EDIT 11/28/09: Fixed verb tenses. Not sure how they magically changed in the first place.

A/N: I have watched the Yu Yu Hakusho section on this site turn into Mary Sue heaven. It is painful, so very painful. The goods stories are slowly dwindling down. I hang on to the hope that one day, people will rediscover the beauty of writing Yu Yu Hakusho fanfiction about the Yu Yu Hakusho characters. Wouldn't that be something?

Anywho, here's my attempt at a parody.

Disclaimer: Don't sue. Mary Sue or legally sue. Both are pointless.

It was a beautiful day in Reikai. The sun was shining and the birds were chirping and the smart! readers were thinking "Do birds chirp in the land of the dead?"

But the writer is going to ignore that astute observation because it doesn't matter to her whether or not her story makes sense. Her explanation for all the things that don't make sense is "Dammit, it's my story, I can do whatever I want with it." And even though the smart! readers are annoyed they will continue reading because this is obviously a parody.

Ahem. As I was saying. Reikai. The sun shining. The birds chirping. Koenma sitting at his desk stamping papers and acting like a general baby. Right.

So, as Koenma was doing paperwork, he was humming the Pussycat Dolls' "When I Grow Up" and suddenly found the strange urge to dance. He poofed to his teenage form and started making awkward pelvic movements and singing in a high-pitched voice.

"When I grow up, I wanna be famous, I wanna be a star, I wanna have boobies –"

Suddenly the door to his office swung open and slammed into the wall. We will ignore that fact that such big doors are bound to be heavy, and therefore would not slam. Koenma immediately smoothed his hair over and jumped into his desk, trying to look professional.

A mysterious mist came rolling out of the dark unknown beyond the doors. The shapely figure of an obviously female creature stepped into the room, surrounded by lightning to show off her amazing power. Koenma dropped to his knees, overwhelmed by the horrifying youki energy. Sensing that she was out for blood, he started begging for his life. That's how amazing she was.

"Oh, bootilicious female creature who has magically awoken my buried sexual desires, I beg thee to spare this pathetic lifeform that is the son of God! I will do anything for your mercy!"

The girl stepped out of the mist, quickly hiding the Halloween mist spray behind her back. She peered disdainfully down her perfect nose at Koenma. At this moment, the writer will detail her beauty using big words.

She was vertically unchallenged, with perfect legs up to her neck. A more perfect specimen in the curves department has never existed before. Even though he was terrified, Koenma couldn't help but admire her perfectly round boobs and squishable ass. She was dressed to perfection, with tight leather pants and a green tank-top that hugged her perfect body. Long, auburn hair with golden highlights hung to her waist in sheets of gold and cocoa. Her perfect mouth was unsmiling and her teeth, although invisible, were white and perfect.

But her eyes – OH her eyes! Never before had such eyes existed. A beautiful shade of emerald green with jade reflexes that mesmerized with their uniqueness. And yet, such a tale of sorrow and horror they told that Koenma immediately wondered what dark past this creature beheld. Oh, woe, how terrible those eyes were! Hiding secrets no mortal should have to bear behind impressive beauty.

Stunned and overwhelmed, Koenma stuttered "Who – who art thou, you orgasmic creature, you?"

The girl tossed her head, unconsciously making her beauty even more apparent. "My name," said she and oh! her voice was like thousands of tinkling bells, dark and terrible but at the same time beautiful like her, "is Elmadora".

Here, the writer will take a brief moment to pause and smirk smugly. She knows that most MarySues have long, elaborate name, but her character has a short yet unique name (nevermind that it's hideous), therefore Elmadora is not a MarySue. Take that, Sue-bashers!

"I am here," she continued, with pauses that were meant to build up suspense but that only succeeded in making her sound mentally retarded, "to find… my brother!"

Shock! Oh blinding shock! No one saw that coming!

"Oh, and who, pray tell, is unfortunate enough to have thee as a sister? For he is truly a sorry soul – unable have impure thoughts about thee! Oh, the poor bastard who is forbidden to love you!"

