Authors notes: Hello I am a little new to writing fanfiction. I've written a few but always delete them because I hate them. But I really like this one and have worked hard on it. I've already gotten a few chapters written.

Important: This story follows all the books up until the end of CoSL. Jace isn't untouchable, Alec never found Maureen, but he and Magnus did break up. And Sebastian never sent those angel wings. He's lurking in the shadows.

I don't own, wish I did but alas I don't!

*Edited May 6th 2014 for some grammar and spelling errors, think I got them all. Let me know if I missed any.

Chapter one: Trying to forget.

Clary woke up in a cold sweat; she sat up in bed and looked around the room confused she relaxed a little when her eyes landed on the sleeping form of Jace. She kept her eyes on him for a few minutes, watching him breathe in and out. Shaking her head she slowly crept out of Jace's bed and into his bathroom. She turned on the cold tap and splashed her face with the cool water trying to clear her head. She closed her eyes and leaned her head again the mirror in front of her.

"You belong to me." Ran threw her mind along with a pair of dark eyes and almost white blond head of hair. She wrapped her arms around herself and sank to the bathroom floor trying to fight the sick feeling in her stomach. It had been a month and a half since she had freed Jace from her brother's clutches. She was trying to pretend everything was normal and that she was okay and happy, but nothing was okay and she was anything but happy. There was something that happened that night when Jonathan forced her to go to the seventh sacred site, something she hadn't told anyone.

Clary quickly leaped up and lifted the lid to the toilet seat as bile started coming out of her mouth. This was the fourth night in a row that this has happened. After she was finished she rinsed her mouth and wrapped herself back up in herself as sobs started to wrack her cold body. She leaned again the wall and cried until she saw light starting to shine into the room as the sun started to come up.

"Time to go pretended everything is okay." She chanted to herself as she stood up and washed her face. She quietly snuck back into the room and got back into bed with Jace. He responded by mumbling in his sleep and then draping an arm over her. She sighed and nestled into him, his touch seemed to be the only one she didn't flinch away from.

Sometime later she was woken up by the sound of the shower turning on. She glanced at the alarm clock on Jace's side table, it was glowing a bright red letting her know that it was a little before 9. She hasn't meant to fall back asleep, but she had a dreamless sleep and she felt a little more rested. Since Jace was in the shower she threw on her jeans from the day before and a random top from the pile in Jace's closet. She deiced she was going to go pretend to eat breakfast before Jace finished his shower.

Clary was hoping to avoid seeing anyone but luck was never on her side and Isabelle and Simon were sitting at the kitchen table talking quietly to themselves. She heard Izzy let out a small laugh as she entered the kitchen.

"Mornin'." Clary greeted them. Simon and Isabelle had been inseparable since Iz finally told Simon how she felt. She was a bit thankfully since she felt that was the only reason Simon hadn't realized there was something seriously wrong with her.

"Morning, Clary." They both said in unison and Clary rolled her eyes, this honey moon stage was getting a little obnoxious.

"Come eat with us- er with me." Isabelle said, she was eating breakfast while Simon was slowly sipping on a cup of coffee.

"Sure." Clary said as she walked over to the counter filled with way to much food. There were eggs, toast, bagels, bacon and orange juice all over the counter. She guessed Maryse made it earlier since Isabelle was a terrible cook and all this food looked good. Clary grabbed some cold toast and headed over to the table to pretend to eat it. She started slowly picking apart the white toast with butter on it, only taking small bites if Simon or Isabelle glanced her way. A few minutes later Jace walked into the room, his hair still wet from his shower. Clary quickly piled her toast bits onto a napkin and squished the napkin closed so Jace wouldn't see her uneaten toast; he was starting to notice her non-eating habits. Jace walked over to the food and pilled his plate high before joining the three of them at the table.

"Morning." He said as he sat down and kissed Clary on the side of the head. She smiled at him.

"How did you sleep?" She asked him since he looked tired even though she thought he slept all night.

"Alright I guess." He shrugged as he started digging into his eggs.

"I had the craziest dream." He said as he swallowed his first bite. Clary made a face at him to continue.

"I don't know, I was in this dark room alone. There were no walls, or windows or anything in the room. Suddenly Sebastian was there." Clary tried not to shutter at the name her brother liked to go by.

"He was telling me how angry he was that I wasn't in his possession anymore, and that he was going to have me a part of his army no matter what. Then at the end he gave me this crazy, dark look." Simon and Izzy were listening at this point.

"And…?" Isabelle prompted him to finish since he took a bite of a piece of bacon before continuing.

"Well he said to never forget that Clary belong to him, not me never me." Clary paled as she looked down at her crumbled napkin of uneaten breakfast.

"Well it was just a dream right." She tried to sound fine as she let out an awkward laugh. She finally looked up at everyone, Simon look concerned for her Isabelle's eyes looked full of pity and Jace just looked sad.

"Yeah of course it was just a dream." Jace said nodding. At that moment Alec entered the room, saving her from all the stares. Alec looked heartbroken, Magnus broke up with him last month and he still wasn't okay. Clary decided this was a good opening for her to leave the room.

"Well I am going to go take a shower since someone was hogging it this morning." Clary tried to joke since everyone looked super concerned about her.

"No one said you couldn't have joined me." Jace winked at her as she laughed lightly.

"You wish." She said standing up from the table and giving Jace a small kiss on the lips before heading towards the door.

"Why yes, yes I do." He replied as she left the room. Once she was out of the room she start sprinting towards the room that held some of her things in it for when she stayed over. She didn't want to go to Jace's room in case he came back in the middle of her breakdown. She seemed to be having more and more of those lately; she didn't know how much more she could take before she completely broke.

She entered her room and shut the door locking it behind her, then walking to the bathroom not even giving a glance around the room before tearing it opened and shutting and locking it as well. She was already having trouble breathing as she turned on the water and started stripping her clothes off. Tears were falling down her pale face as she opened the curtains and jumped into the shower, not even caring that is wasn't completely warmed up yet.

"Will these tears ever stop?" She thought to herself as she picked up her loofa and started scrubbing herself raw once again. "You will always be mine." The dark voice invaded her mind as she started scrubbing harder. "LOOK AT ME!" Clary dropped her loofa and sank to the shower floor as sobs racked her body. She didn't want to relive these thoughts or feelings. It was never ending everyday it was all she could think about. She wrapped her arms around herself as more thoughts clouded her head. "You're so beautiful Clary." She could see Jonathan's lust filled eyes as the sobs started becoming harder and louder. She prayed somebody didn't hear her. She put her head on her knees as the flashbacks started.

AN: Yup I am going to leave it a cliffy, I already have the next chapter done just gotta decided when to post it.