Elizabeth has just lost her baby, Jake Spencer. This is a one shot about how she deals with it. I don't like how the writers are not giving Elizabeth a chance to react. So what I think is going on with Liz.

Jake

I can't stop staring at the door. If it was locked, Jake would still be here. If it was locked I wouldn't be going to my baby's funeral today. I can't stand to think about it. Because if I do I have to admit that Jake is dead.

He will never be able to go to his first day of kindergarten, he will never be able to play on a soccer team. I will never be able to know what he would be like when he is older. I will never be able to watch him grow up. I won't see him graduate. All this happened because his grandfather was driving recklessly, because Lucky was getting married, but most of all because the damn door wasn't locked.

If I locked the door he would still be here. This is my fault. If the door was locked he would be here, smiling laughing. Lucky must hate me for what I did it to our son. He would never be able to forgive me for this. I couldn't even forgive myself. I hate this. I hate all of it.

Then I remembered Jason. Jake's father. I know I shouldn't have slapped him, but I was just so angry. I know we made the decision to protect Jake together. But it was just easier to blame him then myself. Then he asked me the same day Jake was dead to donate one of his kidney's to Josslyn. It made me so angry. But because of Jake Jax's and Carly's daughter gets to live.

"Jake could be someone's miracle"

Lucky's words echoed in my mind. That what made me sign the papers. I know if it was Jake I would want someone to give him a miracle.

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. I thought about ignoring it but instead I slowly walked to door and opened it to Nikolas. "I was worried about you. You haven't been answering my calls."

"I don't really feel like talking to anyone right now" I said not even bothering to look up. Nikolas nodded understandingly. There was an awkward silence.

"The boys are still at Wydomore. I can keep that as long as you need." He continued

"That would be fine. I just want to be alone right now."

"I don't think you should be alone right now." Nik said

"I will be fine just go, please."

After a pause Nikolas said "Alright, but call if you need anything. I'll pick you up for the memorial service later" He came up to me and gave me a hug and quietly walked the door.

One he left I walked to the door and noticed the yellow toy motorcycle on the ground I picked it up and all think about was when Jake would play with it.

"Mommy, look" Jake called as he raced his toy motorcycle.

"Jake" I called but no one was there. I keep hearing him call for me. I can hear his sweat innocent laugh. But that's impossible. I dropped the motorcycle on the ground.

I looked up to see Lucky in the door way. He looked just as bad as I did. His eyes were red and he was pale. "Hey" he said softly.

"Lucky I'm so sorry." I said while tears came down my face.

"For what?" he said confused.

"For getting our son killed I'm so sorry. I just-

Lucky interrupted me before I could say anything else. "This is not your fault. This is Luke's fault . Before you start defending him you should he was drunk when he was driving that car. Does that make a difference?"

"It should, but it doesn't" I answered quietly.

"Liz, you're a great mom. You loved Jake so much and gave him the best life you could. He was happy and loved. There is someone to blame for his death, but is not you.

"It doesn't feel that way" I said as I wiped away a tear from my eye.

"That because you are angry and hurting. That's ok. But this is not your fault. I would never blame you for this."

"I don't know what we're supposed to do. I don't know what to say to you."

"Me either" he answered. "but I don't think there is any right thing to do when your child dies." I nodded sadly in agreement. My eyes went back down to Jake's toy's motorcycle. Lucky followed my eyes to the motorcycle.

"He always loved that thing" Lucky said with sadness in his voice

"Yeah. He never wanted to put it down."

"Are you going to be okay?" he asked me. I just nodded.

"You should go." I said.

"Alright. But if you need anything just let me know. He looked at me one last time before walking out the door.

"Zoom, zoom, zoom. Mommy look how fast!" I couldn't stop hearing his voice. Why couldn't I stop hearing his voice? I hated this so much I just wanted to scream. But instead I was going to go upstairs, put on a black dress and go to my son's memorial.

As much as I hated it, as painful as it was, it was time to say goodbye.