How could this happen?

Cleo wrapped her arms more tightly around her shaking body in an effort to subdue the pain. Her arms felt unresponsive. No matter how hard she squeezed she couldn't relieve the ache she felt between her thighs.

It had happened quickly. He had approached her from behind, one arm going around her, the other drawing a blade to hold to her throat. She could feel hot breath on her neck and knew instinctively what this man wanted.

No.

She struggled. Twisting, she attempted to drive her elbow into his stomach but the arm banded across her stomach was like steel. He held fast and pressed the blade against her throat. He whispered something that Cleo couldn't comprehend as her mind descended into a haze of fear. Hot tears began to trail down her cheeks and it took her a moment before she realized the distant sound of whimpering was in fact coming from her own lips.

He turned her around suddenly, slamming her against a nearby wall. Her head bounced off and spots danced in front of her eyes. Numbly, she realized that his arm was no longer at her stomach but was fumbling with her skirt. Cold hands slid up her thighs in a sick parody of a caress.

Not that anyone had ever caressed her there.

He wrenched up her skirt and a dazed Cleo felt a brief flash of humiliation. It passed quickly as a blinding pain shot though her as she felt him force himself inside of her. She wanted to struggle, to lash out, but the knife dug into her delicate skin of her neck.

Where was Orphen?

She didn't dare scream his name. She stayed silent as the man continued to thrust, tears rolling down her cheeks. Orphen had always rescued her before. He had always been there when she needed him before. In fact, she had always counted on it. He had never failed her.

Until now.

The stranger tensed suddenly and then relaxed. It was over. Some part of her knew this and was thankful. Roughly, he pulled himself out and she could feel liquid slide down her thighs. Blood, she knew. And something else. She couldn't feel it but she knew it was there as well.

The blade left her throat and she could feel a slight stinging where it had been. Small and insignificant to what she was feeling elsewhere. Like a mosquito bite. She felt more than saw the stranger leave. Suddenly she knew she was alone in the alleyway. Legs failing her, she slid down the wall. She didn't care that she could feel pavement against her bare skin. She wrapped her arms around her abdomen and willed the pain to go away. But it wouldn't disappear. So she lay there, bleeding and broken.

Hours. It seemed like hours that she lay there on the cold, damp ground. It had started raining at some point and she absently wondered if was only her tears. She couldn't think of anything to do but lie there between the buildings. This wasn't supposed to happen to girls like Cleo Everlasting. This was way past the part where the prince was supposed to rescue the princess.

Where was he? Why hadn't he come? In her mind, she knew it was unreasonable to believe that he somehow knew she was in trouble. He was her knight in tarnished armour, but even he was only capable of so much. He couldn't be expected to save her every time. She certainly didn't expect him to. But she knew that he did. Despite the arguments and the insults, Cleo knew in her heart that Orphen truly believed he was supposed to protect her from everything. He would not take his failure to do so very well.

There was a decision to be made here. She could feel it through the haze of pain and humiliation. He couldn't know. He couldn't know that he had failed so utterly. Nor could she take the pain of him knowing. She felt dirty and broken and knew that deep within her was something that had been irreparably damaged. She also knew that if anyone knew she would be branded for ever. Soiled. Used. Worthless.

Standing was difficult. It had never occurred to her how much effort it was until every muscle screamed with the strain. She kept one hand clutched around her middle while the other gripped the wall for support.

She needed to find clothing. She vaguely remembered having a bag before the attack. She knew it must still be there. What else could be worth stealing after what he had already taken? Glancing around in the waning light, she saw it slumped against a crate. She knew that inside there was at least another skirt. She had been running away. It had been foolish. She realized that now. She hadn't even packed her bedroll. But it would do.

There was no point in shame now. She was so filled with it that she didn't think anything else could add to it. No one had noticed when he had been panting and grunting against her. They wouldn't notice a shattered girl wiping off the blood and changing her clothing. She removed her soil garment and, wadding it up, started to wipe at the drying blood on her legs. The damp fabric only smeared it against the white skin. Disgusting. Scrubbing harder, she tried to control the panic that threatened to overcome her. She tried to push it back down but there was just too much. Too much blood. Too much pain.

