Disclaimer - Star Trek Voyager does not belong to me. Any unfamiliar characters and places are mine.

Summary - Tom and Harry have another talk on the holodeck, this time including the events of what happened on Tanasch.

Author's Note - Believe it or not, there are two naked men in here but it's not slash. (Not that I've got anything against it, I just don't see me writing it.)

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A Night Revisited

He knew Harry was inside and he knew what program was being run.

This time was much worse since the events and consequences were well beyond their control and both had suffered for it. Harry reluctantly agreed to talk with Tom under the condition they meet near the end of his holodeck time. Glancing at the console before him, he swiftly placed the code that Harry gave him into the controls and the door silently opened. Stepping inside, glanced around at the familiar trees and full moon that he had grown accustomed to seeing with Harry.

'I feel I'm intruding again but it's still necessary. I know how he feels over what happened,' he thought.

Quietly, he removed his uniform and carefully laid it by the door next to Harry's discarded uniform before a noise in the distance caught his attention. From where he was standing, he could now perceive inaudible voices. With a satchel draped around his neck, he followed them to the clearing that Harry had come to favour over the times he would spend in this program. There, he found his friend in the embrace of a woman with whom he was more than familiar with. She was positioned supine on the ground with Harry hovering between her eager legs, their lips locked in a passionate embrace. With her fingers digging into his back and her feet hooked around his legs, Harry was ramming his way into her body with an intensity that Tom had never seen before.

"Take me harder, please," the woman pleaded.

Harry didn't say anything as he felt the blood rush to his loins as his unrelenting thrusts began to quicken and overtake his senses. He vaguely became aware of his cheeks beginning to flush as he felt his erection swell within her, enveloped by pure bliss that he hadn't know for months. He feared that he would ejaculate too soon for his liking but his mind was long past slowing down his actions. After several more intense pushes, a roar emitted from his mouth as he shot his seed deep within her body and his breathing quickened as he remained on top of her. Lingering deep within her delicate folds, he felt the vaginal muscles surrounding his member twitch with delight. He smiled with joy as he leaned in to kiss her. She deepened the embrace as she squirmed underneath him, as if hoping to keep him close forever.

He gently removed himself from her body and crawled over to a nearby tree. He leaned against the trunk, watching her every move. Standing on her knees, she crawled over to him and continued to plaster his lips with passionate kisses before they began to traverse down his body. Harry groaned as her tongue licked one nipple while her fingers toyed with the other. After a moment, her mouth traveled further down before it eventually arrived at his wide open legs. As she encompassed his semi-flaccid penis with her mouth, her one hand started to massage his delicate testicles while her other rubbed the thigh near his groin area. Giving a deep sigh, Harry turned his closed eyes in the direction Tom was standing and grinned.

"Tom, may as well start coming on down. I'm almost done here."

The pilot suddenly felt extremely mortified as he realized that he hadn't taken his eyes off the fervent display of passion before him. It wasn't like he hadn't seen his friend have sex with the woman known as Ekaterina Matol before though he had to admit this time, something was stirring within him that part of him didn't want to admit to Harry - at least not right away if at all. Cautiously, he stepped into the glade and slowly made his way around the pond - which he knew wasn't there before - to where Harry was leaning against the tree, a boyish grin on his face as the Rysarian woman continued her oral ministrations between his legs. Harry motioned to a spot not far from him for Tom to sit but the pilot gulped since it still gave him a perfect view of the intimate act being performed on his friend. Tom finally sat down, realizing that if his friend wanted him gone from this evidently private moment, he would have known it by now. After several long moments, it was Harry who finally opened his mouth to break the silence.

"I suppose you're here to check up on me again?"

"Yeah, I am Harry. Tanasch was a hard period for us both. I know this is one of the few times you get to enjoy yourself at all with what Fadru nearly did to you. I was hoping to see if there was anything you needed."

"You're referring to the fact that not only did he nearly kill me, I almost suffered permanent paralysis from the waist down because of his torment?"

"Yeah, I am on both accounts."

Butterflies were forming in his stomach over what Harry was going to say next. Harry slightly opened his eyes and turned his head enough to find Tom staring at him. He knew that whatever words were spoken, they would be true to what Harry was feeling and would remain between them.

"Tom, I wish we could change what happened on Tanasch. I have felt sickened ever since the day Fadru and Catar stormed the camp. It's because of that agony that I feel differently about myself in more ways than you can imagine and I wish you didn't have to witness my mauling at the hands from that so-called form of a man," Harry finally admitted.

"Harry..."

