A/N: Having a hard time stopping myself from publishing more one shots. This was inspired by Operation Juice Box by Lacrimosa Cruentus Luna. (So read it.) Slight RenRuki. WARNING Very OOC!
Disclaimer: All Bleach characters and property belong to Tite Kubo and Viz media, blah blah blah.
"Aw, come on, Captain. It's my wedding! You could at least toast me!"
Byakuya Kuchiki sighed and shook his head. "I don't drink, Lieutenant Abarai. As you very well know."
"Come on, Nee-san," Rukia said. "For me?"
Byakuya sighed. There was no way he was getting out of this now. Looking at his glowing sister and his vice-captain, he thought again what a mismatched couple they were. Renji's headband wasn't even clean. He sighed and stood, accepting a glass of sake from a waiting server.
"Fine," he said. "Well, everyone here knows that Rukia was adopted into my family a year after her sister, my wife, Lady Hisana, died. Despite the fact that she was raised in the Rukongai, she quickly learned the ways of the noble families. And…I have never once regretted her joining our family. I couldn't ask for a more responsible man to be her husband. Well, maybe you," he said, gesturing at the Quincy, who blushed furiously and pushed up his glasses. "But since you're not a Soul Reaper, you're not eligible. Sorry."
No one laughed. "Anyway…" Byakuya said. He raised his glass. "To Abarai Rukia."
"TO RUKIA!" everyone shouted. Byakuya raised the glass to his lips. He took a sip, the sake sliding down his throat. He sat abruptly as Ichigo stood to toast.
"Well, everyone here knows that if it wasn't for me, Rukia probably wouldn't be here now," he began. Everyone laughed. "And if it wasn't for her, she wouldn't be here now either. I owe just about everything to you," he said, and nodded toward her. "And let's not forget the red pineapple!"
Everyone laughed and raised the glasses again. More sake made its way past Byakuya's lips as person after person toasted the newly married couple. He fought for control over the alcohol, but more and more people stood…How many people were there? His vision began to get fuzzy, and his head spun. Finally, his control slipped. He fell off the edge of sober and into the precipice of drunk.
**!**
Renji gazed down at his wife as Chad sat. His toast had been very short and to the point, and after the clapping died down, he waited to see who would stand next.
To his absolute horror, it was his captain. His cheeks were red, and he was swaying a little bit.
Rukia sat up. "Byakuya! Are you…?"
Byakuya smiled. A large, wide, smile. The little titters that had erupted at his appearance died away. "Are the toasts over yet, Rukia?" he asked her, his voice shaking. "Because I think it's time to start dancing!"
"Byakuya, my man!" Captain Kyoraku stood on the other side of the table. "So you've finally come to the dark side? Well, it was about time. How about it, boys?" he called to Shūhei and Kira, who stood and walked off to the DJ table.
Renji stood and all but ran around the table to his new brother-in-law. "Kuchiki-taicho! Please, you're drunk. Sit down. Maybe we should open the Senkai-mon –"
"NO!" Byakuya boomed, swatting Renji away. "I feel like dancing! I ain't going home yet! The party hasn't even started!"
Renji glanced at Rukia, who was mouthing the words I ain't going home yet. "Yeah, Byakuya," she said, standing decisively. "You need to go home."
"NO!" yelled Byakuya. "I am the head of the Kuchiki clan! I can do what I please!"
Behind them, Shūhei and Kira had started playing music, taking recommendations from the words Byakuya had propelled at Renji. "I FEEL LIKE DANCING TONIGHT," All Time Low boomed through the speakers. Shūhei looked up and grinned. Kira was absorbed in his headphones and all the buttons and dials in front of him.
"What is this crap?" Byakuya yelled. "It's got a good beat!"
"American music, sir," said Third Seat Kiyone.
"Radical!" Byakuya said. "Give me that," he added, snatching a bottle from a tray held by a passing server. He put the opening of the bottle to his lips and chugged it down. "What is this crap?" he yelled. "It tastes like...good!"
"Beer, sir," said Third Seat Sentarô.
"Radical!" Byakuya said again. The bottle slipped through his hands and hit the floor, staining the hem of his haori. "Oopsie-daisy," he giggled.
Renji looked at Rukia again. She was now mouthing the words oopsie-daisy. "You know what?" she said, now looking at her brother, who was still giggling. "Let's just see what happens with this. Because this is kind of amusing, you know?"
Renji caught Captain Hitsugaya's eye from across the table. They both turned their horrified gazes on Byakuya, who was doubled over laughing. "Depends on your definition of amusing," he murmured quietly.
**!**
"Kyoraku!" Byakuya bellowed. "HEY! KYORAKU! Let's have some more of that, shall we?"
"SOUNDS GREAT, BYAKUYA!" Captain Kyoraku bellowed back. He and Byakuya sloppily clashed glasses and downed the liquid inside. Byakuya staggered, and Kyoraku fell over. Ukitake carefully picked up his friend, and Kyoraku patted the white haired captain heartily on the back.
"Thanks, old friend," he said solemnly, and then fell over again.
Ukitake sighed. "I think you two have had a little too much to drink," he told Byakuya.
"HUH?" Byakuya spluttered. "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, OLD MAN? I'LL GET YOU FOR THAT!" He drew his sword. Ukitake's eyes widened. "SCATTER! SENBON… Senbon…."
He stopped and scratched his head, almost knocking loose his headpiece. "Huh. I forgot what it was. Weird."
Ukitake breathed a sigh of relief. Luckily, Byakuya was too drunk to ruin his sister's wedding.
Then, Byakuya headed for the dance floor once more. He began doing the Cupid Shuffle. It was painful to watch Ikkaku and Ichigo roaring with laughter at him, so the white-haired captain turned away. Then he heard a loud thump and turned around in horror to see Byakuya crumple to the floor, dead drunk. A small wave of assistants rushed to drag him back home, and Ukitake grinned. Now the party could really get started.
*giggles* R&R! If you want to see his reaction when he wakes up in the morning…just tell me! Haha, this was fun. :)