/3/ The Avatarette (and the curious case of the purple eyeshadow)
Or that one time Varrick decides that Republic City is missing its very own version of The Bachelorette.

i present to you the bachelorette korrasami that no one wanted (except greenteahigh because she is complete and utter korrasami trash). predicated completely on my woefully inadequate knowledge of the bachelor. i apologize for general trashiness in advance

"Welcome one, and welcome all! I hope you're comfortable at home because I have something that I expect you will find expectedly unexpected. Full of Betrayal. Passion. Heartbreak. Steamier than General Iroh's abs, sexier than Lord Zuko's man tears, hotter than Avatar Korra's pecs, I present to you the one, the only, The Avatarette! I am your host, Iknik Blackstone Varrick, and I have nothing but drama in store for you. But first! Let's take an exclusive look at this year's contestants."

Kuvira, Professional Tyrant: "I've conquered so many people in the bedroom, I've lost count. My success here is a foregone conclusion."

Mako, Prince Wu's Boyfr—Bodyguard: "I'm a cop. I have good hair. I'm on a pro-bending team. Girls should like me. Why don't girls like me?"

Zhu Li, Part Time Assistant and All Around Badass: "Mr. Varrick says I am here to 'do the thing.' I assume that means I am to stir up drama. Create artificial obstacles. Act as an intermedia— Hold on, Mr. Varrick's communicating something. …. Oh. I think that was supposed to be a secret."

Bolin, Nuktuk/Hero of the South: "Korra! My love for you burns like a thousand suns! There is no obstacle Nuktuk cannot dismount! Surmount? Destroy."

Asami, CEO of Sato Industries: "Korra, really? I know I've been a little busy with work lately, but this is just ridiculous. If you wanted to spend more time together, you could've just asked."

Asami frowns as Varrick smooths down his mustache and leaps from his podium. "Who will win Avatar Korra's affections? Will it be Mako, who does have exceptionally nice hair, or his brother Bolin, washed-up mover actor who just can't seem to catch a break? How about Kuvira, our resident despot, or Zhu Li, who gives excellent back rubs and can cook a positively delectable soufflé, facts I most certainly cannot attest to myself? Or will it be Korra's current flame, Asami Sato?" Varrick leans to the side and whispers to (what seems to be) an imaginary audience (though Varrick's always been kind of crazy, so who knows). "Although that attitude of hers sure isn't winning her any brownie points."

Asami huffs when Korra shoots her a lopsided grin and waggles her fingers in her direction. Like that's supposed to be cute or something. Because it's not. It's not. Asami is prepared to swear her favorite car away that her blush is just a symptom of secondhand embarrassment from the general absurdity of this entire situation.

So she ignores the way Korra's ceremonial dress just fits so snugly in profile when Korra turns to Varrick and says, "I wasn't really being serious about all this, y'know. It was just an idea. You didn't have to take it so seriously, Varrick—"

Varrick waves a dismissive hand and wraps it around Korra's shoulder, gesticulating wildly with his other (he's throwing his arm around so vigorously that Asami is afraid he might dislocate something, but then she remembers that it's Varrick and she ceases to care). "Of course I did! Can you imagine the possibilities!? Future mover rights. Hordes of crazy fans. Spin-offs! Action figures!"

"Maybe we can finally bring about world peace," Asami deadpans.

"Exactly!" Varrick shouts. "Don't be so small-minded, Asami. Never doubt the power of good, old-fashioned entertainment. Not all of us get hot-and-heavy staring at machine parts all day."

Asami harrumphs when Korra snickers.

Varrick shoulders Asami out of the way and fluffs up his ascot. "Anyway. Now that introductions are out of the way, we can really get this show on the road! Avatar Korra, we've already provided each of the contestants with a list of your favorite activities, foods, ideal date spots, yada yada. Also, your turn-ons. Which were oddly specific: lips the color of cherries, 34C, eternally purple eye shadow, hidden birthmark on—okay, now I'm feeling scandalized. Moving on!"

Varrick nudges Korra into the gaggle of people and then shouts into his microphone, "Before we really get started, I'll give you all a few minutes to mingle amongst yourselves. Please no subterfuge"—(he shoots a thumbs up at Zhu Li)—"or maiming of other competitors!"—(and throws a pointed look at Kuvira)—"Go crazy, kids!"

Kuvira scoffs. "Let the wildebeests attack all at once, why don't you. I don't see why I must even participate in this silly game when my victory is already assured. This is an affront to my dignity. This one," she sneers, jabbing a finger at Mako, "isn't even in it to win it. What is he even doing?"

Mako looks up sheepishly from his handheld telephone (which, if she squints, Asami swears is decorated with a backdrop of a particularly annoying royal personage) and mumbles, "Just a… bodyguard… thing."

Kuvira scowls at him as if he is a particularly offensive sunburn on a particularly cloudy day.

"Kuvira. If you would please lower your glare to stun instead of annihilate, I'm sure we could all just get along," Bolin interjects.

"No, no. This will be great for ratings! Zhu Li, do the thing!"

"Oh god. What does that even mean? I mean, really?"

"I promise, all I do is protect Wu from his own idiocy. That's it. I swear!"

"Where's Pabu when you need him? Party tricks would be a good distraction from all this negativity!"

"My metal-bending in your face would be a good distraction from all this negativity."