"Tom, listen to me. I know I don't remember much besides the pain after that - thing - was rammed into my ass but when I found out that one of the things I did to you was leave deep bite marks in your arm, severe trepidation crossed my mind. I can't tell you how petrified I was at the thought that I had turned you into what I am and since I'm not a firstborn that would've left you completely sterile. I feel bad enough as it is, knowing I almost killed you because of it. I don't know if I would have been able to live with myself if either of those scenarios succeeded," Harry choked out.

"Listen to me Harry; if it had come that I was changed into a mereflow, I would not have blamed you for it. When you bit me, you had that thing of Fadru's driven directly into your lower back. It was probably a reflex action to seek out the first thing you came across and my arm just happened to be there. I'd rather be like you and have you alive than not. I realize it can't be easy knowing what happened and while nothing can change the fact it did take place, I'd hate to lose you because of it," Tom explained. "As you said so yourself, I was there. I had to witness every prod, every poke, and every stab. Remember that I had no more control over the situation than you and it will be forever on my mind if I could have done more to prevent what happened."

Harry abruptly groaned, leaning his head back against the tree trunk. Tom tried not to watch as Harry fidgeted his legs before his ejaculate finally freed itself into Ekaterina's willing mouth. Smiling, she leaned up to his face, consuming the semen along the way before kissing him, this time their lips parting and allowing her to place her tongue within his mouth. After a few moments, Harry broke off the kiss and placed a hand on her cheek while he inclined his head in to whisper into her ear. She nodded before she climbed to her feet while continuing to watch Harry. She turned her attention slightly to Tom, producing a cheeky smile before she disappeared completely into the forest.

"She is a very good resemblance of the real thing. I take it she's been added to the program since we left Tanasch?"

"Yes. Ever since you told me that I'm an alpha male, I've been in here more often with her. I find that having sex with even her holographic image is a lot more satisfying than all those times I tried to masturbate in my quarters. I do a wide variety of things with her and it is not limited to what you've seen already. At least I prefer having her hands all over me and this allows me to consent to what happens, unlike with Fadru. I still shudder at the thought of his hands all over my dick and not being able to do anything about it."

Tom gulped. He closed his eyes as he remembered all those hours that Fadru had spent with his hands all over Harry's groin, his penis in its continual state of arousal. Tom knew that it wasn't good for Harry to have been stimulated for as long as he was but ever since they left the planet, it appeared that he was healing comfortably without any permanent problems. Harry absently scratched at his crotch as his mind began to wander back to his time with Ekaterina.

"Tom - I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what Harry?"

"Back on Rysaria, the night Ekaterina and I had taken you and B'Elanna back to the camp. She started to tell you about our relationship and then I proceeded to have sex with her before your very eyes. I forced you to watch me become aroused and then claim the woman I thought I loved."

"Don't be. In fact, I eventually realized that I walked away from the situation with a new understanding and respect for you in a slightly odd sort of way."

Harry cocked his head as he stared at his friend, hoping for a further explanation to which he was soon rewarded as Tom glanced back.

"You heard me right. Before I watched you savour every inch of her body, I never thought you would have been the one to take the initiative like this or even enjoy it after being forced into this type of situation but your erection was telling me otherwise. When you finally carried her over to the bed and proceeded to fuck her up the ass, I have to admit that caught me off guard but watching you carry on with an obviously private moment in front of B'Elanna and me, I eventually realized something had changed in you and I want to believe it's for the better. Despite your initial misgivings about your transformation, I saw a confidence in you that I never expected to see you have and I know it's still there, regardless of everything else that's happened since then. I want to help you see that again," Tom explained.

"Even after watching me fuck Ekaterina in a variety of different ways?"

"Yes."

"Even after walking in on me countless times after I was fucking myself?"

"Yes."

Harry gulped and began to be slightly restless. There had always been something he wanted to ask Tom about but never found the courage to ask. Even now, there were doubts in his mind but his mouth somehow managed to open up and speak for itself.

"What about the fact you witnessed my torture and subsequent rape?"

Tom felt his heart break into a million pieces before they fell into his stomach. Hearing the word rape coming directly from Harry's mouth made the situation that much more of a harsh reality. Tom's thoughts had drifted back to the assault on his friend's body more than once since they left.

"Harry, I..."

"Tom, when I became conscious and you filled in some of the details for me, a million thoughts ran through my mind. It bothers me to this day that I almost didn't make it after you had to perform CPR and mouth to mouth on me. If it weren't for the Doctor and Salvert..."

"Don't think about it. I'm just glad we never had to worry about the alternative."

The lieutenant gulped as he placed his forehead into the palm of his hand, the memories from that night filling his mind once again. Tom watched as Harry shakily climbed to his feet and unsteadily walked over to him. With his arms by his side, Harry defiantly stood before his friend, who gazed over his bare body from head to toe. Uncertain what his friend was trying to tell him, Tom looked up to see Harry holding back his bitterness.

