Cartoon: Avatar: The Legend of Korra

Pairing: Mako/Korra

Genre: Romance/Angst

Rating: T

A/N: So here it is! The first in my Makorra drabbles! The genre is Romance/Angst but there will be some humorous stories in here as well. Open to prompts!

Like Fire and Ice

~Never Good Enough~

Korra had never felt like this before. She had never felt so angry and afraid, so frustrated and scared. She didn't feel like the Avatar that she was supposed to be, the Avatar that everyone needed her to be in those dark times. For the first time in her life she felt like she was a failure, for the first time in her life she felt like everything she did amounted to nothing and that her actions and heroics were for naught. For the first time in her life she felt like she was in too deep, that there was no way out and that she couldn't handle what was on the road ahead of her.

Fear and panic clouded her mind more than she cared to admit those days and nights that passed her by. She didn't let anyone know how she really felt inside however and not even Tenzin had been able to pick up on her distress, despite his astuteness in all things involving emotions and the spirit. It wasn't like she didn't trust them or was afraid that they'd make fun of her, in fact quite the opposite was probably true. Her friends, her family, would probably love for her to confide in them, but no, she couldn't, she wouldn't. She was the Avatar after all, and the Avatar didn't let things get to them, didn't let things scare them or hurt them or upset them or anything.

Letting out a fierce yell, Korra punched the wooden dummy in front of her. She had been out in the training area on Air Temple Island since they had all gotten back from raiding the Sato's secret factory beneath the mansion, not even bothering to assist Tenzin in helping her friends settle in.

She nearly laughed bitterly as the word crossed her mind, friends. Friends indeed. Friends trusted each other. Friends had each other's backs. Friends didn't end friendships simply because they didn't like what they were hearing at the time. Friends didn't do that, didn't do any of that.

With more of a cry this time then a yell, Korra knocked the punching dummy off of the pole supporting it. It fell to the stone ground with a loud clatter, as it was made out of wood, but Korra didn't care who or what she woke. Heck, she didn't really care about anything anymore.

Panting heavily, she rested her weary fists which were bloodied and bruised. She'd run out of fire almost an hour ago and had forgone the other elements in favor of just beating the dummy with her bare fists. It stung and it hurt like nothing else but at that moment in time the pain was all she wanted to deal with. Raw physical pain was so much better than the dull aching of betrayal in her heart.

Of course he had semi-apologized, but that still hadn't taken away the bite and sting of his earlier words.

Tears pricked her eyes as the memory came back to her but she refused to let them fall. She looked up at the night sky, wishing with all her heart that she was back at home and out under the stars rather than out there on an island in Republic City where people lied and stole and cheated each other and where the stars didn't shine.

She hated it, hated it all so much. She didn't like being uncertain, didn't like being afraid, didn't like fighting this war that was hers because she was the Avatar, because it was her duty to fight. She wondered if anyone else alive knew how she felt, she wondered if Tenzin in all his wisdom knew, if Lin in her responsibility driven world knew, if Pema knew, if her parents knew, if Katara knew, if Bolin knew, if Mako knew…

A small, twisted laugh escaped her parched mouth. It was bitter and wrong and so very un-Korra sounding that she almost didn't believe that it had come from her even though she had made it.

No, no one knew. The only ones that knew were dead, their emotions and feelings and wisdom and life experiences all locked up inside of her where she couldn't get at them. She couldn't let them down, those past Avatar, just as she couldn't let down Tenzin, Lin, Bolin, Mako, and all the other Benders in the world. They were all looking to her, judging her with silent gazes and sharp tongues. She was the Avatar, the incarnation of the planet's spirit and they were all watching her cold discerning hearts, just waiting to see how badly she'd screw up.

Something cold and wet began to drip down her face then and Korra realized with a shock that she was crying. The tears flowed freely then, her head still tilted up at where the stars should be and her heart heavy with despair.

She would never be good enough, not for the world, not for the Benders, not for the Avatars, and certainly not for Mako.

The thought hit her like a lightning bolt—that was what it all came down to, wasn't it? The fact that Mako had picked some other girl over her. Oh, she'd been fighting for him and fighting for him hard but she was just getting plain sick and tired of it all. That was all there was to her world anymore, fighting. It was devastating to her ego, devastating to the girl in her that was so very much in love, to think that just maybe she wasn't desirable enough, that just maybe she wasn't dating material.

The tears started to come faster then and her heart began to race painfully in her chest. Her hands tightened into fists as the blood continued to dot the stone beneath her feet with its crimson color.

She'd failed that night, she'd failed them all. She'd failed Tenzin, Lin, Mako, and Bolin. She'd failed the Avatars, failed the world that she was supposed to protect. She had let good men be sent to their dooms at the hands of Amon, she had let Sato's men get away with her Benders. She had been useless against those machines, completely useless.

Silently she fell to her knees as the night's events caught up with her and overwhelmed her, making her stomach churn and her insides twist into painful knots.

She remembered it all, remembered the looks of anger and betrayal on Mako's, Bolin's, and Asami's faces, she remembered their looks of shock and hurt, she remembered Mako's pleading eyes as she descended into the depths of the hidden factory, pleading silently with her to stay or to at least let him go with her. But of course it hadn't been his fight and he was only a citizen after all, not like her. No matter how they all looked at it, she was different from them, on a different playing field. She was expected to throw her life on the line for them, they were not.

The crushing realization of what it meant to be Avatar finally hit her and she fell forward, her hands falling hard onto the stone in front of her and keeping her from completely bending over. The tears were coming so fast that she could barely see and the emotions raging within her were making it impossible for her to breathe. She gasped for air, struggling to retain her sanity as her darkest fears and deepest insecurities began to attack her and rip her to shreds. Sobs finally began to leave her open mouth and she crumpled to the ground, praying that someone would find and hoping that she'd be alone all at the same time.

What she wanted she couldn't have. What she needed to do she couldn't. And what she knew was coming she didn't want to come.

For the first time in her life she was utterly alone. For the first time in her life she wished that she was not the Avatar because she did not want to deal with the responsibility that that title bestowed upon her. For the first time in her life she lost hope.