The Magnificent Tale of Mu Hwa Park the Manhwaga
Or: Why I Learned to Stop Worrying and Post a Damn Fanfic Already
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The odd, cacophonous sound of graphite repeatedly and passionately meeting the stiff resistance of sketchbook paper only reached Ji Oh Yun's ears when he dared to boldly approach the seemingly-unapproachable Mu Hwa Park, the normally silent-as-a-dusty-tomb sister of stalker extraordinaire Mu Yeon Park. Ji Oh figured, as he rolled his shoulders to melt out a sudden nervous kink, that Mu Hwa was once more waiting patiently for her beloved sister to finish her stalking of his best friend for the day so that they could all head home and eat Wonderbread. In response to this observation, Mu Yeon's signature pig mask floated through his mind - then came back and did a rippin' gangsta drive-by through his mind - and he could not help but wonder why Shi Joon continued to resist Mu Yeon's dedicated (read: creepy) charm. "Really, why doesn't he give in already?" Ji Oh groused. "She has a hot sister, so she may be hot under that mask, and she's way better than... oh dare I say it... that pretentious faker succubus would-probably-tapdance-on-the-grave-of-Santa-Claus lobotomized retard named Doe Doe Eun. What a lack of taste - like preferring pisswater over Chardonnay - and that's saying something considering Mu Yeon is still a creepy-ass..."
The words bought the farm in his throat as Ji Oh realized that, not only was he about to insult Mu Hwa's sister aloud within earshot of her, he had walked right into Mu Hwa's chair and was basically humping it at this point. The flustered schoolboy ceased his sexually-harassing motions and bravely stared down into the river-colored eyes of the dark-haired beauty dressed straight out of the dark ages, hoping that she was not so offended that he would have no chance of scoring.
The twin rivers met his gaze with complete indifference.
His nether-regions played a funeral march, and openly wept.
When he scrambled together enough sense to back the hell out of her personal bubble, Mu Hwa twisted around in her chair to continue with her work. Ji Oh knew he needed to salvage the situation. Badly. Otherwise, no sweet sexytime for him. Gathering his thoughts, he analyzed his surroundings; the two of them were utterly alone in the school's courtyard (school let out some time ago by now, and both Mu Yeon and Shi Joon were probably far, far away, but Ji Oh wasn't about to tell Mu Hwa that, lest she instantly disappear as per usual) and the once pristine pearl-white facade of the school building was marred with flecks of brown, beige, and green. He smirked; prestigious reputation could not save one from mold and age. Such a smug observation gave him the fuel he needed to finally speak.
"What are you drawing?" he nonchalantly asked, thinking he was playing it cool like old school.
Her eyes stayed steadfast to the paper. "A manhwa page," she replied coolly. Now that was playing it cool like old school, dawg.
Intrigued, he leaned over her shoulder in earnest. What he saw floored him.
Elegant, lovingly-crafted panels, backgrounds, and character designs met his curious gaze; it was a euphonious unity of pencil lines that made sweet, sweet love on the paper. His mouth formed a silent, orgasmic O, and his feelings of awe were compounded with feelings of jealousy towards those lovemaking pencil lines when he realized that they would get way more action than him forever if he did not succeed in wooing their creator, Mu Hwa.
The proverbial turd de la punchbowl of this work, however, succeeded in crumpling his awestruck face into an expression of constipated confusion.
"Mu Hwa..." His pointed finger extended toward the enigma before he could stop himself. "What is... why is that... huh?"
"Why is that one illustrated character craptacular when the rest of this page is so stunning, you mean?"
The fact that the word "craptacular" was in her vernacular gave him pause, but only for a moment. "Yes, precisely."
Perhaps it was because the subject of discussion had piqued her interest, or maybe her neck was aching, but she straightened up and turned to face him directly. He had her full attention. Excellent. He could just faintly make out those bed springs squeaking now...
"I wanted the antagonist's outside to match her inside," she explained, interrupting his lewd thoughts, "and since she is wicked, unintelligent, and truly ugly deep down, I felt her appearance should show as much. I call it symbolism."
Half way across the world, a British man shouted "SYMBOLISM!" at his webcam and uploaded his masterpiece onto a popular v-logging site.
"That's... clever, Mu Hwa." If Ji Oh wanted to get laid, he would not dare say otherwise.
"My series is quite popular, you know."
"Really?"