"I can't tell you how much I just want everything to just stop! I haven't felt like I've been in control of my own body since the moment we landed on Rysaria. Ever since Ekaterina attacked me, it feels like I've been strung along like a puppet - first by her, then my own uncontrollable yearnings and then by Fadru. It feels like my own body has betrayed me at every corner between Rysaria and Tanasch. Will it be like this for the rest of the trip home? Will we be finding planets that have their version of same alien werewolf? The fact that you were dragged into this mess has made me extremely troubled and as a result, has kept me up at night. Why, if it weren't for me..." he exclaimed.

He abruptly stopped talking as the colour drained from his face. For a moment, Tom wondered what the problem was until his eyes made their way towards his friend's groin. He gave a deep sigh once he saw the red tinted liquid running down his friend's inner thighs. Quickly climbing up to his feet, Tom closed the gap between the two of them, placing his hands on Harry's shoulders and couldn't help but watch the ensign's anguished features as his bladder continued to empty itself all over his legs. Once it was all over, Harry cried out as his knees began to crumble beneath him. Tom quickly took notice, placing Harry's one arm around his head. Carefully, Tom placed an arm around Harry's waist, ignoring the bloody urine forming beneath them and gently moved him to a nearby tree for him to lean against. With his entire body still shaking, Harry tried to turn to face his friend but the shame written all over his features prevented him from completely doing so.

"Tom, I can't tell you how mortifying this is for me, knowing I barely go somewhere for a few hours without my body betraying me like this. It was bad enough finding out what happened that night but knowing I can't leave my quarters for any length of time or even have a good night's sleep without making a mess is more than upsetting. This almost feels worse than when we left Rysaria!"

"Don't put yourself down like this. Your legs and lower torso took well more than a massive beating that day. I'm not surprised there's still blood in your urine or the fact you haven't completely regained control of your bladder yet although it has vastly improved over what it was. Even the Doctor agreed that your spine and kidneys were going to take time to heal and until they do, we knew there were going to be some side effects."

"I know. I still recall the long hours you spent with me in Sickbay and your quarters while I was recovering. There were times I would wake up in the middle of the night and find you uncomfortably sleeping in the chair next to me, your PADD long since fallen on the floor. Just watching you as you assisted the Doc and then coaching me with my strength exercises afterwards - it's more than what I could have ever asked for from you and I can't tell you how much that means to me. Especially since I know I was unable to do, well, anything for a few weeks after we left. You pretty well stopped your life in order to do a lot of things for me since I couldn't do them myself, including - including..."

Harry stopped midsentence. He managed to lift a leg enough to rest his elbow against his knee and curled his fingers up against his mouth. Tom carefully watched as tears began to form in his friend's eyes. Soon enough, the tiny balls of liquid softly fell down Harry's cheeks and the ensign's hand went from his mouth to cover his eyes. An idea struck Tom and it was the only one that seemed plausible to him considering how intimately involved he was with recent events.

"Harry, you're referring to when the Doc opted to place that catheter into your penis, isn't it? After everything Fadru did, you've become sensitive to others having their hands where you feel don't belong."

As the tears continued to flow down his face, Harry gave a perceptible nod as he removed the hand from his face and his eyes finally glanced in his friend's direction.

"If it weren't for me, you wouldn't have been put into the situation of having to handle my body like this."

"You're afraid aren't you?" Harry glanced up to stare at his friend, his mouth open to protest but his voice faltered and he remained silent. "You're afraid that you're going to get into another situation over which you have absolutely no control and have been degraded to nothing more than a sex toy - in some form or another - for the amusement of others."

Reluctantly, Harry nodded in response, now finding it difficult to voice his thoughts to Tom, who was growing increasingly upset with each passing moment.

"I'm going to assume that these thoughts crossed your mind during the first part of your recovery when I've had to come into contact with your body?"

Harry swallowed hard, uncertain how to answer but Tom was quick to realize what Harry perceived as true. Tom ran a hand through his hair, uncertain of how to process his friend's current thoughts.

"For fuck's sake Harry, I wish you had said something earlier. For the longest time, I felt like a monster for even having my hands anywhere near you. Almost every day since that night, I felt like even if I simply touched your shoulder, I was going to take what was left of your dignity, shred it up, torch it and then throw the ashes out the nearest airlock into the deepest regions of space," Tom almost yelled at him.

He tried to keep his exasperation in check but found he was failing miserably. He climbed to his feet and began to pace back and forth in front of Harry, who continued to remain silent. Tom finally halted his movements, stopping in front of where his friend was silently crying. Through the tears covering his eyes, Harry's gaze turned upwards to stare at the nude form of Lieutenant Tom Paris.

"Look at me Harry."

"T-Tom?"

"You heard me: look at me and then tell me what you see."

