Diclaimer: I do not own LoK
Popeland: Hello
Since I have hit major writers block on the rest of my stories I have decided to start another fanfiction which hopefully will help me over that accursed writers block
Raziel: my destiny is an amussement to you?
Popeland: yep, but don't worry eveyones destiny is an amusement to me, anyway this is break from my usual writing style, I hope you like it.
This story finds it's beginning on one Tuesday morning in the bowels of hell
Atak col Gibson the electric demon was working at the gates of hell on this day. He liked working the gates because nothing bad can possibly go wrong. Five minutes after he started his shift a huge shadow fell across his desk
"Greetings Atak col Gibson" the demon muttered
"Oh hi Hash didn't see you there" said Atak looking up from his desk
"I need to go out for a while...... to get tea bags...... yes......tea bags"
"I hope you not going out to doom any planets" Atak laughed
"WHO TOLD YOU!!" Hash said hash in disbelief
"I was joking"
"a..........er...... as was I.... What funny men we are...ha ha...... but now I must go...... for milk"
"I thought you needed tea bags"
"Look I need a lot of things all right!"
Atak opened the gates and hash stormed out
Nice fellow Atak thought to himself
Surprisingly Hash actually did doom a planet, the Demonic Times claimed that Hash ak Gik had doomed the planet of Nosgoth by destroying some circle, Atak col Gibson was immediately demoted even though he put up quiet a good defense claiming that worlds which depended on geometrical shapes deserved to be doomed. For a while the whole Nosgoth issue was forgotten until that the Sarafan lord escaped claiming he just had to use the bathroom and would be back in five minutes. Another embarrassing instance was that one with Raziel. Dead, alive dead, alive, dead, alive he couldn't make up his mind!. The Hell Council decided that Nosgoth was more trouble than it was worth and decided to send anyone from Nosgoth to a different planet and pretend they never existed. The only problem was were to send those psychos. A planet was chosen out of millions, Earth. The reasons given by top demonic official was that
"The people of this planet should be punished for their complete lack of imagination, I mean Earth? They're just not trying hard enough!"
And so it was anyone from Nosgoth would be sent to Earth, which may sound like a lot of people but all the peasants in the game were the same person
Kain awoke beside a burning sulfurous lake.
"Juggle with the soul Reaver! What a great idea!" Kain thought to himself angrily.
Now he was dead ..... well more dead than normal. Still hell wasn't all that bad, a bit stuffy though . he surveyed his surrounding, a small desk with the word "Arrivals" written over it caught his attention, since it didn't really fit in with the whole eternal damnation and eternal suffering vibe this place had going. Kain walked over to it.
"Fill out this form" said a gas demon in a suicidedly dull tone while still looking at his paper work. Kain took the form. It was pretty straight forward, name, age, species ect.
"Finished" Kain said triumphantly after 10 minutes of trying to remember where he used to live, he knew he spent mist of his time in the sancturary of the clans but he surely didn't live there, in the end he just wrote down meridian because he owned a small holiday home there
The demon snatched the form from Kains hands .after a few minutes of reading the demon finally said
"........errrrr could you stay here for a minute."
The demon then proceed to run off but moments he returned with several black demons. The demons grabbed him and dragged him off
"Let go of me!!!" Kain roared. But a few seconds later he was thrown into a portal. The demons breathed a collective sigh of relief. The black demons quickly ran off to report the goings on to the great demon lord while the gas demon exploded, some said a burning sulfurous land was bad for gas demon health while others just said someone up there has a strange sense of humor
Twas a quiet day in the 100 acre wood, Winnie the Pooh had just found some honey and was eating it quiet happily. Suddenly Moebius jumped out from behind a tree
"Hah! You fool the honey was poisoned!! How did you think you would out smart me the time streamer?! I knew you would steal the honey even before you did, You toxic creature!"
Winnie the Pooh began to stagger around and he finally fell over
Moebius celebrated wildly over the defeat of his arch enemy. During his victory dance he heard a faint noise steadily getting louder
".........aaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!" Moebius couldn't help but notice that his old arch enemy Kain was hurtling to the ground. Moebius jumped behind the tree once again
Kain landed with quite a crash, he probaly wouldn't have gotten up so quickly if he hadn't landed in that small ornametal pond
OW!!!!! .......Where am I? He said to himself. He then noticed he was holding a lot of paper in his hand
One of which was a note
Dear NOSGOTH RESIDENT
You may be wondering why you are here, well we here at hell think you are very special so we have decided to give you a new life. You will find you now have your own house at NO. 152 ELDERBERRY AVENUE. We hope you enjoy your stay here on earth
From Atak col Gibson
Senior Janitor
"Earth is it? It will soon be mine!" Kain said to himself
"Go tell them Kain is here!" He shouted at a passing squirrel
"Squeak" it replied
"Fine I'll do it my self"! Kain walked off, carefully avoiding the bodies of tiger and piglet
Moebius stepped out from behind the tree
"So Kain has returned? Well it will be a very short stay!"
