Moonlit Stroll
A Inuyasha/Kagome Oneshot.
Enjoy.
'Ugh. I can't sleep...' Kagome thought for the seventeenth time that night. She swallowed as she blinked open her eyes in discomfort. She had been staring up at the vast starry sky while lying down inside the comfort of her sleeping bag. Though the wide-spread scene of stars against the dark coat of royal blue usually calmed her, tonight it did nothing to assuage the young miko's frazzled state. Even the nearby singing of a cricket was starting to annoy her.
Everything that usually calmed her suddenly became irritating. What used to lure her into sleep now had the opposite effect.
She slowly turned over to her left and began staring sideways at the dry and dead campfire twigs that had long since died out. Her eyes traced over the imperfect shapes of the various stones and rocks that been stacked recklessly around the pit. Kagome continued to stare a little longer, dazed. Eventually, she realized that out of all the things she would miss from the feudal era after she left the campfires she shared with her friends would stand out by far. Brooding about it for a moment, she realized that to say she would simply miss it would be an understatement. It tore her heart up to know that the familiar chats around the fire with everyone, the laughter at jokes made earlier that day, and the sharing of food amidst talks of hopes of the future would all eventually stop.
Her chocolate brown eyes lowered as she frowned, forlorn at the depressing thought.
Her stomach began to sink with sorrow and longing. Her heart felt heavy as she had to sadly reminded herself that she didn't belong. That this wasn't her world.
She held her breath and sighed. Her shoulders tensed and slumped as she tried to let go of her distress. The jewel was finally complete and it seemed no one knew what to do next. The one most confused about the future was Kagome herself. There was no guidance as everyone around her was seemingly content to have just defeated Naraku. The relief and joy apparent on both Miroku and Sango's faces made it a bit difficult for Kagome to bring it upon herself to destroy with her concern for the jewel.
'I'm leaving...in 2 days...' Kagome slowly thought, depressed. For a prolonged moment, a tear summoned its way up to her right eye and swam there, waiting. She had decided to simply say all her goodbyes in the feudal era and return back to her world, where she would try and catch up on her own future and life.
Hoping to pick up the pieces and begin again, anew.
Adding to her melancholy, no one had tried to stop her when she finally declared it three days after Naraku's downfall. Her friends had stared at her with mixed expressions of both sadness and reluctant acceptance, but no objection. The tear became large and full and finally released itself down Kagome's cheeks. To her bitter disappointment, a certain hanyou, the love of her life, hadn't bothered to make a move to stop her. He simply shifted around a bit and sat there, stared at the ground and muttered "Feh".
It was a rough blow to her heart seeing him react so indifferently to her departure. She had even said that she would seal up the well after she left; a sure promise of closure between the schism of both eras.
'Rrgh. I can't sleep with all this tension,' Kagome frowned. She zipped down the sleeping bag's zipper and sat up. Quickly, she wiped away the lone teardrop and glanced around her to make sure her movements did not cause a disturbance.
'Good. Everyone's asleep.' She felt her posture stiffen as she saw Sango and Miroku cuddled together. Soon after Naraku's defeat, they had finally gotten closer and it was certain there was love between them. She felt herself smile as she noticed their intertwined fingers locked together while in their deep slumber. But soon, Kagome began to feel envious as she saw their obvious content. They were perfect for each other from the beginning.
'Oh god. I'm going to miss them...so...much..,' Kagome turned away at the sentimental scene. She choked back a sob and began to stand up.
'Maybe...maybe a quick walk will clear my mind,' The young teenager patted her still-warm sleeping bag and slipped on her loafers. She quietly began to walk along a clear dirt path that slowly inched her away from the used campfire and her group teammates.
Unknownst to her, a pair of strikingly golden-colored orbs peered at her through the dark while she took her every step away from him.
Kagome sighed as the light traces of wind blew through the strands of her hair. The breezes around her were very comforting; it made her feel as if she belonged here in this era, as if she had been destined to be here since the beginning of time.
