The Hogwarts Holiday Saga

by GEORGIA THE VELOCIRAPTOR

I would like to dedicate this story to my elfish assistant, Kirsten, for all her hard work and contribution in countless English lessons and lunchtimes at The Bench. Thus begins our GCSE English lesson procrastination project, huzzah!

1. MAGIC'S NOT DEAD

DAY ONE - MAGIC'S NOT DEAD

Day one of my holiday was on the Hogwarts Express, this was a disappointment to be frank. The driver (Earl) told me that if I flicked him in the head one more time, he'd throw me under the tracks. On my response, 'wouldn't that make the wheels all sticky?', I was dropkicked out of the first compartment.

I decided to buy a packet of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans from the trolley woman and continue on my merry way. I encountered Envy, Human Flesh, Bourbons and Lead Paint flavour before tossing the rest of the packet out of the window.

I found a trainer under a nearby seat. Assuming it was another magical snack, I set upon devouring it. Upon consumption, I discovered that it was in fact just a regular Nike.

I collapsed in the nearest compartment for a snooze, ignoring indignant remarks of "that's my toad" and "oh God, there's frog guts everywhere".

Reception: 1/5 - poor and very rude

Cuisine: 4/5 - surprisingly delicious footwear

Comfort: Superb!