Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor Huckleberry Finn from which the foreword was inspired.
A/N: "Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be fed to Nagini; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be hung by their fingernails from the ceiling by the infamous Filch; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be forced to sit through Professor Binns's lecture on the goblin rebellion."
-By Order of Lord Snuggles the McFarland
My Dearest Quirrell,
How long has it been since our bodies were one? I yearn for the days when the folds of your magenta turban caressed my visage. The way you would stutter really got me goin'. And how you drank that unicorn blood for me, I shall never forget. And though the blood was moving through your lips I could feel it trickle down my throat. It was during those gruesome nights that I felt closest to you. I've gotten closer to you than I have to anyone in my lifetime. I like to think that even if we hadn't been forced to be together, that Fate would have still brought us into each other's arms. You were there for me when no one else was. You lent me your ear when I needed to talk, both physically and figuratively. And although our lips could and will never touch, you tried your best with those contortionist classes. And in those dark hours of the night, I would lull myself to sleep by imagining that I had my full body, lying next to yours. I would also imagine us strolling down the streets of Knockturn Alley, our fingers interlocked. You were the missing hole that I had been trying to fill for such an agonizingly long time. You are the comb to my nonexistent hair. The death to my eater. The fire to my whiskey. The butter to my beer. The cockroach to my cluster. Without you, I am only half of an evil, conniving, horrible, terrifying, lord. The day you burst into that pile of ash, gave your life for mine, was the worst and best day of my then newborn life. I lost a piece of myself the day that you died. And that piece was my nose.
Forever yours,
Voldy
Now, I must humbly ask you to review this story of mine (not saying that there won't be a penalty, namingly setting my snub-nose chihuahua on you. 'Tis a fiesty little thing...)