How do I say these words? Don't leave me. Always be with me. Stay by my side. But these are selfish words I only keep to myself…
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How many times have we always ended up in battle, fighting off another monster? My heart clenches as I see her wince. No, stop! Don't fight anymore! I don't want to see you get hurt. I'll protect you. I choke on the words I knew she would hardly listen to, much less follow. Stubborn woman...
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I love you… Will you always be by my side? Little conversations that promised so much more. And yet I knew… As soon as the first one falls… So too shall they...
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Fighting hard as we could, we try to shield her as much as we can from the blows coming her way. It's not that she is looking to be hurt, but the blows always seem to gravitate towards her, making it harder to land a blow. Please, let this be over soon before I can do no more.
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I brace myself as I feel the oncoming dread. The painful reality that soon, it will be up to me once more. I would do my best to fight for all of them. Because what else can such sacrifices be made for but to push me towards this?
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The moment the blow hits, I turn my head towards her. Only her. I look into her eyes and see the pain, for nothing could show it more than her eyes. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. Please, whoever's listening… Allow me to be stronger for her, so I can continue to keep her safe. Please… anyone…
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I close my eyes for a second of denial before I see it once again. How many times has it been? The sight of his broken body, lying lifelessly on the ground from where he used himself to shield me from a blow. How could I be more important than your own life? Who told you that life will ever have any meaning with you gone?
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These were thoughts I wish I had known then, as I fought with her, for her. It would be many years into our era of peace before she would open up to me about this. It was only by pure chance, when I walked into her as she broke down crying in a side room, a few hours before the celebration for our anniversary of winning over Chaos.
I did not know it then, as I can hardly know it now, how it must have hurt, continuously seeing her friends, me, as we fall, as she must continue the fight then pretend everything was as it was when everything was restored. I could not compare the moments I had seen her fall, painful as they were, to the moments when she was truly alone, with no one to offer her comfort. All I can do, is keep my promise, to always stay by her side, until the end of time.
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I held his wrinkled hand as he lay in our bed, struggling to breathe. He opened his eyes, gripping my hand back as tightly as he was able in his weakened state. Apologies unsaid shone in his eyes, after all these years, he hardly needed to tell me so. He had done all he could to make up for all those painful times during our prolonged lifetime. (Don't go.)
Our friends, my faithful protectors have long since passed, and I knew he was remembering moments like this, when only two of us remained as he prepared to leave me. "Tell me our story," he asked and I could hardly deny him. It was his and Small Lady's favorite, I note bitterly. (Don't let this be the end.)
"Many a millennia ago, there was a prince and his princess who loved each other very dearly, that they dared to break the rules about not mingling with each other." I smiled as he did, remembering those times, oh how naïve we were then. "But such times did not last, as their kingdoms crumbled in the war the resulted from their love. They died and were reborn again, to relive the love they cherished on the planet they dearly loved. They fought and reconciled, but always they loved. They did their best to fight for their beloved planet and their love until peace reigned at last. Many centuries passed as they lived in their love, long enough that they saw their love bear fruit, as she grew into a lady any parent would be proud, until they let go of her hand, into to arms of a man who would love her as they loved each other." (Forever.)
I looked to him, as his grip loosened, until he let go of my hand. He clasped his hands in front of him until his crystal was shining brightly in his hands. "I know I cannot keep my promise. And as much as it pains me that I would have to break this one, the only promise I ever cared not to break… I give to you the only thing… the only way that I can manage to stay by your side." He wiped the tears I was trying to hold back. "You are still as beautiful and precious as the first time I laid my eyes on you. And, as much as it breaks my heart to part from you, I am relieved that this world, and many worlds will be in your keeping. They all deserve the love that you would undoubtedly and unconditionally bestow upon them." (You promised.)
"Go in peace, Mamo-chan… Endymion… My prince… My king... For while there is breath in me, my heart will always be yours." Taking hold of my hand once again, he pulled me in for a kiss, and I, in this sweet promise of our love, let my tears fall as I slowly felt the life leave him. I pull away from the kiss as I look at my beloved. (Stay.)
"Usako…"
And just like that, he passed. I allow myself a moment and kiss him on his forehead, as I had grown used to doing when he lay asleep. I remember the times, of tender kisses and bitter fights, of tight hugs and endless tears. I finally let myself accept that all those times, would never come again, never be my everyday reality. Memories... are all that remain. "You promised me forever…" (Goodbye.)
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I stood outside my parents' chambers. My mother and my father, allowing them their time. I closed my eyes as I listened to the conversation inside. "To be the keeper of the Silver Crystal, is to stand alone and together." I remember my mother's words well. Many a time, I have seen her fight and only when she told me this did I understand what all those battles did to her.
I also knew with certainty, what this farewell was doing to mother. My heart broke at the bitter end of a love story I had believed would continue for eternity. As much as I would give everything so they could stay as they were forever, I knew everything could do little with the passage of time.
I heard mother retell a story I had heard numerous times, and noted with a heavy heart that she had removed many a part that told of the many difficulties they went through, probably in an effort to relive only the good memories with father.
Stay… I silently begged. Don't take him away. "You promised me forever." I heard through the door and soon after, light could be seen through the cracks of their room. Alarmed, I call for Helios as I ran inside. Seeing my parents' bodies trapped in crystal, looking as they were while I was growing up, I let my tears fall. Locked eternally in each other's embrace…
I gently took the frame from their bedside table, a photo they treasured greatly. And I remembered the moment this was taken, while I stayed in the past. Usagi… Mother was looking at Father lovingly, while he tilted his head towards her as he held her hand tightly. Father had immediately kissed her on the nose after the photo was taken, and she blushed deeply at the action. I choked on my sobs as I remembered them. Helios soon came in and held me tight. In this moment where I feel everything crumble away, I value that he kept me from breaking away.
Never leave me. Always be with me. Stay by my side. These were thoughts that had no more meaning to me. He was gone and I… I don't know if I will ever be. He will always be with me, I knew. His crystal had grown, and attached itself to my uniform in the eons I spent guarding the Galaxy Cauldron. It was small comfort, but comfort nonetheless. And yet, in my heart, I felt my friends in the air, the water, the fire…. Everything. Too soon, or was it too long? Small Lady joined their company, and while it brought me much comfort, it also brought me much pain. And yet, the only thing I wish in my timeless duty, is to feel his arms wrap around me one last time.
Just one more time. One more kiss… One more…
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"Usako…!"
A/N: Just something I wrote while binging on anime songs at work, particularly Love Chronicle and Eternal Snow from Full Moon wo Sagashite, of which I am also a huge fan of both manga and anime.
As always, I did not create Sailor Moon, and credit goes to Naoko Takeuchi, who made one of my favorite Greek mythology stories into a story about love eternal. On a side note… Naoko, if you happen to read this, can you make a sequel as to how Sailor Moon became Sailor Cosmos?
To my valued readers, thank you for reading!