As she thought this, she couldn't help but dejectedly realize how she felt about this notion. She would be deluding herself if she stayed in this world for no apparent reason. There was nothing left for her to do. She had done her job; she had completed gathering up the jewel shards to make him happy. Now, there were no other excuses to stay by his side and it was that thought that tore her heart up.
No. She had promised herself that she wouldn't cry about this.
She stared up at the sky and gazed at the full moon above her. She would miss the beauty of nature she saw everyday in the feudal era and she would miss the adventures that came along with new friends. Along with all the action, she also acknowledged that she would miss the tranquility that came with this time era as well. It was too loud and noisy back in her time.
The moonlight glow continued to pierce through her surroundings and a heavy sigh escaped from her lips.
Despite all the things she would miss, she couldn't help but admit that she would miss him the most. She stopped and looked down at her feet.
The person that mattered the most. All those years of fighting with him, worrying about him, crying over him; it was all so nostalgic. There were painful memories, but what mattered was that she had spent those moments with him by his side. It hurt knowing that they could have been something more than just friends. They were so close, willing to die for one another, yet neither of them had the courage to confess. She wished -
Her thoughts were startled by a familiar and demanding voice.
"Oi. Where do you think you're going, wench?"
'Inuyasha?' She looked up frantically and turned around. There he stood. High and mighty as always. It was a shame she wouldn't be able to see him mature.
"I was...just taking a stroll..," She softly replied. She turned away and quickly wiped away any traces of tears on her face. But her movements were for naught; the half-demon behind her watched her warily, keen on the smallest gestures.
"This time of night? What is it? To meet someone?" Inuyasha's suspicious voice came out loud and gruff. His mind processed her scent and noted her tears. What was she crying about?
"Yeah. Exactly why. To meet someone," Kagome replied mordantly. Her head bowed low again, and her bangs kept her eyes hidden. Her sarcasm was not detected.
"Oh yeah? Is it that mangy wolf?" The hanyou's words had become daunting and rough. Carefully, Kagome looked up at him and her pained expression towards him made him flinch.
'How can he be so immature? After all we've been through...and yet he still doesn't trust me?' Kagome thought sadly. She suddenly felt cold and alone, isolated from everyone and their newfound content and stable lives.
"Why would you care?" Kagome immediately snapped back. But as soon as the words had left her mouth, she quickly regretted them and wished them back. She hadn't meant to sound so harsh. Inuyasha flinched back for a second and his ears flattened to his head as she bit her lip in guilt. He turned his head to his side and could feel anger creeping into his system.
Inuyasha growled in response, "I don't! I just don't want my shard detector to bail out on me."
He frowned as a following thought immediately pounded through his head: 'Or leave me.'
"...Just go back to sleep," Kagome muttered, trying to hide her injured feelings. Shard detector, huh? It was a title lower than friends. She fought with herself; she was trying so hard not to spill tears again, but his sharp-edged words seemed to sink into her, as they always did, clawing at her sensitive feelings.
'The jewel's complete. You have no use for me anymore.' Her expression saddened at the thought of being thrown away and forgotten. Like a used toy.
"What if demons attack you? And uh, take the jewel?" Inuyasha asked bluntly. His soft triangle ears twitched slightly, searching the area for any unnatural sounds.
"Then I guess I should bring my bow and arrows," the young priestess muttered half-heartedly. She looked up at the gleaming stars above her and sighed, tormented by inner conflict. She might as well be dead if she wasn't allowed to stay by his side anymore. With her state of mind, there was high doubt that she would even try and defend herself should a demon decide to kill her.
Inuyasha stood his ground and observed her from behind, trying to somehow figure out what she was thinking. Her voice seemed raw with emotion and it concerned him that she was suffering, a strong contrast from her usual cheerful self during the day. He stared at her back, unsure of what to say. But suddenly he didn't have to, because Kagome's soothing voice rang out, asking him a question.