Moebius turned around and was confronted by a rather annoyed Winne the Pooh
"No! put the honey pot down! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
Kain walked down the streets of elderberry avenue. No one was on the streets in fact the only person he saw was Janos sitting in a tree house surrounded by Sarafan
"He's has to come down at some point" shouted the Sarafan Raziel
"You know if we had ropes we could just..." began the Sarafan Turel
"Silence! I'm sick of your stupid ideas! I mean what would we do with ropes? Fine you tie it to a high branch then what?!"
The Sarafan Turel hung his head in shame
"See! You hadn't thought that far ahead had you!"
"Couldn't we climb up the rope then?" Said the Sarafan Zephon
"What?! do you see these hands!" Said the Sarafan Raziel. "These hands don't climb ropes, ladders or use a crossbows! So we're just going to stand here and wait for him to come down! Understand!"
The Sarafan nodded
Kain decided not to help Janos, sure if he really wanted them to leave he could just thow hearts at them until they left
Not long after Kain found his house. It was not as impressive as the sanctuary of the clans but it wasn't haunted by a half rotted ghost so it was quiet a step up.
Kain took in a deep breath an stepped in
David Henderson had worked for Trans-Global Advertising for 5 years now. He finally had his own office but more importantly he had his own swivel chair which was the only reason he worked at Trans-Global Advertising. He looked at he schedule, ah yes today he would be interviewing people for that new shampoo commercial. Not too hard, just give it to the first person who walks in.
"Lizzy, is there anyone here for the interview yet"
There was no response
"Hello?"
"Oh sorry, well..... there is.... Something here" the secretary finally replied
"Well send them in then"
David suddenly realized the room had gotten noticeably darker as the hooded figure enter
"Er...... please sit down......Mr.?"
"Mortainius" the figure responded
"Well that's ........an unusual name"
"Yes"
David Henderson didn't like the look of this man, he looked....... Well he looked undernourished and not well suited for advertising shampoo
"o.k...... lets get down to business, do you have any previous acting experience"
"no"
"oh really? Well what was your previous occupation then?"
"I was a necromancer"
"Hmmmmmmm.... neck romancing, sounds very..... specialist "
"Indeed it was"
"So why did you leave your last job?"
"I was possessed by a demonic entity"
"Ah marriage, I suppose you met her through the neck romancing"
"Met who?"
"Ah never mind, So where did you work then?'
"At the Pillars of Nosgoth'
"Pillars of Nosgoth?, is that the new place down the back of Caple Street?"
"No"
"Well not that I'd know anything about those kinds of places" David laughed as he leaned back in his chair
"....what kind of places"
"....well you know....the places where." David followed up this sentence with a few universal hand gestures
Mortainius eyes glowed red in rage
"What are you doing?!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" screamed david
Mortainius strode out of the room a few minutes later
"......lizzy could you please come in here?" Said David's voice over the intercom
Lizzy entered the room, but it was empty
"sir?"
"Er......... down here" muttered the soul of David Henderson now eternally bounded with a swivel chair
Janos looked down from the tree house at the Sarafan below him.
"Janos Audron" said a voice from behind him
Janos turned around
"Raziel? My child what have they done to you?"
"I have been to hell and back, and then to hell again and then back, and then to hell once more and back, apparently they weren't very happy about it"
"Raziel.... How did you get up here?"
"Oh there's a stairs around the back"
"Were you followed?"
"I don't think so"
Janos could now hear voices outside
"Break down the door!"
"But I just had a manicure"
"Well kick it down then!"
Janos sighed pushed Raziel out of the tree house and then flew away himself
"Come back here foul beast!" shouted the Sarafan Raziel
"Can't we just walk around and find a black heart which isn't in Janos" asked the Sarafan Melchiah 'I mean there not that hard to find"
"Yeah I heard there was the vampire guy who has like fifty of them" said the Sarafan Dumah
The Sarafan Raziel stamped his foot
"But I want that one!!!" he cried
So theres chapter 1, please R & R!!!