Doubling over, she threw up. Painful heaves until she felt as though she had nothing left inside of her.

"Calm down," she muttered to herself. Breathing deeply she again started to clean herself. Carefully and methodically she tried to erase any evidence of what had happened. She would need a bath when she returned but soon she was satisfied that nothing would be visible once she put on the other skirt.

She opened her bag and pulled out the bright yellow skirt. How ironic. The colour almost made the bile rise up once more in her throat. It seemed so innocent and carefree. It wasn't quite hers anymore. She shook her head and put it on. The clean fabric felt strange against her skin. It felt foreign and wrong. But it would have to do.

The walk back to the inn was painful but Cleo took care so as not to let it appear as though it was. A part of her wanted to run back despite the pain. The town seemed hostile now. It felt as if the very buildings themselves had aided her attacker. The other part wanted to put off confronting Orphen. She wasn't sure how well she could hide it. He would know something was wrong. He just wouldn't know what. Looking around at the buildings she couldn't help but feel that they seemed greyer and more lifeless than they had before. Colours were more subdued and sounds seemed to echo in her head. Things had been so bright before.

All too soon the inn stood in front of her. She knew Orphen and Majic waited inside but she didn't want to face them. She didn't want to let herself slip and have them find out. But she had to go in. Stronger than fear she felt the need to bathe, to clean herself. Even the air around her seemed clogged with filth. She took one step and then another and finally brought herself to the door. Reaching out to take hold of the handle she was jolted back when it was ripped from her grasp.

"Where the hell have you been!" Standing in the doorway was an extremely irate sorcerer and his apprehensive looking apprentice. He was glaring so intensely at her she almost giggled. Almost. Taking a deep breath, she began her act.

Jabbing him with her index finger, she replied, "I do not have to explain myself to you, Orphen. You're not my keeper!" It fell flat. She knew it did. Something in her voice wasn't quite right. But Orphen didn't notice.

"You can't just take off like that! How are we supposed to pay for food when you've got all the money?" Money? Right. She had taken it with her. Their fight had been about money, hadn't it? She didn't remember.

"I suppose it's too much to expect for you to have missed me or to have worried about me. Something could have happened, you know…" Something had. "…and all you care about it is your precious money. Well, here!" She tore the pouch of money from her bag and threw it at him, genuinely angry. She couldn't tell if it was because it was so normal to be angry or if she felt hurt by his words. She knew he didn't really mean them. Well, not completely. He probably was hungry. "If you need me, I'll be upstairs taking a bath." With as much attitude as she could muster, she pushed the fuming sorcerer aside and marched up the stairs. She didn't notice her bag hanging open and the bloodied rags visible for all to see.

"Stupid girl," he grumbled. He and Majic had waited for hours for her to return. She had missed three whole meals! And since she was absent so were any kind of funds meaning that he and a certain blonde haired apprentice had had to go hungry. "She had better not have bought anything big. Come on, Majic. Let's go eat." He motioned for the boy to follow but halted his steps when he saw him deep in thought. "Majic? Food?"

The boy looked at his master. "I just thought I saw.…" He trailed off. "Nothing," he finished with a sigh. He could have sworn he'd seen something covered in blood in Cleo's bag. But wouldn't she have said something if she'd gotten into a fight? He shook his head. "I'm coming."

That day had ended a part of her life. Cleo couldn't help but measure time in before and after 'it' had happened. Cleo from 'before' was happy and carefree. She was innocent. Cleo from 'after' was more subdued and skittish. She was withdrawn had somehow developed a fear of the dark. A fear of what lurked in the shadows. A fear of him, the man whose face she never saw. Her fights with Orphen now resulted in intense shouting matches followed by hours of cold silence. She didn't want to venture out alone anymore. Not even with Leki by her side. It was strange that she hadn't taken him with her that night. Unfortunate, for she felt sure Leki would have fought him.