"They began airing a drama adaptation only a few weeks ago."
"...Buuuh?"
"Your Neanderthal grunt of shock is unsurprising. I'll prove it, then: watch KBS2 at 8pm this evening, and you will be immensely entertained by my very own Pissy McFuckface Must Die."
The unorthodoxy of the title slapped him out of his stupor. "They let you name it that? How the hell-"
He had blinked and she vanished, leaving behind only the pleasant scent of pine and a piece of paper with a scribbled reminder to watch Pissy McFuckface Must Die at 8pm sharp that night. Ji Oh grabbed the note and stormed off of the campus, rather miffed that he hadn't scored.
On his not-so-merry way home, he clashed elbows with some bimbo who was in his way.
"OH EM GEE, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE WALKING!" she caterwauled unnecessarily, strutting away like a drunken washed-up pop star.
"My name is Ji Oh, you dildo-munching crack whore," he mumbled. The random dumb bitch served to remind him of Mu Hwa's character concept, and the drama she wanted him to watch.
A novel idea occurred to him just then.
Watch drama, gush about it to Mu Hwa tomorrow, flatter her shamelessly, make her like me, and get laid.
SCORE!
He dashed home in a passionate blaze of pent-up sexual frustration.
Upon his arrival, he disregarded homework, chores, his cactus plant that desperately needed water, and all else as he snagged some Wonderbread and sat his ass down to watch some fucking Television. Well, at least this Television might lead to fucking, God willing.
The aforementioned cactus plant pimp-smacked him in the face.
"BITCH, WATER ME, OR AT LEAST GIVE ME SOME GOD-DAMN CHICKEN."
Ji Oh shuddered, pulling the tiny spines out of his cheek. "After the show's over, I pro- hey wait a minute, you're Beatrice from 13th Boy. Get the fuck out of here."
The schoolboy proceeded to punt the talking cactus back to its proper universe.
"Now then, let's watch this shit!"
The show started at eight like Mu Hwa promised, and within five minutes he was already bored. Pissy McFuckface Must Die (how in the world did the government censors clear that title?) mostly consisted of the protagonist and his love interest fighting off the crazed, hideous antagonist and making her suffer and die as much as possible. The deaths were creative, but the same chick dying over and over (and being constantly revived by some bullshit called "slut-serum" administered by an evildoer scientist with nothing better to do with his time) gave the show drab repetition. Ji Oh was about to click off the Television when the bouncing, scum-covered, curly blond hair of Pissy McFuckface (as she was being devoured by a nuclear shark) caught his eye.
Curly blond hair.
Curly. Blond. Hair.
...and those malicious, deceitful eyes... the overly-frail, unattractive form...
DOE DOE EUN.
Mu Hwa Park had created a caricature of Doe Doe Eun.
A caricature that was broadcasted every night for all of South Korea to see.
A caricature that was featured in a highly circulated manhwa series that probably sold around the world.
These facts did not merely mildly amuse Ji Oh, nor did they only amaze him enough to piss his pants in delight.
THEY.
BLEW.
HIS.
MIND.
They blew his mind enough that those four words had to be bolded, italicized, underlined, and made their own sentences. They blew his mind enough where now he not only wanted to score with Mu Hwa, he wanted to marry her and have many, many, maaaaany kids with her.
With a firm resolve and a glorious new outlook on life, he immediately set out into the world that night to make his dreams come true.
Using the same method that he performed to return Beatrice to the 13th Boy universe, he kicked himself into the Hetalia universe and stole Arthur Kirkland's English Armada - along with Arthur's provocative pirate outfit - and kicked himself back. The fleet, now his personal army of pirate ships, sailed around the world in order to steal every ring in existence. On the break of dawn, when the Park sisters followed the hapless Shi Joon to school, the armada paraded down the streets, supported by tanks and other cool shit as they made their way to the very same location, Ji Oh at the forefront of it all atop his mountain of jewels.
At the climax of this epic journey, when their eyes met and all the world watched this insane display, Ji Oh swept his arm behind him toward the many rings.
"This is my gift... my proposal... to you, Mu Hwa!" he dramatically shouted into his megaphone. "WILL YOU MARRY ME?"
Mu Hwa silently stared back, totally indifferent, and ate some Wonderbread.
Ji Oh was sad. :(
Fin.
Hope you enjoyed my descent into madness. Hurr derp.