"Inuyasha, what are you going to wish for?" Her voice matched the serene atmosphere, effortlessly blending in with the hum of buzzing from the crickets and the gentle breeze that flew by.
"I- I don't know, Kagome."
"You...you could use the jewel to resurrect Kikyo back to life...and even live a happy life together afterwards when...I'm gone," Kagome whispered. She took in a deep breath and swallowed, amazed that she had found the slight courage to blurt out her deep and darkest fear. But she firmly reminded herself that she did not belong in this era. It was for the best.
This was for the best.
Inuyasha gritted his teeth and glared. She could feel it; his eyes were burning through her back and into her heart. He hated the topic of the dead priestess. She had torn his heart out and toyed with it and shredded it to pieces. He winced as he remembered that he had once thought he had loved the older miko.
"Kagome, I..."
"It's okay Inuyasha. You don't have to-"
"No. I...if I don't say it now, I'm afraid I'll never get the chance to again," Inuyasha rashly admitted. His eyes narrowed into slits as he tried to wipe away his thoughts of guilt.
Feeling cautious, Kagome finally turned around and directed her attention into his eyes. The very eyes that had captivated her soul and melted her heart throughout their long journey. But as she stared into them, she found his amber eyes unreadable.
"Inuyasha-," Kagome began, but was soon stopped when his eyes stared back and met hers.
"Kagome, I need you to know that everything's over...she's d-dead...gone. I used to love her, but I don't anymore and I don't want to love her again. She and I were...the past." He paused, searching for the right words to continue.
As she digested his words, Kagome eyes grew wide. Never had Inuyasha admitted such a personal revelation. All she could do was stare at his struggling face. It was so full of emotions.
'Did he just say that it's...it's over?'
"Inuyasha..." Her eyes suddenly became blurry, despite her will. 'If it's over for him and Kikyo, then does he...then...'
"Kagome..." Inuyasha winced from his speech and saw despair in her eyes.
"Do you...love me?" She asked, turning her head to her side after pouring her insecurities out with that one question. She brought her arms up from her sides and folded them over her chest in anxiety. She struggled to maintain her calm facade, mentally preparing for the breakdown should she be rejected. Why had it taken so long to ask this one question?
There was a moment of silence before Inuyasha understood the full extension of her question, but he didn't trust himself to speak. It was too important a topic to put his foot in his mouth. So instead, he solemnly nodded.
Yet, she failed to see his response. With her eyes clenched shut from vulnerability, she had failed to notice his simple nod.
Taking his long silence as a no, Kagome's tears were yanked out, finally free from the long time restraint she had since she left the campsite. She tried to hold back a strangled cry, and so instead, it all came out as an agonizing sob. Inuyasha froze.
'She doesn't think I love her,' He frowned and reached out to her, placing his hand gently on her shoulder to comfort her. Immediately, he felt her small frame stiffen.
Kagome's heart beat fast and her mind raced with thoughts of despair. At that moment, she despised him, hating him with everything she had. Her heart truly ached; she wanted nothing more than the internal pain and torture she felt to stop. All the tears she had wasted worrying about him, all the time she spent thinking about him, and all her love - all of it was wasted because it was never returned.
Although she wanted nothing more than to smack his hand away from her shoulder, she still couldn't find it in her to do it. So instead, she looked to his eyes to show off her internal anguish. Couldn't he see that he was ripping her heart to dozens and dozens of pieces?
Their eyes met again and Inuyasha reeled back. Honey drowned in chocolate-filled orbs as he stood there, awed at the distressed girl in front of him.
Despite her defeated state, he could see how beautiful she was. The moonlight struck her at the most alluring places; it shone on her pale skin and bright clear eyes, and it illuminated her petite and fragile frame. It showed him what he was bound to always protect. He realized that he needed her; she was his strength, his support, his purpose. His one true love.
He had always known that.
