"Marriage is just a stupid constitution that is designed to cast the illusion of commitment but in fact tears people apart"

"Oh so you think that if we got married, we'd just break up. Good to know you think we're so fucking strong, Naomi"

I sighed at Emily's use of my name and shook my head.

"Just get out, Naomi", she whispered tiredly, staring down at the floor, before snapping up her eyes wild and angry when I made no move to leave, screaming " I said get the fuck out! Fuck off!"

"You seriously want me to leave? So fucking brave aren't you? We need to talk about this Emily" I yelled back at her

"I don't want to fucking hear it right now, I feel too worthless to you. You're supposed to be the one and yet you're not willing to make the ultimate commitment to me? I don't fucking understand you one bit" she screamed, pushing me out the door before slamming it in my face.

I scream in frustration, pounding on the door, yelling at Emily to open it.

"I'm serious Emily, you've done nothing but be a bitch for the past three months. Always so angry, I don't even know what this is about", I screamed through the door, " Is the stupid marriage issue the only thing going on?"

The door snapped open and I see a broken sobbing Emily step out, centimetres from my face, her breathing heavy but she's calm. Too fucking calm.

"It's not a stupid fucking marriage issue, it's important to be and you don't even seem to care how much. I want to marry you Naomi. I want us to be recognised by all our friends and family that we belong to each other and how committed we are. I want to experience a day about us. I want you to want that. I want it to mean as much to you as it does to me. Maybe you should go and not come back because clearly I'm more in love with you than you are with me", she uttered the final words out to me, before slamming the door in my face.

I'm gobsmacked. I never realised how much this meant to Emily, but at the same time I'm so utterly torn. I bang my head on the door softly, the wind knocked out of me by Emily's word. They echoed through me with an painful ache and I let a few tears fall down my cheeks, whispering to the door.

"I'm so sorry, Emily"

I sigh and grab my jacket before exiting our apartment. I message Katie a brief message of 'our apartment. Ems needs you' before switching my phone off and headed to the closest pub.

I needed to get fucked and forget about this huge blow out with Emily. Did she really mean she didn't want me to come back? My chest gave an uncomfortable twinge at the thought of not being with Emily and I shudder as I think about our last year of college and the heartache. That year had practically ruined my liver; I was so fucked up back then, drinking before ten in the morning, drugging myself in a red hazy of spliff and unknown substances. When we had finally got back together, I felt invincible, Emily had unbeknownst to me applied to Goldsmith and we had finished university together before settling into our own apartment happily.

I knocked back the vodka and smiled as I thought of how far we'd come from the two schoolgirls snogging in Panda's jumping castle. She was so beautiful and innocent, still beautiful, not so innocent I smirk to myself at this thought. Seven shots of vodka, I felt better but I know I don't want to go home. Emily's word and thoughts hit a nerve.

Emily's words played on my conscious like a painful melody, how could she say that? How could she think she loves me more than I love her? I love her more than life itself and just because I don't want to get married, it didn't mean I don't want a future with her. She was my future. She was the only concept I could connect to the next fifty years of my life.

As I chugged my twelfth cigarette, I let my mind wander to why I love every fibre that was Emily Fitch. Her flaming red hair, her cute button nose, her sexy husky voice, the way she always smiles in her sleep, the way she groans my name when we're making love, fuck me I even loved how grumpy she was when she woke up in the morning. But yet, why couldn't I marry her? Because marriage scared the absolutely shit out of me? Because I'm still the scared little girl from college? I wasn't scared though; the only thing I was scared of was not having Emily.

I'm completely devastated that Emily won't accept this, isn't being in love with someone a compromise? Isn't love accepting someone completely and wholly? I know I love Emily and I don't need some rings, paper and a random to officiate what I already felt every single day.

Sometime later in my musing of Emily, marriage and our future, I felt my stomach turn over and I had to run out into the alleyway, throwing up until I was dry retching.

"Fucking hell", I muttered, searching for my phone and turning it on, "wow".

Twelve messages and five missed calls from Katie, two calls from Cook and zero from Emily, I try to shrug off the disappointment seeping through me.

I called Cook, who immediately agreed to come pick me up as I slurred where I was before passing out, a certain red head on my mind and tears falling down my face.

I wake up feeling like I'm dying, my head pounds, I'm gagging constantly and I'm aching all over. Not to mention my aching heart as I agonize over Emily every second. As I blearily sit up I realize I'm at Cook's. Fucking hell.

"Morning Naomikins!" Cook booms as he walks through the bedroom door, "sleep alright?"

"I hate you", I mumble, his voice making my head feel like it was about to explode and I hear him giggling.

"Coffee, panedol and phone", he says softly to me, placing all three on the bedside table next to me, and I immediately knock back the tablets and coffee but ignore the phone.

"Wanna talk about it my dear muff monkey?", Cook asks me gently and I can't help but burst into tears. I tell Cook everything, about how I feel about marriage, about how I feel about Emily, even how much her words had hurt me.

"S'alright, Naomikins, you two love each other more than anything", Cook purrs to me as he holds me close to him, "Nothing will come between ya's. You're meant to be, you are"

I sniffle and look at him, and smile sadly at the sincerity in his eyes.

"I should go home, go and face her", I whisper.

"Aye, I rekon you're lady love will be missing you", he grins his wicked smile and I'm filled with new hope.

The house is empty when I walk in, and instantly I'm worried, I stroll through the lounge up towards our bedroom, thinking that Emily might be in bed. It's late afternoon on a Sunday, so she'd definitely be home.

"Em?" I call out, silence bouncing off the walls with no reply.

Our room is empty and the bed is empty and made and I feel my heart shatter as I notice the note sitting on my pillow.

Dear Naomi,

I think it's for the best if I stay at Katies for a while. I'm sorry. I just think we need some time and space to think and be apart. We both know things haven't been right for a while, it's as if the romance, passion and affection are gone from our lives. I love you so much, but I think we need to work out what we want out our lives and whether or not we can have that together.

Please give me some time.

Forever Yours,

Ems x.

Tears blur my vision as I read her neat handwriting. I feel so broken and raw. She's left me. I feel my heart pounding and I struggle to breath, dropping to my knees and curling into a ball. I lay broken on what was once Emily and my bedroom floor, sobbing.