Author's Notes: Inspired by a line from "Here I Dreamt I Was an Architect" by The Decemberists. This occurs sometime after "Company Picnic."
Disclaimer: I'm just borrowing the song and the show.
Here I Dreamt I Was an Architect
"I am nothing of a builder, but here I dreamt I was an architect." - "Here I Dreamt I Was an Architect," The Decemberists
She breaks up AJ in January. She can't kid herself anymore: she isn't happy with him. All of the pretending and wishing it would work out can't change that. And she's finally come to terms with it, that she and AJ weren't meant for one another. It was her New Year's resolution to be happy, so she ends it with him.
January turns in to February, and suddenly she's spent most of the winter thinking about Michael. He was the reason for all of this, she thinks, for wanting so desperately to be happy with AJ. She realizes that she hoped that AJ would take her mind from Michael. She knows it didn't work. The problem is, she's in the same predicament that she always was: her heart thoroughly belongs to Michael, but she is in Nashua and he in Scranton.
She closes her eyes and hates the distance separating them.
She reflects on her past relationships, and on herself. She has never been good with men; she always says the wrong thing or makes the wrong move and suddenly the relationship is over. Romantic relationships are not her forte. There's something about them – the idea of sharing her true self with another – that makes her feel very vulnerable.
But it was different with Michael. She was still nervous, but it was almost as if Michael was also nervous for the same reasons, and so they had been nervous together. And it was different, better than all of the things she had previously experienced.
The fact remains, however, that she doesn't quite trust her relationship skills. If these types of things had a report card, she supposes that she would have perhaps a "C" average. She doesn't quite trust herself to make the first move with him.
But all self doubt aside, she wants this to happen; she wants to rekindle her romance with Michael. She misses him. She misses his laugh and their jokes and snuggling late at night. She misses the way their interests were identical and they could talk for ages about everything. She misses how he held her hand
and comforted her when she was afraid. She hates that he is now very much absent from her life.
Track records or no track records, "C" averages or no "C" averages, she would contact him again.
She hopes that he will not spurn her, that he has not forgotten about her. She wants with all of her heart to fix things with him. She hopes to rekindle their friendship, their love.
And maybe it will work out. Maybe they'll fall back in love with one another, back in sync with one another. Maybe her days will once again be filled with smiles and SNL impersonations. Maybe, just maybe, she'll make this move and their relationship will blossom like a flower.
She contacts him in spring. Spring, a time for new beginnings.
She thinks it's appropriate.
She arrives at his condo and knocks on his front door. She'd called him beforehand, and they'd agreed to meet here. To talk here. There's so much to discuss; they have to work out the little details that drove them apart in the first place. She's decided that she'll move back to Scranton, if things work out with him.
He opens the door and sees her standing there.
His face lights up, "Hey!"
She smiles, "Hey."
"Come in, come in," he invites. She steps inside, and she realizes that she feels as if she's home for the first time in awhile.
Later that night, she says quietly, "It's been awhile, I know. But maybe we can fall back in love again."
Michael looks surprised, "Holly, I never fell out of love with you."