Fanfiction Author's notes: I CAN'T BELIEVE THERE'S A NEOPETS COMMUNITY ON ! YIPPEE! Anyway, this chapter is dedicated to annases13 (Neopets username) for asking me to post unfinished Neopets stories and Neopets stories that the Neopian Times wouldn't accept somewhere where my loyal readers could get to them.
Disclaimer: I do not own or any of its affiliates. Nor do I work for them. I only have a Neopets account and an overactive imagination.
NeoSchool Nightmares – Part One
By appaloosa500 / Kay Hau
It started out a normal day, as, well, most do. I got to my shop about 8 am NST and spent the next hour between straightening up my slightly disorderly Fix-It shop (so as not to scare off too many customers) and finishing up a few orders that were to be picked up that day. Nothing out of the ordinary, just a few broken vases, some Space Station appliances and souvenirs, a couple robot petpets, and several toys of various sorts.
I opened shop at 9 am NST on the dot, same as every other shopkeeper in Neopia Central. It was standard practice, and TNT knows how often I break it, so when I can I try to do things by the book. The least a midget yellow Alien Aisha posing as a normal Neopian Aisha can do.
At 9:30 am NST my best friend, an incredibly tall red Ruki, entered the shop, nose uncharacteristically stuck in the latest Neopian Times.
"Morning, DeSoni. What do you think about the announcement? Stinks, huh?"
"Announcement?"
"You haven't read it, Soni?" he asked in shock. He plopped into a sitting position on the floor next to my seat next to the counter, bringing him much closer to my eye level though still not quite by enough. He plopped the NT on the counter and I read the large, bold headline.
BREAKING NEWS! FAERIES AND STAFF ANNOUNCE NEW REQUIREMENT FOR ALL NEOPETS UNDER THE AGE OF 18 TO ATTEND NEOSCHOOL!
Underneath was a listing of Neoschools, their addresses, and neomail addresses to contact for information, along with an article penned by Fyora herself regarding the importance of education and despairing the growing level of inequality regarding education. Neopia had always prided itself on equality, and after the fall of Faerieland the darker aspects of prejudice and discrimination were coming to light.
Personally, I didn't see it as much of an issue. The problems here on Neopia had NOTHING on the issues I'd faced on my own homeplanet. You don't see Neopian children being handed over by their parents to scientists. You don't see scientists running experiments on children that don't look like everyone else to try 'correct' them. And the word 'Neopian' had practically been a curse; I should know, having been called it enough. Having only two earstalks does that to an Alien Aisha. At least it made it that much easier to fit in on Neopia. Blissful, peaceful Neopia, where you aren't pressured into the military before you finish school.
Speaking of school…
"So why's this such a big deal, Rocky? It doesn't affect us any. I'm 19, and you don't even know how old you are, so…?"
"I found out how old I am last night. I'm 16. Lani's going to take me for my placement testing today, though I'll probably be in Year 10 with my little sister."
"Rissa? Could be worse. Besides, you're sure to be popular. Got the whole 'tall, red and handsome' thing going, if the teenagers coming by the shop have any say in things."
Rissa, short for CarissaOfire, was a short, though still taller than me, hyperactive, and rather silly blue Shoyru. Lani was his human owner, a carefree girl that was my owner's best friend.
"Don't you see, Soni? We won't be able to hang out anymore! Monday through Friday, 8:30 am to 4:30 pm, I'll be booked solid! It's totally not fair! I can do plenty without having had an education!"
I looked at him, fighting not to roll my eyes. Yeah, it stunk knowing I wouldn't have my best bud around, but I actually thought this was a great idea. On the Alien Aisha homeplanet, education through college and up into specific job training was required. The only reason my… situation had even happened was that the Madam Commander, basically our queen, had been pulling strings from the first time I caught her eye. The only ones to slip through the cracks of the system were those on the wrong side of the law. Which, come to think of it, was exactly where I'd been since I'd run away from the military. Ah well.
