."
"Yeah, well. That's not likely to happen, but thanks for the thought."
"Ah. I'd offer you the guest room, but I think the men in your family would object."
She grinned as she grabbed her purse. Reid put his messenger bag across his shoulder and crooked his arm for her. She slipped her hand inside, and they headed together toward the exit.
"I'm glad this has never changed," she said. "You and me, I mean. Even if it seems like everything else has."
He agreed. "We're at an interstice. A crevice. A gap, between one time, and another. To make it across, you have to have something to hold on to. Or someone."
She heard him. He'd lost everyone else he'd ever tried to hold on to. His father. Gideon. Maeve. Even Elle, and, Blake and, for a time, Emily. Now Morgan, and Hotch. And he was now facing the very real prospect of losing his mother. They'd all slipped away from him, no matter how desperately he'd tried to hold on.
So, this time, she grasped him. As the elevator arrived, JJ took hold of her best friend's arm, and leaned into him.
"I don't know how wide this crevice is, Spence. And I don't know what the landscape looks like on the other side. But I do know who I'm going to hold on to, and who I want to be standing next to when I climb out."
He smiled down at her, and placed his hand over hers.
Everything changes. Except some things.