The only thing now I can do is wipe the tears from my eyes,
see myself struggling against the strong waves of emotion I feel.
When we talk I feel secure, safe, protected, even loved. i know you want
me to talk to them, but it won't help, there's nothing they can do.
The scars have already sunk in and can't be removed. I want to talk to you more,
to feel your arms comfortingly around me. This helplessness won't go away,
at least until another year. I need to leave, to go, to find a place where I belong,
with you, with others. I never want you to see me so vunerable, so many times.
I don't care if you forgot, or make other plans over our talks,
doesn't matter. I know you still support me. These waves sweep me out to sea,
day after day, and when i try to make it back, it sweeps me to the same spot.
I can't win. Only another year until I may win. One obstacle stands in my way,
and it won't let me pass. You help me inch up close, but it backhands me, into
a small space in which is inescapable. I try to cut the bonds, but they only grow back,
and the ropes against my body, which I try to cut, shear apart only grow tighter, thicker and start to suffocate me.
My throat's clenched, darkness seeping through my closed eyelids, threatening to overtake me. My arms turn bone white
and I lose the feeling in them. Legs go limp and heart threatens to stop. Bright lights spot my vision and you stand there,
along with the rest of whom I trust. All of you help me in some way and while the ropes are still tight,
You all loosen them a bit each day.