Tonight had been no different. It had had something to do with when they would be coming to the next town. Cleo wanted to pass it by while Orphen felt they needed to purchase supplies. Majic had disappeared to parts unknown claiming he had a lot on his mind so there would be no mediation from that corner. With this odd role reversal Orphen had become frustrated and for the first time in recorded history he was the one to storm off muttering something about confusing women. It had almost felt like a victory until she realized that she was alone with only Leki for protection (as formidable as he was). Fear soon replaced any sense of accomplishment.

Aside from bathing and other more personal matters, she hadn't ever been truly alone since that day. Either Majic or Orphen had always been in the room or with her on the street. She hadn't thought about it much aside from accepting it as the way it was going to be for a while. It had been weeks and she had never been confronted with her newfound fear of being alone. It was terrifying. Sitting on the cold ground, she picked Leki up off the ground and clutched him to her chest so hard he yelped. Silently she edged closer to the fire to silence the shudders that wracked her body. She knew he couldn't be out there. They were far way from where it had happened. But her rational mind had seemed to desert her. Tears streamed down her face and the shaking continued. It was uncontrollable now. Sobs forced themselves from her throat. She knew she was crying loudly and messily now but she didn't care. She was alone. Slowly, she crawled to her nearby bedroll. They couldn't see her like this. If they returned they couldn't see what one man had done to an innocent young woman. Curling into a tight ball with Leki pressed to her heart she cried herself to sleep.

She was running. She could feel the burning of her lungs and the pounding of her feet against the ground. She was just ahead of him now. She knew that she was quickly losing her lead on him. With every step she could feel the heat of his breath just a little bit more. She glanced behind.

"You can't escape me. I'm everywhere you go." The voice wasn't coming from behind her but from in front. Whipping her head around she skidded to a stop. He was there in front of her. He was tall and sturdily built and she knew instinctively that he possessed a grotesque strength. In his right hand he held a knife that gleamed with a light that seemed to come from within it. In his left, he held a bloodied rag. She knew what it was. She looked to his face but the landscape seemed to fill with a thick mist that obscured her view. His form was fading quickly from sight.

"You'll never get away," he said as the fog closed in, squeezing the air from her lungs. Cleo tried to scream.

"Cleo… Cleo!"

"Cleo!" Orphen wrapped his arms around the frantic woman. He had awakened to her screams only moments before and was desperate to stop the cries that were issuing from her throat. They were heart wrenching. Her knew whatever she was experiencing was causing her no small amount of anguish. She'd been having nightmares for the past few weeks. At first he'd thought them the product of stress. Maybe he'd been pushing her too hard. Travelling was hard on anybody. He decided to slow their pace as much as he could without letting her notice but the dreams had continued. It tore at him to see her whimper and cry in her sleep. He knew something was wrong. During the day they fought more intensely than ever before. During the night, Orphen was plagued with worry. This wasn't stress.

It wasn't long before Majic began to wake up to Cleo's night terrors. By the way his apprentice looked at the girl, Orphen knew the boy knew something. In his usual gruff manner, Orphen demanded that he divulge whatever information he had. He remembered the conversation all too well:

Majic sighed at his master's command. "I wasn't sure at the beginning. When she returned that last time I thought I saw something in her bag. I didn't know what it was but it was covered in blood. She never mentioned it, so I didn't think it was important. But then she started to change. I know you've noticed. She doesn't smile as much. There's no more spring in her step. It's like she lost all her sunshine." Majic stopped to gaze at the sleeping Cleo. Her face was tense but her breathing was slow and rhythmic. The nightmare had passed. "I suspected something had happened so I looked through her things to find that rag. I found it but it wasn't what I thought. Or rather it was, but I desperately wanted it to be something else. It wasn't a rag, Master. It was Cleo's skirt. The one she'd worn out that day. It was covered in blood and… and…." Majic couldn't continue and Orphen didn't want him to. He had heard enough to know. "She was… violated. I'm almost sure of it," Majic finished quietly.

It had fit. Her withdrawal into herself. Her almost imperceptible fear of being alone. He had noticed her need to stay by him even when they fought. It was too horrible to accept but there it was.

