Alright?
"Alright, Evans?"
"What is it with her?" said James, trying and failing to look as though this was a throwaway question of no real importance to him.
The truth was, he was hurt because it was damn important. She was very important to him. But she was acting indifferent, just like every single day; she wouldn't talk to him without telling him how arrogant and bad he was before storming off and showing her complete disdain. That was the way they interacted, the way she interacted with him. With others she was different; she was kind, and she smiled and laughed that breathtaking laughter of hers, which made his heart skip beats. Oh, how much he longed for the smallest of smiles directed at him. She was fierce and stood up for herself, and he loved that about her. He also loved the way her eyes would shine every time Gryffindor earned points because of her...that twinkle never fading. He loved to witness her excitement over assignments and exams; she made them sound like the most interesting things on Earth. He loved to observe radiance emitting from her face whenever she perfected a potion. She was brilliant. For him, she was the most beautiful girl. She was Lily.
James vaguely heard Sirius reply, "Reading between the lines, I'd say she thinks you're a bit conceited, mate."
"Right," said James, who looked furious now, "right."
James didn't hold himself responsible for what he did to Snivellus then. The git's mere existence annoyed him, and how dare he call Lily a...that name. James was not entirely aware of the hexes he used next, but he made sure to take Snivellus' pants off. With a sigh and no whatsoever feeling of triumph over what he did to Snape, James headed alone towards his dormitory. Once there, he took the Marauder Map from under Sirius's pillow and checked for Evans L. black dots. She was in the library as expected. Most of Hogwarts' students were at the Hogwarts Grounds after their DADA exam, so only Lily, Madame Pince and another two students were in the library. If that were not a motivation for James, he did not know what could be. It was time for a talk with Evans whether she liked or not; he was not about take no for an answer. Without planning what to say, James strode off to the library with long, determined strides.
"Lily," James whispered when he spotted her among the shelves of the Charms section. She did not hear him or his movements as she was sitting on the floor, her head between her knees. She looked crestfallen. All his fury and determination seemed to have faded when he saw her like that. He was not used to see her like that; the Lily Evans he knew was fierce and strong. Taking careful, cautious steps, James moved towards her before sitting down beside her.
"Alright, Evans?" James said quietly as he put a tentative hand on her shoulder.
Lily raised her head, showing red eyes. Her features hardened as she looked up at James, and her eyes narrowed in exasperation.
"What are you doing here, Potter? Couldn't find another one to bully?" Her tone was filled with disdain and bitterness, thought James. James did not answer her as he continued studying her facial expressions.
"You were crying," stated James, confused.
"And the award for the observer of the year goes to James Potter." Lily moved her hands up in frustration, and continued, "go away, Potter."
It was one of the few times James heard her say his full name for he was usually called only Potter by her. "Of course I notice everything about you: like how you braid your hair loosely whenever we have exams," James eyed her braid, ignoring her request of leaving her alone, before adding, "like how your mouth draws in a thin line whenever I say something you don't like, just like right now. Most of the time, actually," James corrected sheepishly.
"Potter!"
"And many other things actually, but the current situation hardly gives us the chance to recall them. For now, were you crying because of what Snivellus said? Because you shouldn't, really. And I just hexed him, so he shouldn't upset you with that..." Lily interrupted James' quick speech with another Potter!
"I seem unable to decide who makes me more upset, him or you," said Lily, standing up and wiping her eyes with the back of her hands. "I can take care of myself, Potter. I don't need your help which, by the way, you do just for fun and because you enjoy bullying others and showing off," Lily finished with a high tone before walking past James, who grabbed her wrist seeing that she was about to leave.
"That's not true, Evans. At least not completely. I do a lot of things for fun, I don't deny that. But I always intend to help you when I think that you need it. I know you're capable of taking care of yourself, and it's something I admire about you. You're the brightest witch of your age and considering that you are a muggle-born and had never known anything about this world before your Hogwarts Letter, that makes you the most brilliant girl of this time, all time if you really ask for my opinion. I act foolishly around you because I just can't think straight when you are around. I always seem to be at a loss of what to say or what to do. I show off because I want to impress you. Or that's what my friends say," James took a deep breath after saying all of that in one breath. "I don't ever mean to upset or hurt you, Evans, but it turns out that I end up doing exactly that every time. And for Merlin's sake I can't figure where I went wrong." When he stopped talking, James realized that things were not going as per his former intentions. It is just seeing Lily looking like that made him feel guilty. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed.
Lily freed her wrist from his grip and sighed heavily. Lily could not decide what made her say what she said next. One thing she was sure of, and that was the fact that she meant what she said. "You are not as bad as he is." Lily contracted her own previous words. James Potter was an arrogant prat, but he was not that bad; Lily was certain that he would never hurt her.
"Well, that's a step forward, I guess, Evans." Out of habit, James put a hand in his hair and ruffled it a bit. When Lily's eyes went to his hair, James remember what she thought of that, so he stopped. 'Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick.' Sirius had said previously something about reading between the lines; James did not want to have his hopes up, but he would be damned if his mind did not see a possibility there. And so he blurted out his suspicion. "Just out of curiosity, Evans, do you think I look cool with my hair messed up? Or when I get off my broomstick?"
Lily was quite taken aback by his questions; she looked down lest her look betrayed her thoughts. She would not admit that to anyone, least of all James Prat Potter; his head was quite inflated with arrogance already. For the life of her she could not deny that either; she just stared at her feet interestingly. The Insufferable James Potter was affecting her more than she liked, and he should not ever know that, somehow, he was the reason she had been crying. She had been confused for feeling disappointment when she witnessed him bullying Snape. Why had she expected him to change, to be better? It just did not make sense.
Not wishing to embarrass her, James cut the silence, "Alright, Evans?" he asked genuinely. Another item in Lily Evans' never-admit-to-anyone-even-your-friends list was that she actually, deep down inside, liked how he always said that, and sounded like he meant every syllable of it.
"I have had a long day, Potter."
James thought she was right, and that she probably needed some time alone to deal with everything. He wanted to make her feel better before leaving, so he opted for a lighter conversation. "So, have you bagged another Outstanding in today's exam, Evans?" James remembered the L. E. he had doodled on the bit of scrap parchment earlier.
"Like there's any doubt there," Lily answered proudly, and James noticed the twinkle that brightened her eyes.
"None." James smiled brightly. And just like that, James Potter believed that things with Lily Evans had just taken a baby step; they could talk without insults and swearing. Maybe that did not mean a thing to an on-looker, but for James Potter that meant the world, as of now.