Also I am really, really, really bad at titles so any suggestions will be gladly accepted
Popeland: Hello
Since I have hit major writers block on the rest of my stories I have decided to start another fanfiction which hopefully will help me over that accursed writers block
Raziel: my destiny is an amussement to you?
Popeland: yep, but don't worry eveyones destiny is an amusement to me, anyway this is break from my usual writing style, I hope you like it.
This story finds it's beginning on one Tuesday morning in the bowels of hell
Atak col Gibson the electric demon was working at the gates of hell on this day. He liked working the gates because nothing bad can possibly go wrong. Five minutes after he started his shift a huge shadow fell across his desk
"Greetings Atak col Gibson" the demon muttered
"Oh hi Hash didn't see you there" said Atak looking up from his desk
"I need to go out for a while...... to get tea bags...... yes......tea bags"
"I hope you not going out to doom any planets" Atak laughed
"WHO TOLD YOU!!" Hash said hash in disbelief
"I was joking"
"a..........er...... as was I.... What funny men we are...ha ha...... but now I must go...... for milk"
"I thought you needed tea bags"
"Look I need a lot of things all right!"
Atak opened the gates and hash stormed out
Nice fellow Atak thought to himself
Surprisingly Hash actually did doom a planet, the Demonic Times claimed that Hash ak Gik had doomed the planet of Nosgoth by destroying some circle, Atak col Gibson was immediately demoted even though he put up quiet a good defense claiming that worlds which depended on geometrical shapes deserved to be doomed. For a while the whole Nosgoth issue was forgotten until that the Sarafan lord escaped claiming he just had to use the bathroom and would be back in five minutes. Another embarrassing instance was that one with Raziel. Dead, alive dead, alive, dead, alive he couldn't make up his mind!. The Hell Council decided that Nosgoth was more trouble than it was worth and decided to send anyone from Nosgoth to a different planet and pretend they never existed. The only problem was were to send those psychos. A planet was chosen out of millions, Earth. The reasons given by top demonic official was that
"The people of this planet should be punished for their complete lack of imagination, I mean Earth? They're just not trying hard enough!"
And so it was anyone from Nosgoth would be sent to Earth, which may sound like a lot of people but all the peasants in the game were the same person
Kain awoke beside a burning sulfurous lake.
"Juggle with the soul Reaver! What a great idea!" Kain thought to himself angrily.
Now he was dead ..... well more dead than normal. Still hell wasn't all that bad, a bit stuffy though . he surveyed his surrounding, a small desk with the word "Arrivals" written over it caught his attention, since it didn't really fit in with the whole eternal damnation and eternal suffering vibe this place had going. Kain walked over to it.
"Fill out this form" said a gas demon in a suicidedly dull tone while still looking at his paper work. Kain took the form. It was pretty straight forward, name, age, species ect.
"Finished" Kain said triumphantly after 10 minutes of trying to remember where he used to live, he knew he spent mist of his time in the sancturary of the clans but he surely didn't live there, in the end he just wrote down meridian because he owned a small holiday home there
The demon snatched the form from Kains hands .after a few minutes of reading the demon finally said
"........errrrr could you stay here for a minute."
The demon then proceed to run off but moments he returned with several black demons. The demons grabbed him and dragged him off
"Let go of me!!!" Kain roared. But a few seconds later he was thrown into a portal. The demons breathed a collective sigh of relief. The black demons quickly ran off to report the goings on to the great demon lord while the gas demon exploded, some said a burning sulfurous land was bad for gas demon health while others just said someone up there has a strange sense of humor
Twas a quiet day in the 100 acre wood, Winnie the Pooh had just found some honey and was eating it quiet happily. Suddenly Moebius jumped out from behind a tree
"Hah! You fool the honey was poisoned!! How did you think you would out smart me the time streamer?! I knew you would steal the honey even before you did, You toxic creature!"
Winnie the Pooh began to stagger around and he finally fell over
Moebius celebrated wildly over the defeat of his arch enemy. During his victory dance he heard a faint noise steadily getting louder
".........aaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!" Moebius couldn't help but notice that his old arch enemy Kain was hurtling to the ground. Moebius jumped behind the tree once again
Kain landed with quite a crash, he probaly wouldn't have gotten up so quickly if he hadn't landed in that small ornametal pond
OW!!!!! .......Where am I? He said to himself. He then noticed he was holding a lot of paper in his hand
One of which was a note
Dear NOSGOTH RESIDENT
You may be wondering why you are here, well we here at hell think you are very special so we have decided to give you a new life. You will find you now have your own house at NO. 152 ELDERBERRY AVENUE. We hope you enjoy your stay here on earth
From Atak col Gibson
Senior Janitor
"Earth is it? It will soon be mine!" Kain said to himself
"Go tell them Kain is here!" He shouted at a passing squirrel
"Squeak" it replied
"Fine I'll do it my self"! Kain walked off, carefully avoiding the bodies of tiger and piglet
Moebius stepped out from behind the tree
"So Kain has returned? Well it will be a very short stay!"