Subconsciously, he stepped closer to her. He reached out and gently turned her around to face him. His bangs covered his lustful eyes as he tilted forward and lowered his head. The space between them slowly closed and his lips brushed against hers. To his surprise, Kagome didn't stop him. She offered no resistance as he leaned in closer.
It felt so natural. He brought his clawed hand up to her chin and carefully began wiping away her spent tears.
'How long have I waited for this?' Kagome thought. Her heart skipped a beat when she gave herself in to the devouring kiss. She felt their tongues collide and roll around each other's, each trying to explore the other's mouth passionately, yet being delightfully naiive. Kagome felt Inuyasha lightly nip at her bottom lip and she let out a soft moan in encouragement. When they both had to stop for breath, the look on their eyes were somehow suddenly content.
"Inuyasha..."
With a bit of newfound confidence, he whispered, "Kagome, don't, don't leave me. I need you here by my side..."
"But the jewel...its complete now, Inuyash-"
"Forget the jewel!" The hanyou earned a surprised gasp from the girl in front of him, but he continued, much more bold and willing to confess his true feelings because of their kiss, "If...if it means you'll be gone in exchange for my wish, then I might as well given it up to that bastard Naraku."
Kagome made no reply to that, but instead she broke away and began taking steps on the path ahead of her. She felt so confused. Why did he have to kiss her while she felt so vulnerable? More importantly, why did his kiss make her want to stay for more? Though she knew the answer, she reminded herself that she couldn't deny the future that was two days ahead of her.
'It's all because I love him...'
The tears streamed anew down her face, droplets dripping onto her school uniform. She could feel Inuyasha in pace right behind her, worried.
Kagome finally decided then, to open her mouth and speak the inevitable that had she could no longer ignore, "Inuyasha, please don't make me choose between my world and yours...nothing can change my mind..." She lied.
'Tell me. Tell me you love me. Asking me to stay is just not enough.' Her mind pleaded.
But not being able to read her mind, the hanyou became scared by her last sentence. His greatest fear was coming true.
'She's leaving me...' Frantically, he glanced around him, trying to find the right words to stop her, 'but...but she promised to stay by my side...'
His thoughts stopped when the two had reached the Goshinboku tree. Silence filled the air as Kagome walked up to its front and spoke. Her words were steady and slow.
"You know...I think I've loved you even before we met. I never did feel entirely complete back in my era when I was a kid," Kagome commented tenderly. Inuyasha didn't answer, so she continued, mostly to herself, " The place where we met...now to be the place where we depart-"
"I won't let you," a unshakable voice broke in.
Kagome's expression froze. She turned to him behind her, shocked.
"What?"
'Arrogant bastard..' She thought, absolutely livid, 'He doesn't own me.' He had no right to act so possessive of her, toying with her feelings, controlling her and inflicting false hope. It was the same every time. She was so tired of her heartstrings tugging, the constantly anxiety and confusion he caused to her. And that kiss just now..did he really mean it?
Her thoughts stopped and something dawned to her. An epiphany that, if she couldn't get him to tell her if he loved her, maybe his actions would show her? Actions spoke louder than words, she recited to herself.
"You heard me. I won't let-" His booming voice stopped. His eyes buldged out as Kagome determinedly sprinted straight towards the well. His heart nearly stopped beating entirely and his demon instincts were suddenly screaming alarms in his head.
'NO!'
By the time he registered and regained back his reaction senses, he discovered Kagome had already reached the wooden walls of the well. She was lowering herself into it, ready to push herself forward and fall in. Her grip loosened and she shifted her body weight, letting go.
Faster than he had ever gone before, his inhuman speed picked up unimaginably. "KAGOME." He screamed, terrified. His hand stretched outward to reach for her hand. He heard a startled gasp as his fingers caught and intertwined with hers. He swiftly swooped her over the magical time traveling portal that could take her back to her time. And away from him.
Stunned, Kagome felt adrenaline and instant relief flood her veins. She was lifted up and carried in his arms, after such a hasty retreat. Her heartbeat pounded rapidly, recovering from her sudden body exertion.
