Everybody says things that they regret. There isn't a single person that lived, live or will live that never said something they regretted. Even those who can't speak, because they do can communicate without words.
In the past I've said so many things that I regret that we would spend the rest of our lives just to quote those. Also, they are too hurtful for me to say them again.
Not only words, but also attitudes.
I regret not taking her hand. I regret not kissing her cheek. I regret avoid looking into those green eyes, afraid they would judge me. I regret calling her immature so many times. I regret not grabbing every opportunity I had to simply talk to her. I regret not dancing with her. I regret my pride. I regret my selfish ways. I regret my fears. I regret my silly mistakes.
But there are things that I will never be able to feel bad about her…
I will always remember the first time I invited her to take a drink. Back then she was a threat to my plans and all I wanted was to make sure she wouldn't interfere. But that night changed my life forever, because she decided to stay.
I will always have clear in my mind the tears that came out from her eyes when she had to say goodbye.
I will always cherish for her.
I will never forget how she messed up my emotions, whenever she was involved in my life…
She pushed my buttons. She made me feel something for the first time in a long time. It weren't all good feelings, but at least it was the start of something deeper.
She changed me. She opened my eyes. She trusted me when nobody else did. She helped me in more ways than one. And then, when I finally realized what she meant to me, I backed away. I was afraid.
I chased who they told me that was supposed to be my destiny.
I ran away from my feelings so she could not hurt me.
But now I'm sitting at my porch and all I can think about is that kiss that I saw her sharing with that man. Of all the people she could seek comfort from, she chose him.
And now my heart breaks at the mere idea of her with another person.
But there's nothing else I can do about it anymore.
I lost her.
And, for the first time in my life, I actually have regrets.