Moebius turned around and was confronted by a rather annoyed Winne the Pooh
"No! put the honey pot down! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
Kain walked down the streets of elderberry avenue. No one was on the streets in fact the only person he saw was Janos sitting in a tree house surrounded by Sarafan
"He's has to come down at some point" shouted the Sarafan Raziel
"You know if we had ropes we could just..." began the Sarafan Turel
"Silence! I'm sick of your stupid ideas! I mean what would we do with ropes? Fine you tie it to a high branch then what?!"
The Sarafan Turel hung his head in shame
"See! You hadn't thought that far ahead had you!"
"Couldn't we climb up the rope then?" Said the Sarafan Zephon
"What?! do you see these hands!" Said the Sarafan Raziel. "These hands don't climb ropes, ladders or use a crossbows! So we're just going to stand here and wait for him to come down! Understand!"
The Sarafan nodded
Kain decided not to help Janos, sure if he really wanted them to leave he could just thow hearts at them until they left
Not long after Kain found his house. It was not as impressive as the sanctuary of the clans but it wasn't haunted by a half rotted ghost so it was quiet a step up.
Kain took in a deep breath an stepped in
David Henderson had worked for Trans-Global Advertising for 5 years now. He finally had his own office but more importantly he had his own swivel chair which was the only reason he worked at Trans-Global Advertising. He looked at he schedule, ah yes today he would be interviewing people for that new shampoo commercial. Not too hard, just give it to the first person who walks in.
"Lizzy, is there anyone here for the interview yet"
There was no response
"Hello?"
"Oh sorry, well..... there is.... Something here" the secretary finally replied
"Well send them in then"
David suddenly realized the room had gotten noticeably darker as the hooded figure enter
"Er...... please sit down......Mr.?"
"Mortainius" the figure responded
"Well that's ........an unusual name"
"Yes"
David Henderson didn't like the look of this man, he looked....... Well he looked undernourished and not well suited for advertising shampoo
"o.k...... lets get down to business, do you have any previous acting experience"
"no"
"oh really? Well what was your previous occupation then?"
"I was a necromancer"
"Hmmmmmmm.... neck romancing, sounds very..... specialist "
"Indeed it was"
"So why did you leave your last job?"
"I was possessed by a demonic entity"
"Ah marriage, I suppose you met her through the neck romancing"
"Met who?"
"Ah never mind, So where did you work then?'
"At the Pillars of Nosgoth'
"Pillars of Nosgoth?, is that the new place down the back of Caple Street?"
"No"
"Well not that I'd know anything about those kinds of places" David laughed as he leaned back in his chair
"....what kind of places"
"....well you know....the places where." David followed up this sentence with a few universal hand gestures
Mortainius eyes glowed red in rage
"What are you doing?!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" screamed david
Mortainius strode out of the room a few minutes later
"......lizzy could you please come in here?" Said David's voice over the intercom
Lizzy entered the room, but it was empty
"sir?"
"Er......... down here" muttered the soul of David Henderson now eternally bounded with a swivel chair
Janos looked down from the tree house at the Sarafan below him.
"Janos Audron" said a voice from behind him
Janos turned around
"Raziel? My child what have they done to you?"
"I have been to hell and back, and then to hell again and then back, and then to hell once more and back, apparently they weren't very happy about it"
"Raziel.... How did you get up here?"
"Oh there's a stairs around the back"
"Were you followed?"
"I don't think so"
Janos could now hear voices outside
"Break down the door!"
"But I just had a manicure"
"Well kick it down then!"
Janos sighed pushed Raziel out of the tree house and then flew away himself
"Come back here foul beast!" shouted the Sarafan Raziel
"Can't we just walk around and find a black heart which isn't in Janos" asked the Sarafan Melchiah 'I mean there not that hard to find"
"Yeah I heard there was the vampire guy who has like fifty of them" said the Sarafan Dumah
The Sarafan Raziel stamped his foot
"But I want that one!!!" he cried
So theres chapter 1, please R & R!!!
Also I am really, really, really bad at titles so any suggestions will be gladly accepted