Tom simply stood there, his cheeks reddening slightly as his friend eyed every inch of his body. He could tell Harry had mixed feeling about the inquiry and wasn't certain how to reply, similar to himself when posed the exact same question months earlier by Harry. After a moment, he decided to clarify what he was looking for.

"Harry, you've known me a few years now right? Do you honestly believe I would deliberately place anything anywhere on your body just so I can take advantage of you, especially in what's got to be your most vulnerable moment? If I desired to have that sort of relationship with you and wished to feel you up for my own fucking pleasure, I damn well would have told you by now with all the times I've seen your naked body. Answer me this one question Harry: haven't I always respected you anytime that I came in to check up you after you've spent a couple hours with your hands all over your own dick trying to curb your libido?" Tom posed to him.

With a hand entangled in the hair over his eyes, Harry bit his quivering lower lip in order to prevent himself from falling deeper into the weeping mess that he had plummeted into. Slowly, he nodded his head to answer Tom's question. After a few silent moments, Tom finally knelt before his friend, who stared at him through damp eyes. Taking a few deep breaths, Harry found himself able to talk through the tears.

"So where'd you get the idea for the thing you placed into my - my..." he started, his hand quivering over his crotch.

"You mean the catheter?" Tom finished for him to which Harry nodded. "When we left Tanasch, we quickly realized that your recovery was going to take a little longer than normal since you were in really terrible shape. Besides the temporary paralysis, your control over certain bodily functions was - gone. It was the Doctor's idea really. He found a method in his database where doctors and nurses inserted this small tube through the genitals and into the bladder. The urine would go through this tube and end up in a bag. He had one replicated right after you began your recovery and once I got better, I began to help."

With his fingers still intertwined in his hair, Harry's mind wandered back to when he lay exposed in Tom's bed, helpless to do anything besides lay there and having to allow both Tom and the Doctor to do their work. Yet again, the guilt of being a burden to his friend was beginning to overwhelm him. He swallowed hard as he managed to turn his attention back to the pilot, who was patiently - but eagerly - waiting for him to collect his composure.

"Tom, I don't know how to thank you for everything you've done for me the last several weeks though I have to admit, I have no idea how to proceed from here. The slightest touch bothers me now and I'm afraid to go anywhere for too long for fear that I will soil myself," Harry finally said.

"You're more than welcome Harry. As for the incontinence, there are ways we can control that until you get more of your strength back. As for the handling, I have an idea that might help with that, if you'd let me of course," Tom replied.

"And what would that be?"

"How'd you like to get a massage every few days? I've already been looking up a few different techniques to make use of for I was planning to propose this to you at some point anyway."

Harry's attention perked up at the thought. Part of him was worried that his body would react negatively to Tom's hands yet the idea of getting a massage sounded tempting. There had been several times where his muscles were so sore and tangled that he wished someone would come along and unknot them for him. He considered the offer for only a few more moments before nodding his head.

"Sure, let's do it."

A smile crossed Tom's face. "Perfect, when do you want to start?"

"How about we start now? I know you just got off your shift recently and I find my body has been aching a lot lately. Where would be the best place for it?"

"We can do it here if you'd like and then get a site to site to your quarters after we're done."

"My time in here is almost up. As much as I'd love to stay longer, I've got to allow people their time in here as well."

"Believe me when I say that I don't think the next person will mind if you stay."

Narrowing his eyes, Harry turned to stare at his friend, confused with the statement before it finally clicked into place and a smile crossed his face.

"You've booked the time after me, haven't you?"

"It took a little wrangling but I managed to book the time slots after your next several sessions in here so if you needed a little longer, you could take it or I'd be here in case you wanted to talk - or give you a massage, whatever the case may be. Computer: initiate program Paris 5-1-3."

Harry watched as the room changed from the serene forest to a room with muted tones. The lights were dimmed slightly and he finally noticed a table that sat in the middle of the room. Tom rose to a standing position before proceeding to help Harry climb to his feet and help him over to the table.

"If you want me to stop at any point for any reason, including an unexpected arousal please let me know. You ready?"

It took the ensign a moment to gather his thoughts as the memories began push against the flood gates sitting within his head before giving a slight nod.

"Yeah, I'm ready. Let's get started." Harry gave a small sigh. 'Maybe this is exactly what the doctor ordered. I have been under too much stress lately. Hopefully, I won't do something embarrassing before it's done.'

He lifted himself onto the table and laid flat on his stomach. As Tom commenced his gentle ministrations, Harry could feel his tense muscles begin to relax. He gave a sigh, almost falling asleep underneath the motions. Tom smiled as he watched his friend lay before him, trusting his every move. He only hoped that this was the start of the healing process for Harry and his apparent inner demons.

The End