"Mandatory Neoschool's a great idea, Rocky. You'll find things you struggle with now will come so much easier after cracking the books. I know you have difficulty with reading and math, so this is a great time to catch up."
"CATCH UP?" shouted Rocky, getting angry. Which was a very bad thing, as incidentally I'd given him superpowers in an experiment a while ago. It was also incredibly non-characteristic of him, so instead of trying to calm him down, I sat there in shock.
He took my silence the WRONG way. His claw that had been resting on the counter tightened, crushing the wood, and he didn't even notice.
"You think I'm stupid," he said darkly, narrowing his enormous eyes. "Well, SORRY, Mr. Graduated-an-Alien-Aisha-University-When-I-Was-Still-In-Diapers!"
Ouch. That hurt. One, I'd never actually graduated and had certainly not been in diapers at the time, and two, going to university at 12-solar-years had been a nightmare. Almost as much a nightmare as school had been. I felt my short ears fall back against my head and my earstalks droop. I turned away from him, not able to respond to such a taunt, and set to work on a broken lampshade.
Behind my back, I heard Rocky taking a deep breath and the sounds of his claws rubbing his face vigorously, like he always did when he was upset. After a minute, I heard him stand up. He came up behind me and set a claw on my shoulder.
"Sorry, Soni. I went too far. I'm just… I know I'm stupid. I can barely read most of the Neopian Times articles, and anything beyond addition and subtraction… I'm probably going to have to get my little sister, who just last week I'd thought of as my BABY sister, to tutor me, on TOP of not being able to hang with you, and then you don't seem to care…"
"You're not stupid, Rocky. You've more common sense in an antennae then I have in my entire being, as proven by the dozens of times you've saved my tail from situations entirely my fault. You're always the one to say when something's a bad idea, and you're usually the one to pick me up and drag me out before things explode out of control. And you are smart, you just have a tendency of comparing yourself to me, someone with too high an IQ to stay out of trouble…" I could practically feel his guilt oozing off him, and couldn't help the slight smile.
"…And I never graduated," I added, not looking up from the lampshade. It was an intricate glass one. I'd had to weld the pieces back together, and now the coloring had been warped. That comment wasn't really related to his apology, but I didn't want this coming up again. I'd never really told him what had happened BEFORE the military, only that I'd gone to university and had been treated like a freak my whole life.
I felt his confusion from his voice. "What?"
"I never graduated anything, Rocky. I skipped my preliminary education when I received my invite to the university at 12-solar-years. I quit university at 13-solar-years when I received the invite to the military. I didn't even finish half the curriculum. I have no diploma or degree or certification of any sort, Neopian or Alien Aisha."
"Is it really that big a deal?"
"To an Alien Aisha, yes."
I glanced up at him and saw him suddenly grin. "Then it's a good thing you're a Neopian!"
I had to laugh. That took a lot of stress off.
"Look, you can still come over here after school, right? And it's no sweat for me to tutor you. Can't be any worse than those brats at the Space Station Technological Institute, right? And those college kids can come up with the strangest questions." Oh, did I forget to mention I was a part-time lecturer up at a college on the Space Station? Well, now I have. Turns out they were short on professors for elementary particles.
"Well, I guess. Not much we can do about it anyway," sighed Rocky, leaning his huge frame against a wall. "Though, come to think of it, it's really weird."
"Hmm?" I finished the lampshade and set it aside.
"Thinking that you're 19 and I'm only 16. I could've sworn we were the same age. If anything, I should be the older one." He smirked.
"Hey!" I said, pretending to be annoyed. "That better not be a comment on my height!" I knew it wasn't, but it was a fun thing to accuse my giant friend of, considering I barely came past his knees. "And, actually, I'm 19 based on the Alien Aisha calendar. I never bothered to figure how old I am if I used Neopian years, but they can't be that different."