When it seems as if the bickering will never stop, and Asami is afraid her eyes will permanently roll to the back of her head, she sidles up to Korra and fixes her with what she hopes is her most unimpressed frown.

"This is what happens when you get 'his-royal-tediousness' involved in anything. Now do you see why I never get anything done at work—?" Asami starts…

… when Zhu Li promptly slams a chair in between Korra and Asami and shouts something that sounds suspiciously like obstacle! "Am I doing this right," she asks in a way that is maybe probably a question.

Asami rolls her eyes (she really is worried about what this is doing to her vision) and sinks down into the chair, straddling its back with her arms. "You realize that by kidnapping me from my office, you've just prolonged my work day. I still have to go back and finalize plans on that new series of mech suits. Plus, Varrick—excuse me—our good, kind host here has been breathing down my neck about those arena specs—"

"Uh uh. No work talk here. Here, you are supposed to woo me." Korra brings a finger to Asami's lips and quirks up one side of her mouth in what she thinks is maybe probably a seductive smirk. And Asami doesn't think about tracing the line of Korra's dimple with her tongue, she doesn't, because Bolin is in the room and he has the emotional disposition of a five year old. And she doesn't feel bad prioritizing her company first, she really doesn't, because it's not like she misses Korra working out and just forgetting to put a shirt on every morning or the way Korra does this little snort-laugh thing when she hides the keys to Asami's vespa down her pants, she swears. She doesn't think about it at all. She doesn't.

Asami makes a note to add vehement denial to her résumé's list of skills.

And then she raises an eyebrow. "Woo? Really, Korra?"

Korra blushes and looks down, scuffing her boot along the floor. "I just mean that, y'know. Ever since you started working at Sato Industries again, you're never home. Is that weird? To say home? I mean, I know we only moved in together, like, a few weeks ago, but that punching bag you got me can only keep me entertained for so long. Not to mention it's completely shapeless. Not like y— Anyway. I just miss you. So. Bad. You know I can't cook for shit, and the faucet in the bathroom keeps breaking, and I barely even know the proper way to hold a wrench let alone—" Asami stops listening, because Korra just looks so desperate and unsure and so like that girl Asami first met all those years ago.

All of a sudden, she is up and less than a foot in front of Korra (where did the chair go, did it spontaneously combust or something—) and she's pushing back Korra's hair-loopies and maybe probably blushing too.

"I didn't realize—I didn't know— I'm sorry, Korra. It's just been so hectic ever since we got back from the Spirit World, and it's really not helping that someone at work won't stop looking over my shoulder every five seconds—but actually, stop doing that Varrick— but I promise that I will try harder," Asami assures her, shooing away the six feet of man-child eavesdropping at her back.

It takes a second, but then Korra brings her eyes to Asami's and tries not to smirk. "Will you try hard to woo me soon? Because I hate to say it, but you have some pretty stiff competition here. Kuvira certainly thinks she's giving you a run for your money," she says to a shout of of course I am, you imbecile!

Asami tries to pretend like this wasn't Korra's plan all along. "Fine. I promise. I'd also like to say that I'm kind of distressed that you felt the need to actually say that the punching bag wasn't an adequate substitution—"

"You know that punching things is my second love—"

"Yes, yes. You've threatened to leave me for it on many occasions," Asami chuckles. And then her eyebrows turn down in what she is proud to call her 'alluringly devious you-can't-mess-with-me-because-I-will-mess-with-you-right-back' look (named by Korra, Asami is not that full of cheese, she promises). "But I know you won't. Because apparently your turn-ons include purple eye shadow, red lipstick, and a birthmark that sounds suspiciously like the one I have on my—"

"Geez! Enough already! That's a secret for just you and me."

"And me…" Mako mumbles.

Asami cocks an eyebrow. "Oh, yeah. That happened, didn't it."

"So now that Asami and I have made up—which was kind of the whole point of this thing in the first place—can I just…?" Korra snatches all of the roses from the table at Varrick's side and steps toward Asami.

Which sends Varrick into what Asami likes to call his 'code-red emergency annoyingly-intolerable mode.' "No, that's not how this works. There's a process! Elimination rounds. Superficial dates. One-on-one time. You can't just give the entire bundle away!"

Korra frowns. "I mean… Asami has a motorcycle, so..."

"I have nice hair!" Mako cries.

"I have the entire Earth Nation underneath my thumb. I can end who I want, when I want, if I want. I can destroy this silly little host-man with a snap of my finger if you so desire," Kuvira declares.

"Oh, please pick me. Please." Zhu Li examines her nails.

Bolin snuggles Pabu in a corner.

Asami smiles. "I know where your sweet spot is when we're alone at home and in bed and—"

Korra's face is suddenly positively crimson, and Asami is almost worried she'll collapse right there on the spot. So she puts a hand on the back of Korra's neck and scratches a nail lightly behind her ear. Which she knows will make matters worse, but in the best possible way. She extracts the roses when Korra's fingers start shaking like crazy (the stems have been near strangled to death), satisfied at her victory (take that, kuvira).

"How about we start making up for lost time?" She breathes into her neck.

Korra looks like her brain is short-circuiting. "I think we need to get out of here. Now. Like, right now. Before I— God, your eyeshadow is just so purple today…" she mumbles.

Asami smiles. "I'm sure there's one of these around here somewhere, so, hot tub?"

Korra smiles back. "Hot tub."

{fin.}