He had told Majic to get some rest after that. He'd needed time to think about what this meant. He had failed her. She was the most important person in his life and he had let her get hurt in the worst way. And she hadn't told him. Did she think he wouldn't care? Of course. All he did was fight with her. He never let her get as close as she clearly wanted but kept her at a distance. When she tried to get any closer he found some reason to fight with her. He'd driven her away that day and she'd been… he couldn't say the word. Couldn't think the word. It wasn't something that happened to people like Cleo. She was pure and innocent. She was still pure and innocent.

He had wanted to wake up and tell her that she was still the girl she was before it happened. He wanted to tell her that no matter what happened, he would always care for her deeply. He wanted to banish her fears and fight her demons for her. But he couldn't. Didn't know how. He didn't know what words made people happy. He didn't know what words let people know how he felt. If he woke her up, they would fight. It was how they were.

Tonight, he felt worse. He had known about her fear of being alone. Not outright, but he had sensed it. And he had left her anyway because of his stupid temper. This was his fault. It was all his fault for leaving her alone.

He released his grasp as the thrashing subsided and he sensed her waking up. Watery eyes blinked until he could tell she focused on his face. Seeing him there, fresh tears welled up in her eyes.

"Orphen." What could he say?

"I failed you. I know that. You've lived with monsters in the night because I drove you away." Her eyes widened.

"You knew?"

"I… yes. Why didn't you tell me?" His voice was filled with all the pain he could never show her before. Didn't she trust him?

"I couldn't. You'd hate me. I'm not the same person anymore. I'm used and tainted," she said between sobs. He was never supposed to find out.

Orphen bowed his head. He couldn't look into her eyes and face his guilt. "Never. You could never be tainted. In all the darkness in my life, you are the light. Someone as wonderful as you could never be tainted."

"But I am. Can't you see? I let him do it. I couldn't fight back. I let him do it." Her voice dissolved into sobbing. He couldn't bear to see her like this. Roughly, he pulled her into his arms. She sobbed noisily into his shoulder. He couldn't make this right. Nothing in the world could make this right.

"No, Cleo. You can't think that." Gently, he pulled her away from him. "Look at me, Cleo." She couldn't bring herself to shift her gaze. "Dammit, Cleo!" This was it. It was time to tell her. "I… care for you. A lot. I… shit, this isn't easy." Why couldn't it ever be easy? But he saw Cleo's eyes widen in surprise.

"You care for me? But how could you now?" She looked down at the hands she had clenched in her lap. She felt more than saw Orphen furiously shake his head. He gripped her chin and forced her to look at his face.

"I love you." He'd said it. It wouldn't make things all better. It wouldn't heal the wounds on her soul like some magic salve. But maybe it would help.

"I… I…" Cleo stuttered. She couldn't find the words. Instead she threw herself into his arms and cried even harder into his shirt. She cried because she couldn't be the girl he'd fallen in love with. She cried because it hurt. And she cried because with every ounce of her being, she loved him too. She looked up into his eyes. "I don't know if I can be who you want me to be. I don't know if she exists anymore."

"I don't care. I love you, Cleo Everlasting." It was getting easier to say. "And that is who you'll always be." He didn't kiss her. He wanted to, with those big, watery eyes staring up at him. He could see the love in them. Not only the love she had for him, but the love she had for life. But he also saw the pain and the fear. Now was not the time. There would be other chances.

It had been hard to thinking of healing after it had happened. It had been difficult to accept that life went on. But now, a twinkle of hope shone in Cleo's heart. Maybe things could get better. Maybe with time she could heal. The nightmares would still haunt her sleep, but maybe, if she woke up with Orphen at her side, she could conquer them.

Without having to ask him to, Orphen laid her back down in her bedroll and tucked her in as a mother might a child. Without a word he moved his own bedroll close to hers. Settling down for sleep he looked at Cleo as if seeking permission. She nodded and he wrapped his arms around her, tucking her close to his body where he could chase away all her fears.