The bewildered half demon sighed in immense relief. If he had been a second too late, he would've regretted it the rest of his life.
He carefully laid her down and helped her back to her feet, but blocked her way from any route away from him. He pushed his hands against the tree trunk and leaned forward, efficiently trapping her from another possible escapade. In silence, they stared at eachother, both too stubborn to express their thoughts.
"Kagome..."
'That...I can't believe she... just nearly left me like that, what the hell. It was so close, too,' The hanyou growled to himself. And worse. He could see Kagome smile a bit in excitement. Studying her features once more, he was more perplexed than angry. But he was solemn as he started at her, demanding a response for doing such a startling act.
His arms lowered from the bark and moved to grip her arms tightly, but not enough to wound her in any way.
"..." Her eyes reluctantly looked up and met his. It looked like...she was expecting him to do something.
It took another moment of silence and both could swear the other could hear their heart beating.
And then something clicked together in his head. He knew what to do.
"Kagome..." he said once again, "First, don't EVER do that again...and second.. "
He slowly brought a clawed finger up to her earlobe and gently tucked a misplaced strand of hair behind it. Carefully, he leaned closely into her left ear and whispered something soft enough only that Kagome could hear.
"Kagome, stay with me. By my side. I...I love you too much to let you go," He then leaned his head back to turn away and blush, but he found that he couldn't. Kagome tugged at the front of his kimono, forcing him to face her again.
"Do you know how long I've been waiting for you to say that?" She suddenly cried out. Startled by her outburst, he allowed his instincts to take over and he hugged her, as if that was the answer.
"Does that mean you won't leave me?" He asked, hopeful. He felt her fingers clutch onto his kimono, digging into the layers with her grip. She was held so close to him that she couldn't reply, so she slowly pulled out of his embrace and murmured, "Only when you stop loving me."
Inuyasha frowned as they embraced again. The bond felt deeper this time as he took in her scent.
A simple word was stated strongly as they ventured back to the campfire through the promising and glowing moonlit path ahead of them.
"Never."
The End
A/N : Hope you enjoyed it. What brought up this fanfic was a recent random episode I saw of Inuyasha, called "Return to the Place Where we First Met". Its where he's still undecisive whether to choose Kikyo or Kagome and feels that he can't ask Kagome to stay with him because it's selfish; they avoid eachother and there's tension between the two. Kagome's waiting for Inuyasha to come to her era to pick her up, but he never does because he feels like he doesn't "deserve" her and whatnot. Ugh. Kagome loses the stubborn war they have going and goes to the feudal era on her own and in the end, decides to stay by his side no matter what. I kept thinking, 'Wow, why is Kagome letting Inuyasha take advantage of her kindness? She doesn't have to go visit the feudal era everyday, ditching her normal social life and academic education for an ungrateful jerk who's constantly barking either insults or orders at her. And he chose Kikyo! What the hell! Returning to him so willingly..she's just asking to be hurt.' But afterwards, I watched other episodes like how protective and jealous he gets over her and my love for Inuyasha returned just a bit.
But I still can't believe how absolutely insensitive he is.
Anyway, about this story. I've read so many fanfictions where a love problem between Inuyasha and Kagome is usually solved by a simple kiss in the end. I was unsatisfied (still am) that many authors don't torture the characters enough, you know? Haha, just kidding. A better way to put it is, I wanted to write a story that reveals a relationship more complex then the typical kiss that implies a happy ending for the two. Fluff is cute and all, but problems don't just go away with a simple kiss. I mean, a relationship that depends entirely on kisses for assurance and temporary comfort from insecurities seems so shallow; think about all that unecessary mental anguish, only to go through it again once that kiss effect disappears. Strong relationships need more stability.
Wahh. Sorry for my rant. I hope that didn't ruin the story's ending scene mood for you. :) Thanks for reading and oh, please review!