At that moment my Neophone rung. I leaned over and picked it up. "DeSoni's Fix-It shop, DeSoni speaking. How may I help you?"
"You're 15."
"Pardon?" It sounded like the Space Faerie, Mira. But what did she mean?
"After Fyora's decision, I did the math, DeSoni. Which you never bothered to do, despite the ease of the formulas. And why on Neopia are you still following the Alien Aisha calendar anyway? We should've cleared this up years ago."
"Wait! I'm… what?"
"You're 15. Now buy yourself a Neopian Calendar, soup up your robot shopkeeper, and enroll in the local Neoschool in Year 10. Or, Fyora help me, I'll sick a truancy officer on you."
One glance at Rocky and the grin on his face and I knew he heard every word with his super-hearing.
"I can't go to Neoschool! And I can't be 15!"
The Space Faerie was obviously ignoring my every complaint, but then I'm usually the one ignoring her, so I guess it's fair. She continued.
"We've already updated your lookup and your files. Unfortunately, that means your security clearance on the Space Station has been demoted to the level of an SSTI student, and THAT was a push to allow through, so don't whine about it. We may be able to allow you up here as a student-lecturer, and I'm seeing if I can offer you college credits for the past couple years of student-teaching and tutoring you've done for us."
"This is ridiculous! I can pass any university exam you choose to throw at me with flying colors, let alone a Neohigh final! This is a colossal waste of time!"
"Getting an education is about more than just learning facts and figures, DeSoni. And, for the record, you would fail miserably in history and social studies. That's why our new system requires education based on AGE and not on skill or proficiency. Your maturity has always left much to be desired, so this is not that big of a surprise."
Before I could splutter an insulted response, she continued, her voice becoming softer and a bit more gentle.
"DeSoni, it's only three years. You'll get a Neohigh diploma, make some friends your age, and I'll be able to give you back your full status as a lecturer. Also, nothing is forcing you to give up your shop. Your robot shopkeeper can handle it during school hours , same as it already does when you're out of Neopia Central, and you certainly won't have a problem managing homework and your shop, so that's not an issue. You'll be fine."
Hah. Minutes ago I was comforting Rocky, and now I'm the one being comforted. Fifteen. Oh, Fyora! I'm only 15?
I quickly did the math in my head. The very math I knew very well but had never actually done. I certainly knew how many hours in an Alien Aisha day to a Neopian day, as well as the length of the Alien Aisha homeplanet's annual orbit around their sun compared to Neopia's. Figuring in moon rotation and seasonal discrepancies, anything at all that could remotely warp the numbers, took me all of two seconds. It was true. I was only 15 Neopian years old.
Perhaps a part of me had never wanted to know the answer, perhaps the same part that was proud of being 19-solar-years by the Alien Aisha calendar. The same part that got insulted when people referred to me as "Kid" or asked to speak with the "Owner" of MY shop.
Then the bomb hit and I looked over at Rocky in shock. "I'm the same age as Rissa!" I almost screamed in horror.
He started out chuckling. In seconds he was on his back on the floor, rolling around and laughing his head off.
I faintly heard the Space Faerie sigh. "I've already spoken with your owner, DeSoni. Kay will be by to pick you up in two hours to take you for enrollment. I really must get back to work, and you can still contact me via the usual channels if anything urgent comes up. Goodbye, DeSoni." And she hung up.
Leaving me to sit there in shock while my best friend continued to roll around on the floor laughing.
Neopets Author's notes: Thank you for reading my story and thank you very much everyone who wrote me asking for another DeSoni story. It would not be an exaggeration to say I'd have quit if not for your encouraging neomails. I'm trying to write this story so that you should not have to reference any of my older stories, but I admit it can get quite complicated with DeSoni's very twisted history (I have to use a timeline myself). Feel free to neomail me with questions, comments, and/or reviews! I'd love to hear what you think of this new twist about DeSoni's age, which I've been playing with for quite a while.