"My brother," again, she pauses, "is Youko Kurama!"

Shock! Again!

The writer rubs her hands excitedly, ignoring the HUGE, gaping plot hole she just created. Smart! readers point out that she has demon energy but Kurama's human eyes, therefore she cannot be his sister.

"But how?" Koenma cries, "did you ever manage to get past all the security in the castle to get here?" Ah yes, back to the plot.

"I," pause, "have taught my little brother all he knows about thievery. Therefore, I am more amazing and awesome and famouser than him."

Koenma blinks. He slowly begins to come out of his daze. Frowning in confusion, he asks "but wait, if you are more famous than he, how come no one ever heard of you?"

The writer blinks. Wait. How did that sentence write itself? Shaking her head, the writer tries to bring the story back on track.

"I let him take the credit for all my heists. I snuck into the castle because I know you have information on his whereabouts. Using my incredible powers, I knocked out the all the guards and simply strode in here." She preened happily.

But alas, too bad for Elmadora, Koenma was regaining mental capacities. "But I didn't hear any sounds of a struggle outside my doors."

"That's because you were singing about wanting boobies," Elmadora said earnestly.

But Koenma was not to be deterred. Pushing a random button on his desk, he said "Agent Ogres numbers 23225, 23226 and 23227, come in.

Silence. Elmadora smiled smugly.

"Repeat, come in Agent Ogres numbers 23225, 23226 and 23227, this is Enma-daiou speaking. If you do not respond, I will have you turned into eunuchs, do you understand?"

More silence. Elmadora preened and ruffled her metaphorical peacock feathers.

Sighing, Koenma reached for another button. "Botan! Get in here you scatter-brained ferry girl!"

Botan pops into existence. She looked over at Elmadora and immediatelyfell into depression over how hideous she was. "Yes, Koenma-sir," she droned.

"Botan, what the hell happened to the guards outside my office doors?"

"Koenma-sama. It's Sunday. It's their day off."

Koenma gapes like an unattractive fish. "Day off?" he screeches, "I am the son of God and my guards have days off?"

"Of course sir," Botan mumbled, staring at her pathetic little breasts and glaring enviously at Elmadora's.

"Well," Koenma spluttered, "I need security! This girl just snuck in here, claiming she knocked out my guards."

Botan laughed hysterically. Her knees gave out and she dropped to the floor gasping for breath. She pounded the ground with her fists, making the office shake. Koenma's eye twitched.

"Botan."

Said ferry girl continued hyperventilating and dying of laughter. Somehow, she managed to choke out: "You – believed – her? This place – is a – fortress! Nothing – is better – protected. There are dragons – at every corner – ready to eat – intruders. Booby traps – everywhere. No one could ever sneak into the castle! Well, except for Kurama and Hiei, but they were pros."

"But then who is she?" Koenma squealed, pointing at Elmadora, who seemed very confused.

Botan glanced at her. "Oh, she's that girl the Spirit Force caught last week. You know, the one that went insane after Kurama rejected her love?"

"Oh," Koenma said, deflating. "Wait, that can't be her! That girl was – ew."

Botan stalked up to Elmadora, who was crying her eyes out by now. Methodically, she pulled off her wig, revealing skimpy, dull hair and a large bald spot. Hitting her on the back of the head, both of Elmadora's contacts popped out. Botan reached down into her shirt and grabbed her boobs, and Elmadora squealed in horror at the lesbian moment, before Botan pulled out two oranges from her bra. She also pulled out the cushion used to make her ass bigger. Last but not least, Botan ripped off the flesh colored sticker over Elmadora's top lip, revealing a dark mustache.

Koenma stared at her in horror.

The writer faints pathetically.

Elmadora bawled her eyes out.

Botan lead her away, patting her back sympathetically.

Koenma stared at Botan's butt as she walked out.

And the smart! readers sigh whimsically, wondering why all Mary Sue fics can't end that way.